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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > No success      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ManOfAdventure28
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 22
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No successPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
^^^^ It might have something to do with how (people like) you generalise and assume that your experience is somehow gospel for every one else. And then tell everyone else not to bother.

As for being past the whiny stage, I think you've just re-visited it
 _FishingForAMermaid_
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 23
No success
Posted: 4/12/2013 10:23:24 AM
The concept of "success" is something that each person defines. If you mean that you have not yet found the woman of your dreams here on POF, join the club. Sorry to say, but if that is the case, do not despair. While there are many on POF (and other dating sites), some are serious. You stand as good a chance as the next person of finding success.

Many subscribe to the adage, if at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again. Keep trying. There is lots of potential here on POF. It may be that your dream gal will be found here. And again, it might be in some other venue IRL.

Good Luck !!
 zelig77
Joined: 2/7/2013
Msg: 24
No success
Posted: 4/12/2013 10:27:00 AM
Unfortunately ,a lot of women on here just want to be told how beautiful they are and are not serious about meeting anyone.


I see this type of comment over and over and over again...

Though it's perhaps a comforting thought to think 'eh, b*tches' the truth is that just because someone isn't interested in meeting a specific person (ahem, you) does not mean that they are not interested in meeting anyone.

I can only speak for myself - I've used this site a couple times when I was 'actively looking', met men in person and actually dated one of them for a couple of years.

It can happen. It does happen. Maybe not as quickly as you'd like? It may be frustrating, but once you take the attitude that 'all women are ..... ' (fill in the blank) I suspect that starts to shine through and make success LESS likely?

Just my 2 cents.
 Hanoverfella
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 25
No success
Posted: 4/12/2013 11:31:17 AM
^^^^^^Very true^^^^ I met my ex here in 2011, we were together for 15 months, it can happen and does, all in all I've had pretty good experience on here, keep ur expectations low , and it's harder to be disappointed
 Backlum_Chaam_Wang
Joined: 1/27/2011
Msg: 26
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History
No success
Posted: 4/12/2013 11:51:16 AM

True talk. What about women. I think most men need. But women... want everything and think they are everything
 zelig77
Joined: 2/7/2013
Msg: 27
No success
Posted: 4/12/2013 12:09:18 PM
OK, I'll remove the gender-ness (not a word, I know) from my above comment, which was influenced by the comments in this thread. There are also lots of female posters who comment repeatedly about how ALL men on here are players, only looking for a quick lay, etc etc etc.

These sweeping generalizations I guess allow people to feel better? H*ll, I sympathize that people have had bad experiences. I've had more good than bad, but I've also been rejected and it's no fun at all.

But just because a person does not feel like you are the one for them does not mean they are awful and/or that they are not looking to meet someone who IS the one for them.
 ryuoki
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 28
No success
Posted: 4/12/2013 6:08:07 PM

Don't think it's you. Your an attractive guy. The right one will come along.


No, he has to find her. She will not just come along. Typically the overweight women are decent catches for me who are homebodies themselves, but not for someone who is active physically. The ladies who know they are good looking rarely do any fishing themselves, but are looking for Mr. Perfect almost every time and when he does not show they delete the profile or abandon it complaining about not finding anyone decent or does not have the right 'chemistry'.


Imagine how tedious it must be for the people who have them to be constantly turning away men who are always trying to climb into the thing every time we turn around.


Not all the men are this way. But maybe you treat them all the same with an assumption? Women get bombarded many times by men. If they are 4-10 they can pretty much expect to see something in their inbox each day unless they have such highly restrictive settings.


These sweeping generalizations I guess allow people to feel better? H*ll, I sympathize that people have had bad experiences. I've had more good than bad, but I've also been rejected and it's no fun at all.


Being rejected sucks. Being rejected all the time sucks even more. Unless you are an extremely good looking guy, practically between 8-10 you are going to have a difficult time with this site. I sent out 100 messages in a month and got 1 reply, that lead to the 1 date. I have mentioned this one in previous posts, go find it if your curious. I am at 6 months there about currently (I have deleted and recreated in between) but been with the site for about a year and a half maybe. And almost no success here either. I keep telling myself, that it must be them, but a whisper keeps going on that its just me since I am the only common denominator involved. I have done the profile review, and done it and done it, etc. It really is just me and as things progress I might just have to take one of the heavier women up and settle. I feel some of these other posters are right in that many of the ladies are just here for ego boosts and IF some incredibly good looking Ryan Seacrest, Justin Bieber, Brad Pitt, or what ever other 'celebrity' is considered 'hot' now days pops up in their inbox they will meet them. Aside from that our best bet is still likely out in the real world. Just follow my advice. Check your box in the morning to see if any replies came in the night. Then wait till evening and start casting again for that day. Aside from that continue to just live and improve on yourself.

