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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?      Home login  
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 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 101
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
LlliMarleen: Typical, smug post, from your typical, sophomoric forum dweller. Suggesting a lack of reading comprehension on my part was a bit premature in this case. I read only her initial post, which mentions coffee more than once, with light lunch mentioned once. Presumably, both of these activities would be held in a similar environment, the type her date was looking to avoid. If the OP gave her potential date other options, she did not mention this in her initial post, so I did not see it. I don't normally read through pages of posts, I respond to the initial one. Perhaps you should hold off on the "I am so smarter than you" posts until you know for sure.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 102
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/3/2013 3:15:52 PM

She suggested five options. He suggested one.

And, awesomely, finally told a man "no" when his attitude toward her was outside her comfort zone.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 103
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/3/2013 3:16:30 PM

I read only her initial post, which mentions coffee more than once, with light lunch mentioned once.


But you jumped on the typical blame the man mantra, if you had read only her post, you would know that she was asking if she was out of line. She was not blaming anyone for anything. So as it stands, the comment regarding reading comprehension is still valid.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 104
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History
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/3/2013 3:36:10 PM
I think this guy thought a coffee date would be boring (many think so in this very thread) so this probably explains why he was so persistent IMO.

If you can't agree if a coffee date is fun/boring forget about a relationship haha. I can't imagine being with a woman that views a coffee date as boring. :)
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 105
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/3/2013 3:38:17 PM

I think this guy thought a coffee date would be boring (many think so in this very thread) so this probably explains why he was so persistent IMO.

But not why he wasn't open to alternatives. Read the later update.

I read the later update and her suggestions probably bored him. I personally had no problem with her list of suggestions but if it was a really nice day and he wanted to see how fit this woman was.... asking for a walk in the park seems what he had in mind. She suggested coffee and then walk in the park, but he simply didn't like that idea either.

And that kind of single-minded rigidity lost this guy a date.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 106
view profile
History
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/3/2013 3:42:03 PM
I read the later update and her suggestions probably bored him. I personally had no problem with her list of suggestions but if it was a really nice day and he wanted to see how fit this woman was.... asking for a walk in the park seems what he had in mind. She suggested coffee and then walk in the park, but he simply didn't like that idea either.

If you are not physically combatible it is pointless to message a person and then insist on a physical activity (eg mountain climbing, hiking, walk in the park). This guy should have known better and also considered her point of view (safety).
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 107
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/3/2013 3:45:47 PM
Judging from OP’s title, I think brevity was more the point.
Its kind of funny, because one would want a shorter first meeting to do basic screening. And this guy screened himself out before she even met him. Something elegant in that.
 NotWhatYouExpectt
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 108
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/3/2013 4:35:24 PM
Coffee is the absolute hands down best place to start a date - it's comfortable - it's convenient - it's exitable. The great thing is that if you chat at coffee for an hour and then decide to go for a walk after psychologically it feels like a second date already - then if you go out for dinner after that it feels like a third date - well kissing on the third date feels QUITE comfortable doesn't it :P
 RedCapSue
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 109
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/3/2013 5:12:22 PM

LlliMarleen: Typical, smug post, from your typical, sophomoric forum dweller. Suggesting a lack of reading comprehension on my part was a bit premature in this case. I read only her initial post, which mentions coffee more than once, with light lunch mentioned once. Presumably, both of these activities would be held in a similar environment, the type her date was looking to avoid. If the OP gave her potential date other options, she did not mention this in her initial post, so I did not see it. I don't normally read through pages of posts, I respond to the initial one. Perhaps you should hold off on the "I am so smarter than you" posts until you know for sure.


Well...she IS smarter than you if your posts tell all the story there is to tell :)

Red
 SweetSun13
Joined: 3/30/2013
Msg: 110
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/3/2013 5:36:51 PM
If he doesn't like the idea of it as a second meet than it is his loss. I'd move on and plainly tell him over again.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 111
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/3/2013 7:08:40 PM
LlliMarleen: Typical, smug post, from your typical, sophomoric forum dweller. Suggesting a lack of reading comprehension on my part was a bit premature in this case. I read only her initial post, which mentions coffee more than once, with light lunch mentioned once. Presumably, both of these activities would be held in a similar environment, the type her date was looking to avoid. If the OP gave her potential date other options, she did not mention this in her initial post, so I did not see it. I don't normally read through pages of posts, I respond to the initial one. Perhaps you should hold off on the "I am so smarter than you" posts until you know for sure.


She's right. In view of the fact that you joined into a five-page thread, it would stand to reason that new information had been revealed since the opening post. If you didn't want to bother sifting through all the posts, that's fine---but you could have at least read the OP's subsequent posts in her posting history before passing judgment.
 artandbliss
Joined: 9/30/2012
Msg: 112
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/4/2013 7:38:31 AM
First meets should be agreeable for BOTH people. I personally love the coffee meet because the man does not have to spend a lot of money, it is short and (hopefully) sweet, does not involve alcohol, and is low pressure. First meets are essentially about chemistry for both men and women. It requires very little investement in terms of time or money and gives you a clue about going on a REAL date with the person.
 PugDude1971
Joined: 2/13/2013
Msg: 113
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/5/2013 1:31:40 PM
That seems like a pretty small concession to make for a lady. I know I certainly wouldn't push a woman into a date that she isn't 100% comfortable with. I'd say kick him to the curb...
 NETaxDude
Joined: 3/7/2013
Msg: 114
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/5/2013 7:11:25 PM
You make the rules, OP. Personally I wouldn't want to meet a woman in a secluded, low-traffic area. For one, it would make her feel uncomfortable, make me seem threatening, and even open me up for a variety of false accusations.

