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 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 101
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly WrongPage 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
We spent entire nights texting "I love you's" and naughty spicy other things.

Whoah -- doing that -- throwing out the L-word before actually meeting or even talking on the phone -- that's Red Flag #1 (on both of ya'll).

We were supposed to go to an indoor pool for the date

Okay, that's odd/weird, and at best, uncommon. With both these things combined...

To my shock she had brought her 2 kids with her, WTH?? I knew she had 2 kids and all but bringing them for our date? C'mon.

Actually -- why is it so WTH? Disappointing? Okay, sure. BUT you're just getting together at 11am on a Saturday Morning to an indoor pool! And you've already said I Love Yous to each other. No, asking if bringing your kids isn't a standard question to ask -- but in that scenario -- you should have asked; it seemed like a highly likely thing if it was a mere get-together like that. Sounds like you were focused on the piece of arse while ignoring the implications there that was probably lost in translation (which was probably her fault too).

In the end, the kids shouldn't be a shocker. And I agree with others: Without a car seat and the pool not being nearby, you should have opted not to drive them all there... instead "Well shoot, the kids thing I was unaware of and it's an hour drive-time away, and I don't have a car seat nor prepared for them especially for a long drive. How about I quick drop you guys off near the subway down the road and you'll meet me there?"

You both dropped the ball. If you both Loved each other though, it shouldn't have been a deal breaker right then. She should have been more clear, you should have kept your real head doing the thinking so you would have put 2-and-2 together. :)
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 102
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Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/21/2013 11:16:31 AM
JasonAlexis,

I have a feeling I know why she may have decided to bring her kids. I get the impression that you are a nice man, or come off that way. The dating and relationship world over the years has changed in many ways, but it's usually been that the man is older than the woman. You have a job, which of course is good, you state in your profile your undecided of having kids, since you didn't say no to having them, she probably took that as a "yes". The woman's having troubles finding a man who will accept her having kids. I think that's a major challenge in the dating world for many single parents. So you in her eyes probably offered her a glimmer of hope. to her and her situation. She thought she would give you a first hand experience of what it's like with kids (and hers especially...lol). It was a mistake by her to bring them along on a first date. However, I had the same date situation go down with me once and sort of on another occasion as well...surprise! One one of my dates, the woman brought along her disabled child and her mother. She told me in advance, but I didn't read all of the text. It was somewhat awkward indeed. Then another one brought her kid along and we all kicked a ball around. That one was fun, however different having her kid there.
 methodist77
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 103
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/21/2013 11:32:02 AM
You have dodged a MAJOR bullet...Run, and don't EVER look back.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 104
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/21/2013 12:08:25 PM
OP: Next time you ask somebody out, make sure it's an evening date at a bar or pub. Or don't date mothers, especially if the kids are very young.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 105
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Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/22/2013 8:59:01 AM
But you know,some single mums are worth the effort and can make a good partners. Maybe have in the past and Im sure there are many that still around.


I agree with the benefit of doubt, the date of the OP has kids ages 5 and 3 + 9 months in concieving each = 10 years
if she is a good partner to a man............ Why the father of her child split up with her or she split up with him ? ---------
Some women only wants the loveydovey but not the responsibilty of having a partner and the outcome of sexual intercourse, (children) in other words living a life to the fullest.
I put myself in the OP's shoes, I don't think I want to be subjected to get a TICKET, for not having a car seat ,bad record on my driving, insurance raised up,and be on the scenario, that my date is pacifaying her unruly kids,spilling juice in my car, noises,of the kids and mother, I don't think Mr. Pecker my boss will think that is seductive to drive my mind CRAZY about her and fall in love with her.

Oh sure, some men would want to have a ready made family, a good woman who knows how to rule a good household and deciplined children to go home after his work. Men would father some children and help them riased financially if it makes him FEEL GOOD TO BE AROUND THE KIDS AND THE MOTHER..


edit : We are the Master of our lives, in other word --- it is cause and effect, of what our decisions are.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 106
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/22/2013 11:11:13 AM
He's 35...women can start procreating when they start their female time. That typically occurs for women long before they hit 35...
 Itsabigbadworldbaby
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 107
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/22/2013 5:53:32 PM
Yes it was both misguided and rude to bring her kids along, particularly when she didn't give you a heads-up before you got there, and I would have been appalled if that happened to me. It's not that I would have been unhappy to see the kids, it's more that it was the wrong decision for their well being, which apparently was never a consideration for the mother.

