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 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 127
this ladies, is how good guys become jerksPage 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

(62Gibson) Fact is just because a guy gives up and decides to be a Jerk does not nor has it ever meant he was always a jerk ...


I find it very offensive, the way people toss the label of "jerk" around with such careless abandon. I put years of hard work and dedication in earning the title of "Jerk", and now some wet-behind-the-ears upstart thinks he can gain that title just by posting something grumpy about wimmin? People these days have no appreciation for hard work, dedication, and striving to achieve a goal, at great personal sacrifice...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 128
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 9/10/2013 5:28:09 PM

(BabblingBrookes) If you're nice (male or female) for the sole sake of what it may get you in life, then you weren't a good person to begin with.


Please, spare us the pop-psychology pap about "altruism". Everyone is nice because of what it may get him/her in life, whether it's the warm fuzzy feeling that comes from being nice to a fellow human, to not getting a curbie from a pi$$ed off biker who thought you were dissing his colours.


I don't believe a person (guy or female) that is treated crappily has a right to transfer that crap onto another human being.


And, some people *DO* believe that it's better to be pi$$ed off, than pi$$ed on. Ain't freedom of belief grand?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 129
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 9/11/2013 5:30:50 AM

People deal with disappointment ALL the time. Most of the people in these forums are still single, and thus not 'successful' at finding their soul mate. Most handle it decently. Some are confused about communication issues and such, thus they come in here to ask and clarify their mistakes.

People come in here to rant as well - some successfully, some rather lamely - but those who cannot see their own fault in the process are the ones that have the biggest troubles with communication. The 'Jerk' factor comes about when someone makes THEIR disappointment everyone ELSE's problem - and THAT comes from BOTH sides of the gender gap.

Exactly.

Please, spare us the pop-psychology pap about "altruism". Everyone is nice because of what it may get him/her in life, whether it's the warm fuzzy feeling that comes from being nice to a fellow human, to not getting a curbie from a pi$$ed off biker who thought you were dissing his colours.

There's a difference between feeling good because you did something for someone else (regardless of their reaction to it) and doing it to get a direct reward or reaction from that person. Yes, we all do things to get something in a sense - but you can't expect to control what others do and it would be frustrating to yourself and unfair to react to what they do (if it's not the outcome you wanted) by changing the way you treat everyone going forward.

P.S. - some take dating too personally; I have no idea why you'd get this upset over people you don't know at all or haven't known that well (in the OP's case, three weeks). When you date or look to date you put yourself in a place where not everyone will be interested in you. To react to that negatively is naive and hurts you more than anyone else.

And, some people *DO* believe that it's better to be pi$$ed off, than pi$$ed on. Ain't freedom of belief grand?

I agree with this in the sense that what you choose to do is great for you, but others don't have to like or support it. Therefore a person who decides the best way to handle rejection is to treat the world like crap isn't going to have an easy way to go - because just as he's got the freedom to be a horrible person to others, they have the freedom to continue the rejection he's dealing with by not accepting it.

That's fine as long as he's OK with it - it's his problem and his life, but not many are going to care to hear the sob story about it.

Men don't lead women on.

I agree that both men and women lead themselves on many times in these situations.

If it wasn't for sex, a lof of men wouldn't even speak to women.

I'm not sure why they do. Life would be less complicated for these men if they got sex elsewhere, that way they wouldn't have to speak to any women. It would kind of be a win-win.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 130
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 9/11/2013 4:58:45 PM


(AT) And, some people *DO* believe that it's better to be pi$$ed off, than pi$$ed on. Ain't freedom of belief grand?


(WIP) I agree with this in the sense that what you choose to do is great for you, but others don't have to like or support it.


People who would rather be pi$$ed off than pi$$ed on, are not known for caring if others like or support their PoV.


Therefore a person who decides the best way to handle rejection is to treat the world like crap isn't going to have an easy way to go ...


You're either being naiive, or resorting to disingenuousness again, in which case you get a raspberry: You can treat others however you like, and if you have money, life will be very easy for you.

Then again, people on a free dating site aren't likely to be oil barons or railroad tycoons... so maybe they should be nice!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 131
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 9/12/2013 9:32:59 AM

People who would rather be pi$$ed off than pi$$ed on, are not known for caring if others like or support their PoV.

I don't think they should care, so I'm all for that.

I'll assume, though that none of those people would post here telling strangers about how they're not going to take any more crap. The OP certainly seems to care, starting a thread about it and all.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 132
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 9/12/2013 3:50:15 PM

(WIP) The OP certainly seems to care, starting a thread about it and all.


