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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Do you ever think of long lost loves?      Home login  
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 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 67
Do you ever think of long lost loves?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Henry. Tell her you have thought of her over the years as well. Be up front. Just don't question what happened that made her disappear....that will come later, if there is a later.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 68
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/2/2015 2:06:15 AM
I am much more future driven, can have difficulty really reliving the past.

Being present is easier than recalling the past but sometimes, there is a fond remembrance of how it used to be.

In an old college town where I went to school and lived for several years, there was a quaint place my ex and I had coffee and meals... and it still exists. I thought of it today, how it was winter, how I felt at that time, late 20s and how intensely I felt about little things, the day to day. It was a nice memory. I wouldn't go back but I would love to feel intensely blissed out like that.

I stubbornly believe new memories and relationships are better, as each new one, with one exception, has been closer to what I needed.
So, I continue to feel anticipation. But, looking back is a great way to reclaim that forgotten side of myself.
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 69
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/2/2015 8:55:36 PM
I don't think true love is lost -but things temporarily get in the way of expressing it -sometimes permanently, from a purely human perspective. Sometimes it's just not possible. I think about the hereafter more than this life, but having more opportunity to express all kinds of love during this time would be a good thing.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 70
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/3/2015 10:50:33 AM

I don't think true love is lost -but things temporarily get in the way of expressing it -sometimes permanently, from a purely human perspective. Sometimes it's just not possible. I think about the hereafter more than this life, but having more opportunity to express all kinds of love during this time would be a good thing.

+1 There are so many reasons to think about 'long lost loves' than wondering whether they think about me.

My 'first love' has passed over; I think about him fairly often because we lived on a small island and I keep in touch with people who knew us as a 'couple'. I don't 'pine' for him so much as still trying to understand our relationship dynamics - why it was good and why it ended.

My 'last love' is the one I think of. too. damn. much. Another relationship that I try to dissect to understand why I was/am attracted and why I ignored the red flags that, "from a purely human perspective [an ongoing intimate relationship was] just not possible." Something tells me understanding that and fixing that aspect of my 'picker' is the key to not getting my heart stomped again.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 71
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Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/3/2015 3:28:31 PM
Everyday, I think of them. Every single one of them. 2-3 times a day each. Sometimes it makes me want to cry in fustration, that I am so absolutely stupid. I think of the things I wish I could have said or done. Hindsight is always 20/20 like that. Now I am alone with no hope of ever finding someone again. It just feels like my time has passed and now I am just waiting to die.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 72
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Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/3/2015 7:44:49 PM
CynthiaSM...


My 'last love' is the one I think of. too. damn. much. Another relationship that I try to dissect to understand why I was/am attracted and why I ignored the red flags that, "from a purely human perspective [an ongoing intimate relationship was] just not possible." Something tells me understanding that and fixing that aspect of my 'picker' is the key to not getting my heart stomped again.


That describes my last on/off relationship of 7 years. I wasted so much time and energy trying to fix somebody that couldn't be fixed. That ended for the last time nearly 2 years ago and I've been alone since. I feel you on this.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 73
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/4/2015 12:40:33 AM

My 'first love' has passed over; I think about him fairly often because we lived on a small island and I keep in touch with people who knew us as a 'couple'. I don't 'pine' for him so much as still trying to understand our relationship dynamics - why it was good and why it ended.
He wasn't my first love, but I too had an ex pass. It really messed with me afterwards that he was the last man I had *been* with and he was no longer on the planet. And for a long time after, I could feel him watching me, 'critiquing' my every move. I know it was just in my head, but it was tough to get through all of that with everything else I already had on my plate at the time.

He taught me such a valuable lesson though.. that sometimes, people really don't change. Prior to grasping that, I had quite a Pollyanna perception that eventually everyone chooses to make positive changes. Absolutely not true. No matter how much I wanted him to, he just couldn't do it. I will never again allow myself to get so completely wrapped up in another's well being. They have to want it and take steps to get there, and ultimately it's all out of my hands.

My 'last love' is the one I think of. too. damn. much. Another relationship that I try to dissect to understand why I was/am attracted and why I ignored the red flags that, "from a purely human perspective [an ongoing intimate relationship was] just not possible." Something tells me understanding that and fixing that aspect of my 'picker' is the key to not getting my heart stomped again.
I can relate to that as well, he's the one who stood me up this New Year's Eve. It's truly insane, how many times we have come back together (6 years worth), only to have the same basic pattern play out. I'm way smarter than that, yet there it is.

The tough part is that when dating others, I usually don't feel much, so when he comes back it leaves me susceptible to him again. To compound things, I think I've been lying to myself that I'll never find the connection that we had. But I know better now, because I have actually found a better connection more recently, even if only mentally/spiritually (so far). Plus, this last go around there was more movement forward than ever before. Enough to see the utter futility really, and I'm grateful for that. I think I needed to play it out fully so that the unrequited aspect went away.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 74
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/4/2015 6:41:29 AM

Do you ever think of long lost loves?


