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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How can you date when you are SO bitter?      Home login  
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 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 51
How can you date when you are SO bitter? Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
thank you, reality;)


I don't date, anyone, ever. Not bitterness though; simply a recognition that I have less than nothing to offer. For the same reason I do not go shopping on days when I have no money, I don't try to date when I can offer nothing that women value in men. Waste of time, better spent on things I can succeed at.

Oh another "women are golddiggers" meme, with a "Poor me Prole/Working class Underdog" theme. Somehow, though some women do value $, most just want fiscal parity, and often the ones boiling down their datelessness to 'victimization by golldiggers' are in fact the ones overvaluing money.
Most women do support themselves in this day and age...perhaps they find everything else about you unattractive(that can't be it), and your lack of wealth is all you can see wrong with you?


I didn't feel this way when I was still trying to find someone. I thought I had a lot to offer, but I was finally forced to rethink my belief. I have asked out over 200 women over a period of many years, and ALL of them turned me down, most with a level of viciousness that I still cannot understand. I understand a woman getting offended if a guy asks her out in a non-respectful way (eg. "Hey baby, let's f--k"), but not when a guy asks her to go on a respectable date. I didn't ask anyone again, after being turned down, so I wasn't bugging or stalking anyone. I wasn't asking out women who were way above me in looks, money, education, etc.

The latter is your opinion, we cannot know ...If you picked badly ..but it reeks of the same poor me stuff that turns others off. I commend your persistence but usually people do date laterally vs up or down on average so..js maybe you were overreaching or just Internet dating is pretty tough and average folks aren't benefitting from it.


At the same time, I did get asked out by women on occasion. Most never spoke to me again after one date, and those who did see me again would, in most cases, date me for a long time (several months) while refusing to have any physical contact with me.
This makes no sense--why date with no contact?


I don't just mean sex; before you do that, you should have held hands, kissed, etc. Right? All of them admitted that they were repulsed by me even before asking me out, but I appeared to have money and they wanted someone to spend money on them, take them out to eat, etc. till the guy they REALLY wanted came for them. Many actually were obsessed with someone they already knew but he didn't want them.

Now the gollddiggers theme again but this time they assume you to have$? Maybe you need to learn from these experiences and screen better vs make sweeping assumptions about yourself or women.


As I've gotten older, I've had a lot of women with several kids fathered by losers try to get me to take care of their kids financially; some came right and asked me to do so! No, thanks. I have a 16 year old son, and my money and attention are his (he lives with me).

You picked badly, move on...


Finally after the last woman I dated dropped me instantly when a loser with a guitar showed up in her life (she's still supporting this loser financially because he won't work...they're still together, lol)
So she's not after you $ but wanted a guitarist..ok, whatever..


a few years ago, it was time to analyze what was wrong with me. A very good friend suggested that I find out what women want, and then carefully think of what, exactly I have to offer.
I spent a couple of years talking to women I knew who were friends or otherwise willing to tell me truthfully what they wanted in men and what they thought of me. I also spent a considerable amount of time in the university library while I worked on my MA, looking at social science research on human mate selection.
One old friend, a woman who is like a sister to me, told me that I had nothing to offer but affection, and women can get that from their dog or cat. Harsh, but she was right.
Well none of my gfs or I got wealthy from our SOs so what did we get? Umm... affection, companionship..shared experiences.


I did have things to offer, but none had any value to women. I am unable to change some of the things that are wrong with me, and the others I am unwilling to change. I would have to become a completely different person, abandoning my work, my hobbies, my ethical and moral beliefs, and my basic way of life. I couldn't live with myself if I threw away all that made my life worth living.
I can live without women; I cannot live without the things I would have to give up for them.
Wow, back to the goldiggers theme. Who asked you to give up your identity and be an atm machine--the women YOU picked. You could choose better...maybe at your university...maybe you have some defense mechanisms/blind spots? Or you keep meeting the wrong types..but your conclusions about dating, what women want seem quite off base.



I have had a few of the women who wanted me to support their kids try to entice me by asking this: "Don't you miss a woman's touch, being with someone, sex, kissing, etc?" Asking me this is like asking me if I miss driving a Rolls Royce. Problem is, I have never driven one, and never will. They're out of my reach, and I'm perfectly happy with my Crown Victoria. Most of the women I have dated would not even hold my hand. What do I have to miss?
Back to the women are whores/poor me. Not attractive, that scent.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 52
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/30/2013 11:47:12 AM
Feel better now, juliettes7? Spitting on others sure feels good, doesn't it? You might try learning reading comprehension though. My analogy about shopping had nothing to do with women being gold-diggers. Nothing. Just meant that you have to have something to offer women for them to want you. Doesn't have to be money. Few women i have met actually cared about that, but the ones I said were looking for someone to support the kids fathered by men they found attractive ACTUALLY TOLD ME THIS IN PLAIN ENGLISH. You would know that, had you actually read what I wrote.

