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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > this ladies, is how good guys become jerks      Home login  
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 Bluegold007
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 76
this ladies, is how good guys become jerksPage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Be careful is right. Women with loser drama ness need to be avoided.
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 77
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/26/2013 7:20:10 PM
Op, This one lady will not cause you to be a jerk. Your the only one,that can make you become one. You can't blame all women for the actions of one. If you do, that's very unfair. Good luck
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 78
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History
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/28/2013 9:48:14 AM
If this is all it takes to make you a jerk, then you were a jerk waiting to happen all along. She told you how it was going to be and you decided to ignore it, and then come in here whining that you were forced to become a jerk. Face it...you ignored all the RED FLAGS and you were played. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. YOU are responsible for your own behavior...don't be blaming the world for your cry baby attitude. Deal with it and move on.
 grantfl80
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 79
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 5/4/2013 7:04:38 PM
Another self proclaimed great guy, white knight, superman post. Look dude, you don't just turn the "nice" on and off, and you certainly don't become a jerk to all because of one. Why not be a nice guy simply because that's what you are? Woman...no woman...if you're truly a nice guy, your relationship status wouldn't dictate it.

G
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 80
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 5/5/2013 6:11:33 AM
NO man should be "nice" just to get what he wants..

Its a sure fire way for it to back fire on you.

and the good girls who take up with these "so called nice guys" (with an agenda)... they end up feeling used and screwed over when "mr nice guy" stops being nice.. and gets real!
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 81
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 5/5/2013 2:44:21 PM
Sorry to tell you^^^^^^Either a guy is nice/good or not nice/good guy.Not that there is nothing wrong with that.There are tons of post from women on this site that you can be to nice.Well good luck with that logic.Usually they end up with guys that are "NOT TO NICE".Which also there is nothing wrong with that.It is the womans choice.The problem i have after the "NOT TO NICE GUY" is gone she is asking and whining where are all the nice guys.It seems to me she is confused of what she wants in a man.But i do like a woman honesty when she siads she does not like "NOT TO NICE GUY"..I do respect that.Once i hear that i am gone for the hills.I am not her type.Why should i waste her time and mine.There are plenty of "NOT TO NICE GUYS" for her to choose from!!!!
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 82
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 5/5/2013 10:56:26 PM

When someone craps on you, you have to decide if you're gonna tolerate it, and that may mean ending the relationship / friendship because the alternative is to reinforce that they can get away with it. It sucks to throw away whatever good you had because of someone else's mistake, but valuing yourself is a good long-term strategy.


This is good advice.
I don't think that you are being a jerk by saying that you don't want to associate with this woman anymore.
Honestly, you should have realized that she was a game-player the minute she asked you to take a picture with you in order to get her ex-boyfriend jealous. That's not a sign of interest. It's a red flag that the person you like isn't worth your time. Next time you meet a woman who's actions don't match up with her words... someone who draws you in with promises of this and promises of that and then pushes you away...JUST WALK AWAY the sooner the better. There are people out there (both men and women) who are manipulative and enjoy pushing other people's buttons. They don't make good friends. Unfortunately, people like this can take up some of your head space IF you try to figure them out. Don't even bother. The nice thing is that after awhile it gets easier to spot these types.

There is nothing wrong with being a decent person... just save it for someone who deserves it. Don't give THIS woman the power to change you.
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 83
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 5/10/2013 6:49:55 PM
maya_posting



When men say they're nice guys it usually means they're passive aggressive, secretly angry and resentful


this.

without exception this has been my experience too! 'nice guys' that are experts at the passive aggressive thing and harbour feelings of anger and resentment that would do any woman proud!



I second that..the every 30 seconds self proclaimed charming im sucha nice guy is usually the demon in disguise..an it sometimes doesnt take much to piss em off or get the horns growing especially if a woman turns thier advances down..or if she disagrees with something he says an has her own mind an opinion about it..

