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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women can fix this!      Home login  
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 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 26
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Women can fix this!Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I just went and looked at the site giggles pointed out. What a ridiculous collection of trite crap. The funny thing is that the longer I prowled around in it, the less it made sense.

So, nice guys are just laying in wait for the woman to trust them so they can turn on her?

Yea, that's right. That would mean the jerks that send you women invitations for sex on the first mail are the ones that are honest and trustworthy. Fine, I'm finally learning how to behave properly.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 27
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/13/2013 8:14:21 PM
Only problem with being a nice guy is they get taken advantage of allot . Mainly nice guys are the ones that get friend zoned , then the women wonder why they cant find one .
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 28
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Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/13/2013 9:47:42 PM
I just went and looked at the site giggles pointed out. What a ridiculous collection of trite crap.


Freudian,
I think the entire thing was made up , to try and relieve women of their guilt
for screwing over nice guys.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 2/17/2013
Msg: 29
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 12:03:45 AM
Oh shame on me for posting about something a man "who has it all" gave to me that is written also by a man...but here is what it said...

A Good Reason To Wait For A Man Who 'Has It All'

I have observed two very divergent views when it comes to relationships. On the one hand you hear a lot of advice about not being so picky and to not overlook the Nice Guys who don't give you instant butterflies.

There is another point of view which suggests that this is settling for second best and that a woman should hold out for a man that is not only romantic, but that he rocks her world.

Some say this kind of man is about as real as a Unicorn and that if you do manage to find him you'll ultimately find him to be unfaithful -a Bad Boy passing himself off as a gentleman (a Bad Boy with very good game).

So we hear that choosing (or 'settling for') a Nice Guy will improve a woman's odds of being in a relationship with a man who will remain attentive and faithful.

But the reality is that a Nice Guy happily commits because of a lack of options or ability to attract women - which is precisely what women experience as unsafe and sexually unattractive about him.

So the attractive Bad Boys makes women work for his attention while the low attraction Nice Guy has to work for a woman's attention. It makes sense as a man that if you have the ability to attract multiple high status women that you would make them work for you and if you can't that observing the dynamic would frustrate you.

The high status Bad Boy may even manage openly having multiple relationships (or in most cases it's an unspoken truth that's overlooked by the women) while the Nice Guys dynamics fit with him being a doting romantic to a single high status woman.

Both the Bad Boy and the Nice Guy appear to be happy with their choices (and I perceive sincerely so) and the way life works for them, but discussing them as options is comparing apples to oranges - particularly before you add the responsibility of children in the equation.

Add morning sickness, lack of sexual availability, dirty diapers, screaming kids, defiance, tempers, financial and emotional demands to a torrid love affair with a Bad Boy or the doting romance of the Nice Guy and then you can compare the difference in their experiences and validity of their philosophy if you are or plan to be a parent.

In the short term I have observed every woman enjoys the high of competing for the attention of a sexy high status Bad Boy and his gymnastic sexuality with every Bad Boy feeding off the energy that multiple women creates for his ego, but this dynamic doesn't support an arrangement with a child centric family.

Bad Boys aren't the types of attentive nurturing fathers that Nice Guys are, and Nice Guys often lack the strong boundaries Bad Boys parent with.

There is another relationship dynamic that I have experienced that is what some people refer to as 'Twin Flames' (which I prefer to 'Soul Mates' because 'Soul Mates' sounds like just one such person exists, and I believe while rare you can find this match more than once).

The dynamic of a Twin Flame is powerful and deep, with both partners feeling intense attraction for the other and never stopping the work to maintain their attraction. But fundamentally this relationship is also based on deep respect which results in profound romance in addition to a red hot love life.

It's rare, but possible between individuals who have grown through remarkably challenging life circumstances - illness, injury, financial loss, relationship loss, death, etc. (I use the terms Real Men and Evolved Women).

We see this represented regularly in "chick flicks" but also in the abandon of the sexual expression this kind of relationship achieved in erotica. Even the media separates these two qualities as if it's taboo to suggest both can exist in the same relationship (or that a woman can be both sweetly romantic and wildly sexual).

I have experienced the stability being the Nice Guy generates and the ego driven erotic passion the Bad Boy affords, but I personally wouldn't settle for less than a Twin Flame after having tasted the nirvana of that connection.

If I were to venture a guess I'd imagine that the Bad Boy's lifestyle appeals to those who don't want to go without what is represented in erotica while the Nice Guy's lifestyle appeals to the security mindedness of the romantic.