You're so obsessed with the golddiger theme that you are projecting it on everything I said. How sad. When I sad I had to change everything about myself, I did not say anything about money. I have that! I'm a high school teacher, I make more money than most people where I live (most jobs here pay $8 an hour...really bad economy), so money is something I have. If I thought that was all women cared about, I'd not need to change a thing.

What I am saying is based on long experience and what women have TOLD ME. Can't get any plainer than that. If you're too dumb to understand, that is on you. Sorry. Some people just cannot be taught.

Like I clearly said in my first post, I didn't not feel this way about women until I finally sat down and began to logically evaluate what was wrong with me that made me so unattractive to women. Once I figured it out (and I am very thankful to the many women who were willing to honestly tell me what they TRULY thought), I had a decision to make. I could change everything about my personality, or I could give up on women. I chose, of my own free will, to walk away from women because I was not willing to give up so much of what defines me as a person. That's my choice and my right, I'm not sure what you find so offensive about it. By happy, there's less competition for women when someone like me 'drops out' of the race.

Women had always acted like I was some frightening monster when I talked to them. I am so awkward around people, and that is what turns them off, not any bitterness that I DID NOT HAVE at the time. That's who I am; I am badly damaged psychologically and emotionally because of things that have happened in my life. I was already broken before I even got to be old enough to date. I just didn't realize it at the time. Why spit on someone like me, I am hurting enough already.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 53
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/30/2013 6:35:32 PM
“You go on with your life, be friends, or just walk away. No need to be upset at them because it didn't work out.”

Ok, so the above is the root of your question, isn’t?

Let me guess, you’re ex hates your guts, and will no longer speak to you, so now you think everybody else is bitter that come on here and cyberspace with a community of single people.

Everybody is bitter sometime in their life, and it can happen over getting ripped off at the check out counter, or your boss, or the way the idiot was driving on highway ‘watch my arse roar’ while I show you road rage. lol

Bitter is as common as beer anymore in this society.

I’m I bitter, no, but lately I”ve been pissed off at my boss for being an ego maniac arse hole, should I be bitter and not go to work tomorrow, and act like nothing has happened? Yeap, I got my zen on…. lol

I don’t date because I don’t want a relationship and neither do I need anything more than what I have, I’m happy and pissed off! At least for today I am, tomorrow will be a different story about another arse hole. Does that make me bitter? I don't think so, that makes me human living in a human world with all kinds of different characters.

All the world's a stage and we are all players! Yeap for those who want to get pissed on by dating a bunch of losers, then you're walking right into the bitter world of the neediness of the human race.

Here's a fact over 60 percent of people I meet everyday are bitter, or back stabbers or liars, or have some kind of addiction... so which is worse ?

Be the change the world needs.
Jan
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 54
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/30/2013 6:42:44 PM
^^^^Sorry to here that ILOVEHISTORY...I hope things get better for you..You have to ignore the trolls. No shortage of these types on this site. Pretty much 80% of the people on this site will run otheres down like dogs. Pretty much most of society is like this in real life. People in general could careless. It is all about them
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 55
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/30/2013 8:42:50 PM

Feel better now, juliettes7? Spitting on others sure feels good, doesn't it?
Where did I spit? You are the one writing REAMS about a theme--being exploited by women for $--read your history/same theme of sidestepping women who hate everything about you but want your $.
My comprehension is based on your words--which I quoted verbatim with no edits, now you are trying to claim I read it wrong/didn't even read it.
Then you insult me and do your "poor me" claim after calling me "dumb"--go ahead and stoop to insults and back peddling--your words about single moms after you for $support, etc. is there as well as all your other claims/denials.
You think I'm out to get you when I questioned your copious negative assumptive thinking. I was trying to understand what your point was--all I got was you feel sorry for yourself and feel on the verge of $ exploitation, that you've given up.
If quoting what you say and questioning the incongruities is "spitting on you"...whatever.
I read it and suggested it wasn't money, but other issues which you NOW say. I really don't particularly care to deal with
anyone who says one thing, then claims they never did. Carry on, I probably shouldn't have bothered suggesting you think in a less limiting fashion about yourself or women. I am done responding to you.
 barnabyjames1
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 56
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/30/2013 9:52:48 PM
Charliesmom-Most women dont want "nice guys", they want douchebags/***holes/etc., guys who take money from them etc. "Nice guys" don't get laid, the ***holes do, that's well known. Women think "nice guys" are pushovers, or doormats and have said as much here.
 Terramay
Joined: 7/14/2012
Msg: 57
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/30/2013 11:30:46 PM
Some times you have to take a break from love.
Write a book, ride a horse, etc.