*meh* Opie's just a kid. Give him a few more heartbreaks, a coupla more decades for his cynicism to grow... I have faith in today's youth!

It's worth noting that Mark Twain said that a man is at the height of his villainy in his 40s...
 actualizing
Joined: 9/3/2013
Msg: 133
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/5/2013 10:42:37 AM
So you came here to vent and blame others...what is your question exactly?
 Post_PrepatoryLIFER
Joined: 8/19/2013
Msg: 134
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/5/2013 5:22:37 PM
Anyone can play at being nice; appearing nice. Do nice things, say nice things AND NOT MEAN THEM.
Anyone can be nice - doesn't mean they ARE good. Separate realities.

Good calibre of men; their words and actions align and they MAINTAIN this about their character.
Will endure failures, hardships, let downs and NOT BE DEFEATED. Their Character is everything to them; their honour. They are accountable and do not blame others but rather tell themselves, this is a momentary set back and I won't let it defeat me, weaken me, or harden my heart.

This is not you.

Ignorant people with poor attitudes are jerks- not GOOD guys.
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 135
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/8/2013 3:23:34 PM
While you can blame her for what she did, It's really on you for loitering around her while she had a significant other and she began trying to put you in that bag of gay male friend. If you wanted that title, you did everything right to get it.

She did what you allowed her to do. Stop being nice and trying to use sympathy get women to view you intimately. Quit not being yourself to catch her attention. A women will pick up on that immediately and bury you alive.(it's their instinct to do so).

Also be aware that what women say they want in a man and what they respond to positively in a man are often two completely different things. Men do the same thing when they say they are attracted to personalities over looks at first.

At the end of the day, you have to develop a backbone and value being a man. Once you have that value inside of you. You will stop being nice, and begin being yourself.
 rissignol
Joined: 9/5/2013
Msg: 136
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/9/2013 4:58:02 PM
Were you the nice guy, or the desperate/stupid guy?
 greatguyinside
Joined: 8/2/2013
Msg: 137
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History
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/11/2013 4:08:49 AM
Op
I think several people on here are trying to push you over the edge. They are making the bizarre claim that a good person cannot stop being good, if you are thinking about this you never were good etc. In this context there are two ways to consider goodness, one as a good temperament the other as a commitment to making good choices. Someone who is good as a matter of choice can certainly change their mind and become a jerk. Being treated horribly certainly can tempt you to stop trying. Real life and the media are filled with examples of people who were good are “breaking bad” and also of bad people who decide to become good people. It is also important to know that there are degrees in either direction; someone can go from ok - to a mean- to violent – to a murderer. The other side also has degrees, look at the true story of the “Machine Gun Preacher” for a guy who has been all over this map so to speak.

Someone who is good natured as a matter of personality or temperament may not be able to understand that. Someone who has a dark side they consciously hold down certainly can understand you. The people who seem bent on insulting and demeaning you, rather than encouraging and helping you… perhaps they have long since walked past the line you are considering, perhaps they never were on the other side, perhaps they just don’t understand. Perhaps they want you to be like them.
People do have somewhat of a point when it comes to someone who is truly altruistic, someone who is truly altruistic does not care about the response; they only care about doing “good.” Having said that even this can change and for clarity we need to discuss that as a separate but related category.
Ps M_church profound post!
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 138
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/11/2013 4:17:21 PM
sunnydaysss
Hi there OP A jerk is a jerk it doesnt matter how he became one (heartbreak,bad upbringing) he is ..there are 2 types the one that is honest and owns his jerkness and the ones that are dishonest...the excuses for becoming one...and blaming others for being a jerk...the second one didnt infact become one..it was already in them but the cowardly route in showing this shadow side is in the fabric of it not being their fault....and take no responsibility for treating others badly.



AGREED!! some guys are either a straight up a sshole live front an center or fakers an bulls hit around pretending to be the infamous "so called nice guy" who woo is me just has a bad rep.. an there definatly are alot of fakers out here..

an man on man i can say the so called nice guys sometimes are worse then the dudes who just own up to being a straight up a sshole..my ex is straight case of that.
 Post_PrepatoryLIFER
Joined: 8/19/2013
Msg: 139
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/12/2013 5:38:27 PM
So OP. Let us know when you reform back to being the good guy. We need more of those. ;)
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 140
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/13/2013 9:39:12 AM
Are women supposed to CARE why a guy is a jerk?? It’s hilarious to me how some guys think males are at the center of every woman’s universe, just because women are at the center of THEIRS.

I can just imagine guys like this stamping their little feet and sticking out their tongues, so there!

