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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 18
Spotting and dealing with a teasePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
If she's out primping herself in the lunchroom, check her lipstick case for a fresh notch scratched in it. Probably has one.

And delete her from Facebook. That's probably the primary reason for her chumming up to you anyway. You don't need a little queenie like that able to eavesdrop on your personal Facebook posts.
 rmvelez
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 19
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Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 3/27/2013 3:02:02 PM
Because of the confusion: thought you had a date, she did not respond to your text and then she asked you some strange questions about people liking her at work are clear indications that she was not the one for you. Consider yourself lucky. Ignore her and her outings and don't let it get to you. If you don't like her behavior, you do not want to be included anyway. Hope that you have better luck. :-)
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 23
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Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 3/27/2013 4:20:10 PM
I get a feeling you still like this young lady. I also think you'd like to go to her party. I know what I'd do....

I'd make an extra sandwich for lunch if I were you. Then, at lunch I'd offer her one of then. Peanut butter, chunky style would be smashing. Toast the bread for extra points too.

Simple gestures like this will re-gain favor with her. You'll get invited to that party too.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 32
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Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 3/27/2013 7:52:10 PM
Well she sounds like abit of a flake but maybe she just got cold feet, I would have simply asked her what was going on at the time and why she stood you up instead of pretending nothing was wrong. That being said, make sure you protect yourself from her at work, stay away from her asmuch as your job allows, cut all contact, no fb, chatting or texting, be polite and don't have any alone time with her, believe me I had a male friend go thru alot of grief because a woman co-worker was pissed he wasn't interested in her and she decided she was going to make his life miseriable and she did. I have no idea if this woman is like her, but better safe than sorry when you dealing with people that are hot and cold, this is why you keep your personal and professional life separate.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 36
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 3/28/2013 7:34:34 AM
This is the reason why NO ONE SHOULD DATE ANYONE THEY WORK WITH. Repeat after me...NO ONE SHOULD DATE ANYONE THEY WORK WITH. Just hope HR doesn't get involved; I've seen it happen. This sounded soooo high school.
Hummmmm...after reading the above posts looks like we were on the same page. Pay attention as I will repeat one moe time...NO ONE SHOULD DATE ANYONE THEY WORK WITH or be prepared to look for another job.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 37
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 3/28/2013 2:06:34 PM
I think you need to round up your friends and head back to junior high.

With the amount of detail in your post you have me convinced that you've put too much thought into this.

Some people are naturally very friendly and charming. I think you misread her behavior as being "special" to you because you were attracted to her, built up a fantasy of the way you thought things should go and then turned on her when she didn't meet the expectations you unfairly placed on her.

Did you explain to her when you asked her to go for a drink that you considered it a date? She might have thought you were just a co-worker being friendly. And it could be that she realized she'd misread you and tried to get out of it with the least amount of trouble as possible... for both of you.

I don't know her so I'm not going to judge her, especially since I have only your very warped side of the story to go by. I think you're incredibly immature, passive-aggressive, and vindictive.


Sorry man but you just got played by a manipulative flakey whore....sorry.


Why is it always the middle aged women who go straight to attacking younger and most likely prettier and thinner women using their sexuality? By her behavior (NOT sleeping with the OP) she is, in fact, the opposite of a wh*re.

You know, it's bad enough when men reduce women to their sexuality. It's even worse when other women do it. And don't bother to answer the question. We all know why.


Also please clarify why this girl is a tease. Just because a girl shows an interest in a guy and vice versa, doesn't mean they are contractually obligated to do anything that they don't want to do.


Well, she didn't live up to his fantasy of her that she had no idea of he had..... how dare she!


Oh please. She’s a “tease” because she thought she might be interested in you, and then for whatever reason decided against you? And now she’s this, and she’s that, because she rejected you……but…..those things only bothered you AFTER she rejected you. And now she’s a “tease.”

You obviously have no idea what a tease is.

Your ego is wounded. In order for you to feel better about yourself, you trash her, and want everybody else to trash her, too. Well congrats to you…. most people are.

Not cool.


Pretty much. He's like a petulant little boy demanding that his mom let him eat his dessert first or he'll tell everyone how mean she is.

