Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 InShapeAndToned56
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 27
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefitsPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
<---======= Knows that I'm not emotionally equipped to handle a "friends with benefits" relationship...
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 12:55:19 PM
If you have not met then you are not friends, this man was strictly looking to get laid nothing more.
I would advise you to stay off the chat feature, for some reason the topic ALWAYS turns to sex on there.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 30
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 1:03:43 PM

So...I'm disappointed. I feel like maybe I blew an opportunity.

WTF? With a voice on the phone?


Yes. You did blow an opportunity for a "side" career. But I would put together a business plan, first. Free prostitution is not the best way to augment one's income.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 31
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 1:27:21 PM
Good grief...I understand you're new to the dating site but really...come on?
First off...You have never even met this guy in real life...How do you even know he is... who he says he is?
Turn your chat off...these people like using chat and so do scammers and flashers.

Yet you call him a "nice guy"...lol. While he is asking you to consider to be a piece of meat...lol.
And he hasn't met you either!!
I don't know whether you are just naive or totally stupid....You need to think smarter!

Aren't you the one that posted about being picked up at your home or something similiar?
I'll have to check your history.
Why??? Do you ask(post) and not listen to anybody?

This guy was doing what so many think this site is about....a place to use women for sex without paying for it.
And to top it off...You were wondering if you may have made a mistake??
Wow....Or maybe...If that's all you want is a "boink"....lol...that's the easy part.
 sharongirl1498
Joined: 5/5/2011
Msg: 32
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 1:51:14 PM
Good for you OP for being true to yourself. And I don't think you "missed an opportunity" for anything but emptiness and more lack of intimacy.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 2:53:04 PM
i don't get the semantic lynch mobbing in this thread. if you have to look so hard and so microscopically for evidence that this guy is a heel, that you're seizing on the difference between fb and fwb, is the outrage really about him?

he was completely up front. if he tried to deceive the op, please enlighten me as to how. if he committed any 'sin' beyond wanting what HE wants, rather than what the outraged people in this thread want, please enlighten me what it was.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 34
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 2:58:21 PM
Whiskey River, great post, not sure why posters aren't seeing what you wrote but yet still "pat" the OP on the back. I think most agree that this was a good idea to not accept(at least she has turned it down for the moment) but read all the OP's thread.
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 35
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 3:29:41 PM
I said no last night to sexual relationship n guy thru me out of his house thanks god I has my car with me
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 36
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 3:42:19 PM
@j.jj...VERY good point. Add to this that we've been getting a blow-by-blow of her POF experience since she's been in here (just click history) and it can come back to bite you in the azz. These kids are just chomping at the bit looking for stuff like this, and people have been fired for less.
 _Passion4life
Joined: 2/23/2013
Msg: 37
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 4:04:17 PM
OP, you really need to grow a thick skin, and FAST!! You got lucky this time in that he layed his cards on the table, the next man may have a hidden agenda, and before long you will be posting that you fell for some guy and you dont understand why he has become distant. You could have just as easily accpeted this mans offer, yet proceded at your own pace. Who knows, he may have grown to like you. A FWB or FB usually happen if the guy/girl is only DTF and nothing more. I met my husband one night in college, and it was only supposed to be a DTF, but we dated, got married, and have kids. So there is no forumla, its about timing if the two people are truly drawn to each other. Good luck on ur journey, and dont forget ur rubber boots.........
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 38
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 5:13:55 PM
First, have to give the guy credit, he was honest with you.
But now you, You say, he gave you a night to think about it, Did you really need a night to think about
fu#king someone you dont know? Really?
I am gonna leave it at that.
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 6:14:24 PM
I am a little confused by the reactions to your post. Many people are stating how strong you were to pass on a FWB relationship...... How is his offer to be FWB even tempting or an opportunity? How many girls on here would be offended to get even such an offer?

The standard response to the type of offer you received is to go fvck yourself you pig.

