Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with cigarette smoke      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 168
Dealing with cigarette smokePage 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Halcyon, individual opinions probably don't matter. Obviously, pretty much all ex-smokers have changed their minds at some point, and it's a fact that smoke bothers a lot of non-smokers and most smokers are addicted. And we can assume that facts about health risks are known to smokers.

Solutions are along the lines of:
- him smoking only outside
- him brushing teeth or chewing mints after a smoke
- him changing clothes before a date
- her being a tad forgiving about some smoke residue on him
- him cutting back or entirely pausing while with her

If both are a bit accommodating, it can work.


Those are solutions based on your opinions. My opinion is this:
He was deceptive with the OP and told her he smoked e-cigarettes, when he actually still smoked real ones. If she can tolerate this type of prevarication, she's welcome to try to make it work. Personally, I would consider it to be a deal-breaker.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 169
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/3/2013 10:14:10 PM
^^ Zealousness tends to apply to converts generally IMO.

In any event, the OP wanted some thoughts on how to deal with the smell and how to persuade him, if it was possible, to take up the e-cigarettes again or to quit, and she seemed satisfied with the on-topic answers and with her own actions regarding this, as updated.

We may yet hear from her again to say either that he's quit or that she decided she couldn't deal because he wouldn't, and I, for one, liked her and would be interested in any update.

It would be nice if it weren't buried in the Eternal Smoking Debate should she decide to return and let us know how it's going.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 170
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/4/2013 6:34:11 AM

I'm not delusional at all, I'm quite grounded in reality. The delusion is most people think that lung disease is caused mainly by cigarettes; so they **** and moan at the smokers because they can. And the odds of prostate cancer are much higher than lung cancer for me.


Guess what? Smoking also increases the risk for prostate cancer.

Lung disease refers to more than just lung cancer. Ever heard of emphysema? If you're going to be a lifelong smoker, I suggest you get acquainted with it.

Smokers are foul smelling and obnoxious. That's primarily why nonsmokers don't enjoy the company of smokers. That you don't like hearing the truth does not make it pissing and moaning.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 171
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/4/2013 8:15:56 AM
If both are a bit accommodating, it can work.


??!????!??
What?
This makes as much sense as saying that someone owes it to another person to overlook their weight, sloppy dressing, sedentary lifestyle, lack of job, etc.
I find smokers to be most unattractive on multiple levels. Smoking is associated with a variety of less desirable lifestyle factors. I am not compatible with smokers and have no interest in "accommodating" a distasteful habit.

No one is obligated to overlook a trait that they find repulsive and unattractive.
If I decided not to date someone who hunts, it doesn't really matter if he does it miles away from me and changes clothes, takes a shower, etc. before our date.
No amount of distance will make the habit of smoking tolerable in a partner.
It is a true dealbreaker for me.
In my perspective, it is a basic incompatibility in lifestyle pursuits. No amount of soap or dry cleaning can expunge the differences.

P.S. Smokers, snuff dippers, etc. are perfectly welcome to pursue their habits. Not sure why they think there are "logical" and defensible reasons why they feel others are obligated to accept it.
I would be repulsed by a guy with a diaper fetish as much as a smoker. To me, they are both self-indulgent past times.
It is a major TURN OFF. Period.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 172
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/4/2013 8:55:38 AM

Hey Paderic, don't confuse the pineapple up your ass with Truth. That's very bold and obnoxious for you to claim.


Pineapple? I guess it's better than having my brains located there like most smokers I know...
 AthatitaApudetat
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 173
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/4/2013 9:37:41 AM
The surgeon general has stated that nicotine is no worst than caffine. It's the tar and other poisons that cause cancer. The reason for their bringing this up was people smoking "E-cig" in public So they brought out the science stuff. As far as airports It's not the nicotine on E-cig that is the issue, it's the uninforemed public whinning about them. This thread like so many shows me how uninformed and the lack of initiative to find out the trueth before opening their mouth. Smoking is physically addictive but nicotine stays in the system for a short time and the physical craving for about 2 weeks. The rest is all mental so when you have an urge to smike its all in your mind because of habit mostly related to stress. So end run Smoke E-cig if you got to and find a positive habit to deal with stress and you can quit smoking. Excersising everyday will also help relieve stress which in turn helps against smoking.
 AthatitaApudetat
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 174
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/4/2013 9:48:38 AM

Smokers are foul smelling and obnoxious. That's primarily why nonsmokers don't enjoy the company of smokers. That you don't like hearing the truth does not make it pissing and moaning.