I've got to tell you OP, I've had men behave the way you're behaving toward me quite a number of times. They feel that I'm responsible for how they feel and that I'm *insert perjorative here* because I don't live up to the unspoken expectations they have of me.

I've said excuse to me a guy and thanks after he moved only to have him corner me later to ask me out. When I didn't, he accused me of "sending signals".... presumably having manners indicated to him that I'd be receptive to an approach. Another time, a man I had no interaction with accused me of "leading him on" because he assumed that my being single (he asked a friend) meant that I was going to be receptive to him. He even tried to cajole me into going home with him because he spent the night working up the nerve to ask me out and when I said no, insisted that I owed him for that.

Next time, be direct. Asked if she'd like to go out on a date. And ffs, don't take rejection personally. Would you like a woman who you find incredibly unattractive to get mad at you because she made assumptions about you that weren't true? Would you like to be treated as if you "let someone down" for a promise you never made?
 ForumFiona
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 39
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 3/28/2013 3:10:10 PM

Why is it always the middle aged women who go straight to attacking younger and most likely prettier and thinner women using their sexuality? By her behavior (NOT sleeping with the OP) she is, in fact, the opposite of a wh*re.

Why is it you had to bring my age into this?
But you are right: I was not there therefore I don't know this chick from a hole in the ground, what the tone of her conversations was to give the OP the impression of interest, what she said about herself to the OP or the rest of the staff, why she called in sick on the Friday, why she accepted to go out with the OP, why she blew him off or why she didn't invite him to her party. But as "the middle aged women" who has had many years of working in an office environments with temps, I can say there are many girls who think being there is a popularity contest.
But again, I wasn't there. And neither were you. Thanks for the dig though. Eh.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 40
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Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 3/28/2013 5:42:38 PM
Msg 36, Although my post sounded sarcastic, the point I wanted to make was be kind.

So far, the young lady known as "The Tease" has only been a product of the OP's story. As such, she has been painted with the OP's brush.

So, assuming total honesty in the storytelling by the OP I would return to her... Kindness. She'd never expect it, and it would only uplift the OP's status as a human being.

Does'nt need to be a peanut butter sandwich. Just the act of making a gesture of kindness would smooth things. Maybe the OP could invite her to his party and make a point of doing it in public? Not only would the OP gain popularity with everyone, but "The Tease" may learn a valuable lesson on humanity.

Doggone it, I'd even go so far as to suggest the OP bring in a PB sammich for everyone. Sure, why not?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 41
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 3/28/2013 6:43:49 PM
So, she shows an interest, and you barely show one in return (Facebook add isn't a sign of interest, its a sign of...doing the least bit possible).

so, she wasn't sure of your intention, and as a result she...decided to stop sticking her neck out for you. you were just too cool for school.

who was the tease? re-read what you acted like, and from her perspective...how would you read someone treating you like you treated her? as disinterested? showing interest then pulling back? sending mixed signals?
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 47
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Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 4/1/2013 2:39:14 PM
:: shrugs ::

OP sounds like he got his hopes up after an attractive girl showed him an unusual amount of attention over several days, and was convinced she was a "tease" after she had to cancel on him at the last minute one time.

What's the purpose of confronting her? Obviously, the girl doesn't have enough courtesy or attraction to the OP to cancel on him in a polite way. Why does the OP need to confirm that she's "leading him on"? Isn't it enough to know that she's just a flake?

Sure, she might be a "tease", but it seems kind of petty to get any sort of satisfaction from confirming that she is. I mean, confirming that she is a "tease" means that the OP can't go and hang out with the rest of the people at work at this girl's event. Was confronting her worth it?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 49
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 4/3/2013 12:01:37 PM
Op, in my opinion, you began the game playing when you did this:


Because I don't like to come off as too strong or needy


"Trying' to not come off as one way or another, you played a game. You set a tone that was false and set yourself up to fail.

I agree she was a little odd in this situation, but you also contributed to the gameplay by not being true to yourself from the start. Id say you two would be a match, if not for the fact I dont date coworkers myself.
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 50
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 4/3/2013 12:01:42 PM
I get it, do not date co-workers, do not date people you go tot school with, do not date people,, you know through social clubs, social circles, church, interactions..
do not date co-workers, do not date people you go tot school with, do not date people,, you know through social clubs, social circles, church, interactions..
do not date co-workers, do not date people you go tot school with, do not date people,, you know through social clubs, social circles, church, interactions..

only is safe to date random people you see at the side of the road while driving - stop & ask them out
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 57
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 10/27/2013 6:59:52 AM
You identify a tease by calling her bluff. If she's teasing, she'll retreat.

