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 russellemonte
Joined: 3/24/2013
Msg: 76
Bf rarely wants sexPage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
hun the age dosent matter i think ther is more going on then hes letting you no my x wife said the same kind of crap but it ended up a hole different story look for stuff what he ether gets angry about or watch his actions when hes around other women if he flirts or eyes them you no he wants it most likly he is with another !
 Lookingforcasualnsa
Joined: 11/4/2011
Msg: 77
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 3/31/2013 12:14:03 AM
I am pretty much in the same boat as you only over a longer period of time this has been going on. I don't understand why some people rarely want sex. 15 years I have been dealing with this. Sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship but it certainly is an important part of it. Hopefully it all works out for you but this guy sounds like he is not interested. Might just be time to move on.
 MRGETITTOGO
Joined: 3/6/2013
Msg: 78
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:35:27 AM
my best guess is he wants out of the situation and is passively trying to break up with u. i would end it sooner rather than later. and dont worry about why he doesnt want you because its really nothing u can do about it.
 flyboy498
Joined: 8/1/2012
Msg: 79
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Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 3/31/2013 7:24:14 AM
Every relationship has this problem. There is no need to seek counseling at all. After a couple is together after a while, the spark sort of dies and you have to figure out ways to spark it back up again. Try to do different things to turn him on and get involved with things he likes to do.
 flyboy498
Joined: 8/1/2012
Msg: 80
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Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 3/31/2013 7:37:56 AM
Every relationship has this problem. There is no need to seek counseling at all. After a couple is together after a while, the spark sort of dies and you have to figure out ways to spark it back up again. Try to do different things to turn him on and get involved with things he likes to do.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 81
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Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:47:30 PM
Sex isnt any less important then any other part of a relationship.

For me, i could not live with this kind of divide.

You can compromise on many things. If you and your SO share different interests you can go out side of the relationship and enjoy these things with other friends. This usually doesnt work out when it comes to sex.

So in a way being on the same page when it comes to sex is more important then many other things that can be compromised on.

If he is happy with his sex drive and doesn't want to look into changing it, I would have to go.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 82
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 3/31/2013 6:22:39 PM

Every relationship has this problem.

No they don't. Starting out at once a week, dwindling to once a month? That is not typical at all, none of it.
 Notinterested5891
Joined: 7/29/2012
Msg: 83
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Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/2/2013 7:11:51 AM
Thanks for the advice... I guess I was hoping someone was in this situation and somehow it improved.
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 84
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/2/2013 9:07:55 AM

Maybe he is afraid you will get pregnant again....how was he with the pregnancy and how is he now with the baby?


BINGO

maybe he feels you tricked him before, and that you will trick him again...

I dont think that weight has anything to do with it, but again I have head some therapist, talking about some men do not want to have SEX with their kids' mother.... so for those guys it's ok before kid, then after, they hit a psychological WALL.... cannot have SEX with the Vagege that delivered my child! Some people have some weird issues!
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 85
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Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/2/2013 12:38:56 PM

He tells me he won't go see a therapist with me.
Every time I try to talk to him about it, he basically tells me he is how he is and he won't change :(

The responses in this thread are ridiculous. Who's problem is this really? I know a lot of women who are looking for men like him. It's refreshing to see a man not interested in sex. Not everyone wants sex. Not everyone is damaged because of it. People who do want it or can't live without it don't understand this could exist but it does. The information is out there.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 86
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/3/2013 8:36:39 AM
Happ: Fine to be any degree of sexless that one is built with. But a crime to *pretend* to be one in order to "capture" a mate, and then revert to the other when the deed's done. In the commercial world, it's called Bait & Switch. Nasty stuff.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 87
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/3/2013 9:26:51 AM

But a crime to *pretend* to be one in order to "capture" a mate, and then revert to the other when the deed's done. In the commercial world, it's called Bait & Switch.

Agreed, but this isn't entirely on the boyfriend either. From the onset of their becoming intimate, he never wanted more than once a week, by this account. Now it's even less, but personally, that would've sent me running in the first place... although, maybe not at her age. Then, I might well have had the romantic notion that I could awaken him somehow. For a few months, maybe. I doubt it would have lasted longer than that.

Still, I understand how they got to this place - she loved him, and he her, and she'd made all this emotional investment already, so it seemed at the time like it made more sense to hope things would get better than to bail. The only trouble is, that's emotional reasoning that doesn't take the facts into account. I'm very sympathetic to it! I struggle with this myself, always have. I just think it's unfair to blame her unhappiness with his low libido entirely on him, because I don't think he did all that much of a bait and switch. Little bit... not a lot. He was never Mr. Let's Go Anytime.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 88
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/3/2013 6:28:56 PM
Helen, agree! That was more for HappySingle who thinks that no sex is no big deal. It's just that for *some* of us it is. And once tricked, twice shy.
 Maid-merry-on
Joined: 3/27/2013
Msg: 89
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/3/2013 6:44:25 PM
Try having a (well now ex bf) who rarely wanted it. When we did he seemed to love it but in between....I almost had to beg for sex. I'm a highly sexual woman and love sex. When I tried to talk to him he'd discount or minimize that part of our relationship like it wasn't important. I wasn't happy but thankfully we didn't have a baby together so it was easy to leave him when he said he wouldn't change.