1 minute she can be a sweet beautiful woman the next shes a shallow stuck up b itch..an the rantin begins..
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 84
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 5/10/2013 10:51:01 PM
OP: There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy, but not all women deserve a nice guy. My guess is that your former love interest doesn't deserve you. There are plenty of decent women out there, who would actually appreciate a decent guy. Thing is, you can be sure that some chick making out with random guys at thee bar is NOT one of those girls. Find yourself a nice girl and be a nice guy with her.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 85
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 5/15/2013 11:03:35 PM
How can you show a woman you have a back bone while still being The Nice Guy? I mean where is the cut off for being too nice?
 zuythemanfrog
Joined: 6/2/2011
Msg: 86
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/10/2013 12:09:33 PM

Yes I made a move on her 3 days before. I tried to kiss her but she just pushed me away, giggled and said she wasn't ready. Tried to kiss her earlier that night as well and got the same answer. 2 hours later apparently she was ready. That's what I meant by I got the hint. She made out with another guy yet she wasn't ready for me.


All this means she just wasn't into you and you were in the friend zone all along. You were a better option than her being all alone and she probably got an emotional boost out of the attention you were showing her. But she simply wasn't interested and used you to get back at her ex. BTW- Once you're in the friend zone, it's over. You just need to find another girl who is actually interested in you and isn't into game playing.
 zuythemanfrog
Joined: 6/2/2011
Msg: 87
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/10/2013 12:22:54 PM

Its not specifically the jerk behaviour women are responding to OP its the self confidence when I was younger I thought I was it but was kind/generous and women loved me now im older Im not as arrogant and I dont even get a second glance :-) Im guessing you are too nice and women dont think you have a backbone which is a bit of a turn off.


AMEN!!! Women are wired to respond to masculine behavior. They go after jerks because they have that "something", then come to resent how they are treated by the jerk. Similarly, nice guys go ignored because they're uninteresting due to their complete lack of masculine behavior. Women are conditioned by society to want nice guys, but their heart never seems to be in it. The OP needs to find that balance between the two extremes and live it in his being. I struggle with this too, trying to be my authentic self and release feelings of resentment towards women.
 zuythemanfrog
Joined: 6/2/2011
Msg: 88
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/10/2013 12:25:32 PM

Gjbrown- best way is to ask her on a date soon after you meet her- and make a move within the first couple dates. If she turns you down- don't hang around and pretend to be friends. That's pretty much all you have to know really. That's what girls are actually looking for


Yep! Studies show people make up their minds about you within a couple to three minutes of meeting you. So if there isn't something about you that wows her right away, you're pretty much done for as far as she's concerned.
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 89
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/10/2013 8:25:26 PM
You don't sound like such a nice guy to me. You knew this woman had a boyfriend yet you continued to hang around her while infatuated with her. A nice person would of backed right off and left that situation alone.

This woman promised you nothing. Any promise of a future relationship was all in your head. You were never a nice guy. Why men chase around these types of women I don't know. You all certainly seem to like the bad girls or like getting treated badly.
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 90
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/16/2013 1:55:26 PM

But how are women conditioned to want nice guys?

There is a very big difference between a nice guy and a good man. Personally I cringe inside when a man tells me that "he's a nice guy". You just know that beneath the big fake smile and overly helpful personality is rage and hate bubbling beneath the surface. God help you if you do anything he doesn't like and the real side of him shows itself. Run like your hair is on fire.
 Space_Weaver
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 91
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/16/2013 8:29:11 PM
It doesn't matter about being a nice guy. It is just a worn out phrase to either let someone down without hurting their feelings, an adjective to make themselves more approachable, or a way fooling themselves into staying in a toxic relationship. People are initially conditioned in the physical aesthetics of a person for whom they date, and then second, they will decide on the qualities of that person. More leeway will be given to a person that one perceives as attractive over one that is perceived as average, or below.

The problem with this whole 'nice guy' thing is because some women can't be forthright into telling someone the real truth on why they don't want to date them. One of the most absurd let downs I hear is the, "you have everything that I am looking for but". They can't tell you what the 'but' is. Totally contradictory.

My advice is just to be yourself, and not pay attention to some silly round-talk phrase. There are more reasons other than the so-called 'nice guy' that people look for in who they date. Be yourself, and find your balance.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 92
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/17/2013 7:04:33 AM

People are initially conditioned in the physical aesthetics of a person for whom they date, and then second, they will decide on the qualities of that person. More leeway will be given to a person that one perceives as attractive over one that is perceived as average, or below.