I remember when I met the man who would become my ex boyfriend. Romantic, right?

I'd been on countless (2) dating sites and was definitely really jilted/jaded/bitter about having to start over each time with a new guy because I was going on so many dates where the guy didn't fit my expectations (Drugs,drinking, reasonable qualms). Anyways on the 134th date I met my boyfriend.

Moral of the story, either take a break, or push on for the 134th one who you'll end up marrying.
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 58
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:35:02 AM
I have to agree with BARNABYJAMES1 on his most..Yes most women love the drama/thrill in their lives...A guy that has his crap together scare most women off..I read a post in another thread from a woman that siad just because you are a good guy nothing is owe to him. Well this is true,But just because a guy that is a drama king(drug dealer,drunk,lazy bum,convict,jail bird,abuser,deadbeat)then nothing should be owe to this type of man either..The thing is these winners do not stay single.They have there choice of women..I have yet to see one stay single.Women love these types.They seem to love MR.Exciting..And the worse ones are the arrogant types(been everywhere,done everything,seen everybody,got everything) Pretty much big mouths.And of course women beleive evrything these fakes got to say.But the guy that can back up what he siads and lay back are scare to death of these types of men
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 59
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 5:25:03 AM
Well Nova, that’s most of the population! Good guys? Where? The only good guys I meet are married, or cheaters. The bad boys? Where, here? You betcha, here, 90% or higher of the men are liars. I had to laugh at MR.Exciting though never meet one of them that could actually write a proper paragraph and use spell check. I had to ask myself what would be Mr. Exciting? Hum? Golf and sports? Good guys like golf and sports. Most good guys wouldn't want to take a vacation without planning every detail of the trip, and then if the other parties wanted to do something that wasn't planned, Mr. Good guy would be beside himself! That is just one example I can think of at the top of my head. lol

Just for the record, not all women date bad boys either. Big mouths? Lol I had to laugh at that one; at least one knows where you stand with them, lol. Got to watch out for those quiet ones, never know what they got hiding in their history.

I did appreciate what Terramay said, “Moral of the story, either take a break, or push on for the 134th one who you'll end up marrying.” However, her odds are based on her age bracket of dating. Just think what what us older folks are up against, hum? I just doubled it; 268 for us older folks. Lol

People have mentioned “fakes” here a lot. Everybody is a fake in one way or another. “fake it to you make it” was one the biggest mantras and promoted by selling courses back in the 80’s! I guess being a fake depends on an individual’s definition of a fake. The human pride and vanity is what you see as “fake”.

Anyhow Mr. Nova, you sound bitter and pissed off in your argument.
I think it’s ok to be pissed off, but you got to get your zen on like me. Lol
Jan
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 60
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 6:20:07 AM

Good guys? Where? The only good guys I meet are married, or cheaters. The bad boys? Where, here? You betcha, here, 90% or higher of the men are liars. I had to laugh at MR.Exciting though never meet one of them that could actually write a proper paragraph and use spell check.



People have mentioned “fakes” here a lot. Everybody is a fake in one way or another. “fake it to you make it” was one the biggest mantras and promoted by selling courses back in the 80’s! I guess being a fake depends on an individual’s definition of a fake. The human pride and vanity is what you see as “fake”.


It seems a lot of bitterness in here and accusations of being 'fake' boil down to NOT living up to the other's expectations. There's no possible way to completely define a personality in an online dating profile text, or even explain it all in the first few phone calls OR dates - there will ALWAYS be things you don't (or won't) know about the person. So here's a question - is that REALLY 'lying'? Is that REALLY being 'fake'? We're all human beings, right?

There's going to be a point when you meet someone that you will be attracted to, and you will STILL stay attracted to them (and build trust with them) despite their flaws. An essential part of a relationship is just simply 'getting along' with someone, no matter what the circumstances.

