Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 artandbliss
Joined: 9/30/2012
Msg: 112
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?Page 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
First meets should be agreeable for BOTH people. I personally love the coffee meet because the man does not have to spend a lot of money, it is short and (hopefully) sweet, does not involve alcohol, and is low pressure. First meets are essentially about chemistry for both men and women. It requires very little investement in terms of time or money and gives you a clue about going on a REAL date with the person.
 PugDude1971
Joined: 2/13/2013
Msg: 113
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/5/2013 1:31:40 PM
That seems like a pretty small concession to make for a lady. I know I certainly wouldn't push a woman into a date that she isn't 100% comfortable with. I'd say kick him to the curb...
 NETaxDude
Joined: 3/7/2013
Msg: 114
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/5/2013 7:11:25 PM
You make the rules, OP. Personally I wouldn't want to meet a woman in a secluded, low-traffic area. For one, it would make her feel uncomfortable, make me seem threatening, and even open me up for a variety of false accusations.

The first meet can be as brief or long as you desire, but a public place is the best. Coffee or drinks is good because it gives you an out; if things just aren't going well you can say thanks and call it a night. :-)

Just don't forget: You make the rules! If you're not comfortable, don't do it.
 sweetwell7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 115
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/5/2013 9:38:44 PM
The first me should always be her choice. If he really likes you and wants to meet you, he will not think that a coffee meet is boring. Meeting a new person for the first time is exciting enough.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 116
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/5/2013 9:45:48 PM

The first me should always be her choice. If he really likes you and wants to meet you, he will not think that a coffee meet is boring. Meeting a new person for the first time is exciting enough.


Both people should have some input about what to do on a first date / meeting. I am willing to compromise. But I'm not doing something that I don't like. Also finding a coffee date to be boring has nothing to do with the amount of interest I have in a woman.
 sweetwell7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 117
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/5/2013 9:52:53 PM
Women should feel comfortable when meeting any man in person for the first time. If that's coffee, or park or whatever, he should go with it the first time.

My opinion only, and it depends on the both individuals what they want to do I suppose.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 118
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 7:45:05 AM
I wouldn't force a woman to do something that she's not comfortable with. My point is if a man doesn't like the coffee date ( or whatever she first suggested ), they should be able to figure out other places that she would be feel comfortable and a man can at least tolerate. Even though it may not be his favorite place or activity.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 119
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 8:16:42 AM
My usual first meet with someone is very brief…I am always within close distance from my car as well… Not sure if I should swallow my silly rules and just go with him?

Do not abandon your ‘silly’ rules. If there’s a ‘ten commandments of internet dating for women’ carved in stone somewhere, yours are probably on it. Keep it brief. Stay close to your car.

And for a guy to be that insensitive and not defer to your safety and comfort level on a first date? Let him find somebody else.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 120
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 8:26:47 AM
Halcyon: You're right, I could have read the new information that had been brought to light in the other five pages before I posted, but I didn't feel like it. My point was that someone is quick to jump on another poster with insults, like "lack of reading comprehension." Reading comprehension wasn't the case, because I never read the other posts. I just think that if you feel so bad about yourself that you need to insult others online, then you should at least use a more appropriate insult.

Now, with that little ugliness out of the way, on to the topic at hand. I think that first meets/dates should be up to both people. I don't really drink coffee, so I don't always feel like hanging out in a coffee shop. If I am talking to a woman about meeting, and she insists on a coffee meet, I may not go. It isn't even all about the coffee with me, I just don't dig a woman insisting to me on things being all her way. I'm cool with a compromise and I'd like a dating prospect to be as well. With all that said, if the guy the OP was looking to meet was insisting on a public park meeting, and he was unwilling to compromise, then that's on him. If I was having a hard time just trying to settle on a first date with a girl, I would probably just forget about her.

Muted enthusiasm: This is my point about internet dating these days. It feels awesome as a guy to basically be considered some kind of serial killer before you even meet a girl. If I was seriously that worried about my safety on a date I just wouldn't be going.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 121
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 9:21:26 AM
I think it is too bad that because a guy wants to do something different and just do whatever she wants it is a red flag. Why isn't it a red flag for HIM thathe suggested doing something that would include exercise and spending more than 10 minutes with each other ? Isn't it weird that we cant fathom spending 2 hours in a highly populated area with someone who we decide we don't click with? Do we really need the getaway vehicle within seconds of our reach? Being uncomfortable isn't the end of the world. You might learn something from him.
 liftnw8z2
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 122
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 9:44:56 AM
I personally would not spend 2 hours on a first meet unless we really hit it off and it went there naturally. The learning experience aside, it gets really awkward after an hour (or less) when you don't click with someone. Been there, done that, not doing it again if I can help it.

I still think it best to keep that first meet short where if you're creeped out or don't click, you can just get out quickly with no harm to the other party.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 123
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 1:28:35 PM

I think it is too bad that because a guy wants to do something different and just do whatever she wants it is a red flag. Why isn't it a red flag for HIM thathe suggested doing something that would include exercise and spending more than 10 minutes with each other ? Isn't it weird that we cant fathom spending 2 hours in a highly populated area with someone who we decide we don't click with? Do we really need the getaway vehicle within seconds of our reach? Being uncomfortable isn't the end of the world. You might learn something from him.