Boo frickety hoo.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 141
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/13/2013 10:30:24 AM

(fleuron) Are women supposed to CARE why a guy is a jerk??


Apparently, they are, since they give excuses for their own shortcomings all the time, as if a good explanation is the same thing as not having the problem in the first place... nice to know that this femme-bot need to be excused for her past transgressions, doesn't translate into being willing to extend the same graciousness towards men...
 Post_PrepatoryLIFER
Joined: 8/19/2013
Msg: 142
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/13/2013 10:36:07 AM
The sexual tension between you two can be carved like my Thanksgiving Turkey. :P
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 143
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/18/2013 10:25:31 AM

Hang on there. We have all been dogged out by women. I've done the nice guy thing too and got me no were.

If you did it to get somewHere, likely women sensed that and that's why it didn't work. The key is to be nice even if no one gives you anything for it - which is a foreign concept to a lot of people in the dating realm and elsewhere.

Women don't think "I just met this guy. He is so nice and sweet and kind ....AND THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON !!

I have said this with more than a couple ex boyfriends - but sure, I had to find them attractive as well. So being nice and kind (genuinely) won't get you anywhere unless the woman finds you attractive, but that's not rocket science. The problem is men are dealing with women who either don't find them attractive, or sensed they weren't being genuine about it.

If they did think like that then men would be lining up to save the world.

Some of us do. The men who are genuinely good and kind don't care if it gets them anything in return. They do it because it's who they are. I don't expect you to understand that.

She knew you was into her and she abused that power. That's what women do. I honestly think after reading all these stories about how women treat men makes me wonder if men really are the big bad enemy who are out to hurt women.

Please don't speak for all women. Sure, some men AND women take advantage of people who are into them romantically. Gender has nothing to do with that.

Oh and guess what ? These women get the come-uppance in the end. You see them in their DROVES on pof, looks fading, bills coming through the door, baby dad long, marriage broke up, mental damaged and their market value is lower than snakes belly...then they may want a nice guy like WOO HOO !!

If you pay attention to women like this - women who see dating as a Dow Jones experience, perhaps this is the problem.

But the irony is that when women have been abused or had bad experiences with men, she usually has a super high powered intense screening programme which screens out the good guys even MORE efficiently.

Can you give me some factual data on that claim?
 elmuchoburrito
Joined: 8/27/2013
Msg: 144
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/19/2013 6:49:05 PM
act like you don't care and the women will come flocking ...... ?
not so much.
or maybe it is because I don't act it.
I simply do not give a flying frig
and guess what - women do not flock - I am not beating them off with a stick

when you really don't care if she drops consciousness on the floor - they don't come near - which is perfectly fine as that is the mode I am in.
Never let a good batch of indifference affect your apathy
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 145
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History
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/24/2013 9:37:51 AM

These women ... looks fading ..... baby dad long (gone) ...... their market value is lower than snakes belly...

Yes, I am a commodity. My value is in my looks, and my purity. My personality, life experience, education, work ethic - none of that counts. If I don't have looks, and if there's any indication that I've been sexually active outside of a sanctioned relationship, I have no value.

What woman of any age would want a 'nice man' who saw her as a commodity who had 'market value'? Although, I can't imagine a 'nice man' thinking that way at all.
 Iseedudpeople
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 146
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/24/2013 10:35:48 AM
^^^^^^^ So then what about the people who are NOT nice by nature ?

They shouldn't be nice to gain something aka having an alterior motive

But they could be nice simply because .... it's contagious and wouldn't the world simply be a better place to live in if everyone caught this " disease " ?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how sweet .....

Corny as a cornfield but I believe it nevertheless
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 147
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/27/2013 7:31:58 PM
The ex boyfriend sounds cool, watching sports on Valentine's Day? Was he watching hockey? Most of the girls I've dated this year are hockey fans. Sounds like a fun evening.

Calling him "a total jerk" for watching sports reveals the OP as a beta who resents the alphas.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 148
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 10/27/2013 10:48:07 PM
^^^^Agreed!
Whoooohooo! NBA season starts this week! It's about time!
=====
Getting back to OP's original post: good grief....just because you have one bad experience with a woman does not mean you have to turn into a jerk. Sad for you....
 2ufo2
Joined: 8/29/2016
Msg: 149
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 3/20/2017 3:26:58 PM
No, this is how jerks attempt to justify themselves.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 150
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 3/25/2017 1:16:52 AM
If you were a good guy, you would never actually become a jerk. Jerks are born and bred some just hide it until their anger brings it out. You really shouldn't bottle all that hate inside not good for your health
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