Only when they phone and leave a message,,,,,,

months, sometimes years after the fact.


In all honesty, many of the people in my past come into my thoughts, every so often. Not really "carrying a torch" or " I wish I had done this, instead of that" kind of thinking. Just thoughts on the "stuff", silly or not, that was done back then, for only reasons a young one (comparing to where I am today) would have done. I do believe, people enter, and leave, our lives for reasons, all relative to our lives at that time.

The mother of my child once said to me a couple of Christmas' ago, that she wished she would have "known" back then, what she knew now and more than likely would be "still together". I had to to explain to her that if the knowledge of today was a factor, we would never even have spoken. Harsh but, true.
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 75
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/4/2015 9:24:56 AM
"Something tells me understanding that and fixing that aspect of my 'picker' is the key to not getting my heart stomped again."

I think it's a matter of being on a very similar path from the start and/or both determining to walk the same path no matter what happens. We should be as certain as possible there are no deal-breakers in the beginning -then determine that nothing external will break the deal. Anything that would come between you should be a deal-breaker in regard to those things.
It's no simple task finding two who are willing to do that.
Then it's a matter of knowing or learning how to have a successful relationship.
We really should teach such things before things go wrong and people seek counseling, etc..
The same applies to all sorts of relationships. We need a "How to be a good person" class or something. If people don't have good examples in their lives, it really doesn't come naturally.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 76
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Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/4/2015 9:56:07 AM
I used to, until I looked one of them up and discovered that he became a Born Again Christian....

I always saw the "potential" there for that choice in him, even when we were together which was an issue for me even then...

It only affirmed that I made the right decision in ending it and cured me of the need to continue to be nostalgic...

I recently tried to get back together with another ex, and that only took a matter of weeks to fall apart...so I can honestly say that there are no more "lost loves" out there that would interest me or that I think about, anymore...

Probably better that way...
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 77
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/4/2015 10:17:05 AM

We should be as certain as possible there are no deal-breakers in the beginning -then determine that nothing external will break the deal. Anything that would come between you should be a deal-breaker in regard to those things.

Unless I misunderstand AHH's meaning, this ability to determine the future requires a level of presentience that I lack.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 78
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Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/4/2015 11:20:41 AM
Dee, I think so too.
It is always best to have no regrets.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 79
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Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/4/2015 2:04:53 PM
@basilisk...
I never said THAT!!! lol

Regrets come in at least two varieties...

Regret for things we HAVE done....

And for those we HAVEN'T....

I've "done" a LOT my friend...I truly have.... ;-)
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 80
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Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/4/2015 2:24:04 PM
^^^ Lol, At least it can't be said you didn't live life then.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 81
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Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/4/2015 3:11:52 PM
I often think that, as well....

I am glad that I haven't let fear stop me from living....and DAMN the consequences!!!! LOL
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 82
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/4/2015 4:52:29 PM
I just realized how unclear my post was.

When I said determine that nothing else would break the deal, I didn't mean knowing all things which might happen, but deciding to work through anything that might happen -even if it seems temporarily hopeless.

However, we can determine somewhat how the future might be with some particular person -given enough awareness/information/experience.....
We often blind ourselves to things we know will someday break the deal.

I have done that myself -and in similar fashion to dee's post.

While I'm not a "born again", I do have very strong beliefs -and falling for someone in the past has blinded me from the fact that there was probably no real future and that our paths would almost certainly part. My heart said there could be, but my brain knew my heart was very wrong -yet my heart was kicking my brain's a**!

I definitely regret it -it's not fair to the other at all.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 83
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/5/2015 11:47:17 PM

I really have some fond memories of people I dated years ago and even from my teen years.

Teen years? Man, I don't think about it any more, or on any different level, than say, some hot girl I worked with or something way back then. Just random thought popping in. No yearning or "missing" ex's from that long ago.

If I still wasn't over an ex -- or gals who fizzled pre-relationship -- from long ago, I'd have some issues I'd need to resolve about dating, etc.

I could see still reminicing about stupid mistakes made back in the day that cost ya a relationship and rolling your eyes at yourself because of it, etc. But not to be like "I wonder if they're single now, and I wonder what the chances of me ever talking to them again would be!" (= not over them)
 HondoGal
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 84
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/6/2015 12:48:26 AM

How should I approach this? I know better than to question her about whatever happened back then. If we do get back together, it will come out in the course of time. But how strongly do I come on? Should I tell her that I have thought of her often (I have), and that I would love to see her again (I would). Or do I just go very slowly?~Henry


Hi Henry; this is no time for games. Follow your heart…tell her the truth that you have thought of her often. You are right what happened when she dropped you will eventually come out. However, do not put too much stock in the fact that she has contacted you. She may be feeling lonely and in need of company; nothing more than that.