The first meet can be as brief or long as you desire, but a public place is the best. Coffee or drinks is good because it gives you an out; if things just aren't going well you can say thanks and call it a night. :-)

Just don't forget: You make the rules! If you're not comfortable, don't do it.
 sweetwell7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 115
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/5/2013 9:38:44 PM
The first me should always be her choice. If he really likes you and wants to meet you, he will not think that a coffee meet is boring. Meeting a new person for the first time is exciting enough.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 116
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/5/2013 9:45:48 PM

The first me should always be her choice. If he really likes you and wants to meet you, he will not think that a coffee meet is boring. Meeting a new person for the first time is exciting enough.


Both people should have some input about what to do on a first date / meeting. I am willing to compromise. But I'm not doing something that I don't like. Also finding a coffee date to be boring has nothing to do with the amount of interest I have in a woman.
 sweetwell7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 117
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/5/2013 9:52:53 PM
Women should feel comfortable when meeting any man in person for the first time. If that's coffee, or park or whatever, he should go with it the first time.

My opinion only, and it depends on the both individuals what they want to do I suppose.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 118
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 7:45:05 AM
I wouldn't force a woman to do something that she's not comfortable with. My point is if a man doesn't like the coffee date ( or whatever she first suggested ), they should be able to figure out other places that she would be feel comfortable and a man can at least tolerate. Even though it may not be his favorite place or activity.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 119
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 8:16:42 AM
My usual first meet with someone is very brief…I am always within close distance from my car as well… Not sure if I should swallow my silly rules and just go with him?

Do not abandon your ‘silly’ rules. If there’s a ‘ten commandments of internet dating for women’ carved in stone somewhere, yours are probably on it. Keep it brief. Stay close to your car.

And for a guy to be that insensitive and not defer to your safety and comfort level on a first date? Let him find somebody else.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 120
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 8:26:47 AM
Halcyon: You're right, I could have read the new information that had been brought to light in the other five pages before I posted, but I didn't feel like it. My point was that someone is quick to jump on another poster with insults, like "lack of reading comprehension." Reading comprehension wasn't the case, because I never read the other posts. I just think that if you feel so bad about yourself that you need to insult others online, then you should at least use a more appropriate insult.

Now, with that little ugliness out of the way, on to the topic at hand. I think that first meets/dates should be up to both people. I don't really drink coffee, so I don't always feel like hanging out in a coffee shop. If I am talking to a woman about meeting, and she insists on a coffee meet, I may not go. It isn't even all about the coffee with me, I just don't dig a woman insisting to me on things being all her way. I'm cool with a compromise and I'd like a dating prospect to be as well. With all that said, if the guy the OP was looking to meet was insisting on a public park meeting, and he was unwilling to compromise, then that's on him. If I was having a hard time just trying to settle on a first date with a girl, I would probably just forget about her.

Muted enthusiasm: This is my point about internet dating these days. It feels awesome as a guy to basically be considered some kind of serial killer before you even meet a girl. If I was seriously that worried about my safety on a date I just wouldn't be going.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 121
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 9:21:26 AM
I think it is too bad that because a guy wants to do something different and just do whatever she wants it is a red flag. Why isn't it a red flag for HIM thathe suggested doing something that would include exercise and spending more than 10 minutes with each other ? Isn't it weird that we cant fathom spending 2 hours in a highly populated area with someone who we decide we don't click with? Do we really need the getaway vehicle within seconds of our reach? Being uncomfortable isn't the end of the world. You might learn something from him.
 liftnw8z2
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 122
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 9:44:56 AM
I personally would not spend 2 hours on a first meet unless we really hit it off and it went there naturally. The learning experience aside, it gets really awkward after an hour (or less) when you don't click with someone. Been there, done that, not doing it again if I can help it.

I still think it best to keep that first meet short where if you're creeped out or don't click, you can just get out quickly with no harm to the other party.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 123
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 1:28:35 PM

I think it is too bad that because a guy wants to do something different and just do whatever she wants it is a red flag. Why isn't it a red flag for HIM thathe suggested doing something that would include exercise and spending more than 10 minutes with each other ? Isn't it weird that we cant fathom spending 2 hours in a highly populated area with someone who we decide we don't click with? Do we really need the getaway vehicle within seconds of our reach? Being uncomfortable isn't the end of the world. You might learn something from him.


I think it is too bad that you think someone should do something they don't want to do just because a stranger said so! Think that one through. He wants to go to a park, she doesn't. So she should just in and do whatever he wants?

hell of a way to start a relationship!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 124
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 2:18:47 PM
I have no idea why someone would want to meet for hours, spend more money and make an event out of it before knowing if they want to be there more than 10 minutes. Meeting briefly would be to the advantage of both of you to determine mutual interest. You can always make plans to meet a second time longer if there's interest, so it's silly that he'd take issue with it. I'd wonder if he had common sense.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 125
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 3:46:42 PM
2 hours is considered too long? Wow, I guess everyone really does have add. And last time I checked walking in a park is free. Why is it that what she wants to do is important but what he wants to do isn't? That is the part that I can't wrap my head around. Imagine it was the guy posting the same thing only from his perspective. Everyone would be saying she was an unmoving *b and to move along. I guess my point is that people seem to be way too quick to judge. I agree she should go with her gut. Find someone who only listens to what other people tell them to do and when they have an idea for what even the Op considers a fun date - ignore the idea and do something boring instead.
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