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Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 26
First datesPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I dress up for work all week, I am not wearing "business casual" clothes for lunch on Saturday. When I was dating from this site, I wore jeans to every first meet that happened on the weekend. Weekday meets for drinks, I arrive in business clothes.
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 27
First dates
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:33:58 PM
I always work it into the conversation before we meet actually. Something like "it's a casual place so jeans will be ok" or "let's go somewhere casual then I can wear my jeans and new boots" or I choose the venue I feel entirely comfortable in telling them what the dress standard is. If they choose, then I ask them what the dress standard is.

I do this specifically to avoid the 'one person dressed much better than the other person' scenario.

Take her to dinner somewhere more upscale and see how she turns up. It will be a small investment to help you decide if she meets your standards. Better than investing more time and money hoping she'll smarten up.
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 28
view profile
First dates
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:37:53 PM
Was her attire appropriate for the meeting location?
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 29
First dates
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:54:12 PM

Take her to dinner somewhere more upscale and see how she turns up. It will be a small investment to help you decide if she meets your standards. Better than investing more time and money hoping she'll smarten up.

No point in doing that.....from what it sounds like the OP's date didn't make the cut.
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 30
First dates
Posted: 3/31/2013 7:28:21 PM
It sounds like **you** were over dressed !!
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 31
First dates
Posted: 3/31/2013 8:36:07 PM
Well, to be honest looks is a big deal in dating and we all know that. Not ony looks of course, but we all want to be attaractd to our dates.

I always try to look my best when I show up for dates and generally,as I only meet men I am really interested to meet,someone I am excited to meet and to impress. Sorry but being a nice person is very great but not enough to craeate some romantic interest. Being friends is great, but if people want more than that,we all need to try and look nice.

I've been on dates there men came looking very homely and looking like a very bad version of their pics. Like they came in old,stained clothes, some didn't smell so great or even had a bad breath :( Some of them were great people, but common does anyone want to kiss someone whose general level of hygiene is not so great, people who don't care about their body,looks,great hygiene and smelling good,it's very basic.

People who don't care about these things, should complain about not getting dates or second dates.

I am not shallow,so I'd usually give someone who didn't look his best on the first date a chance,assuming ,well maybe he had a bad day or something. But they didn't show up looking any more elegant for the second date, still no style ,old clothes etc... Some people are just not aware of how it make other people feel when they show up on their date like they just rolled out from their bed.
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 32
view profile
First dates
Posted: 3/31/2013 8:55:11 PM
Wino, in her 50s...well set me up with her name. I want my first impression to be her, the real deal not someone looking to impress.
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 33
First dates
Posted: 3/31/2013 8:59:06 PM
I've had men ask me what they should wear before we meet. I usually tell them jeans and a nice shirt is ok. I'm not going to dress like I have a job interview.
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 34
First dates
Posted: 3/31/2013 9:37:11 PM
I am with you, if you are well presented, no matter how casual, then your date should be the same. Lord knows what she would wear if she was just around the house lol!! A huge turn off for sure. She may not a business owner or any of what she claims to be. Jeans that are well pressed and a nice sweater would be fine depending on the venue.
Joined: 7/7/2012
Msg: 35
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 3:39:30 AM
I believe the main issue here is your expectations and hers did not match. A first date is more along the lines of dinner and maybe drinks after. A meet and greet could be just drinks. A Saturday lunch indicates a casual atmosphere for most people. Yes, maybe she did not feel that dressing up was warranted in this situation because she wants to just check you out (see if you match your photos). The first actual date could be her big show stopper. Or she might be a type of woman who just likes to be casual. This is what dating brings to us, filtering out people who don’t match. I am a woman that loves to dress up. I dress very nicely for work in skirts and dresses, sometimes suits. I love doing this but I don’t have to. On weekends, I would love to have a reason to dress up. But if I was asked out for a Saturday lunch, you can bet I would show up in jeans and a top. She might have put in a lot of thought to the outfit she chose and it might have reflected her mood, convenience and even message she wanted to send out to you (but maybe not the one you got). The only way for sure to know is to actually approach the subject with her. That is, if you want to ask her out again or if she wants to go out with you again. Maybe next time you should ask a woman prior to the date what you should wear. This might clue you into what she is going to show up in.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 36
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 4:15:00 AM

That is the thing she did not look cute or anything like any of her profile pic . It is not that she needed to look dressed up but it did not appear that she was trying to even look neat or cute.....

Are you going to start a thread about every woman you go on a date with that didn't "meet your expectations" and you probably aren't going to go on another date with?

Honestly, I didn't read anything in your posts where you specified what your expectations were for her before you went to meet her... as a "business man" I'm sure you should be able to appreciate that if you don't give someone the expectations you want them to meet, there's a chance they might not meet them? I'm sure you would tell, lets say a carpenter, that you need shelves 'over there' to fit 'these' boxes (point to them), or that the shelves have to be at least 12" apart, or something 'specification' for what you want and not just 'I need some shelves there' and walk away, right? Otherwise you might come back to find a nice set of shelves, but only 8" apart and unsuitable for your needs.