So tell us please what happened when you replied to her.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 85
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Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/6/2015 9:24:16 AM

HondoGal
So tell us please what happened when you replied to her.

First, I want to thank everyone who replied here and in private messages, offering advice / suggestions. I truly appreciate it.

Now, as to what happened, basically nothing. I replied, saying that it was nice to hear from her and I would love to see her again. This was Monday of last week, 8 days ago. I waited two days, and sent a follow up email, saying basically the same thing, just in case she missed the first email.

Nothing, no reply, no word. So I’m going to put this one back on the shelf, and move forward. There is a lot more that I could tell you, about her past, and why she might be behaving in this way. But that would be violating her confidence, her privacy, and I will not do that.
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 86
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/6/2015 10:36:48 AM
Sorry Henry...sounds like you quite liked her.
She sounds fickle if nothing else....she may have felt nostalgic and reached out because you had sent her a message a few months back, especially since it was the holidays and all.

Sometimes I have reopened a can of worms and had regrets instantly on doing so.
I have forgiven someone and fell right back to being kicked again....I have sworn never to "bite" again.
A few people know how to play on the emotions of some of us.....because they know we still care.
Leave it alone....she's got issues! Rather nervy of her...to flirt and then ignore you again.
Hard to be strong!

I think of past loves...all of them. But my fondest and favorite is the guy that treated me well and truly never left me in doubt of his "love".
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 87
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/28/2015 5:03:34 PM
I actually had the rare opportunity to reconnect with a past love from 20 years ago in a romantic way. We never really got together because we were with other people, but the fire burned hot between us - which is a pretty delicious, torturous feeling knowing what you want but can't have it.

Aside from a few well earned lines in her face and shorter hair, she hadn't changed a bit. Unfortunately. She was still a border line alcoholic and a bit of a flake to boot. We didn't last long, and my heart was hurt (but not broken), but after a while I was truly thankful it didn't work out.

In the end I was glad that particular demon was exorcized.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 88
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 1/29/2015 6:26:56 PM
For me there is one above all others.

I actually saw her walking a dog one day on the way back home and for some reason felt compelled to stop even though we had'nt spoke or crossed paths in nearly 10 years.

She was just a beautiful as the last time I saw her. I got out and she turned and looked momentarily and then walked in my direction. When we met her eyes were tearing up, we hugged, not a passion hug but an embrace that literally touched my soul, it was almost as though we were one. We chatted for awhile, she had married etc.but when I got ready to leave she looked at me with that smile of hers and said "I think of you often" and it makes me smile.
To this day I think of her from time to time and it makes me smile and she will till I'm gone.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 89
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 2/1/2015 6:11:34 AM
Never@

In the end I was glad that particular demon was exorcized.


Sorry to hear about that, but imo, whether it be your first love, middle etc....at least you can put 'closure ' on said relationship..

As for me it was my first love....she was 15 & me 17....I know....thats not love etc... but for me I thought it was...^^^
And after we broke up, went out separate ways, got married, divorced etc.... but she was still in there....

Then, by chance after 48 years of being separated ,we met somehow at a function. I was tickled to death in seeing her. As she was with her date, she said hello. She looked like she didn't age a day & it was like being 17 again....

As later we did finally met, went out a fews times but for her, the fire was gone. Or did I '****foot' with her ? Not sure without giving away other personal info, but it still was good I think for both of us. As I read somewhere that there is a 75% success rate for those who reunite again after many many years.

Needless to say .....I have," Closure " on my first love, & imo I think it was still very good for both of us....young and all....
And I’m guessing for those who yet have, ‘closure’ in their past love life, the demons continue to follow...mine, it took 48 years.......
& on the bright side, she met someone a few years ago , they bought a condo & live together.
Besides being on FB.....life goes on...
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 90
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 2/1/2015 12:02:04 PM

Sorry to hear about that, but imo, whether it be your first love, middle etc....at least you can put 'closure ' on said relationship..


Meh, don't be. Like you said, closure is better then living a life that is full of what if's.

In the final analysis I got to get my what ifs answered, plus as an added bonus I got to finally sleep with her. So, yeah...
 MeMeMeatlast
Joined: 1/26/2015
Msg: 91
Do you ever think of long lost loves?
Posted: 2/2/2015 9:08:01 AM

In the final analysis I got to get my what ifs answered, plus as an added bonus I got to finally sleep with her.


lol - this reminds me of what happened to me last year :

A girl I went to high school with back in the late 70's found me on FB Dec/13.

We got together , didn't work out and like you was left thinking " at least I got to sleep with her " , lol.

Actually, what I miss most now is kissing her .... mmmmmmmmmm , lordy I do love a woman who knows how to kiss !!!!
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