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 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 46
You meet, you date, it goes well...and then...Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Common sense is important. If both have suitable residences, then renting one property and having the rents pay expenses, and living and sharing the costs in the other would make sense.

My fiance and I came to an understanding, when we decided this was the real thing and we wanted to get married, almost 20 months after we met. We dated and got to know each other and each other's families really well before we moved in together .

He's bought into my home which has a good location for both of us, and we've invested equally in a rental property with the funds we both had left over after combining our households.

There are numerous ways of handling this situation. The most important part is giving a relationship time to determine if it's what both people want and if it will last. Too many jump into co-habitating much too soon and that's when problems arise.
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 47
You meet, you date, it goes well...and then...
Posted: 6/12/2013 7:00:59 PM

The scenario presented seems so far from possible in my life I find no need to even consider the possibilities. Kinda like wondering what will happen when the aliens invade.

ditto :sobs:
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 48
You meet, you date, it goes well...and then...
Posted: 6/13/2013 4:56:48 PM
My bf and I have been together 2 years . Neither one of us has any plans to sell either of our places. He stays here a lot, I stay there sometimes, and sometimes we spend a night apart. It works well for both of us this way.
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 49
You meet, you date, it goes well...and then...
Posted: 6/16/2013 4:40:49 PM
Communication is key; making sure there won't be any changing of mind too because once the bridge is burned, starting over is a WHOLE lot more complicated. And the things people don't want to talk about become important (not only where you live, but what do you have up.) I just had a relationship end where I was demanded to always be an hour and a half each way out of my way in a house decorated with squaw paintings and deer head with my car destroyed by dirt roads going up to the property It killed the relationship. Stunning house; great guy; but the drive added literally 20 hours a week to my working 50-60 hours; I literally coudln't afford to date him between excessive gas and car damage and him never ever being willing to come to where I based and had most of my work, house, friends and clients. And he honestly thought he was spoiling me.

IT does seem the fairest is to have both people sell and find somewhere that works for both people; then both people have the same vantage point and there are no "ghosts" in the house that affect one or the other; it is a cean slate for both.

Otherwise, just go back and forth and keep both.

But think long and hard before giving up everything to make that move. It is not easily undone. Renting one of them out makes more sense than selling outright.
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 50
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You meet, you date, it goes well...and then...
Posted: 10/21/2017 12:46:38 PM
I think it's very very important to consult a family law lawyer before you make any of these decisions. Many people live together and then are shocked when, upon separation, their ex common law partner is entitled to half of all the assets which were accumulated during the time they lived together. Different geographical areas have different requirements too.

Living together is a legal and economic decision, not just a romantic one, as is marriage. Do your homework first. Consult a lawyer.
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 51
You meet, you date, it goes well...and then...
Posted: 10/22/2017 6:00:01 AM

(QT3.18) ...after a while, you both decide that you want to live together. Being in this age group though, both of you have houses containing a houseful of stuff.

How would you decide in a fair and equitable manner, where to live? Would you sell your home to move with the other? Would you expect that both of you sell your home and buy a new one together? What would you consider to be fair and equitable? Would your opinion change if one had more equity than the other?

When I got married, we were both just starting out, and both started with nothing and worked upward. At this age, things would be much different when it comes to agreeing to share a home with someone (notwithstanding the legal checks and balances).

I am actually quite interested in hearing what the general consensus is (if there is such a thing).

JMO on a four year-old thread...

Both of you should sell, and buy a house that is new for *BOTH* of you. This will avoid the inevitable, "Well, this is *MY* house!!!" that will otherwise crop up in the certain arguments.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > You meet, you date, it goes well...and then...