Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 10
You Only Love Once ???Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
The post about living in misery or living in the past is a good exmple of anyone thinking you only love once. There is no way you only love once, just because your choices in the future don't work out. Like one poster said, YOLO should stand for you only live once! M ake changes and live for today, not yesterday. I think some people think of past relationships, think of the good times and don't think of the not so good times, the times that lead to the "divorce". It is fantasy to put the parts that were good and envision that into a once in a lifetime love, one you can't get again. That is BS.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 11
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 7:43:17 AM
If that first love is so special and can never be re-created, then why did it end in the first place? What effort was made to prevent that special first love from falling apart? If you believe that it's the partner who destroyed the fantasy world and you are an innocent victim-like so many people do, why would you cling on to the memory and think it was so wonderful? Most people have a survival mechanism to block out bad experiences from their memory. It's human nature.

People who feel that first love is so special that it can never be re-created only prove one thing: They have baggage and bitterness they can't cope with. They put up an invisible wall any time they're in a relationship to prevent getting hurt, and this wall prevents them from finding true love again. The reason the first love felt so special is because they were open to the concept of undying love and giving your full heart to the other person without any barriers. But once they've been burned, they will always be on the defensive and more concerned about preventing from getting hurt again than taking the chance with love. It most cases, it ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy.
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 12
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 7:51:03 AM
Maleman, great post, you explained it perfectly!!
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 13
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 8:50:11 AM
I've been in contact with an old high school guy I used to date. While we had been in contact for approximately 5 years, we hadn't actually seen each other physically for 46 years, until recently. He's been widowed about a year and I thought, maybe? Well, believe me, those memories we have of the past should stay there. Most people from the past could never live up to our memories (or course, we forget the bad stuff). He's a nice guy, but I don't think I could ever live up to his memories of me. I could never give him what he thinks he wants. We are not 16 any has hit us full blast...and now...we're different people.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 10:42:00 AM
Common sense would tell you that many people love many times over. I'm sure there are a few who have loved but once, but mostly what you find are liars and delusional people who obsess. Usually the one great love is totally out of the picture, so this person can go on & on and not have to face any reality. Some people just must have drama to exist.
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 16
view profile
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 10:58:21 AM
I think there are many possibilities out there for real love, the kind of love history has spoken of since the beginning of time, is another story. Like Helen of Troy kind of love where you’ll take down an empire to keep it. lol
However, that one true love doesn't mean he or she will be in your community, so a person goes through many relationships, because they haven’t found the one that is the jewel of all the others. That jewel could be in another part of the world.

I think sometimes, it’s a spiritual connection of some sort, I mean what else could it be?

I learned that the best sex in the world wouldn't keep me in a relationship. I learned that love is a commitment. A total commitment, when you choose and make commitments with another person, you better know that it’s real and that you will know it will last forever, but then again, that can change too because people change, and the years make lifestyles and people change and grow like flowers. One season they are in full bloom and the next season, they are dead and still breathing under the dirt. lol Meaning that person you once knew has turned into a couch potato with beer stains on his or her t-shirt. Yuck!

I personally have loved all three of my relationships, so to speak. Each one was different, and so was the love I had for each of them, yet it was all the same, really love is love no matter which way it’s flipped. There are different facets of it, different perimeters; different levels, but it’s basically love.

I was the one who walked from my relationships, because I got extremely bored with the everyday situations and the mayhem of the individuals that I loved. Same old person, same old thing, same old shoes… lol Not saying I don't love my old shoes... lol

Now, if you talked to my family members they would tell you something different for they are all happily married to a degree of some sort of happiness level, which is fine for them. Half the time they can’t stand each other, but hey, they got the paper, they got the goods, and they got the years, so they stay together in their own creation.
This is why I don’t date, because people think love and the one- on- one relationship has to last a lifetime. One life, one time around is all there is, I don’t think so!

God bless those that are able to live with it.

One of the reasons I’m single is the fact that I am sick of hearing men going after big breasted women, even if half the breasts are fake, (yet men complain about women being fake, double standard) I am single because I don’t want to be responsible for the eternal argument that my breast aren't sagging half as bad as his balls will be/or are. Please spare me the grief. Lol…

Seriously though, people are people not one of us are gods or goddesses.

We are just simple minded love freaks that think that if we aren’t with someone and in love there is something wrong with us and wrong with our lives. My video games are more interesting then being in a relationship. As Tina Turner sang, “what’s love got to do with it?”

I digress, with a smile on my face!
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 17
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 11:06:08 AM
YOLO is one of those things young generations invent b/c they really think they've discovered the key to life before any generation before them could figure it out. You can re-invent yourself and your life as many times as needed.

As for loving once, if you're healthy you love what you see in the mirror, then fall in love with another to share what you found. So, that theory goes out the window, too.

As for moving on, some simply don't b/c it means they have to get off their a$$ and go look while making themselves presentable enough to be attractive. For them, its better to stay in the past w/ a known quantity, than to buck up and go out and find the next one.
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 19
view profile
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 12:25:53 PM

You Only Love Once ???

I think they are confusing that cliche with another one

...."You only LIVE once"
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 20
view profile
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 2:19:12 PM
Desire is powerful and motivating and blind.

Many times we initially "fall in love" not so much with the person but with a particular quality or set of traits that person possesses.

Why? Becuase we lack that in ourself. We have voids/desires that must be filled and it is these desires that propel us into deeply felt relationships with others. Sometimes, repeatedly. We are not always conscious of it but on a deeper level it does exist.