Really? I could point out that most people I meet are foul smelling and obnoxious and most don't smoke. I won't say any names on this forum but staying current on this forum I can already tell a few obnoxious people on here. That is a very rude obnoxious general statement you made. I would hang out with a smoker and even date one but I doubt I could hang out one second with someone who plurts out these kind of statments.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 175
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/4/2013 10:01:13 AM

That is a very rude obnoxious general statement you made. I would hang out with a smoker and even date one but I doubt I could hang out one second with someone who plurts out these kind of statments.


You can hang out with whomever you please, it's no skin off my nose.

Like they say, sometimes the truth hurts. Smokers claim they don't stink, but they do. And cigarette smoke is obnoxious.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 176
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/4/2013 10:12:09 AM
What I dislike more than the cigarette smoke is the attitude of smokers who think that all ground surfaces are their ashtray. I hate the sight of smokers tossing their cigarette butts on the ground or out of cars onto the road and think nothing of it. I live not far away from a high school, so I see those kids with the "Look at me. I'm cool and all grown up because I smoke" attitude walking past my house everyday. I find cigarette butts on my lawn lots of times as well as the sidewalk and road. Do I need to put up a sign on my front lawn saying "This lawn is not an ashtray"? Out of all of the smokers I know or ever knew, I only know one that didn't consider all ground surfaces as their personal ashtray. She carries a small jar with her whenever she goes somewhere where she'll be smoking and uses that as an ashtray. I guess she would be the exception to the rule in another sense. She's in her 70's, has been smoking since her early teens, smokes like a chimney-one right after the other, and appears to be in very good health with no obvious medical issues (yet).
 funke3
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 177
view profile
History
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/4/2013 2:43:13 PM
You are lucky because it doesnt seem from what you wrote that you are allergic to smokes,you just dont like the smell of cigarettes As it is obvious a lot of smokers arent capable of giving up smoking,he may not.If the smell gets to you too much,then you are allergic to cigarettes. You then have to decide,if it is worth risking your health for the good company of the man.
I am very allergic to cigarettes ,and all sorts of smells so in my own case ,I cannot be in company of a smoker.
If smokers know that their smoking habits affect the health or wellbeing of others so badly,there will be less people who smoke.
 Advwench
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 178
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/6/2013 2:50:54 PM
Update, just for Helen!

We broke up today, in fact. Smoking wasn't the reason... I won't go into detail because it's personal, but the tl;dr is that our schedules were just too disparate for it to work and nothing about either of our schedules was going to change anytime soon. Sometimes it's just not meant to be.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 179
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/6/2013 2:57:20 PM
^^ And right when I came back to the site from doing some other junk, too.

Kinda thought it was going there. Ah well, the next one'll get ya. Thanks for the update!
 Madailein
Joined: 6/9/2012
Msg: 180
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 4/7/2013 7:34:57 PM

Did you know that the World Health Organisation did a study into the effects of ETS (Environmental tobacco smoke) on children...and that they shelved that study because it proved that children of smokers are LESS likely to get lung cancers as adults?


That’s one study. Don’t believe everything you read. Lobbyists for the tobacco industry can make almost any institution come out with ridiculous findings that favor (in the most minute way in this instance) their industry.


Dealing with cigarette smoke

It does stink; probably because of all the chemicals added to the tobacco.
I dated a guy who smoked a pipe; he had this locked, temperature controlled humidor. When I would go into his smoking room the scent of the tobacco was divine. I kept some winter coats in his home, when I picked them up they had the scent of the tobacco; it was better than the scent of cedar.
 sunsunsun4
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 181
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/3/2013 3:33:18 AM
smoking is on my profile as a deal breaker so it's not as if he didn't know up front.


Okay, so you've gotten involved with someone who's both a nicotine addict AND a liar. The two things go together very well. I smoked for thirty years, and was adept at "quitting," "only smoking socially," and "having one a day." I lied to everyone, and especially to myself.

Smoking is a drug addiction. In fact, more pernicious and harmful than heroin addiction. If you put up with this guy's addiction, you're a co-addict. You're aiding and abetting his addiction.

If you had a healthy view of yourself and of addiction, your response to the first cigarette would have been, "Hey, my profile said that smoking is a deal breaker. I hope you get help for your addiction." Then you would have walked.