There ARE a remarkable number of bitter people online - and for the most part, they are angry at THEMSELVES because they keep finding flaws in other people they cannot overlook. If I had one wish for online dating, it would be that we would know exactly how many years/sites the OTHER person has been online - because the longer you linger in here, the sharper that fault-finding skill gets - and there is a point when it is no longer a good skill to have.
 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 61
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 7:10:58 AM
Societal issues, unrealistic expectations, peer pressure, denial, jaded points of view, extremists, and hypocrisy. I'm sure their are more reasons as to why men and women are bitter, but I'm gonna go with entitlement for now. Total assumption, but I'm bored and wanna play this game of maybes too. Fook men! Down with bras! Women are just gold diggers! Rawr!
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 62
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 7:32:25 AM
I do not think women dislike "nice guys". Maybe they dislike nice guys who act like stalkers or doormats or nice guys who lack social skills. Not "nice guys" in general. I personally do not like criminals, wife beaters, cheaters or "bad boys". Maybe there are actually men who are somewhere in between, Men who are capable of being a gentleman, yet fun and interesting. Maybe its not that women dislike good guys, I know I dislike being treated poorly and I did not date criminals, drug dealers, or what some are calling "bad boys". Maybe its not a war between nice guys and bad boys, but maybe a female just does not like bitterness which it what some of the males seem to being showing rather than being "nice" .
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 63
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 8:01:22 AM
I think it’s unrealistic not to find bitter people on a date site, I mean come on think of it? How many ended their past relationships on a beautiful uneventful circumstance? If one isn’t bitter the other party is…. It’s a no win, win situation to even dispute bitterness on a date site it’s almost expected.

Everybody here is single, for those that are honest about it. What are the odds that those who are here have a wonderful and perfect past? Probably one in one thousand?

I’ve been on date sites for years, even gave it a go a few times, and every man I met on them were liars and a cheats. Those were my odds, I just got tired of having my head in the clouds think there was one right one out there for me, and if he is out there what's the odds that he is reading this?

I’m totally convinced that bitter comes with being around other humans. I think it’s a human condition, and I think its how our society has operated for years through propaganda, through media and all the other expectations that the world puts on the human race. Change the mentality of the world, and then people change.

When a person hurts another person for no other reason just to suit their own desires, needs, and wants then the victim mentality has every right to feel bitter for a while anyhow, but there’s the healing part too, and to heal is to not be a victim and not to be stupid enough to go back out and do it again.

I mean kick a dog in a corner long enough, the dog is going to eventually bite back! Where’s the change beginning? Is it with the dog or the person who’s kicking, and in this metaphor who’s the bitter one?
Jan
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 64
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 8:38:04 AM
I think people need to work on getting over their pasts, accepting their own mistakes or choices and move forward. How can someone who is angry and/or bitter be a good partner to the next person? agree everyone has the right to feel what ever way they want to for a period of time, but when they come on line to start dating , maybe some of them can work on their own issues first before trying to blame the next person they date. The change begins with thy self.
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 65
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 2:02:03 PM
Something I heard on Criminal minds,
Scar's tell us where we been, dont have to dictate where we are going.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 66
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 7:17:22 PM
Shield_Maiden_Wanted wrote:




I'm not bitter I'm just cynical and jaded. But I would equate what many women and men exhibit as not being bitter but more akin to a dog that has been mistreated who does not trust easily and expects to be kicked at any moment. After enough kicks they like any abused animal; will be conditioned to expect being hurt. Just like a dog that has been abandoned eventually they will learn to expect to be abandoned and will have difficulty forming bonds.

There are a couple ways of looking at bitterness, cynical, or jaded type attitudes. You can kick them to the curb and avoid them. Doesn't really help them just makes it worse. Use them and kick them to the curb when you are done, again makes it worse. Or you can try to talk to them and get a feel for what the problem is. Sometimes they will let you help sometimes they won't. Some people just need to work things out for themselves others need help. Its kind of like taking in a stray dog in a way or a shelter animal that might have been abused. Just like an abused animal tt takes a little bit more understanding and compassion for that type of person.

Sometimes when they are spewing that venom it helps them get it out of their system. Kind of like being sick with the flu and you vomit. Think of the venom they spew as being emotional vomit. Its not pretty to look at but until they get it out of their system they will continue to feel bad and until they release it they will never feel better. Each time they get that poison out of them it helps them feel just a little better. Some people just have more poison in them than others. While some keep making foolish choices exposing them to corrosive people who poison them again; it becomes an endless cycle. Ive talked to many people about that problem and one of the problems they found they had was their choice in who they dated. When they were honest they would tell me their criteria and I would tell them if I noticed any flaws or patterns. Very few listened, but those that did were better for it.

Sad thing is I am much better at giving others advice and helping them than I am for myself. I am blind to my own problems sometimes. Its like being able to see their problems and a solution with crystal clarity but when you look at your own problems with dating it becomes hazy fog.