In a temp situation, wait until the last day of the contract to get her number.

Childish of her to announce that everybody is invited to her event except ABCD.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 58
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 10/27/2013 8:52:14 AM
Whenever I'm dealing with a woman whom I know is a tease, I usually just submit. Of course, this is all relative to the toys that are present and which appendages of mine I can't use, for whatever reason.

Oh, and lube. Has to be.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 60
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 10/28/2013 10:31:07 AM
I don't think "she" was what I call a tease. Clearly, she is immature.....especially if she arranged a get together and specifically did not invite OP. I agree with other posters here, OP seems to still have a "thing" for Ms. Immaturity.

I have to disagree with ya there. Teases are immature, but yes, just because you're immature doesn't mean you're an actual Tease. However, a tease is strictly into Attention -- not following through. She explained to him how women (herself) likes it when a guy chases her. That's really all she was after.

A tease can be in different contexts, but to me, a tease is someone who dangles interest then pulls away, then dangles it again, then pulls away, etc. Their interest seems to be there, then it fades away... comes back, fades away, etc. It's teasing you that there's actual solidified Interest.

Him not buying into it was wise, but stating that you're not going to play that game, even very politely, is going to piss a tease off. They think they deserve to be chased. Once they realize they've been chased down, they lose interest... then are going to want the person to chase them again. It's that "chase" that provides the attention. That's the core of what they want and focus on.

A tease is going to be (temporarily) Interested in the guy who's not oggling her and not chasing her at first. She'll want him to want her. Once she gets that, she'll step away and focus on others. If the guy even politely calls her out on it and isn't going to chase her at all, she'll get Pissed.
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 61
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 10/28/2013 10:57:01 AM
Some women need an ego boost so they will tease in an effort to get attention. How do you deal with them? Dont give them any attention.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 62
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Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 10/28/2013 11:10:44 AM
I think too that she was trying to make friends and OP, you misread her because you were blinded by your feelings or expectations. I find it frustrating to be friendly and make friends with people without them assuming I want something more from them and then getting the cold shoulder when they realize their mistake.

I had the opposite happen to me at my new job. At a company event at an amusement park a co-worker who I thought could have been a friend asked me out for drinks after the event was over but I was soaking wet from the rides and had already drank and just wanted to call it a night and asked if I could take a rain check. He then ignored me after that day. It’s really hard making friends when people are after romance and dating.

I think this new employee only realized later that this was turning into a date and backed out. That and trying to make new friends is hardly playing games. Even if she was interested in getting to know you better or dating you, people have the right to change their minds. And there are people who love to get attention so much that they play games. I'm not convinced she fits that criteria given the fact she was trying to make friends.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 64
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Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 10/28/2013 12:59:48 PM
Hahaha , sorry that happened to you bro, I had that happen many many times but I learned how to eat them teasers for breakfast lunch and dinner, Ilearned some evil equally immature methods and powers, it causes them to later beg me hehehe. It is all about not letting anyone lose respect for you , be clear open and direct and if the B/S come along well move on. I usually do not follow that advice though, i just end up having the table turn.

Just forget about those types, they are just a fly in a guys soup anyhow.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 65
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 10/28/2013 1:54:01 PM
I think too that she was trying to make friends and OP, you misread her because you were blinded by your feelings or expectations.

I think a tease usually wants things (in the end) to be platonic aka "friends". But if she's flirty, gave him his #, agreed to a 1-on-1 to get drinks -- it's a really poor way of sending out the friends-only vibe. :)

Regardless, she wasn't doing anything that would be good for a friend to do, if she was instead trying to cultivate a 1-on-1 friendship. So even if she was heavily leaning to be friends in the end, she was still being shifty and wasting the other's time.

sorry that happened to you bro, I had that happen many many times but I learned how to eat them teasers for breakfast lunch and dinner, Ilearned some evil equally immature methods and powers, it causes them to later beg me hehehe

Do tell, do tell. :)
 JeremyD4789
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 66
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Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 10/28/2013 3:02:55 PM

^^^^Umm, but did you forget that she stood him up?