Other people are not responsible for not meeting your un-communicated expectations.
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 37
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 4:21:04 AM

Is her attire a sign of how interested she was in the date?

In my book this is a HUGE HELL YES.

Most women think a LOT about their appearance especially when it comes to making that first impression. Now, jeans aren't automatically a turn off by themselves (for instance, she could have wore heels with them and a nice top) but an old sweater? Nah...

She would have instantly turned me off. Imagine what she looks like when she isn't meeting someone (ugh)
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 38
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 4:37:17 AM
I don't really care about this sort of thing. I actually respect a woman more when she dresses for comfort more so than sex appeal, or in your case, professionalism. I wouldn't expect anyone to dress businesslike on a date. A first date already feels like a job interview, why make matters worse?
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 39
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 4:58:40 AM
i have found this to happen alot also..even sweats to a dinner date she just came from gym! I go in with no expectations anymore..if they care about themselves & have half a brain, they will dress appropiately.I find alot of the more attractive dates (dress down) on a first meet, i think its beacuse they want to make sure there are no 'sexual' inneuendos being given off.
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 40
view profile
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 8:02:00 AM
I put a lot of thought into my casual dress....thought into make up, nail polish, etc. We are meeting the person we may spend the rest of our life with. Men have no concept of the effort a woman often makes

My guess is this woman had low expectations. She wasn't all that much into it.

However, there.s also a chance there is just a simple expectation level That's not compatible. I expect a man to take pride in his appearance. Neither right or wrong.
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 41
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 8:08:12 AM

I put a lot of thought into my casual dress....thought into make up, nail polish, etc. We are meeting the person we may spend the rest of our life with. Men have no concept of the effort a woman often makes.

Andwe don't know that she didn't do all those things. What he is calling an old sweater could be something new and in stylethat he just didn't care for.

We also don't know where they were meeting for lunch and that could make all the difference in why she was dressed as she was.

The OP had a set of expectations based on what this woman did and what she wears all week. I don't know about the rest of you, but my work week clothing is rather pricy and I would rather not wear it on the weekends merely to impress some stranger.

Unless I am going to a fancy restaurant, I will be in jeans and a nice top/sweater in the winter and a sundress in the summer.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 42
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 8:15:55 AM

Is her attire a sign of how interested she was in the date?

No, it's simply a sign of how incompatible the two of you are. She seems very relax. You seem very up tight.
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 43
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 9:38:01 AM
Like Completely said, most of us would be just ecstatic to just get to actually meet a real person... who would care what clothes they were wearing. And to think that you actually got along okay.

This thread is similar to all the discussions about pic versus no pic on a profile... It all boils down to the old saying in politics... you can please some of the people some of the time; you can never please all of the people all of the time."

The question after all this discussion... are you two going out for another date?? (And if yes, how are you going to resolve this issue of what one wears??)

The saga continues...
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 44
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 10:27:51 AM
(see message 48)

Men have no concept of the effort a woman often makes
My guess is this woman had low expectations. She wasn't all that much into it.

I agree with you a myself.....more than likely, she was probably stood up a few too many times and decided NOT to go all out.

Can't tell you how many times I have put on the makeup, dressed in my nicest clothing, went all out, showed up early at the appointed place, only to be stood up. - and no call, no explanation. So why even bother?
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 45
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 3:54:49 PM
the fact is he didnt fancy her, if he did, it wouldnt have mattered what she wore. Her pics were deceptive I would say. Why she didnt bother to look nice, beats me. If she was not all that into dating him, she should not have bothered. I am with him, I think that to make an effort is only polite.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 46
view profile
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 4:01:14 PM
It's a sign of how she dresses. What are you trying to analyze? She obviously didn't meet your standards, so not a match for you, I don't understand why you need to know more from members here.
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 47
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 7:00:25 PM
OP, you're sounding pretty shallow here. Rejecting her for dressing casually rather than meeting *your* dress code for a simple Saturday lunch? Do her a favor and move on.
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 48
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 7:02:51 PM
Nope! Her attire didn't mean a thing. Afterall it was a meet and greet, and not a true date. Don't read too much into it. This comes off as a bit shallow. BTW. Did she notice that your pants zipper was unzipped??
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 49
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 8:01:25 PM
Well, dressed for yard work does not sound very good... casual is fine, but I don't think you should have holes in your jeans on a first date, I'll put it that way.
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 50
First dates
Posted: 4/1/2013 8:11:09 PM
Clearly she wasn't tuned in the proper attire to be worn while having lunch at the vineyard with Douchey Pendergast the third!
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