This is where the nice guys fail miserably. They see the gorgeous girl and the practically lick her shoes and are responsive to their beckon call. If the guy acts with confidence and does not give a rat's ass that she is attractive and does not put up with any of her crap. The guy is not going to fall into the nice guy trap. I have to also say that a lot of these attractive women test you to see how you give in.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 93
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History
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/17/2013 10:08:18 AM
Being a good guy has nothing to do with this.

A good guy or a bad guy doesn't always get what they want.

She didn't like you more than a friend, period. She was never attracted to you, period.

She's a flirt, continue to hang out with her you will only get hurt, because you like her more than a friend.

Stay away from her until you can truly just be her friend.

Jan
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 94
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/17/2013 12:17:30 PM

Right, but I was actually wondering how women are conditioned to want nice guys?

Well since as I said nice guys are actually rage machine control freaks underneath the nice guy exterior then why would any woman in her right mind want that. I don't want a nice guy. I just want a good man.
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 95
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/17/2013 12:46:56 PM
As I said there is a difference between a nice guy and a good man. Good people don't have to go around telling everyone else how nice and good they are. They don't feel the need to shove it in everyones face. When good people do things for others they don't go around advertising it and making sure everyone knows what they did. If a good man helps you move he is not secretly expecting a blow job. All men claiming to be nice guys are terrible people underneath. Think about it, if that's actually what you tell people,how nice you are, then how arrogant and not very nice is that.

Asking how to condition women to want controlling,arrogant rage machines is like asking how do you condition men to want that kind of a woman? What kind of sick and twisted person would want someone like that?
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 96
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/17/2013 1:36:05 PM
MsMaggieMay

As I said there is a difference between a nice guy and a good man. Good people don't have to go around telling everyone else how nice and good they are. They don't feel the need to shove it in everyones face. When good people do things for others they don't go around advertising it and making sure everyone knows what they did. If a good man helps you move he is not secretly expecting a blow job. All men claiming to be nice guys are terrible people underneath. Think about it, if that's actually what you tell people,how nice you are, then how arrogant and not very nice is that.



PREACH!! +30

exactly why would somebody whom really is a kind hearted person or a person who is really a skilled lover..

need to advertise them self off every 60 seconds like some bad car commercial if its so trueeeeee an everybody lovesss it/them soooo much..

money walks an bull s hit talks..too many of the self proclaimed greatest lovers an nicest guys you never had are usually all smoke an mirror tricks an when the mask or cardboard background falls down your are left with seeing the skeletons of past victims an dust storms of Narcissism for it was nothing more then a mirage to lure you out to them..
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 97
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 7/21/2013 10:58:19 AM

First off society do not condition women to like good guys

Well, there's a difference between good guy & nice guy, as the issue was conditioned to want/like Nice Guys. That, I disagree with. But good guys? Sure, in the generic sense. But a "good guy" basically means not a bad guy -- not a bad catch. That really doesn't do much. If she grows up and lives in a low-rent trailer park and has the "classical" upbringing as a child, teen, and young adult -- the "bad boy" type will be the good catch. The non-physically abusive "bad boy" will be the "good guy".

I think you'll see in different areas, different trends. You go to Chicago, what the great looking & fit 25-35 single corporate career women want isn't the bad-boy mechanic who constantly dictates control and has a big drinking problem with his malt liquor. If you go to a small country town and eye the 21-30 single cosmetologists, you'll see that be more the case -- what you're pointing out how "women" are. My point? Is that extreme varies by demographic.

But I will say this -- regardless of demographic -- attractive, outgoing women are not going to want Mr Nice Guy. No, Mr Nice Guy is not a guy who like the A-Hole "Bad Boy" postures himself over-the-top of "look how I AM", but in a Nice Guy way. Some can be, sure. That's where they very well may not be a Mr Nice Guy.