I think it is too bad that you think someone should do something they don't want to do just because a stranger said so! Think that one through. He wants to go to a park, she doesn't. So she should just in and do whatever he wants?

hell of a way to start a relationship!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 124
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 2:18:47 PM
I have no idea why someone would want to meet for hours, spend more money and make an event out of it before knowing if they want to be there more than 10 minutes. Meeting briefly would be to the advantage of both of you to determine mutual interest. You can always make plans to meet a second time longer if there's interest, so it's silly that he'd take issue with it. I'd wonder if he had common sense.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 125
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/6/2013 3:46:42 PM
2 hours is considered too long? Wow, I guess everyone really does have add. And last time I checked walking in a park is free. Why is it that what she wants to do is important but what he wants to do isn't? That is the part that I can't wrap my head around. Imagine it was the guy posting the same thing only from his perspective. Everyone would be saying she was an unmoving *b and to move along. I guess my point is that people seem to be way too quick to judge. I agree she should go with her gut. Find someone who only listens to what other people tell them to do and when they have an idea for what even the Op considers a fun date - ignore the idea and do something boring instead.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 126
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/7/2013 11:23:51 AM
I have no time limits on a first date / meeting. Play it by ear and see what happens. I'm not spending 2 hours on a terrible date. I also wouldn't end a date after 20 minutes simply because there wasn't instant chemistry.
 liftnw8z2
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 127
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 4/7/2013 9:47:00 PM
No. If a guy was posting something like this story from his perspective, every woman would be telling him that she is entitled to her own thoughts and opinions and his don't matter. Clearly the way opinions are viewed on here is that women rule the roost. There is no such thing as compromise, which is sad to see.

As to the point of two hours being too long and everyone having ADD: I ended a date in 20 minutes for being sworn at from a woman who had clearly drank way too much before I met her. I don't treat people that way and won't take it in return. I ended a date in 30 minutes when a woman I had no physical interest in just wanted a quick lay and that's all she wanted to talk about. That isn't what I am about. I wouldn't call those ADD moments, and every one of us reserves that right in a situation as well. I refuse to tough things out just for the sake of not looking like I can't focus on one person.
 KatFishDiamonds
Joined: 4/2/2011
Msg: 128
view profile
History
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 6/25/2013 2:12:53 PM
I had a coffee date yesterday and it was so horrible! The date was scheduled for 7pm. I arrived early and got a green tea, then he arrived at 6:52pm and ordered nothing! I mostly did the talking and when I suggested we walk down the street for some ice cream since its a hot day he said he had to leave! He left at 7:00 on the dot! I was shocked. So I walked around in our 'little italy' telling everyone about what happened.

I think we need to switch guys because I much more prefer the guy you're seeing! I love walks in the park and a two hour date is ideal for me. I enjoy long dates and if I knew I'd only be meeting for half an hour I'd rather stay at home. I'm a little bit scared of coffee dates after what happened to me. Maybe this is what happened to the guy. He had a bad experience with coffee shops. They're better for a boyfriend, husband or best friend. I use them for work or study. This isnt the first time coffee dates have been stupid, I had another experience where I got a green tea and the guy ordered nothing but we had a more intimate conversation so it wasn't too bad. The only time I enjoyed a coffee date was when I went with a man I was in love with. That coffee date became memorable.
 April1963
Joined: 6/7/2013
Msg: 129
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 6/25/2013 2:51:59 PM

I had a coffee date yesterday and it was so horrible! The date was scheduled for 7pm. I arrived early and got a green tea, then he arrived at 6:52pm and ordered nothing! I mostly did the talking and when I suggested we walk down the street for some ice cream since its a hot day he said he had to leave! He left at 7:00 on the dot! I was shocked. So I walked around in our 'little italy' telling everyone about what happened.


Okay,I hate to be mean but, let's be real, it says in your profile that you are thin body type, but in your photo I do not see you thin.Did you send him full body picture before the meet and greet?Because it sounds as if he was disappointed,and run.....
advice: next time take a long look in the mirror and be honest with yourself then be honest with others........I would say the rest of the story but I really have to go ....... good luck.....
 aquila75
Joined: 6/8/2013
Msg: 130
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 6/25/2013 5:13:22 PM
Coffee is boring; If you really want to meet him suggest something else. A game of pool takes 10 min, meet at a store you need to go to anyway, whatever.
 KatFishDiamonds
Joined: 4/2/2011
Msg: 131
view profile
History
First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?
Posted: 6/25/2013 6:12:53 PM
Why are you 600lbs? I am not underweight because people have complained about it and would not let me. If I had not been attacked I would totally be underweight! Your profile is not serious and you have not put up a picture of yourself. So if I find out the guys lives in the wrong area or didn't go to U of M, I can just leave? Trust me, its much more disappointing when you find out your date calls a diploma in trades a graduate degree. But I made it through the night. Although they depressed me a bit. What I'm trying to say is that men get bored on coffee dates and they just leave. You might have clicked but you never got to really meet each other. It was like running into someone at a coffee shop rather than meeting them there. Why would you go to Starbucks if you're not planning to drink something? I feel like if I had been late then he would have bought something and we would have had the 'coffee date'. I think the situation was awkward for him not that I was a disappointment! Plus I ran into some university friends a few min prior, and they were much more happier and we had a much better conversation than the date. My point is maybe you have to know the person well before you take them to your usual hangouts where they might not behave.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > First meet, won't do something brief like coffee?