In your case, you have a child and there's more at stake however, don't give up on your happiness to appease him or to keep him around.
 jokerboy21
Joined: 1/27/2013
Msg: 90
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/3/2013 7:38:28 PM
he just doesnt want to be with you i promise you i was in a relationship just like that cause when we first got togther we had sex all the time but when i got tired of her and didnt want to be with her i never told her i just stayed with her and i never wanted to have sex with her and when she ask me why i didnt want to have sex i would give her some excuss saying that i didnt like sex all the time but it was a lie i just didnt want to have sex with her
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 91
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/3/2013 10:21:06 PM
I hear ya, woobytoodsday.

And Notinterested5891, I feel for you. You're going to have a decision to make, and there's no real good option. I wish there were.
 Conquistidor
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 92
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/4/2013 12:21:28 AM
Let me give you the cold hard truth. This may sting but hey it's honesty. It's something that you are not doing.
To the ladies out there reading this: Any guy who doesn't want to sleep with you, especially a guy who you're "going out" with, maybe look at yourself for the reason.

1) Feminine hygene (I think you know what I mean).... 2) The way you kiss..... 3) Boredom in the bedroom. 4) Are you 100% sure he is not doing other women, I mean really? 4) You say this happened AFTER you had a kid with him? He won't see a therapist with you? Maybe because he is afraid of hurting your feelings in the sessions? 5 ) Is it his kid? Does he think that it's not his kid? That could have a lot to do with decreased sex drive... Retrace your steps. What are YOU doing or not doing? You say that you come up with solutions, and "solve the problems" but he is not compromising....
 Conquistidor
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 93
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/4/2013 12:28:52 AM
LOL!! Ill tell you the truth "Shellbehappy"... In many cases the guy can't perform because of: 1) Feminine hygene . 2) her lack of toothpaste and gum 3) improper foreplay on her part.

Bottom line in simpler terms: If she tastes like salmon, her breath smells like mouldy cottage cheese, when he kisses her, and she doesn't know how to properly pleasure a guy, he's not going to get hard, and probably won't be interested.

Truth stings I know.
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 94
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/4/2013 4:17:30 AM
Op,
I`m sorry to say, you need to end the relationship with your BF.

Every time I try to talk to him about it, he basically tells me he is how he is and he won't change :(

Its clear you and him aren`t on the same page when it comes to your needs.
Its unhealthy at your age to have to beg a 34 year old man to make love. Its worse, when he`s uncaring and isn`t interested in pleasing you.
Eventually, you`ll grow tired of this act, find another mate and move on. Don`t waste your time attempting to figure this man out.. Good Luck..
 Notinterested5891
Joined: 7/29/2012
Msg: 95
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Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/4/2013 8:45:56 AM
Conquistador:
It is not even close to being those things... I shower 2x more than he does...sometimes he goes 3 days without showering and I would still do him...
He is also a smoker and doesn't brush his teeth a lot. You would think I'd be repulsed but we just don't really kiss much :(
I also know what I am doing and he told me when we first met that he never liked certain things until I did them... I also have a bunches exes who would jump at the chance if there ever was one.

Hayley1804
I have kind of given up on getting sum. He told me once that he likes initiating and if I would give Nima chance, I'd get more booty.
Sometimes I won't initiate things for a month to see what would happen... And I think he either didn't initiate or I got sum one time...

I don't think I have a sex addiction. I just like having sex with my man...
 rod1919us
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 96
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Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/11/2013 7:20:14 PM
He probably tired of having sex with her.

Sorry, but sex with the same girl over and over can get a little boring...

Just sayin!
 betrys69
Joined: 4/8/2013
Msg: 97
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/12/2013 7:30:50 PM
My bf did the same thing to me but I figured out he had a porn addiction consider that I read all the stop being lazy crap someone wrote but guess what?He was being lazy when I confronted him he said it was easier and faster to do it himself and didn't have to do anythingso its not always the girls fault maybe men are just selfish
 AnEvilGenius1
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 98
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/12/2013 8:09:07 PM

go see a doctor when you have a disease.
not being interested in sex is not a disease.

the problem is not the fact that your boyfriend is not interested in sex.
the problem is not the fact that you are interested in sex.

the problem is that you are paired up.

there are several solutions, but i think you can think of them yourself....


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^This! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 Pisces22469
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 99
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/13/2013 10:46:23 AM
only in his 30's & doesn't want sex with you.
I would have to think he is getting it somewhere. Either by himself or with someone else.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 100
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Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 4/13/2013 11:07:35 AM
Happ: Fine to be any degree of sexless that one is built with. But a crime to *pretend* to be one in order to "capture" a mate, and then revert to the other when the deed's done. In the commercial world, it's called Bait & Switch. Nasty stuff.


Hey  wooby
I never said anything about sexless. WTF ???? You’re confusing sexless (as in not having a sexual gender) with people who are not sexually attracted to others. Please educate yourself before attacking people.

I don’t see him pretending. You can assume and judge all you want. You don’t have to agree with me. I didn’t ask you to. I also never said it’s not a big deal. Where do you get this stuff??? It’s a very big deal if you’re in love and have a kid. There are two people who are in this relationship. He is not any more responsible than her.

The assumption that he has tricked her and lied to her is not fair in my opinion as many asexuals try to enjoy sex to fit in or it feels good at the time, or he wants to please her. Many don’t even know asexuality is an orientation. How can anyone be upfront about something they don’t even know exists. I merely suggested he may be asexual because of his disinterest in sex. Nothing else. So get off my back lady.
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