But a lot of it is based on his looks/style, body language, demeanor. Attractive, outgoing women of all demographics generally don't want a guy who gives off an image/vibe that he can be walked all over. Many times, you don't know if a guy is the type who would ACTUALLY be walked all over until he's already foot-deep involved in a situation with a gal. So like many other things, it's surface indicators -- looks/style/body-language/demeanor. And it has some truth to it, but not an exact science at all. So you may see a guy who Seems on the Surface to be Mr Nice Guy, but no, he's not once you really engage with him. Or a guy who seems like a Good Guy, but he's actually a doormat Mr Nice Guy.

What is Mr Nice Guy? When it boils down to it, he'll cave to what a woman he's attracted to wants. He caters to impress her. Doesn't require pampering or sugar-daddying. A hot girl engaging with an average Joe? The Mr Nice Guy is more likely to come out of him than if he was engaging with an Average Jane. He doesn't know how to say "No" or "Actually, here, let's do this..."

If an attractive, outgoing woman Feels that he's Mr Nice Guy -- massively high chances are, she's going to lose interest if she had some before. He could end up being a true Mr Nice Guy, maybe not so much or at all. Doesn't really matter.

IMO, guys shouldn't aim to be Mr Nice Guy -- that approach of chasing & jumping through hoops to please & win over -- isn't good. And guys shouldn't try to over-compensate by trying to be A-hole Bad Boy. Just don't give off the vibe of being a Mr Nice Guy, by your looks/style/demeanor ... which is easier to do when you don't Want to be like that and Understand that it's not the way the wind blows (despite what maw, grandmaw, and a buddy's GF said).
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 98
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 7/21/2013 5:50:36 PM
.
I'm simply asking how did society do this. I want to see proof or at least an example.

Since I am not the one who said that,nor do I even believe that, then you would do better to ask the person who actually said it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 99
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 7/22/2013 7:22:04 AM

Your quote "guys shouldn't aim to be Mr.Nice guy"...Do not jump through loops..

Yeah, don't try to "win them over" with attitude & action by jumping through hoops to impress them and a song & dance doing so. Outgoing attractive women want a catch, not a fish defining itself as jumping in the boat.

But on the other hand most worthless POS(drunks,drug addicts,bums,convicts)have no problem with women catering to all their needs.In other word women will throw out the red carpet for these winners.

I'm not saying that, no. You will find demographics of people living out in the country or in trailers where you'll see too much of that. Women tend to not like that either. Don't be that, either. There is no trend that they roll out the red carpet for those winners. Sure, a deadbeat dad type who's alpha-male, dictates control is going to have better luck with a white-trash gal who likes that kind of man in her trailer park. But why would you be jealous of that or want a gal like that anyway?

Either you are good or bad.There is no middle ground,But I read on these forums that there is.Which I totally disagree.

Most women don't want either. Look around at couples out there. Women want a guy who's not such an easy catch (Mr Nice Guy). They also don't want a deadbeat controlling loser either (Trailer Park Alky), although in certain demographics you'll see that sticking too much. But if a loser trailer park alky is better looking than you, and she's out of your league -- she's not going to you. Some sub-cultures (trailer parks) are more tolerant of trailer park alkies.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 100
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 7/22/2013 9:01:43 AM
Since there are just tooo many posters in here that love to exaggerate their tales, I'm interested to know if any of those 'Nice Guys' that turned into 'Rage Monsters' were actually DECENT people who simply got sick of being TREATED like a doormat.

Example- GF lives in an apartment with a crappy laundry room in the basement. Costs too much, and half the machines are broken. Nice Guy offers to use his brand new washer and dryer. GF in turn, not only brings over a couple loads of laundry, but her ENTIRE bedding and towel collection, and uses 3x too much of the guys' soap and fabric softener, even though she brought her own detergent. If a 'Nice Guy' decides to set some rules and say that extravagant stuff ain't happening next time - is he a "control freak", or is he just trying to save his soap? Context is everything.

Having people pander and 'kiss up' to your every need does indeed sound sickening, but depending on people's backgrounds, how ladies may HANDLE certain situations of generosity might be the REAL deal-breaker - not just how you feel emotionally about the guy's attitude after the fact.

Some people come into these forums and basically DEMAND certain types of attention, and completely dismiss it at other times. It's that 'fickle' choice that can sometimes drive guys crazy - whether they may be a 'Nice Guy' or not.
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