Hmmmmmmm interesting metaphors. And quite apt. Unfortunately in this day and age, people are too much into instant gratification, and have no time to spend trying to understand, let alone help a "stray dog" in any way at all.
 PrettyBr0wnEyed1
Joined: 2/28/2013
Msg: 67
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 7:55:54 PM
Agreed, everyone has been through something. I think taking enough time to deal with whatever issues and not rushing into anything. That includes not rushing with someone new, just because there's chemistry, truly taking things slow. I for one know I don't want to or need to date anyone and will remain single for the next year. I'm open to friendships and if someone is genuine, they'll stick around, time is a true revealer of all things to me - consistency and character. I'm new to these forums, there seems to be an equal mix of angry people and there are some who seem funny and interesting. Well take care and be blessed.
 SimpleCltMan
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 68
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 4/1/2013 7:02:20 AM

I'm new to these forums, there seems to be an equal mix of angry people and there are some who seem funny and interesting.



Very observant. I have noticed both camps here. I must admit I have been bitter myself a few times. However, I constantly try to work on being more happy and smile more. Just being me instead of what I think a woman would want me to be. I may not get a ton of dates, but at least I am happy with the the ones I do get because they want to be with me for who I am.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 69
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 4/2/2013 8:05:25 PM
^^^ lol yes it makes you want to break out the popcorn.
Bad things happen in life, it's how you chose to cope with it, I think some bitter people don't take the time to heal or reflect on what went wrong in the relationship and take responsibility for their part, if you don't admit to making any mistakes how can you hope to fix them and improve your life.
 liftnw8z2
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 70
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 4/2/2013 8:35:45 PM
Change something? My word, that would require leaving one's comfort zone and/or going against societal norms! And individualism isn't good!

/ sarcasm
 elmuchoburrito
Joined: 8/27/2013
Msg: 71
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 10/18/2013 8:44:13 PM
You say bitter like it is a bad thing.
I would choose bitter and real over fake and sugary every time.

I don't date - because none that I have asked have said yes; hundreds of emails went unnoticed / unanswered / deleted, corporate rules against dating at work, and the ever present list of ilks and idioms that I ain't for what they are looking for.
I figure the market value of what I have to offer is on par with a cat; so let them have cats, dozens of them.
I have never had a bike let me down - so I would rather spend my time on that - than things that I don't enjoy, have no control over, and have no impact of solving.
easy peasy - I don't date.
Ps - those of us that don't are growing in number. We are opting out - now more than ever. MgToW.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 72
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 10/21/2013 3:14:46 PM
For a man, bitterness grows a little with each time he is turned down when he asks for a date. When this continues for many years, he gets to the point where he harbors only disdain for women.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 73
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 10/22/2013 3:38:04 AM

How can you date when you are SO bitter?

I didnt and just kept company of very few friends who would listen to me get it out of my system.

Also listened to them.

I know those that" revenge date" though. Men and women.

You go out and take it out on them in some way.
A woman may have the man pay for dates then never see them again nor give them a chance, even putting them down.

The guy will date to have someone to be mean to or have sex with then treat them like they are sluts for having sex with them.

We had a poster start many threads at one time on his many dates and how he would be so cruel to admittedly nice women, but it was their fault in some way in his posts/threads . He didn't get he was just being revengeful until about page 5 of posts and actually thanked the posters for showing him he wasn't ready to date and was just a mean b@stard right now.

It's sick but part of some human nature after being wounded so deeply and most regret it after they realize what they are doing/ have gotten over why they behaved that way to people who never hurt them in any way.
 JGL209
Joined: 5/1/2018
Msg: 74
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How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 5/15/2018 3:11:52 AM
Bump!

I'm not bitter but as I get older I'm starting to think there is no one on my level and I feel much more comfortable with being alone. At least I can say I genuinely like and accept myself flaws and all. I know myself really well and I like that about myself. I'm open to dating but I have trust issues and I have a phobia about STDS, granted I only attract women who sleep around so maybe it's warranted??

My family is going to freak when I bring a sex doll to the dinner table for Thanksgiving.. ( Jokes)
 BretIAm
Joined: 3/25/2018
Msg: 75
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 5/15/2018 3:36:25 AM
@JGL: I think many people, male and female, can relate to what you said about being comfortable with being alone. Self-acceptance is a wonderful thing.

RE: bringing the sex doll to the table, maybe technology will improve and you can bring an AI equipped sex doll that can carry on a basic conversation. In that case I would watch out for other male family members trying to hit on her.
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