My suggestion is that there's the possibility for both and that more and more women and a handful of men are choosing to remain single, or at least consciously uncommitted until this level of connection has been achieved. BINGO

Particularly for those with children or planning to be parents, the idea of a supportive, committed romantic relationship that maintains a fire of sexual passion pushes them past choosing between romance and passion.

Intuitively women recognize that the combination of qualities that make a man capable of being both sensitive and passionate are exactly the same qualities that make a father capable of being both loving and firm.

The most successful fathers have the attentive and soothing nature associated with the romantic with the firmness required in establishing safe boundaries associated with a passionate personality.

That man who can love you so wonderfully through the small moments of your day and ravish you so passionately at night is the father who can sit and play dolls with his little girl and know exactly how and when to let "little-miss-attitude" know she's gone too far.

Graham R White

Sorry I couldnt help adding the BINGO--

But for the NICE guys ...one question--what type of woman screwed you over --was it a nice girl or a bad girl bwahahahaha ...you are condemning women for doing what you were doing.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 30
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 12:16:58 AM
Op,please give us some credit in that as soon as a guy shows signs of being sleazy and/or emails us inappropriate stuff,we Block/Delete.

You,me.........heck no one can stop the undesirables on a Dating Site.
But thanks for your concern
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 31
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 12:41:19 AM
The problem with this is that it is entirely subjective, and there is no way the mods or admin can possibly know whether someone reporting a profile is being truthful or not. That is why there are some very basic selections you can make, like fake pictures (or pictures of their privates), they're putting email addresses or phone#'s in their profile, mentioning other people's profile names in their profile (in a nasty way), etc.

Or to put it in a simpler way - what if, oh... lets use Completely_Icomplete (sorry, but you're here), say you email her and for whatever reason she thinks you come across rude or she's not interested and you come back at her with a nasty comment... what would there be to stop her from then reporting your profile and having you deleted? Say you got a date on here and you met her for coffee, and nothing 'clicked' for you so you told her you weren't interested, and she got upset and thought you were 'leading her on' - should she be able to report you and get you deleted? How would the moderators/admin know if she is being honest or not? Or do they just take women as being "pure of motive like the freshly fallen snow" and totally incapable of dishonestly and vengence when jilted?

What if the guy is polite in the first few emails, they 'graduate' to the phone and on the first phone call he wants to have phone sex, or asks for naked pictures? The mods should take her word for it if she reports him? Or wait, maybe the women should be recording all their phone calls with men? (I believe that's illegal in some states unless both parties know)... and then if she hands over that recording to POF, how do they verify it's actually him and not a guy friend she's using to report the guy?

No, women can't fix it. The moderators/admin can't fix it.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 32
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 12:54:44 AM
By the way, there are other sites for that, "dont date him girl" (no spaces) was one I heard about from ages back - check one out if you'd like.

Might even see me up on there: See, there was this thread I posted back to the OP on years back, a normal "trying to be helpful" response... next thing I know I'm getting a nasty email from her about my calling her "those things". Huh?!? So I go look, some 20y/o kid after me posted back to her with stuff I'd never say to a woman (um, lets just say one reference was to a "receptacle for male bodily fluid", amongst others) - she somehow attributed his post to my username. I emailed her back to say "I think you meant the stupid kid below my post, who called you some really nasty/ugly things" - she emailed me back to tell me "not to lie, I'm just a jerk" and she was posting me on one of those sites, and promptly blocked me. So, I may be up there as being a horrible nasty person who calls women nasty names... because she attributed someone else's comments to me. Fair, right?

And besides, in the long run, I really doubt POF would want to potentially open themselves up to lawsuits based on false accusations.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 33
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Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 7:05:04 AM
no you can't fixed other people's bad behaviour, the only thing I can control is myself and how I relate to others. Besides reporting is fine but they just change their profile name and make up a new account and start all over again, it is what it is.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 34
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 9:57:31 AM
OP,

I kind of feel that a good number of the women (in the 35-55 age range) look at on-line dating much similar to their trip to the store, i.e., have a list of what you need (or want) and go aisle to aisle (profile to profile) until you get exactly what you came to the store for!

...Sez the guy who wants only women of a certain type, and then complains that women here have their own preferences. WTF?



I cannot even imagine complaining about the creepers. It is just part and parcel of life--you go out jogging (ok, when you are young and hot), and some men will say unpleasant things. You get online, and some guys will be offensive to you.

But really, *any* woman who thinks that all men are "pigs" because a few are--well, IMO women like that are just not worth anyone's time.

I don't find that there is a problem that needs "fixing." I do not think women are really all that stupid, to judge most men by the actions of a few. And if those women are--just don't click on their profile. I don't click on a single profile that mentions "players" or "drama," because that tells me the guy has a view that women "are just like that." It is sexism when men do it, and sexism when women do it.

+ 1
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 35
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Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 10:30:55 AM

A Good Reason To Wait For A Man Who 'Has It All'


Entirely an opinion piece
no studies, no proof, no references .. just opinions
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 36
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 10:48:56 AM
Women can't fix phuck all!!!!! :O

Tis true.

Well, sometimes it is.
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 37
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 12:27:04 PM
Pof is a slightly more covered up version of craigslist..

this place is advertised an talked about on different sites as being a place to hookup an showing advice on how men can get laid here..

just google plenty of fish hookups or plenty of fish get laid an you will see pages of things talking about this site hell when you type in "plenty of fish get laid" at the top of the page you will see a site called "good looking loser" this site is basically a pof creepers dream ,,

its about a guy giving advice on how to get laid on pof by many women even us ugly fat ones so to speak..the comments from the guys on there are amusing the lest to say an they seem to follow this man as if he some kind of spiritual God..

wanna read more complaints just go to edate an see the reviews about this site..


all in all i belive you can meet people anywhere hell people on cl have found love or a good friend even on the hookup sex sites there have been people who have made friends or even found a lover an companion all in 1 it happens!! seen it more then a few times.

just like fwbs can turn into more..i think the thing is the 2 people have to be on the same page with what they want from a partner an out of a friendship/relationship an both people have to be willing to want to take it to the next level..

otherwise you have 1 person who wants more an the other wants less or doesnt want to move forward together at all..then you have a dead end situation.
 ForumFiona
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 38
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 1:09:13 PM
Women can't fix frustrated men who troll for sex on POF or any other dating site for that matter. And frustrated men do not write 'nice, thoughtful messages' .. seriously did you actually think about what you wrote?
This is nothing new, and there are many women who do the same. Should we hunt them all down and stretch them out on the Rack? Give them the Thumb Screws? Sheesh...
Block and Delete, and all is forgotten. Done like dinner. Easy Peasy.

I was under the age of 50, same height & weight, wasn't attracted to Caucasion ladies and still not attracted to Caucausian ladies!

Thanks for clearing that up. Frustrated by all those white chicks contacting you? lol
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 39
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Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 2:47:58 PM
Giggles, you go ahead and believe that crap. If the author actually experienced the 'slow burn', where did it go? Why is he waiting to find it again? Did the burn burn out? On the one hand he says it comes from shared experience, on the other it is something that can be found. Which is it? Do you earn it through effort or find it on a bar stool sucking down lite beer or white wine?

Nice guys don't happily commit because they are low on options. They commit because they value commitment. This strange creature actually believes that commitment is the correct way to interact with a mate.

It has been my experience that nice guys are all over the place. They're the ones that seem to always have a job, or planned well enough to retire comfortably. They take their family to Disneyland and complain about how much it costs. They're setting in the bleachers at the high school. They're often found visiting friends in the hospital, and peeking out the curtains when the daughter returns from a date.

You don't find them hitting on women at bars and parties. You seldom actually see them at bars and parties. Some of the nice guys are single because they were thrown a curve ball by life and wound up alone. Over time, the single ones settle into a routine that is comfortable for them. They're not exciting. They can be romantic, but that depends mostly on the impetus supplied by the woman because they don't need it personally. Nice guys seem to putter and build a life instead of seeking to stumble across it somewhere, or define it as the conquest of someone else. They seem to prefer the company of a few they are close to rather than a herd of acquaintances. To them, fun isn't found, it's something that is constructed and worked for.

Nice guys may have been hurt emotionally, but it didn't change them. They still look at the world and the people in it as an opportunity. They'll forgive, which makes them seem small and desperate. They'll extend their boundaries to include yours as long as it doesn't exceed their own definition of morality. This makes them seem wishy washy. They'll clean up after your horse even if they don't ride themselves. This means they're henpecked. They'll welcome your kids, even if they don't like the tattoos and piercings. They'll ride their motorcycles alone because you can't work up the courage. They'll help around the house and try to understand why you think every horizontal surface should have something displayed on it.

Yes, they appear weak. They're considered the milquetoasts of the world. The guy that will help with the drain, but isn't exciting enough to flirt with. The guy that will change the tire on your car so you can get to your date on time. They're the guys you choose to ignore while you pursue the fast talking, money flashing 'player' that caught your eye across the room.

Go ahead, ignore and belittle them, they're used to it.
 12thour
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 40
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 8:19:41 PM

Women, do you think you can fix this?


fix what...the nature of man?

I don't even want to try. This site is only one place to meet someone, not the only one. I don't depend on it. If I did I would be lonely forever.

I have not even dated on this site in months. Not this year at all. I came close and really liked the guy but then he did a no show on a very special day and I understood he was just like the rest of them that are just playing games on here...he just got closer than most because of ....well, it doesn't matter.

As far as coming here and shopping for what we want??? Would it be better for us to shop for liver if we want vegies? That doesn't make sense.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 41
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/14/2013 8:52:47 PM
i think it's best to just block someone that sends you a message asking for sex...that is, if you are not interested, lol! i suppose there might be some out there that would be intrigued by the queries of, "can we meet up so I can show you my privy member?"

I recently had someone message me, asking, "Are you good in bed." First of all, my profile clearly states that I am only here for the forums and that I am not interested in dating at this time. That being said, I thought about being a smarta** and replying, "why yes I am." And leaving it at that, but instead I just hit delete, and block. I just don't have any energy to even bother with an inane message like this. I mean, honestly, the guy was obviously just looking to get a rise out of me or something. The guy obviously wasn't serious, and he probably is bored and has nothing better to do than harass women on a dating site. Ugh.

So, yeah, the block button works wonders.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 42
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/15/2013 7:07:51 AM
+1 Freudian!! I so agree with your assessment. I think many of the self proclaimed "nice guys" on here are actually bitter and complain about women passing them by. I don't pass by nice guys.. I pass by bitter ones, I pass by men who appear desperate, I pass by men who have nothing to offer or I have nothing in common with. I would actually love to date a nice guy who knows how to respect women, but is not a doormat. I would love to meet a nice guy who knows how to have fun, laugh and enjoy life. I would love to meet a nice guy to spend the rest of my life with. But there is a difference between being nice and being bitter or pathetic.
Find me a nice guys who enjoys riding motorcycles, going to car shows, movies, concerts etc, who is also a gentlemen who shows respect and kindness.. because that is what I will give in return. I wish many of the self proclaimed "nice guys" would learn to distinguish between being nice and being too needy. Don't get me wrong, I love attention, but not stalking. I love being cared for, but not smothered. I would love to meet a nice guy who has a fun side. There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy. In fact.. I would love to find one!!
 ForumFiona
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 43
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/15/2013 7:22:29 AM

It has been my experience that nice guys are all over the place.They're the ones that seem to always have a job, or planned well enough to retire comfortably. They take their family to Disneyland and complain about how much it costs. They're setting in the bleachers at the high school. They're often found visiting friends in the hospital, and peeking out the curtains when the daughter returns from a date.

Nice is a generic term. The term nice is what you assign to a pair of shoes or a well behaved pet.
Just because a guy has a job doesn't make him a nice guy. And good guys don't complain when they treat their family to an enjoyable holiday. Nor do they point out the time they spend with others that need them. Sheesh.

They're not exciting. They can be romantic, but that depends mostly on the impetus supplied by the woman because they don't need it personally.

So you are hoping the woman will fix this by doing what exactly, not initiating anything that pertains to the sexual? That is not what a good guy will expect from his woman. Sheesh.

To them, fun isn't found, it's something that is constructed and worked for.
]
For goodness sakes give me a break! Fun isn't planned on a spreadsheet with formulas! Fun is spontaneous and can happen at any time while you are doing almost anything. You just described a guy who is boooorrrring and not very creative. Sheesh.

Yes, they appear weak. They're considered the milquetoasts of the world.

No woman can fix that either. I suggest you read up on the difference between a nice guy and a good guy. Huge difference.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 44
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/15/2013 7:53:30 AM

They can be romantic, but that depends mostly on the impetus supplied by the woman because they don't need it personally.


I think what Freudian means is that there a lot of guys out there that don't feel any desperate need to hook up with ladies - so they don't. If a woman WAS part of his world, he would do ANYthing he could to make life romantic for them - but until that happens, they've got their routine. I don't think it's a difference between 'good' and nice' - it's the difference between 'lazy' and 'untapped energy'.


To them, fun isn't found, it's something that is constructed and worked for.

I wholeheartedly agree.

Annie - part of your view of dating is something a lot of people have in here - especially when they are new to it - they think that all it takes is being lucky - finding the Perfect guy. That's B.S. - It's about finding the 'good enough' kind of guy that you can work into something outstanding. You can keep your sights set on the top 5% if you want - but most of the guys in here are 40 to 60. It's up to YOU to decide what level of perfection you can handle - because it will NEVER be 100%.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 45
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Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/15/2013 10:15:43 AM
I am just toooooo nice.....;)

OT.......Because most of these less than real men can hide behind a computer screen until asked to come out and really play, all they do is live in their fantasy of what they missed out long ago, and continue to miss day in and day out. Those that can do, and those that can't pretend!!

cd
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 46
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/15/2013 10:27:14 AM

It's about finding the 'good enough' kind of guy that you can work into something outstanding.



No, you meet a 'good enough' guy that is already outstanding. The way you describe, it would be like taking a guy that has many issues and turning him into something he is not. Nobody wants to be someone's life coach, therapist, or worse, mother.


That's not what I meant. All humans are flawed to some extent, but you're pushing that generalization to the negative side a bit.

In terms of 'outstanding' in online dating - my point is that a man's character canNOT be accurately judged by the quality of his personal ad in here - some have a gift for language, others do not. A man of 'Outstanding' character cannot be accurately pre-judged before meeting them. If you are judging them based on the superficial statistics of their online profile - income, height, occupation, appearance - then you are only seeing part of the picture. What I see as 'outstanding' is a person willing to commit to a relationship regardless of obstacles. That type of 'character' is nearly impossible to judge from just a few sentences of text and a handful of photos - it takes a real-life experience to see how they operate in THAT theatre to know.

Like I said, MOST of the guys' profiles in here are ordinary, average guys. What most can categorize as 'outstanding' from just profile statistics usually means ignoring close to 2/3 of the guys in here. Doing that means you are seriously limiting your own chances at happiness, and it's nobody's fault but your own.

Male OR Female; If you think their character can be judged as 'outstanding' before meeting them - you are doing so unfairly, and frankly expecting too much up front.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 47
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Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/15/2013 10:31:22 AM
annie, I'm so sorry you choose not to understand. I'm also sorry that you find solace in and identify with, the trivial aspects of word usage. It's sad that you see the world and most men as needing fixing. It's odd that you completely missed my point about 'romance'. But, such is the nature of some people.

Nice, good, gracious, kind, maybe even dandy are just words that people use to describe things. Most people don't rely on Arianna Huffington to guide their usage of language. Instead, they seem to use her as a source to prove some obscure point they desperately want to cling to. I have a good pair of boots, a good dog, and nice house; how one uses a word is dependent on the cadence of the regional accent, not some article hidden away on the web somewhere.

But, it takes all kinds to mess up the world.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 48
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/15/2013 12:17:04 PM
Boy, if this isn't an example of how bad communication can happen online, I don't know what is...

Online posts don't always contain the sarcasm and the emotional context of a poster's intentions. I get a kick out of how a little criticism can be emotionally reacted to like it's a full-blown character assault. Chill, people.
------------------------
Trying to get back on-topic;
The Original Poster's allegation was that women come in here 'shopping' for an ideal mate, and expect to try them on, have it fit, buy it and walk away happy - and further states that women have the option of 'fixing' it by changing their attitude and 'shopping' differently.
---
Firstly, it's not just women - both sexes do this 'shopping' thing quite often. I think anyone can agree on that.

Secondly, I think maybe the problem is that people think you can 'buy' a 'finished' product - but that's not the way relationships work. You're 'buying' a key ingredient in the recipe - NOT the finished product.

Granted, you don't want something moldy and useless, and you don't want too much sugar when you really need flour - but people need to adjust their 'shopping' habits to realize a new relationship needs time to develop and 'bake' into something great - if you keep shopping for stuff that's ready-to-eat, you're gonna find out it's not good for you in the long run.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 49
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/15/2013 1:11:44 PM
Why doesn't anyone dabate the merits of bad boys, nasty boys and just plain repulsive boys?

Everyone always wants to pick about the nuances of good guys Vs nice guys, and who finishes some sort of race first.

And no one ever posts about "how do bad boys become good guys"? It's always, this is how nice guys become jerks. Like we need to know how to make more jerks in the world.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 50
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Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/15/2013 1:48:54 PM
Re: B1/2 I finally got it. It's Back half. As in, "you can kiss my back half"

Amazing how an insult can't be properly understood without a translation. What the heck good is and insult you don't understand? Oh well.

I really like the idea that you shop for the basics and then adjust them to fit. Nice comparison up there in the thread.
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