Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Do you ever think of long lost loves?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 26
Do you ever think of long lost loves?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I guess now since I've been unable to find someone To be in real relationship with yes a lot. U miss someone to fall asleep is someone to have bubble bath ready for I when u get home second from work someone to rub ur shoulders after long day. And someone to cuddle at night. I guess u miss all those stuff u had at some point and u no longer have yea I do miss it a lot
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 27
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 11/8/2012 10:14:34 PM
Occasionally I take a trip down memory lane.. but seriously.. if they were my true love they'd still be here.. I know a handful of them would be here now if I asked them to be, but they wouldn't stay for long so what is the point??

They might think of you.. If you did anything memorable together. the guys I remember did some really awesome things with me.. so when I'm asked.. what was the best... or what was the most romantic.. or something like that, they come to mind. Sometimes when I'm lonely they might pop into my head too.. But it's short lived and fruitless.

Ex's are ex's and they are ex's for a reason. Good, bad or in between, the reason still exists.

I'm actually still pretty good friends with 3 of my ex's. So I don't really think of them in a romantic sense.. but occasionally we chat about our past.. it's a natural thing.. Actually told one of them yesterday that I would have married him if he hadn't dumped me like he did. took him a long time to get back to friend zoned.

I think men do this more then women.. I don't remember what I did with most of the guys I've dated.. much less have any of their contact info, but if I bumped into them while out.. they always remembered me and what we did and many of them still had my contact info.. crazy!.. Once and ex IMd me on the computer.. told me he missed me and I was in the "potential wife column" this after years of not seeing me.. I hadn't really thought of him much since we went our separate ways. Nice guy.. but after how we broke up? No chance..
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/29/2014 8:27:28 AM
I apologize for bringing up this old thread, but as I’m under a partial ban and cannot start a new thread, I will just have to resurrect an old one.

Good morning, I have a question, and would appreciate input. I had a relationship, a rather unusual relationship, that ended about two and a half years ago. She traveled a fair amount, but lived reasonably close, and we always got together when she was in town and had a very nice time. She was working a lot of hours, trying to support 3 kids in college all by herself. Between working 70 hours a week, and traveling for the job, I didn’t see her as often as I would have liked, but our time together was good.

One day, out of the clear blue sky, she bowled me over with a text message asking me to never contact her again. I sent an email, saying I hoped everything was all right. No answer, so I let it drop. After a lapse of about 2 years, I ran across her profile on Linkedin and sent her a message, congratulating her on an achievement mentioned there. That was 6 months ago, and once again I received no reply.

Now I get an email. Two and a half years later.


Subject: Hi.

Hello Henry,

Merry Christmas and happy birthday.

Hope all is great with you and your family. I just wanted to reach out to you because you have been on my mind lately and I had a dream last night with you in it.

Nothing exciting, just a sweet dream with one kiss.



Now my question isn’t about whether I should respond. I will respond. I liked her quite a bit, and would love to have her back in my life again. In addition to being quite attractive, and a genuinely nice person, she is very level headed and a professional. Whatever happened two and a half years ago, it was not capricious, it did not happen on a whim.

How should I approach this? I know better than to question her about whatever happened back then. If we do get back together, it will come out in the course of time. But how strongly do I come on? Should I tell her that I have thought of her often (I have), and that I would love to see her again (I would). Or do I just go very slowly?


To some of old friends here, I have had a recent birthday, and the 14 year age rule has kicked in. Those of you who have conversed with me before, and have your age as 49 or less, can no longer message me and I can no longer message you. But I have a profile on the other free site (OK*CUPID), same userid, and anyone can message me there.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 29
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/29/2014 9:41:24 AM
Baby steps there, baby steps...she never said she wanted to rekindle anything...unless there was more to the message, if so congrats..but I would be a bit cautious considering how she went all hot and cold on you last time...women don't realise how easily even the toughest man can be hurt.

Good luck
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/29/2014 9:49:54 AM
Henry...you have nothing to lose by responding to her. If she doesn't reply to you, then it was her unusual way of getting closure.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/29/2014 12:10:22 PM
as the man said ... you've got nothing to lose by responding ...

BUT ... I'd recommend you be subtle and let her respond back to you ...
just respond in kind ... I've had those kinds of dreams where I just want
to touch bases with the person who was in my dream to see if he was
still feeling the bond, too ...

I like your "tell her that I've thought of her often ... and would love to
see her ..."

it's true ... why not? good luck!!
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 32
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/29/2014 12:13:20 PM
As lonely as us men get for female companionship, I would still be curious why she asked you to cease contact with her?

That was a bit harsh.

If it had nothing to do with you personally (i.e. she met someone), then to me, it kinda shows you how she handles her relationships. Her feelings trump all?

I would definitely talk with her and give her a chance to explain her past responses to you, instead of reciprocating her behaviors back to her (i.e. tit for tat).

How do you know this won't happen again? How do you avoid whatever caused her to behave that way towards you?