Many desires are born out of family upbringing and sometimes, there is a genetic component. So, I guess you could make the argument that you only love once as you are constantly being led by the same desire. But, if that desire should be fulfilled, then we no longer feel the hunger quite the same and generally feel more at peace. And, we don't seek to relate with others solely based on the already fulfilled desire(s).

It's like starting to love with conditons (hungry and confused) and learning to love unconditionally (harmony and fulfillment).

So much more I could type on this subject but don't wish to bore those who may wish to disagree.

Keep in mind that I am basing this on my own personal experience and self introspection.
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 23
view profile
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 5:38:51 PM
NEVER!!!!They do want a posting this short. Love the one you are with...
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 24
view profile
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 5:54:06 PM
I don't think YOLO. I also dont believe in "THE ONE" BS. I think it's like a triangle. At the bottom are all these people you would be miserable with, even if you went with them. As you go up the triangle, the rows are smaller but the happiness greater. But even at the top which means the greatest happiness, there is more than one person. There isn't one true love. You can have many "true" loves. They just won't all feel the same to you. I believe you can have many true loves in a life time. You just have to put yourself out there and take a chance. It's not true love if it's not reciprocated. How could it be? But if you want to love again, you have to fight for it. You have to fight yourself. You have to fight your heart because sometimes your heart wants to sit home and mope. You have to get out there and have fun..take chances..go past your comfort zone. you can do it!
Joined: 4/2/2013
Msg: 27
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 7:38:35 PM
Whenever we love another we are taking a chance of being hurt. Once burned, it can be very difficult to once again, allow yourself to become vulnerable to another and allow yourself to be wholehearted. Still, there is very little other choice. We can mourn our losses for a time, and deal with the pain of rejection, learn to love ourselves and appreciate who we are, appreciate the special relationship that was lost, and accept that it is the past.

I've personally been in three serious relationships in my life; one of which lasted 18 years. The pain I felt when that ended was staggering, and it took ME seven years to get over that as well. Well, I fell head over heals in love with a lady two years ago that taught me what love is all over again. She has qualities that I appreciate that I didn't even know would be important to me, and for two years she truly made me soar. I asked her to marry me in November and she said yes. Again, I couldn't have been happier. Then four weeks ago, she decided the answer was no. So I do know what you mean very well.

I know that I've never loved anyone more than I loved this lady. I also believe it can happen again. I don't believe I will be miserable for seven years because I know what we had was so great and I am very thankful for that amazing time with her. Will anyone ever measure up to the expectations I now have? Maybe, maybe not. But I know there are a lot of wonderful people out there that I am willing to share with to find out. (Well...not quite yet, but I'll get there eventually.)

Lightning does strike the same place more than once, tends to strike the same places over and over again in fact. You just never know. :)
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 31
view profile
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/6/2013 11:46:51 PM
good luck with this line of thinking..

You actually think that there is only ONE person out of 7 billion (cut that in half roughly for your gender) Then try to remove all the people who are off limits due to age and other such restrictions,blah blah blah.. soulmate this and that and eventually you end up alone wondering "ARE there any good___ left"

The issue is you..

get over yourself and look in the mirror for the root of all your issues,when you can love yourself then you may be able to love another.

Soulmates are not found nor are the given, they are made.
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 32
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/7/2013 12:45:46 AM

One of the reasons I’m single is the fact that I am sick of hearing men going after big breasted women, even if half the breasts are fake, (yet men complain about women being fake, double standard) I am single because I don’t want to be responsible for the eternal argument that my breast aren't sagging half as bad as his balls will be/or are. Please spare me the grief. Lol…

LOL.......thanks for the entertaining!
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 33
view profile
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/7/2013 7:15:53 AM
Sure, the pain you experience is directly coorelated to the depth of love with another.

It just feels so predcitable and everything so reminiscent of the past and everything just feels like a recycled nightmare sometimes...

Could this possibly mean that you have a desire to be vulnerable with someone, but this desire remains unfulfilled due to not enough time spent; others leaving to soon and leaving you with pain and sorrow and the resulting, compounding mistrust and fear (deja vu)?

Now you have a desire to be vulnerable, tempered with fear and mistrust leaving you to find a way to overcome ? And now, a new desire to overcome your fear and mistrust is being born (finding strength).

In this case, I am equating desire with love. But love grows beyond desire to be more unconditional, accepting, harmonious, at peace.

Desire, on the other hand a is selfish and necessary struggle. But without it and it being fulfilled, we will not learn to love unconditionaly. It's a growing/maturing process. To me, this is what makes being human so wonderful and alive.

Your struggles and pain are very real. You can't feel emotional pain without love. You know the saying, love hurts? So yes, your love was very real and true, regardless of what or how the others did or did not feel.

Your desire to feel vulnerable will abate once you are truly fulfilled.
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 34
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/7/2013 10:38:53 AM
If it was not the controlling mind, the heart would fall in love easily
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 35
You Only Love Once ???
Posted: 4/7/2013 3:19:38 PM
If someone is still pining for their first love, there is no room in their heart for another. Some people compare every partner to the one that got away. After being heartbroken, it's harder to let people in completely, so some people may not love as deeply the second time around.

I believe there is room for many loves in life, possibly not always as deep,but still love. And if it lasts it can gain that depth. I am one with a huge heart-if it gets broken, I put the pieces back together and love again. I'd say I've been in love four times-though I thought I was more than that. Each love was different.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >