Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women can fix this!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 72
view profile
History
Women can fix this!Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Message 1:

I am a woman and I fixed broken things, like fences,lawn mover,car engines, "wood puppets, "you name it,,,, but I don't fix men for they are not broken, they are just free thinkers, saying Good Morning , Hi, What's up? Ect... what is wrong with that?
Men have freedom of speech too like women.... and I don't intend to be the incarnation of Adolp Hitler..
If a man ask me for sex( in LETTERS) it is my decision to say YES OR NO or I don't answer his email..
On the other hand,
If a man confront me sexually in person,I'll sue him with sexual harrasment, it is that simple...
 m8t
Joined: 3/14/2013
Msg: 73
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/26/2013 12:37:28 AM
All healthy men want sex sooner or later.
Do we want to fix that?
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 74
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/26/2013 8:43:12 AM
We, as women, can not fix anyone but ourselves. Any one who thinks differently .. good luck with that.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 75
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/26/2013 11:17:22 AM
Good women do tell their friend when they are acting crazy or if they need help. As for men who keep picking crazy ones..

Here is a clue..you are attracting them which means there is something in YOU that needs to change.

I had a run of Narcissistic males until I looked at what was wrong with me.. I was being Co-dependent.

So I dont blame the men who I choose.. I ALLOWED it, I chose it and I FIXED ME.

That is what some here REALLY need to work on. THEMSELVES.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 76
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/26/2013 1:44:00 PM

they do run from self described "nice guys" because often these guys are doormats with the excitement and fun of a potato chip.


Ot they don't give the woman enough drama which, for some women, is their middle name.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 77
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/26/2013 1:50:25 PM
Answering two here.. drama guy.. I highly doubt most women seek drama.

Speaking for myself.. anything but!! There is a difference in having fun and living in someones drama.. some people do need to learn that.

If one doubts that we can't fix problems within ourselves.. well don't become a counselor then.. because we can change our behaviors,

If one is a co-dependent, giver.. they must learn to discover a give and take relationship and avoid those who "need" fixed, such as drug addicts, alcoholics, narcissists and other people who are not okay with life.

Although we dont change our core, we DO CHANGE OUR BEHAVIORS and our THOUGHT Processes. When we focus on negative we become negative and attract negative.

When we focus on positive.. are positive about ourselves, we attract positive things.

WE are capable of changing how we react and behave. If your do not believe this, nothing will ever change.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 78
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/29/2013 10:21:05 AM
What I want is a guy somewhere in between message #42 and message #47.
But what do I know, my nice cat peed on my nice shoes.
Fun can occur spontaneously, or it can be planned. Or it can be a combination.


the difference between a nice guy and a good guy. Huge difference.

Precisely.


Women don't need to fix the site, they need to break the pattern.

but women who are either trying to break the pattern or who have been smart enough to avoid developing a counterprductive pattern are often accuses of being "too picky", having an "over the top" "shopping list"-they are constantly harangued on the forums about how their age somehow limits their right to choose whom to date(or not date),and hammered with an attitude that having a profile on a dating site is the equivalent of becoming merchandise in a vending machine-if a woman says no to a man who believes he is a reasonable candidate-then he lashes out, accusing the women of the site as being "not serious" "looking to boost their ego",etc.


Oh look I am a catch cause I do what I should do--really? you feel women owe you for not being a bad boy--to me that is like me saying you should like me cause Im not a ****...or a c word or a s word...

ah, the men of the "Atleasti" club..."At least I don't beat women"..."At least I have a job"..."at least I've never been convicted of a felony"...you get the picture.


I make a policy of trusting people first and then reacting to the way they treat me. It's my version of respect. I don't make people earn it, they get it for free and then we see what happens. They can borrow a small amount of money and I expect it to be returned quickly, if not, they have just been delegated to the untrustworthy category. From that point on, they can't use me in any way.

pretty much the way I operate, too.
And I'm VERY cautious about letting people do me favors, or guys who seem to be looking for ways to ingratiate themselves with me. There is a DISTINCTION between genuine kindness, helpfulness, and being "kind" or "helpful" as a means to an end. Probably I sometimes mistake the genuine for the "means to an end", but I don't EVER want to be accused of "using" someone, even if they set themselves up for/invited it.

What exactly are you going to hold up with your tripod?

Sorry, couldn't resist. lol.

Now that has given my minds' eye a visual that I could have done without...LOL.


Good guys are able to be social and are able to maintain it because it is real from moment one.

Precisely. I think we are all looking for "good" that is "real". We don't like fake "nice"-or fake "bad" either.


The unfortunate reality is these not only think they are normal and the rest of the world is screwed up but they don't want to listen to a man tell them they need help. Further, since most women 'say' they have a 'plan' and don't want men to fix them, they react adversely and, sometimes, become emotional and verbally abusive.


Did you really expect them to do otherwise? Here's the deal...quit trying to be a rescuer or fixer. Date a woman for who she is on the face of it. If you don't like how they deal with their world, perhaps you are better served to get out of it. "Stepping in" and/or "speaking up" is something that one should only be doing in a very long-term relationship or with family members/VERY close friends. You can't start dating someone and very quickly move to dissecting/micro-managing their lives.


I'm 'the giver,' 'the caretaker,' and 'the fixer.' Those traits are ingrained. This generally attracts the abused, the broken and the takers.
Well, if you truly believe this is an unchangeable situation, then I guess your only choices are to live with the experiences or avoid relationships.
Cindy O
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 79
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/29/2013 11:53:14 AM

Odd though, it seems too many women on this site reflect dating/meeting nothing but douche bags

That has not been my experience at all! Does it maybe vary...according to age I don't know.
Iknow being a "free" forum...you do have "quantity over quality"...

Yes...there may be some "dickheads"....block..delete...I sometimes report and move on.
I will say...the same people that are on a paid sit like Match....are always signed up on POF...as well.
Don't forget if you are using your "forum" as being indicative of what you may encounter....it's hasn't been my experience at all!
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 80
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/29/2013 1:38:35 PM
Some do not choose who emails them. I personally do not meet or date bad boys or openly nasty men. However on this site.. I personally experienced too many"nice guy" and Nasty men than good men. Maybe some can debate age or area or timing.. its was none the less my experience.

Some may even say it was "what I was attracting"

Rather than dwell in the negative, some of us change up our game. Funny same profile, same pictures attracted entirely different men on a different site.

Was it bad luck here? who knows.. I do know sometimes we have to change something in order for things around us to change.

For the man who believes his core will never change therefore refuses to change his behavior and actions, I have a quote for you

"The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results"

To look inside and accept responsibility for YOUR CHOICES and YOUR behaviors and reactions can and does change the results.

But hey what do I know?
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 81
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/29/2013 2:32:12 PM
Well..I for one agree with you charliesmom...I haven't been putting any effort in lately...just because I haven't felt like it...only me to blame for that.
A change is as good as a Rest...they say...lol.
Good Luck! You deserve it...
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 82
Women can fix this!
Posted: 4/29/2013 2:40:12 PM
bogie_bacall474 wrote this:

may be that they just want to bytch about the bad and not mention the decent dudes out there.


Of course they want to b*itch, it's no different than the news. People would rather read/hear about the worst about others because good news doesn't sell.

And this:

She either consistantly picks losers or there is something wrong with her that makes a guy cheat


You are the first woman to actually put some of the responsibilty on the woman. Every other woman always puts 100% of the blame on the man.

And this:

We can all fix SOME of this. Sometimes we have to fix ourselves first.


Agreed. Know your own strengths and weaknesses and changes them accordingly. Be the best YOU that you can.
 hotmerlot
Joined: 4/26/2013
Msg: 83
Women can fix this!
Posted: 5/1/2013 7:20:39 PM
This is kind of a Nanny state mentality and I don't want the men who contact me to be censored. I would rather see the email and choose to respond or block myself. What I might find offensive another woman might find frank and charming. Why would I want to muzzle other people?

Also, there are some men trolling for sex, but the majority of emails I get are from nice normal guys. There is an equal percentage of women trolling for wallets. Both genders can demonstrate nasty traits.

Maybe Markus needs to install a 'hurt my feelings' button.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 84
view profile
History
Women can fix this!
Posted: 5/2/2013 6:58:49 AM

Bogie_Bacall474
I remember back where someone said the last three long term relationships all ended with the guy cheating. To me this says more about her than it does about the dudes she spends her time with. She either consistantly picks losers or there is something wrong with her that makes a guy cheat. I'm going with picking losers...sort of, well, I'm leaning that way.

There is a third possibility here. She may THINK he cheated when in reality no such thing happened.


hotmerlot
This is kind of a Nanny state mentality and I don't want the men who contact me to be censored. I would rather see the email and choose to respond or block myself. What I might find offensive another woman might find frank and charming. Why would I want to muzzle other people?

The voice of reason. Thank you.
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 85
Women can fix this!
Posted: 5/2/2013 9:15:14 AM

At this point she sees them as a friend, someone she has trusted and confided in and for them to then turn the tables and show her it wasn't motivated by friendship but a desire to get her attention--it presents to the woman serious trust issues and then the woman no longer trust the guy and it has nothing to do with him being a NICE guy but him having his own agenda other than friendship


Some of the best relationships start out as friendships. If a woman feels as you say above, then she is simply fu**ed up. Any attractive woman is at risk of any guy wanting to have sex with her. Life is a baitch.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 86
view profile
History
Women can fix this!
Posted: 5/4/2013 4:02:43 AM
The only time I've reported anyone was when it was obvious the person was trying to do a scam. The one's that are here just looking for sex I ignore.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 87
Women can fix this!
Posted: 5/14/2013 8:55:43 AM
You are asking if women can fix the stupidity of some men? Hell no. Only those men can fix it, by fixing it themselves. By instead of getting frustrated and acting out that frustration, they try to understand that they need to present themselves in a way that women would find them interesting.

That means, learn to write a freaking email. Learn to ask questions. Learn to create a sense of trust. Learn to close the sale by asking for the date. Also, learn how to be patient and have the woman also respond to you.

It ALL can be learned.

And remember that as in advertising this still applies:

Differentiate or die.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 88
view profile
History
Women can fix this!
Posted: 5/14/2013 12:03:14 PM
^^^^Sometimes I really hate it when Outmind gets out of the grownup pool and comes to pay with the rest of us in the shallow end. His laid back common sense approach takes all the fun out of everything.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 89
Women can fix this!
Posted: 5/14/2013 12:46:11 PM

And remember that as in advertising this still applies:

Differentiate or die.


But in most advertising the prospective customer is inundated with images of a false reality, you see what they want you to think about, which is everything except the product or service.


His laid back common sense approach takes all the fun out of everything.


Well, for everyone with common sense, there is at least ten without that will give you what you want. Entertainment.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 90
Women can fix this!
Posted: 5/14/2013 2:01:42 PM

But in most advertising the prospective customer is inundated with images of a false reality, you see what they want you to think about, which is everything except the product or service.


Yes and no, depending on the advertising. Also, if your make believe is above the real value or benefit of the product, the product self destructs. But take for instance the commercial "the farmer" which used a sermon by Paul Harvey. It differentiated, yet totally connected with a particular audience. The product, a Chrysler pickup truck, has to compete against die hard Ford people, Chevy people or even Toyota people.

Same thing applies here. If all you do is "Me too." You're nothing but me too. Boring. Next.

So okay, shots for everyone. Pull out that Patron bottle.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 91
view profile
History
Women can fix this!
Posted: 5/15/2013 10:03:00 AM

Women you can fix this! Just like CraigsList has a "flag" option POF has an option to report a profile. If a man asks for or offers sex in the original email and, their profile does not say "intimate encounter" please report their profile. That way hopefully they'll get deleted and that will leave room for the true men on here.


I think you're taking this far too serious. First of all, it wasn't long after turning 30 (30 years ago) that I decided it was much more fun to GRADE sexual harassment that it is to report it...and also a lot more effective. But...that was in my own particular realm...the world of construction workers, who may not have a lot of polish...but you can be certain that when one offers a compliment (whistle) it's sincere.

Right around that same time, I also learned what 90% of women learn after the age of 30-40.... that the men who constantly TALK about sex....are the ones getting the LEAST of it....and that there's usually a reason why. (they're lousy at it)

Women are not quite so naive as you might think. Take a survey of women.... and ask them the first thing that pops into their heads when a guy they barely know starts talking about oral.....LOL! Be honest women.....you think ED....right?

So, to expect women to fix it.....make room for true men....they already do.

One of the worst things that men (and probably women do it also) is to ignore a persons profile, or think that they are going to change the other person's views. Example: My profile has clearly stated for quite some number of years that I am NOT looking for dates, relationships or anything else...that I'm here because I have friends here....and I keep track of the POF real time events which I go to occassionally. Every once in a while, I get (other from my friends) a sincere...."just wanna be friends" email, but by far....most still want to "hook up", or think that I didn't know what I was saying. IF I were to even respond to those....it's like "encouragement". (A LIE) NO INTEREST means NO INTEREST. So if a woman (or man) doesn't respond to someone.....don't take it as a personal insult or a reflection on YOU or your character....but as her/his personal preference.

Men or women who become so "frustrated" over someone elses lack of response that they alter their normal personality are NOT good relationship material in the first place....so defending them is pointless. When someone looks at your profile and doesn't like your looks....or something you've said, your grammar, your interests.....it's PREFERENCE, and it's perfectly fine to have those.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 92
Women can fix this!
Posted: 5/15/2013 5:26:46 PM
To the so-called nice guys that seem to think women can't/don't think for themselves to discourage the pervs - it's easy. Block all people looking for IE or have contacts others for IE. Of course then we forumites will have to deal with more forums complaining that women are too judgmental and/or the forums complaining that this is a horrible option because "I've never contacted anyone for IE and should not be blocked".

Sheesh.
 senseandspirit
Joined: 4/26/2013
Msg: 93
view profile
History
Women can fix this!
Posted: 6/4/2013 6:55:38 AM

Women only want friendly chat when they want friendly chat, and men are supposed to know that. When they want it, they will survey the recent ones to see which one she likes - just like she only looks at the ads in the current Cosmo. Maybe you'll get picked!

I once had a good friend who mantra is "Timing is Everything!"
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 94
view profile
History
Women can fix this!
Posted: 6/4/2013 8:27:16 AM
And here I thought it was...."location, location, location"....;)

OT.....There is no fixing a woman, just enjoying them until they try to fix you!!

cd
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 95
view profile
History
Women can fix this!
Posted: 6/4/2013 9:42:51 AM
^^^^BINGO!

That is right on target!
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 96
Women can fix this!
Posted: 6/4/2013 12:29:02 PM
Women, do you think you can fix this?


Most markets tend to fix themselves based on supply and demand. I'm sure that most women understand that the blatent sex approach is only a means for these types of men to identify their sub-market. It's quicker than taking the slealth approach of long conversations about mundane issues only to switch the subject later on towards sex chatting. Women who are responsive to sex chatting will respond... women who are not responsive will block. If there were no women receptive to sex chat, there would be no men here looking for such things.

Perhaps the men that are interested in more than sex chat can find a less stealth way of identifying their sub-market perhaps by being forward and saying that they are looking for someone to go on a date with them. I do see some men as being quick to mention setting up a coffee meet... their goal of course is to sort through images to find women who are receptive to dating.

Of course, the reason why most women can't respond to everyone who emails them is because EVERY single man is playing the numbers game and they are all emailing usually the best looking women. YET... Any woman who actually responds to the man and then goes out on a date with him will be considered less worthy...somehow flawed... because ALL the other REALLY good looking women appear to be ignoring him. So, the guy goes back to look for someone who is "better" than the one he just got. Yep... the grass is greener on the other side.

That's my theory.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women can fix this!