Maybe he was charming in his approach, but the bottom line is that he was looking for sex. This is as bad as the one line message that says "want to do it?"
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 40
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 6:26:49 PM
I'm still sort of stuck on the idea that he "gave" her some time to think about it. Maybe that was done better IRL than it sounds like in the printed word, but in my mind, some guy is saying, "I want to be able to f*ck you but not have any other type of contact with you. This is what I want, and what I want is really all that matters. But, because I'm a nice guy, I'll give you some time to think about it. 24 hours, in fact. I'll expect your final answer at 1:17 pm tomorrow. Talk [type] to you then."

Sorry, OP, that's just the direction my mind went. I am quite certain you did the right thing but I'm unclear about why you feel you might have "missed" an opportunity. An opportunity for what? Given where you are right now, you did not miss an opportunity--you avoided sex you were not ready for. And that's a good thing. And if you feel differently in the future, like "Hmm. I think I might enjoy some casual sex!" you can call this guy and I will bet that he'll say yes, even though he already gave you time to think about it. ;)
 Advwench
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 42
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 7:42:21 PM

I am a little confused by the reactions to your post. Many people are stating how strong you were to pass on a FWB relationship...... How is his offer to be FWB even tempting or an opportunity? How many girls on here would be offended to get even such an offer?

The standard response to the type of offer you received is to go fvck yourself you pig.


At the risk of bringing down the wrath of the slut patrol, not all of us equate sex with our one true love. I actually wish I had a buddy for a FWB relationship... sadly, all of my male friends are married.

Whether women admit it or not, we have physical needs that a vibrator just won't fix. The male gender is NOT the only gender that enjoys sex for the enjoyment alone. As long as one is entering into a sexual relationship safely and with no illusions that it might become something more, I see nothing wrong with it.
 theanswerguy2
Joined: 4/3/2013
Msg: 43
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 7:48:37 PM
At the risk of bringing down the wrath of the slut patrol, not all of us equate sex with our one true love. I actually wish I had a buddy for a FWB relationship... sadly, all of my male friends are married.


This guy was not a "buddy" of the OP. He was an unmet stranger from the Internet. And there is no proof yet that he would have even followed through on the "friend" part. It was just HIS phrase, which could have been meaningless. She would have done just as well in picking some good looking guy walking down the street in real life.
 i_ski_do_u
Joined: 11/26/2009
Msg: 44
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 7:55:29 PM
Well for a guy's perspective, there is no such thing as "FREE SEX"; there is always a price to pay. I would never never bring FWB with out meeting someone first and then I doubt I would bring it up it up that either. Sounds like the FWB guy may have a wife. Of course as guys, we are always wondering if a woman is sexually compatible and he may have been testing the waters. Mars and Venus broaching the subject of sex can be challenging.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 45
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 8:54:41 PM

op/1…I needed to be with someone who was willing to get together for other things besides just sex, such as dinner, coffee, movies, etc., etc., just so I have time to get to know that person before I open my legs (for lack of a better term) for him.

This sounds good, OP. Sounds like you were telling him what you need from a relationship…well, except for the ‘open your legs for him part. That sounds like you’re choosing to be a martyr. But otherwise, this is what people need to do, isn’t it? – talk about the kind of relationship they want?

And you didn’t tell us how he responded. Potentially the most important exchange in your conversation. That’s a puzzling place to just drop out of the story.

By the way, getting together for dinner, coffee, movies, etc., as well as sex is exactly what FWB’s do.

next time, a gentleman approaches me about " an intimate relationship without strings" (meaning FREE SEX), I will propose… 3) Find a nice escort service who will give you exactly what you want!

But what if you like him? What if he’s a nice guy? What if you know full well that he wants more than genital rubbing with a hooker? Will you still tell him that’s what he wants? Even if you know it’s not true?