Hope this goes well for you.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/29/2014 12:36:49 PM
with regard to the OP (original post) from 8/2/05 ... I DO have fond memories of
men I dated long ago ... and I DO think of them occasionally and wonder "what if?"
but then if I take the time to carry that thought out to its natural conclusion by
thinking, "what if he walked in right now?" and so forth ... the natural conclusion
is ALWAYS that I'm better off without him ...

other than a relationship where the lovely man died about 3 years into it ... with all
the others, the relationship "died" of natural causes ... there was some flaw in our
togetherness that prevented it from continuing on ...

I was once trying to make a "go of it" with a recycled romance several years ago ...
we were in a restaurant, candles, the works ... he was holding my hand across the
table ... "did you ever wonder who your soul mate was?" he asked ... then proceeded
to tell me about some random girl from high school who died and he thought SHE
might have been his soul mate ... then he asked me again ... I said, "until about 10
minutes ago, I thought it might have been you!" end of THAT recycle ...

I don't want to seem harsh ... but there's usually a really good reason past romances
ended ... but I'd still give it a try again anyway ... but be on guard ...
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/29/2014 1:33:13 PM
Thanks for the replies, it is appreciated. I really, really wish I knew what went down 2.5 years ago. Whatever happened, it was very much unlike her. I think I will just proceed cautiously, and see where it leads.


Molly Maude
with regard to the OP (original post) from 8/2/05 ... I DO have fond memories of men I dated long ago ... and I DO think of them occasionally and wonder "what if?"


I do believe that its very much human for us to have those “what if” types of thoughts.

Speaking of very old, very long gone romances, I saw a very good movie on that subject the other night.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0251141/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1a

“Innocence”, 2000, written and directed by Paul Cox.

Synopsis: After more than forty years apart, Andreas and Claire embark on an affair as reckless and intense as when they were young lovers.


I think it was on IndiePlex on Dish network, you can probably find it other places. Worth a watch.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 35
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/29/2014 2:31:22 PM
I think just by responding to her, you are letting her know you are willing to open
a door to a reconciliation. I think when people reach out like she did, they are attempting
to test the waters so to speak. If you fail to respond, I think you'll not hear from her again.

However, I would let her take the lead in the conversation. You could thank her for the
Christmas and birthday wishes and let her know you think of her often as well and leave it
at that.

I hope it works out well for you. I would also second what Mr. Clooney said, if she sent you
away because she met someone new, that is an indication of her character and how she treats
relationships...not cool.

I had a lost love from high school that I rarely saw, but when I did it was like time stood still.
Timing was always off for us. He got married, I got married, he got divorced, I got divorced,
he had a girlfriend, I was living with someone. We didn't keep in touch at all, we just bumped
into each other and exchanged stories.

His name pops up in a lot of my passwords and secret questions.
I googled him the beginning of the year because I hadn't seen him in a while and found out he
died of cancer in 2013. I was unnaturally devastated and my eyes puddled. A definite "what if"
I think about now and again. Lost chances and all that.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :o)
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 36
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/29/2014 3:09:24 PM
You want to know, so why not ask? Surely she is expecting that.

Maybe you fear losing her again if you are forward about it, but if your silence is the price.. isn't that too high?

She's dreaming of kisses and mentioning it.. why not just say whatever you feel instead of pussyfooting?

 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 37
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/29/2014 11:11:59 PM
There is only one that I think about all the time. Not exactly long ago, we broke up October 2013, and have not seen each other since. He has pretty much cut me out of his life, blocked me on FB, and moved overseas. So it's pretty obvious he's done with me and wants nothing to do with me. Still, deep down I hope that one day we'll be at least on friendly terms again.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 38
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/30/2014 5:23:17 AM
Happy belated B Day Henry :)
Are you cray??? Clearly it tickled you to hear from her again, let go of the whys until she decides to tell you..
but of course tell her how happy you to have heard from her.
Forget the baby steps, just tell her for petes sake.
Hi Karma I am happy to see you
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 39
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 12/30/2014 10:15:48 AM
Yes I do as an example of what I never want ever again. Ex whatever's are not in your life for a reason. Respect and learn from that reason.
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 40
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/1/2015 9:11:39 AM
I think more about all of the love that is not or has not been. So many people in the world -throughout history -all could have shown love to each other. So much wasted potential. Soon, a tragic end to the human experience -and people still think they are ahead of the game because they 'got theirs'. Fortunately, this life is not the end of our experience.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 41
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/1/2015 9:16:09 AM
There's usually always one that I go back to in my mind. And I ended up hanging on for much longer than I should have. Which has only ever hurt me in the end. So I'm wiping the slate clean now, kinda perfect timing for it too.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/1/2015 10:14:08 AM
I've thought about a few of them over the years. I always imagine how different my life would be if I were still with them.

My first love is the one I've thought about the most as she has lost both of her parents in the last year. I saw their obituaries in the local paper. I haven't seen her in more than 20 years.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 43
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/1/2015 10:43:57 AM
I tend to think more about what HASN'T been. My relationships from the past all ended amicably, and in most cases we are still in contact at least as friends.