That having been said, would it have killed you to drive everyone to the closest McDonald's and the kids could have played in their indoor playland while the two of you had a coffee and a good chat? I am saddened by the lack of compassion in your attitude towards these kids. You had a chance to do something really nice and brighten up the day of two kids who from the sounds of things are living in poverty, and you blew it. No wonder she never called you back. I think maybe you might be missing a sensitivity chip OP.

I am a mother of two teens and not that I have ever introduced my kids yet to someone I was dating, but if I meet a guy who shows no interest in kids in general, I will lose his number PDQ.

And btw, you knew all along she was a single mom and for all you know her sitter bailed on her at the last minute. That was no reason for you to be so mean and uncaring imho.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 108
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Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/23/2013 10:54:39 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

<div class="quote"> That having been said ,would it have killed you to drive everyone to the closest Mcdonald and the kids could have played in their playland while the two of had a coffee and a good chat? I am saddened by the lack of compassion in your attitude towards these kids.
You don't get it do you ????
The big issue here is the 3 years old sitting on the car floor between the mother's legs NOT IN A CAR SEAT , if something happen ,if another car hit his car or whatever it will endanger the toddler.. And it is against the law to have a child sitting on a car floor. Perhaps there is no policeman around, but if some concern citizen spotted him he will be reported .
He can not have that child in his car PERIOD!!!
 Steve0110
Joined: 9/28/2011
Msg: 109
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/23/2013 5:46:16 PM
I'm walking out on a limb here. Sometimes life does not go as we plan it, our will alone is insufficient to force the world and it's elements to do our bidding. Not having the time to talk to her about how this came to be, or mentioning it prior to the date are errors shared by both. However, sometimes life goes it's own way. How do you know the childrens father didn't show up to pick them at the appropriate time? Or, that it was never discussed in depth and her having a different understanding about it being ok or not to bring her kids. Then there is the whole thing about, she did bring her kids, can you adapt? Are you willing to adapt? Life is complicated. The more people, the more complicated.
 Itsabigbadworldbaby
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 110
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/23/2013 7:47:17 PM
What world are you living in, Vanilli? I see parents strapping toddlers into regular lap belts in the back of a car all the time...it is against the law and I personally have not ever done it but in this situation a lap belt is better than nothing. What do you think happens when kids go in a taxi? Or a school bus? This is why I mention he could have driven to the "closest" McDonalds. At that point, after the coffee and play time, he can explain to the mother that he isn't comfortable driving the kids without seats and make sure they get to the bus stop. But he didn't...and in fact he even went onto the highway, which was a huge no-no. I don't know about you, but I am not the seat belt police. I was merely commenting on how mean-spirited his actions were towards the kids and that it would not have killed him to make the best of the situation. There is an old saying - "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 111
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/23/2013 8:17:18 PM

This is why I mention he could have driven to the "closest" McDonalds. At that point, after the coffee and play time, he can explain to the mother that he isn't comfortable driving the kids without seats


If I'm on a first meet-or any date-and it is suggested that I should take a chance by breaking the law, I would immediately be gone. I would have been gone anyway if someone showed up with kids. Who do you think would be in trouble if he did as you say and drive to McDonalds and he gets into a fender bender or worse and the kids are tossed around in the car and get hurt? If the kids get in a taxi or bus and aren't strapped in and other people use lap belts on their toddlers, that's not his problem. Passengers in his car and their safety are his responsibility.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 112
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Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/23/2013 11:34:47 PM

That having been said, would it have killed you to drive everyone to the closest McDonald's and the kids could have played in their indoor playland while the two of you had a coffee and a good chat?


That's a joke, right? First meets with kids and you think the adults are going to have 5 minutes of uninterrupted chat time?
Sorry, no such date EVER existed. When you are with children, it's not a date, it's a playgroup. I have never been at a social gathering with children where the children haven't taken up 75% of the attention of the afternoon.
It's not a complaint, it just the nature of what it is.

You don't take children of first meets.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 113
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Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/24/2013 7:50:39 AM
[ quote] What world are you living in Vannili ?

I live in a world where people do" ARE HIGH CLASS ACTS " they use their common sense../ intelligence whether they don't have much, but thinking on situations makes them have a better scores in life .


<div class="quote"> There is an old saying-" When life gives you lemons, make a lemonade "

I will say no thank you Mr. Life ,I don't want Lemons, for I can afford a nice Sweet Oranges..