Come to think of it, I should change my 1 reply to 2. Forgot about one lady. She did respond and I replied back. Then she disappeared from my inbox so I tested and sure enough I was blocked. A few days later I noticed in my email client she had favorited me the same day as the block.... I assumed she might have been using the PoF app for dumbphones, as I remember someone mentioning they have a tendency to do this. I just haven't bothered to break all the blocks just yet to find out.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 29
No success
Posted: 4/12/2013 7:37:04 PM
today I was scrolling through my local singles and no joke every 3rd young woman had 1 or multiple kids! Yikes! But anyway Online Dating is madness! Madness I tell you!
 SILLYGIRL111
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 30
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History
No success
Posted: 4/12/2013 8:08:25 PM
I met someone on here it lasted years.
 starlight334
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 31
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No success
Posted: 4/13/2013 4:41:52 PM
Meet someone in the "Real World" is hard as well for multiple reasons.
If you are after High School or University the level on social engagement goes down year after year. I mean social engagement on a daily basis..because the "daily basis" is a keyword. When someone sees you on a daily basis then one can know you a bit better and get that confidence to talk to you more relaxed. Worplaces are social places as well but - it is seen as a "bad ground" for hooking up it is more like exceptions....So social presence...where ? Bar? Theatre? Hockey/Soccer/Bachetball/...etc ? Gym? Shopping ? All these may be fine but if you keep doing this for years it costs money....(gas, buy drinks, food or whatever, tickets...all these places are waiting for you to make you poorer as much as posible)
Another thing is how much rejection can you handle ?
Because one thing is for sure no matter if you are a man or woman rejection hurts even if you lie to yourself that it doesn't. That is one of the main reasons women like to be approached for example...so they decide...and a NO for them is not a rejection. As a test: Say you have a woman partner and she wants to go out somewhere and you say NO...see what happens..once, twice, etc.
How do you know you will like someone with just approaching ? How do you know someone just by looking ? Don't we preach "feelings" all over the place ? So real life situations may have limitations also. How many people are doing it ?
If you just go and face someone suddenly it is bad..(you bring up the who the f..k are you situation).you have the STRANGER word stamped on your forehead. You need to overcome that. Again tons of work and time investment if nothing else. All the websites and radio shows talking about dating are telling you how to do this and that......like telling you potentially how "Not to be yourself"...act like a fake.
Websites are hard also - same as looking for a job. The more you have under your belt the better chances you have to get something good.
Websites work more for women looks like. So if they choose they expect you to be as they like to be.
There are tons of other details.
 varyk
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 32
No success
Posted: 4/13/2013 9:40:51 PM

I don't come here to whine or rant, I come here to share experiences with others. What I'd like to know is why so many people consider any negative experiences to be a whine or a rant?


Having an opinion is not considered to be whining or a rant per say and you are most certainly welcome to share your subjective opinion within the confinements of the forum. However, your opinions are exactly that subjective. But I would have to agree with manofadventure on this one...your comments stating that putting efforts into POF or any other dating platform is a waste of time solely based on your limited experience does start to resemble a whiny rant.

I personally have had a rather pleasant experience on POF and have found that for the most part people are fairly upfront and genuine. Granted I can't speak for everyone or for the whole internet dating experience, but don't knock it completely out of the range of possibilities. Just because you have ruled out the internet dating as an viable outlet for you, doesn't mean that it can't work for others. Good Luck!
 ryuoki
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 33
No success
Posted: 4/14/2013 9:00:19 AM

I personally have had a rather pleasant experience on POF and have found that for the most part people are fairly upfront and genuine. Granted I can't speak for everyone or for the whole internet dating experience, but don't knock it completely out of the range of possibilities. Just because you have ruled out the internet dating as an viable outlet for you, doesn't mean that it can't work for others. Good Luck!


This above is true for the extremely good looking males and the average to good looking females. Males many times on internet dating are far less picky, and primarily look for someone they simply find attractive to make initial contact.
The males who are extremely good looking have a much larger pool to choose from so they do tend to be far more picky, unless they just want sex in which case willingness to suffice a carnal desire to them trumps all other choices.
The really hot females will normally find far more messages to them simply because they are attractive to a wide variety of men, while the more average females will get an average amount of messages, and those who are a bit less comely will see just a few at a time, most of which are just looking for sex. While the hot males will find an average amount of messages primarily from those on the less comely side of attractiveness to just a few from the average and way less from hot females. Leaving the average and less comely male getting next to nothing till they likely find a desperate female. Some of which are better at masking their desperation, while others cannot help themselves.

This video is quite funny to me(being male), as it seems to show the internal attitudes expressed verbally between American men and women while dating.

http://youtu.be/2JrkNBHJFuM
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 34
No success
Posted: 4/14/2013 9:21:13 AM
I got a private email the other night telling me that I was a dirty old man with the vocabulary of a teenager!!!!! I consider that my FIRST success story to date!!!!

