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 AUTHOR
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 16
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Strange RelationshipPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)

Hey Dragon....my insecurities come from my past. As a child, it was expected (demanded) that I excel in everything. I have maintained that and am a perfectionist as a result. I do not, repeat, do NOT expect my partner to be "perfect", however. Quite the contrary. You are right, maybe I should go back to my "old ways" and have a "fallback" or two. That would ease the pain some but would not be fair to the "fallback" person.


Well I hardly think that you are in a position to know how you come across to other people. The very fact that you have glossed over your issues and focussed entirely on hers implies that you dont think you have been part of the problem.

Please enlighten us about how your one time incident came about and what exactly happened?
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 17
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 8:25:54 AM
Let her go, too much drama. Move on and no more contact, sounds like a toxic relationship. Would be curios to hear her side of things....
 lowmiles2
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 18
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 9:12:00 AM
Your not in a strange relationship. Your in the wrong relationship. Your the same age as me. You alre3ady know this is not going to work out in your favor so move on. She is not the one for you.
 chrisknew
Joined: 1/27/2013
Msg: 19
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 9:24:00 AM
To start it is a sickly relationship to begin with.

Consider it the swiss cheese effect:

You both have holes (issues), and when you blend two cheeses together you cover up the holes (issues). That does not make it a whole cheese, it just makes it where two people APPEAR whole. Its a co-dependent relationship right from the get -go.

If she has an abusive background... it doesn't sound like she was dealt with them. She carries this armour on her, to prevent from getting hurt. Thats where the rollarcoaster comes into effect. Shes there, and then she pulls back.

Think of it as a pendulum. It swings back and forth, from side to side, never stopping in the middle. So going from one extreme to another. Being in the middle would mean balance... but it doesn't sound like their is a balance in this case.

Dealing with woman who have abusive issues need times and patience... your anger is only gonna push her away.
 djken
Joined: 12/31/2010
Msg: 20
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 11:18:31 AM
Thanks for all the replies, folks! There are two sides to every story and you have heard only mine. I know this relationship is toxic from several angles and I am not without fault. But, I really invested a lot in this thing and, coupled with the fact that I really care about this person, makes it difficult to give up. But, being that communication has been severed, it appears as though the stage is set for a final collapse....if it hasn't happpened already. This may be the best thing for both of us but is still hard to swallow. Both of us with issues, crazy work schedules, extreme ups and downs....not good.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 21
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 1:14:55 PM
What is going on here?


It sounds as though she probably likes you. However, she doesn't like you as much as you like her. You're aware of this and this is why you feel insecure. If she liked you as much as you liked her and she was able to tell you how much you meant to her, then you wouldn't feel insecure at all. Things would be just fine for you. Likewise, if you didn't like her that much and you were merely fond of her, you wouldn't feel insecure either. And, things would be just fine for her. There is a lack of BALANCE in the relationship. You are on the positive side. She is on the negative side. It is possible by placing less pressure on her and by not pushing for the things you want...she might come around a little bit. However, it might be better just to search for a new relationship where things are a little more equal. She might never feel as strongly about you as you do her. IF she can't step up to the plate, that pretty much leaves you as being friends.
 freeagain54
Joined: 9/20/2008
Msg: 22
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 2:13:11 PM
Seems you have left out a few chapters, Ken. Here you are playing the victim when all you are is the "Player"!
Not once but three times I let you talk me into being with you. You pushed me aside whenever you thought she was back in the picture. I got news for you, Karma isn't done with you yet. I hope some poor woman who has plans to be with you reads this. I will have to admit that you are the "Best" player I have ever come across. You should have been a writer instead of being in the grocery business. You had the audacity to send me an email and tell me that you had posted the answers to my questions. How dare you! I believe I read some advice from one person on here that said you needed counseling. They got that one right for sure. I feel sorry for you. I hope she comes back and rips your heart out of your chest and stomps it to hell. Wait..someone would have to have a heart in order for that to happen. You are one sick creature.
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 23
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History
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 2:15:53 PM
^^^
...and we're off! Popcorn anyone?
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 24
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 2:52:39 PM
Oh..Oh..caught!
Now...she can't be the new one...she's 48.
Just goes to show...always 2 sides to a story....maybe, the player is getting played.
 freeagain54
Joined: 9/20/2008
Msg: 25
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 3:20:50 PM
You would be correct, Whisky. I don't know what kind of fool would post crap like that and then send an email to the woman he just broke up with telling her to go read it. I hope the woman he is so madly in love with reads this, too. I don't think she's going to be too happy with him airing their dirty laundry. LOL
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 26
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 3:44:48 PM
@ freeagain54
He sent you an e-mail to read this thread?
Why? Shakes head....He's a real prize..that one!
Well...He is probably going to be dumped...I hope you will not be there ever again for him...what a loser!
Too bad...If you knew her screen name...you could give her a heads up about what kind of man he really is.
There are good sound men out there...don't waste your time with these type.
Good Luck!