She kind of made it clear that they were playing it by ear, and there was a chance the date wouldn't happen.

We're only getting his side of this. If I had to guess, he said something a little more insulting than what he posted.
Even if he said EXACTLY what he posted, what if she had an actual reason for not going to the date? Then what he said would be viewed as VERY insulting.

Now to address the topic of a "tease."
A lot of what women do is completely indistinguishable from a "tease." It's the intent behind it and end result.

If she was a tease....it seems strange that she would invite a group of people out. That's not their aim. This leads me to believe the OP insulted the girl, who really was interested in him.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 67
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 10/28/2013 7:09:09 PM
She kind of made it clear that they were playing it by ear, and there was a chance the date wouldn't happen.

Actually, in the beginning, it was far from playing it by ear. She said Yes with no reservations, had a big smile, and gave him her # without him asking -- all of which fell in line with her attitude toward him leading up to it, with blatant IoIs (indicators of interest).

On Friday after work as she wasn't there, he gave his 1st phone call, and she didn't return it, but was on facebook and they chatted... she then said it was playing it by ear, but what was NOT playing it by ear was in the afternoon, to confirm (or postpone) it. And she Bailed on That -- sending him a msg @ 8PM Sat night saying she can't -- which was past last minute and pretty rude.

We're only getting his side of this. If I had to guess, he said something a little more insulting than what he posted.

Possibly... although if you call someone out for playing games, even in a polite way, it's going to do pretty much the same damage to most. But yeah, being non-diplomatic about it will bring it to a greater level (not in his best interest). But his reaction in the end doesn't change if she was a tease or not or to what level, as that's another chapter.

If she was a tease....it seems strange that she would invite a group of people out. That's not their aim.

Teases love Attention. She wasn't teasing people in the group by doing that at all, but it validates wanting attention. Teases are not against inviting groups of people out or going out in groups.

Assuming what he wrote on how it unfolded was accurate, due to his refined detail, IMO: She was all about him at first, getting situated at the new job environment, happily agreed and looked forward to a 1-on-1 out for drinks with him on Saturday, but then lost interest and was being a weasel in terms of getting out of it. Her rudeness was most likely due to her not wanting to be confrontational with bad news to him, but of course, that's not an excuse for someone to be like that. He plays it cool as if it was not a big deal, but after he refused to chase her on any level, her bringing up how women want to be chased just got his goat -- a possible indicator that that's what she wanted from him (hint hint, nudge nudge). Understandably, given what unfolded before that, her bailing in a stringing-along way, he was upset about it and called her out on playing games. She deserved that, but not doing it in an overly diplomatic (but still direct) way wasn't in his own best interest since he works with her.

He probably should have done it nicer, but in the end, it does have an added benefit -- she's not going to tease him anymore. And, she will really think twice about playing that game with any guys at work. Of course, again, he probably should have done it in a really diplomatic (but still straightforward) way, where she would be ticked but there wouldn't have been any real bad blood in the future.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 69
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Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 10/29/2013 1:06:09 AM
Yes, I still think she was trying to make friends, which is why she wanted to meet up with you OP, and later with others as a group at the end.



...she waits till we 're alone in the office and starts asking me odd questions "is there something about my personality you think others here might not like?

Obviously she is trying to fit in and has mistaken OP’s interest in her to be genuine. She is trying to make friends.



and she starts saying about relationships and how women like it when men keep going after them and complimenting them, which to me seemed like obvious hints that I'm not doing my part to make her feel desired anymore (as if that's somehow my job...)

This sounds a bit out of context without the whole story and her side. However, feeling desired by human beings is what everybody wants. You do too OP. It doesn’t mean she wanted a boyfriend, a date, sex, or anything in those lines.



I think I called it right, and I don't mind saying I feel a just a little bit proud and justified.
What exactly are you proud of? You misread her. Lead her to believe you were interested in her as a co-worker and then tore her apart on a public forum for feeling rejected. If you want to be proud of something,
- start by getting to know people before assuming they want to date you
- don’t date your co-workers
- try making more female friends
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