I'm basically living the dream here.
 starlight334
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 35
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History
No success
Posted: 4/14/2013 9:34:45 AM
Walts...you got it, right on buddy enjoy it as it lasts. :-)
 Backlum_Chaam_Wang
Joined: 1/27/2011
Msg: 36
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History
No success
Posted: 4/15/2013 1:58:28 PM
Well said Starlight Well said.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 37
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No success
Posted: 4/15/2013 8:41:55 PM
OP, don't sweat it. Men waaaaaaay outnumber the women online. You have to understand, women get as many messages online as Hollywood stars get fan mail. I seriously doubt that the women on here have the time in a day to go through and answer every message in her in box. I found this out the same way. My former dance partner put her profile on here. She got over 400 messages every single day. It got so bad, she would go through the fist 40 to 50 messages, and delete the rest. Just remember, online dating is completely and totally a woman's market.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 38
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History
No success
Posted: 4/15/2013 10:29:49 PM
Walts--you are so funny! Sigungg, I wish I got that many! haha! to the problem at hand. Op-I don't know why you are not having success. Why not go to profile review and see if they can help you. While I am not in a relationship as yet, I have met some nice and interesting men. I consider that successful. Some have become friends. Just gotta keep trying is all I can tell you.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 39
No success
Posted: 4/16/2013 7:48:00 AM
Ya , go to profile review so the women there can tell you how to make your profile more feminine so that it will appeal to women . They are not looking for men any more , they want a guy that acts like he is their girlfriend , good luck with that . I think main reason allot of women are on dating sites is to find men they can friend zone .
 cajuncooker
Joined: 3/3/2013
Msg: 40
No success
Posted: 4/16/2013 9:16:24 AM
have heart it may take a while. I am single been for years. Yes I would like to meet someone and ladies a guy actually admitting this lol but I am no fabio. I am no sam elliot or tom cruise. I am of average looks and a bit over weight.
But dont worry someday someone will come along and you will meet her. Just dont put too much stock in being rejected. Not everyone is going to find you attractive, just like not every woman will find you ugly. Dont be down you will meet someone when you least expect it and where you least expect it
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 41
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History
No success
Posted: 4/16/2013 10:19:51 AM
As in life, patience and a good eye for opportunity are needed.
I'm no fabio either, but I was able to carry on several nice chats with some great ladies. That was mostl;y due to just keeping an eye open. It may be different around here. Our entire state has a quarter million people in it.
The key is ( I think) to keep going with your regular life and not put "all your eggs in one basket"...so to speak.

If things arent working, change them up and try again.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 42
No success
Posted: 4/16/2013 11:35:14 AM

In eight months, I have signed up for 10 sites, sent about 500 messages, and out of only about 20 girls who even replied, I only got one girl to date me.


500 messages in 8 months? That is about 15 messages a week. That is nothing. When I started I was sending about 100 or more messages a week. That is for the same time 3200 messages.
 cajuncooker
Joined: 3/3/2013
Msg: 43
No success
Posted: 4/19/2013 5:25:41 AM
oh you are damaging me lol. No i am from baton rouge so now i understand your forward and fourth rightness lol.
 cajuncooker
Joined: 3/3/2013
Msg: 44
No success
Posted: 4/19/2013 5:30:07 AM
In this though there are peole who are interested and people who are not. I dont take it personally and I figure if they dont take the time to get to know me even on a friendship level then that is their loss and not mine. It may be your profile it may be your hobbies and interests who knows. But dont take it to heart.
Like I say I am devotedly single so it dosent matter. I am here looking for just plationic friends that I can meet and hangout with. and if I stay single and never meet anyone weather it be pof or irl then so be it. I can live happily with that and not look back.
Do not put your eggs all in one frying pan. and dont look for someone to love look for someone to be a friend with and you never know what road may open
 cajuncooker
Joined: 3/3/2013
Msg: 45
No success
Posted: 4/19/2013 7:09:33 AM
I am a chubby chaser myself. Its not that I dont mind hwp women becuase they are nice too. But to me there is something sexy about a chubby woman, they have a great smile and most are down to earth and fun to be around but I never settle when I date. I dont think phyiscal appearence is the problem to a point although we all have some idea of what we think and dont think is cute or good looking. But I like chubby women. Now part of that is I like to cook and I like to cook a lot of very hearty meals like tonight I am make a lemon and garlic herb crusted chicken. It is covered in bread crumbs and going to be fried. (sorry if I made someone hungery) but I like to cook and a woman with a harty appitite is appealing to me. but that is because we have two things in common we both like to cook and eat. (yes for those wondering I am putting that in oilve oil and frying it with the herbs garlic and lemon mixed in my breading).
But its a matter of hobbies and interests along with morals and standards coupled with looks to a point
 Scottish_749
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 46
No success
Posted: 4/19/2013 10:08:33 AM
I feel for ya OP.

I've received plenty of return messages, phone numbers, and facebooks, but that is usually it. When ever I try to arrange a date I get constant excuses minutes before meeting. The most recent one was a faked car accident.. minutes later she is back on here messaging people.. pathetic. I was starting to see a pattern and thinking maybe I have some sort of bad flaw, but it's just how online dating is. I tried out a few of the ever growing number of single moms, figuring they would be a bit more mature and responsible, but they were the worst for lies and games!

I know it sucks guys but don't take it too personally and don't give up.
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