There's help for people who find themselves involved with addicts, whatever the substance may be. Look for a 12 Step group called Naranon. Naranon helped me understand how I manipulated my co-addicts. I've now been free of nicotine for 5.5 years, and also of the behaviors that go along with this life threatening addiction. I no longer manipulate to have others acquiesce to being harmed by my own negative choices. Which is what you're allowing this guy to do to you.

The one thing I'm still puzzling about, is why no one who cares about me ever sat down for a heart to heart about what my smoking was doing to them and to me. It would have been the loving thing to do.

Good luck breaking free!
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 182
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/4/2013 8:36:09 AM

Did you know that the World Health Organisation did a study into the effects of ETS (Environmental tobacco smoke) on children...and that they shelved that study because it proved that children of smokers are LESS likely to get lung cancers as adults? I am sure many of you won't believe this. Google it. Find out for yourself. Now, I am not saying use it as an excuse to expose your kids to foul smelling, dangerous habits and demonstrate bad parenting role models for them, but let's have facts, rather than shaming tactics and made up statistics.


I'm sorry to tell you this but results of a study can be skewed,bent and spindled any way the group,organization or individual wishes them to be. Look at artificial sweeteners studies. All say it's no big deal and can't hurt you,but that is a big lie. How many times was aspartame denied before it was finally allowed. Not only did wonky study results help it get approved but imagine how many pay offs there were. Never trust a study. I used to work in a place that did these things and if someone really wanted too they could say that arsenic was safe for human consumption.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 183
view profile
History
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/4/2013 10:06:10 AM
Dunno. Smoking is an absolute deal breaker for me.
It doesn't matter how little the guy smokes or if he's trying to quit. I am a little allergic and the smell of it bothers me a great deal.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 184
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/4/2013 1:46:54 PM

I'm sorry to tell you this but results of a study can be skewed,bent and spindled any way the group,organization or individual wishes them to be.


Thank you. I've been saying this for years, be it smoking or drinking, medical research, et al, and no one seems to grasp the concept. When money, profits, and peoples careers are involved, "there are no facts, only data to be manipulated." And people will believe whatever they want anyways to best serve themeselves.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 185
view profile
History
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/5/2013 1:39:58 AM

Smokers claim they don't stink, but they do. And cigarette smoke is obnoxious.

Smokers can't smell their own smoke odor. Really. Just like you can't smell your own body odor. Try lighting up a really smelly cigar when you're with a cigarette smoker; they will hate the cigar smell, yet tell you cigarettes have no such odor.
I don't think most smokers have any idea of how much they stink to other people, because they really, really can't smell it on themselves, so they really believe that everyone else is over reacting to it.
There's really no way to get around it; if he smokes, he will stink. Just get used to it.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 186
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/5/2013 8:20:39 AM

Smokers claim they don't stink, but they do. And cigarette smoke is obnoxious.


So do most women with the perfumes they wear.
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 187
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/5/2013 1:08:39 PM
^^



Smokers claim they don't stink, but they do. And cigarette smoke is obnoxious.


So do most women with the perfumes they wear.


"most" ? not sure about that.. maybe the women you associate with. I wouldn't say 'most'-- although some do

but it's not only women, some men drench themselves with stench-fume as well
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 188
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/5/2013 4:42:05 PM

"most" ? not sure about that.. maybe the women you associate with. I wouldn't say 'most'-- although some do

but it's not only women, some men drench themselves with stench-fume as well


Not for me personally. There are many people who get migraine headaches due to the perfume women wear, one reason many doctors have notices in their offices that it is a scent free environment.
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 189
view profile
History
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/16/2013 5:18:32 PM
Smoking is a deal breaker for me. If by any chance I would ever be tricked into going out with a smoker, the date would end early and never be repeated.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 190
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/17/2013 8:01:25 PM
I wouldn't mind an occasional smoker. However I would tell that person not to smoke around me.
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 191
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/18/2013 1:34:38 PM

There are many people who get migraine headaches due to the perfume women wear, one reason many doctors have notices in their offices that it is a scent free environment.


yes, and to a non-biased person that stench warning would seem at first glance to apply to men as well

not sure why you think it ONLY applies to women. I've been made to almost puke by some god-awful stench/cologne men wear as well
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 192
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 6/18/2013 1:45:34 PM
not sure why you think it ONLY applies to women. I've been made to almost puke by some god-awful stench/cologne men wear as well

I'm kind of partial to BO mixed with the rancid odor of designer knockoff cologne.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with cigarette smoke