Edit in to below...
Wonder how he likes me now?

Lol...who cares?
 freeagain54
Joined: 9/20/2008
Msg: 27
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 3:52:39 PM
Yes, Whisky he did. I have asked myself why all day. I never responded to his email but it just kept eating away at me that he's such a player. So, I decided to post here so people can see what a real jerk he is. He paints himself as the victim. Not true at all. Wonder how he likes me now? LOL..Good luck to you as well.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 28
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Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/10/2013 4:07:23 PM
I'm confused... feeagain 54 are you the woman the OP just broke up with?


You pushed me aside whenever you thought she was back in the picture.


who is she?
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 29
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Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/11/2013 5:07:05 AM

He paints himself as the victim. Not true at all.

Wow freeagain54...I truly feel for you. Sorry we were taken in by his presentation. I feel like I just got sold a crappy timeshare. Seems a tad narcissitic to me.
I hope you do well in your endevours...and never see this person again..;)
 lapsteelplayer
Joined: 3/7/2013
Msg: 30
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/11/2013 11:46:30 AM
Abusive childhoods are very difficult to get over. I had two long term relationships with women who were either physically/mentally abused or sexually abused. In both cases, I can point to difficulties related to their abusive childhoods that eventually killed our relationships.

Maybe someone can go through that as a child and recover enough to have a normal relationship. but that wasn't my experience.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 31
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/12/2013 10:34:26 AM

I read this and had formed a certain opinion of a whiner looking for some forum hopper to come to his rescue and validate his feelings of being abused

Me too...I think that was kind of his intent.....then he messages the ex to come check out the thread he wrote about his current GF.....Why???
Bizarre...I would say he is a dumb player... at the least!
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 32
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/23/2013 4:50:43 PM
Freeagain, If your still reading these forums, I feel for you. This is a sad situation. Karma will bite him in the end. Good luck to you.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 33
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/25/2013 6:30:28 AM
My perception is that you are sugar coating what your actions are in here by simply saying "everything was intense," "that included the arguments."

Then you say that you have a few insecurities. What does that mean? That you were the instigator of many of these arguments. That you were very verbal (perhaps verbally abusive) and expected her to reciprocate her telling you how she felt and that did not happen. Then you played a game of hide and seek. Obviously this woman find you to be a recollection from a past of abuse and that is why she keeps dodging you.

Whether you have an abusive personality or not, when the two of you are together, things heat up, buttons are pushed "pushed me, pull you," type of situation.

So deal with your insecurities. Move on. You two are not a good match.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 34
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/25/2013 7:03:39 AM
Bad relationship to be in , stay in or even to pursue all over again. Other meanings for intense are hard headed, closed minded, argumentativeness, stubborn, opinionated & the list goes on & on. It's like two bulls in a room of glass. When the cons out weigh the pros you know it's time to bug out for good.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 35
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Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/25/2013 11:39:45 AM
Wait, now OP may well be a player or whatever, but just how does someone get 'pulled' back in three times by a player? It takes two and one has to want someone awfully badly to go back three times, knowing what's coming.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 36
Strange Relationship
Posted: 4/25/2013 1:02:00 PM
Narcissism is ugly. That seems to be what you are describing.. The best thing to do is run. don't walk away from it.. that is to the victim,.. To the cheater narcissist.. you my friend are damned to a life of broken relationships. Most people don't know this, but inside, you are really broken and have low self esteem. When everything is perfect and going your way in the beginning.. you are happy. You rush in like a tornado and push the relationship forward, because your true self will appear.. she must be already in love with your facade in order for the game to work.. the you begin the back peddling game and on to the next victim. Sad story.
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