Most people here in America, have a car, if they happen to ride a bus/ taxi they have "GRAGO" like a basket and turn in to seat for babies/toddlers strapped to them. If you are not seatbelt police how come you see a parents strapping toddlers in a regular seatbelt "for adult" ?? Around the world no 3 years old go to school riding a bus.
Nice question for the OP, * will it kill you to take them to the closest McDonalds?* Do you have a street map and know where they are at ?? Perhaps the closest Mcdonald is 20 miles or they don't eat meat.
You may personally have a nice idea, but you don't question them and directed their actions in real life.

<div class="quote"> I was just merely commenting on how mean-spirited his actions were towards the kids and it would not have killed him to make the best situation.
It is just one person low opinion and it does NOT count...
 not_single_x
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 114
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/24/2013 12:48:09 PM
Why couldn't you just be honest and say "I am sorry but I have to end this date, I didn't expect your children and they're destroying my car!"

She was sad because she knew you were lying anyway.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 115
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/24/2013 3:23:14 PM

(Itsabigbadworldbaby) What world are you living in, Vanilli? I see parents strapping toddlers into regular lap belts in the back of a car all the time...it is against the law and I personally have not ever done it but in this situation a lap belt is better than nothing.


Try that line on the cop who's pulled you over for not having your kid in a car seat. I double-dog dare ya.


What do you think happens when kids go in a taxi? Or a school bus?


I agree with you that this is stupidity writ large. The laws of physics don't get suspended because of ownership of a vehicle. Whiplash will break a kid's neck just as easily in a rear-ended taxi, as in a rear-ended family car.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 116
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Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/27/2013 2:20:00 AM
It's a measure of how much lip-service and hypocrisy about the value of children there is in our society that School Buses are only beginning, in a FEW places, to have seat belts.
ED BEAR
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 117
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 4/27/2013 10:10:57 AM
"School Buses are only beginning, in a FEW places, to have seat belts."

A guy on a motorcycle is worried about seatbelts?
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 118
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Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 5/5/2013 9:23:27 PM
This Bear never wides without a helmet, gloves, riding jacket and my most important protection - my brain. Still riding after nearly 40 years, and still no kids after nearly 60. Won't take pretty ladies on rides without a helmet, as I'd get the ticket and points as well as feeling unsafe.

When I was young, long before we had helmet laws in the parts of Canada I lived in, I let the girl wear my helmet instead of me once or twice.
ED BEAR
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 119
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 5/5/2013 10:24:24 PM
The reality is that this has nothing to do with her being a 'single mom'... I've dated a few, and they kept me at a distance from the kids for a while, which I found fully appropriate. The fact that she would bring her kids on a date with a guy she's never met before in person should give you all you need to go on.. which is.. run...
 bellmeister
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 120
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Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 6/19/2013 6:50:54 PM
Ya dude, come on texting I love you before meeting? Whats up with that????
But the story is super wild...would blow my mind
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 121
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 6/20/2013 9:01:05 AM

Won't take pretty ladies on rides without a helmet, as I'd get the ticket and points as well as feeling unsafe.


but, homely. 'ugly' chicks would be fine I take it?
 boatbob2q
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 122
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Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 12/16/2016 3:34:00 PM
Have you thought,that MAYBE,she had no money for a sitter?,why didnt you do like I did,leave her on a good note,smile,offer to pay for her sitter next time.I doubt that she was trying to screw over you on the first date,,,,,
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 123
Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 12/17/2016 5:02:02 AM
Damn with a capital D! I only had one meet where I met a woman who brought her son. We went to the mall and ate and took her son to the Playland area and it went well. It develop into anything but that was my first and only time a woman I met online brought her kid.

I'm surprised that you didn't keep driving when you saw her children. I agree with one of the posters when they suggested parking your car and just walking to a park with her kids. Either way it's a lesson learned for when you go out with women who have a few rugrats in the future.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 124
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Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 12/17/2016 3:37:14 PM

Sorry for being blunt but yours is a story of two idiots. You deserved what you got.

Right! Everyone knows you pick up a girl at a convenience store or Walmart, not an Esso station!
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 125
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Date With Single Mom Went Horribly Wrong
Posted: 12/17/2016 5:57:15 PM
You are looking for nothing serious and have no kids. So you would not be as understanding about a single mother's situation as if you had a family of y our own. Obviously she picked up on your aggravation and I dont blame you for being pissed off. That she had a child loose in your car shows she is not the brightest I would say. Her attitude stunk as well. She would be looking for someone to help her support those kids probably and you are not the guy.

I hope you feel better after your rant on here.
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