What I tend to drift towards are the men I really really had a thing for, but was friendzoned. Always wonder how it COULD have been, even if it is just a dream. I think of the guys I know who are married, people I can't have, people I wish I could have..at least made love to and shared something special together. That occupies more space in my head than stories I have already experienced and lived.

But I do have some "it's too bad" feelings about things not working out with others I was with, or what could have been different..why didn't it pan out...but again, since I still know and occasionally speak with almost everyone I had a long term relationship with, I feel like they are still part of my life, in a way that the story never really ended, I can see "Life after VolkanoKing" for years to come! I sort of like it that way.

I think back too to eras in my life, my college dating, my marriage, post marriage relationships. There were good times, trips, laughs, shared work experiences and friends. It's been a rich and interesting life on a lot of levels.

But still....the ones that got away. I could have loved 'em and treated 'em really good. Why did they not want that. Boo!

:P
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 44
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/1/2015 1:09:17 PM
Met my first 'love' 29 years ago.

Just got out of Navy boot camp. She was a young nurse (2 years older) that worked with my mom.

Met her at work wearing my Navy crackerjacks (mom's request). Blushing the entire time.

She took me to a Broadway play and I held her hand every minute, lol.

Young and naive then. So innocent too. Thought she loved me because we slept together. Doh! I fell hard and fast:(

Asked her to move with me to Florida. Of course, she was much more mature then I was and saw the futility in that request. I was devastated when I left to go back to the ship. I had to wear sunglasses to hide my tears at the airport. I was depressed for a long time. I wrote her often and never got an answer.

She finally decided to write me years later explaining how angry my mother had gotten at her. I didn't speak to mom for several years after that. I felt betrayed.

Found her on FB recently.

Heavier, chain smoker and a suicide attempt behind her after her ex cheated on her and left her and the 2 daughters.

I still saw the woman I fell in love with though. We chatted, but ultimately agreed, the distance just wouldn't cut it. She's stuck in Georgia and I'm stuck in LA.

To this day I have never felt that kind of infatuation, and no, it wasn't the one time sex either. I felt that before the bedroom :)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 45
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/1/2015 2:16:58 PM
Saw my first love several years later -
He had certainly changed ( not for the better)
He felt we should just get back together ( like I wasn't married and in love)
Often wonder what event(s) prompted his returning. I imagine ppl often think of lost/first loves when something life changing occurs in their Life.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 46
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/1/2015 3:05:40 PM
Henry. Tell her you have thought of her over the years as well. Be up front. Just don't question what happened that made her disappear....that will come later, if there is a later.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 47
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/2/2015 2:06:15 AM
I am much more future driven, can have difficulty really reliving the past.

Being present is easier than recalling the past but sometimes, there is a fond remembrance of how it used to be.

In an old college town where I went to school and lived for several years, there was a quaint place my ex and I had coffee and meals... and it still exists. I thought of it today, how it was winter, how I felt at that time, late 20s and how intensely I felt about little things, the day to day. It was a nice memory. I wouldn't go back but I would love to feel intensely blissed out like that.

I stubbornly believe new memories and relationships are better, as each new one, with one exception, has been closer to what I needed.
So, I continue to feel anticipation. But, looking back is a great way to reclaim that forgotten side of myself.
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 48
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/2/2015 8:55:36 PM
I don't think true love is lost -but things temporarily get in the way of expressing it -sometimes permanently, from a purely human perspective. Sometimes it's just not possible. I think about the hereafter more than this life, but having more opportunity to express all kinds of love during this time would be a good thing.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 49
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/3/2015 10:50:33 AM

I don't think true love is lost -but things temporarily get in the way of expressing it -sometimes permanently, from a purely human perspective. Sometimes it's just not possible. I think about the hereafter more than this life, but having more opportunity to express all kinds of love during this time would be a good thing.

+1 There are so many reasons to think about 'long lost loves' than wondering whether they think about me.

My 'first love' has passed over; I think about him fairly often because we lived on a small island and I keep in touch with people who knew us as a 'couple'. I don't 'pine' for him so much as still trying to understand our relationship dynamics - why it was good and why it ended.

My 'last love' is the one I think of. too. damn. much. Another relationship that I try to dissect to understand why I was/am attracted and why I ignored the red flags that, "from a purely human perspective [an ongoing intimate relationship was] just not possible." Something tells me understanding that and fixing that aspect of my 'picker' is the key to not getting my heart stomped again.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/3/2015 3:28:31 PM
Everyday, I think of them. Every single one of them. 2-3 times a day each. Sometimes it makes me want to cry in fustration, that I am so absolutely stupid. I think of the things I wish I could have said or done. Hindsight is always 20/20 like that. Now I am alone with no hope of ever finding someone again. It just feels like my time has passed and now I am just waiting to die.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Do you ever think of long lost loves?