Stick to talking about what you want and need, OP. You don’t need putdowns and gloating. You don’t need righteous indignation. That just makes you look weak and brittle. Hold your ground. Keep your poise. Ask for what you want. If it’s not a match, that doesn’t mean he’s subhuman. Just move on.
 MarkKCurry
Joined: 12/21/2008
Msg: 46
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 10:24:41 PM
what's the benefits?
 Sealady111
Joined: 4/1/2013
Msg: 47
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/11/2013 11:09:15 PM
Good for you.

I also am glad he at least told you his true intentions.

Like others, the last few men I have dated have said one thing and done the other.

Sadly though your man may learn the same as these men that most 'good girls' say no to his offer.

So for the next woman he may lie through his teeth.

Sorry.
This is not meant to be a man bashing comment.

I am celebrating this man's current honesty and yours.

I wish there were more like him who were up front and true so we could make informed decisions.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 49
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/12/2013 6:05:00 AM
Your title of 'relationship or hang out idk?' is rather disingenuous...
You actually make fwb barters prior to meeting in person?
It's crazy men offer that over the internetz and crazier you take it seriously. Stds are rising in older people as well as teens,js.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 50
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/12/2013 6:11:24 AM
Congrats OP.. why should you sell yourself short? What female actually benefits for FWB? I personally find FWB ridiculous. Keep your standards.. you do not have to lower them to date. It does take time to meet someone of quality, but they are out there. In the meantime.. hang out with friends and enjoy your life.
 Sealady111
Joined: 4/1/2013
Msg: 51
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/12/2013 6:18:39 AM
I have changed my mind.
Well sort of.

OP if you want sex with someone whilst awaiting your one true love....
Go and choose someone or a few to test drive to keep you smiling whilst you date.

Work out your own criteria and approach men with your proposal.
Then you are the one in control. Much better idea.

I think your chances of getting a yes from a man when you offer him discreet no strings sex, as long as all your needs are met could be quite high.

You could probably even have your pick of the young ones and give them lessons.
When you get tired of one, trade him in on a newer model.

Think of it like test driving different models of cars whilst you decide if you want new or pre loved.
A sports car, a jeep or a family sedan or all of the above.

Test drive a different car each day, or keep one you like for a week or two to check the stamina.

Perhaps a rating system? I am sure there is an app for this somewhere.
You could always go back and test drive a previously driven car just in case you missed something.

Could be fun. :)
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/12/2013 7:35:56 AM
the lack of intimacy and communication definitely got old, because sex was the only thing that we did together. We didn't do anything else...

Than you two were not in a FWB type of relationship. You were Fvck buddies..Different situation.

Since when does an offer of a sexual arrangement turn him into a low-life? Seems like he and Moon were able to handle their affairs without demeaning each other.

I don't see why some people label him as a bad guy either.
If you don't like it, don't do it. Don't bash someone who likes it.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 53
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/12/2013 10:23:49 AM
I...for one was not ragging on the guy....or was I patting her on the back because she said "no" to the proposition.
I could give two flying leaps....He was "honest" in what he wanted or not.
My point was.....it just seemed beyond comprehension...that either of them would be considering it at all....without seeing each other first!
LOL....He could be a 500 pound man or a 13 year old kid...having fun with her...who knows!
We all know that some peoples pics/words...mean nothing....lesson 101.

If two grown adults meet and then decide to be FB...good for them!
Each to their own....
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 54
Well I just said NO to a offer of friends with benefits
Posted: 4/13/2013 5:55:40 AM
Since when does an offer of a sexual arrangement turn him into a low-life? Seems like he and Moon were able to handle their affairs without demeaning each other.

I don't see why some people label him as a bad guy either.
If you don't like it, don't do it. Don't bash someone who likes it.


Bc it's is morally n socially wrong. So yeah is one f..... Low life. Oh if so go to church ask ask then their opinion on someone like that. They don't call someone who waits to have sex bad or wrong.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >