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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > this ladies, is how good guys become jerks      Home login  
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 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 151
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerksPage 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Newsflash! OP has been gone almost 4 years.
 2ufo2
Joined: 8/29/2016
Msg: 152
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 3/27/2017 6:49:22 AM
The OP may be gone, but jerks can be eternal.
 RyanPerson8890
Joined: 9/2/2016
Msg: 153
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 3/31/2017 9:02:06 AM

So, she displayed her immature and vindictive behaviour to you... you joined in.. and now you are blaming her because she behaved exactly as she had shown you she would.

You then went on to behave in an immature and vindictive way yourself.

And now you are whining about it in here hoping for sympathy.

Did I sum that up nicely?


Please. He was perfectly in the right to be pissed off, what she did was incredibly ignorant. Though I do wonder if the op is actually telling the truth. For some reason people on here seem to have a bullshit belief that if you have trouble with women or are unattractive, then you are a bad person, or are stupid, or immature. None of which are actually true. My advice to the OP is this. **** younger women. Date older women. When I say older, I mean older than 30. So, not that old really, but don't bother with girls younger than 30, they are all like this.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 154
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 3/31/2017 2:04:15 PM

If you were a good guy, you would never actually become a jerk. Jerks are born and bred some just hide it until their anger brings it out. You really shouldn't bottle all that hate inside not good for your health.


What-the-hell...
BORN into it?!? Well, THAT's really a ray of hope!

Good gravy; it's not like high cholesterol or tendency for certain cancers or a sexual preference. There isn't a 'Jerk' gene in the pool of DNA anywhere. PEOPLE (Men AND Women) become 'jerks' because needs aren't met - and it doesn't have to be about dating at all.

This can manifest itself a million different ways. Maybe it goes as far back as childhood upbringing, maybe it happened because somebody cut them off on the freeway while commuting to work this morning. How it's handled - happens a million different ways, too. Some run 20 miles a day to burn off stress, some beat up a heavy punching bag in the basement until they can't feel their hands anymore. Some bake cakes, others read books. Some slap labels on others for showing their feelings because they feel hiding their own means they have more depth of character. Some don't even know they are doing it - and some don't even care.

ANYONE can become a jerk. Any. One.
I think the decisive line where 'nice' ends and where 'jerk' begins -- starts with blaming others. A soon as you lash out - by name calling, physical attack, assumptions instead of questions, demands instead of permissions, all that kind of stuff - you're already making room for yourself on the 'jerk' wagon. There's plenty of room on the wagon, too - rich or poor, fat or slim, smart or stupid - doesn't matter what you were born with - it's how you deal with it that matters.

The cool part about the Jerk Wagon is that it's just as easy to jump on it as it is to get off -- but removing the label is not so easy. Mostly because the other riders on the jerk wagon believe you belong there WITH them.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 155
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/1/2017 12:12:34 PM
Yes the are born into they are a bi-product of their everyday environment, if not taught proper boundaries acceptable, unacceptable these things should be nipped in the bud when they show. That is when parents first see signs how do they respond with things like "oh that's cute" "laughter" " he is just playing" justifying his actions their actions and lack there of tells him he is okay to do it. Makes it habit since parents did not tell them "NO " or "that's bad" "that's not very nice" Give it back, or some other form of punishment showing consequences for actions they deem it acceptable behaviour you have the "JERK".

This guy meaning "OP" befriends women who are engaged in relationships sits there flirting, being friends with ulterior motives, being sneaky like they cant see through it. Thinks when this relationship ends I am going to play the "white knight" and I will catch her and she is mine. He had a history as he claimed it himself on doing this and that is a good guy? He yelled at her for his mistake probably called her a few choice words.


I do however get tired of white knighting girls only to end up as their friends. It might be different when I get a little older but at my age everyone is just playing games. If you're too nice you become the "friend" while the guys who know how to play women get them with no problem.


Sounds to me like he has always been the jerk who prays on women when they are damaged, vulnerable, and unready for another relationship and claims to be a good guy. Blames the guy who knows exactly what she is going through and leaves her alone, lets her sort out her damage she could go back to ex or whatever. Might end up with her later because he is intelligent and stayed away from it he understands her needs. Not this guy he wants to be in like Flynn.

News flash when a relationship especially an extended one ends the last thing a woman needs to do is rush into another relationship.

So the way the guy describes himself alone says he is sneaky, deceitful, and does things for his own gain and if he cant gain from it he gets angry. Hence Jerk.
 SilverWings2017
Joined: 12/14/2016
Msg: 156
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/12/2017 6:17:19 AM
And this, ladies, is how malignant narcissists are born.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 157
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/12/2017 7:13:03 PM

She just broke up with her boyfriend who was a total jerk(sat around watching sports on valentines day) so I thought if I was around and she was ready, we'd end up together.

I know OP's gone, but -- what are ya, in high school? And realize not only your bias toward the gal you're infatuated with being ga-ga about and friends with because you want to pork her (and be with her of course) -- but you're getting a biased POV about her BF about that. It's what you'd love to hear and be 100% story, when really, they're just venting, and there's more to it than that.

She took pictures of us hugging to make her ex jealous so I really thought she was into me.

Why would you think that'd = her being really into you? Gals with BFs would be more likely to do that with guys they're NOT hooking up with or about to hook up with, as that'd give the BF reasons to be mad at her Legitimately, and the gal can have him freak out at him as "all his fault" as no guilt attached.

Last week we go out and she brings a guy that I knew she had a crush on. An hour later they're making out and leaving me to be the third wheel.

At this point, you should know it's done. When you knew she had a crush on another guy beforehand -- you should have known it was done Then. And bringing you out as a 3rd wheel and making out in front of you -- then you Surely know you have no chance for even getting side-action if you camp out in her life long enough. :)

They ditched while I was doing this. I find them at another club later on.

Well wait -- WHY would you want to hang out with them if they're already making out? I mean, I can understand them going out and saying "Hey Filipinoheat, we're going over to [this club]...," and not even giving you a heads-up is being cold.. but they aren't obligated to hang out there on a venture you took upon yourself. Just a heads up is all ya needed.

Anyways I get angry, went home and texted her ex that nothing happened between us and that she just used me to make him jealous and that she's making out with some other guy.

Ha! Well, I don't feel bad for her, but that was kind of a d!ck move on your part. She didn't do anything wrong. You knew she had a crush. You're a guy friend. You shouldn't have gotten any more upset than being out with a guy friend of yours and he brings a gal, and later in the night they're kissing... and you feel 3rd-wheelish, and you help a gal who passes out and wait for the ambulance. The only "cold" thing would be NOT be giving you a heads up that they're going to [this club] and "see ya there".

So now I'm done being the nice guy. Another good man turned into a jerk. This is why you don't lead men on ladies.

To be fair, she wasn't Blindly leading you on. It should have STOPPED at the moment of going out with she and a guy she has a crush on. You know she's going to be going home at the end of the night kissing, while you have your right-hand to go home with. So either way, you're going to feel empty. You shouldn't have gone out on that. And she had a BF at the same time. Sheesh, man.

Your nativity does not equal Mr Nice Guy. It just means being naive. Most Nice Guys (and non Mr Nice Guys) would have NOT gone out with she and a guy she has a crush on, expecting to "share in on the action".... nor had hopes of running off in the sunset with a gal who has a BF who doesn't mind being flirty. That's just your hormones talking.
 Railrunner
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 158
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/28/2017 5:23:26 PM
OP is gone, most likely, but let me say this anyway.
If it only took a few minor actions from a new friend, actions you played into, no less, to turn you from a good guy into a jerk, then you were really a jerk from the beginning. No one, who truly is good, is turned by something so minor. Or so quickly.
 lac0718
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 159
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 5/19/2017 12:29:29 PM
Yeah, sorry. A lot of people have this problem. They want something so bad that they ignore the blatant signs that indicate it is never going to happen. Why would you let her treat you like a doormat and still want her? Up your self worth and self confidence and go out and find a girl who doesn't treat you like shit.
 Jackcrusto
Joined: 2/27/2017
Msg: 160
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 5/20/2017 4:15:51 PM
Man what is wrong with some of the guys on this thread? Who thinks it's a good idea to befriend a couple only to wait for them to have a trouble spot and break up so they can swoop in and get themselves some from the vulnerable woman? Really? Are you that desperate? The OP deserved what he got and it should of been a lesson learned. He was pissed off he did all that waiting around only to get no where in the end. He is a vulture trying to circle around a corpse of a relationship to get someone else's leftovers. Go out be a man and get your own woman and leave your friends women alone you pieces of sh!t.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 161
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/3/2017 11:53:13 PM
OP, was always a jerk. They were only being nice because they thought she would jump their bones. Guys like that just need to admit it and stop trying to blame females for their shortcomings and everyone will be a lot happier. Actual nice people don't do the shit he did, and they don't get vindictive when they don't get the piece of ass they are chasing. They don't take out their frustrations on every single woman just because they were mistreated by one. He was never nice, he was just a liar and possibly deluded.
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 162
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/4/2017 12:45:47 AM
And another thing....Hey where'd you go?
 ready4u182
Joined: 5/10/2017
Msg: 163
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/9/2017 3:46:09 AM
Come on dude, all the signs were there that she was going to do this to you, sorry but you did this to yourself, next time read the signs and take this as a learning experience.
 TodaysCatch
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 164
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 7/6/2017 9:33:37 AM
So, it's interesting looking at this post years later, after the OP has left.

Everything from the title of the post to his defense of his attitudes and actions screams what many nice guys apparently desire - pure, unadulterated pity, with no smartass remarks to dilute it. That's their meat and potatoes, but a side of sympathy wouldn't be bad, either. Both are in short supply here.

There needs to be a forum where this is the rule: a nice guy puts forth how the world is unfair, and we are allowed only to give him the pity that he seeks. Seriously. Give him what he wants, 'cause life is short, it ain't fair, and we don't need any more latent serial killers feeling society has rejected them for the last time. It's no skin off our backs to type a few kind words expressing how sorry we are for him, is it? I trust you'll sleep at night if you don't really mean it.

And shame on us for discounting his past deeds, unilaterally branding them as driven by an ulterior motive, whatever that may have been. Our penance should be to commit a random act of kindness. But just one, 'cause any more and we'll be seen as nice guys or gals, and nobody wants that. Yeah, it's a hassle to do a good deed, so just imagine you'll get something you want out of the experience. Wait a minute . . .

We kinda rely on people like this, don't we? They make us feel better about ourselves. Look at that guy - he was deluded by a woman that wasn't into him. What a sucker, defending that homeless guy and getting a scar for his trouble. Eew, that woman is choking on her own barf - glad it wasn't me that helped her. At least the deeds were done. Subtract his efforts - would you have taken his place? Maybe, or maybe a homeless guy would get beat up, a drunk gal would die, a woman would have friend-zoned one less chump - we don't know, but it sure swings with popular sentiment to condemn him for his patently insincere actions. Crowd mentality online is compounded by the relative anonymity factor, innit?

The best advice I saw for him in these responses was a comment by a woman who said no matter how nice a guy is, she still had to be attracted to him. Seems simple enough, so people should realize that being nice may or may not be a component of their attractiveness, and it certainly isn't the whole of it. Let's not forget that people have proven time and again that they don't really know what they want, so why try to anticipate it? Be who you are, satisfied in the knowledge that even if you have personality traits that seem off-putting, someone may still find you attractive. And not feeling like a patsy for unrewarded effort may keep your sociopathic impulses in check. Yep, an unfair world can actually work to your advantage - imagine that.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 165
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 7/23/2017 4:06:37 PM

The OP made several mistakes. 1. he tried to move in when it was inappropriate to do so.

Wait -- I think the only inappropriate thing he did was after-the-fact (going off on her), once it became Clear she didn't really like him. Move in? She was pro-active in leading him on... in That way ("For example that night when we were making plans she said "I'll come over to your place, we'll phuck and then go dancing". How many women says stuff like that to guys?"). So it's not like he was "moving in" on her. You could say he was naive to not see writing on the wall she was f-ing with him, but to what degree is inconclusive (too little info).

2. he realised he had been friend zoned and knew the woman fancied others yet chose to ignore that and chose to carry on as he was which then will have started to get him from friendzone to creepzone.

Again, look at my quote from him on what she said when they were making plans of going out. He didn't ignore it -- he just didn't Walk as soon as she was going to kiss the guy she liked in front of him (or just not go out and say "have fun with [Brad]"). He was naive... and I think he was a fool to get ticked At Them right then when they walked away from him when he was helping out the fallen gal. And strategically in error to give ammo to someone (her) to falsely believe you were just an overall creep in the first place by Ending it like a creep (even though he had the right to be Pissed).

Nice guys (genuinely nice guys) don't carry on trying to get into a girls pants when she is clearly after someone else.

Not so fast. :) Mr Nice Guys can be quite naive... and will, when they have a crush on a gal who expresses she Likes him but is getting mixed messages, follow the trail with them, make plans about going out, etc... and even sometimes even give the outing a chance when they tell them "[Brad] is going to meet up with us", when they know she likes [Brad]. If I'm in his shoes and it was to be just she and myself, and she threw that out there, after saying we can "phuck" at my place then go out -- I'd be frustrated as heck. Not many times ya run into said situation. I'd give it a go to see if things Would kick off at my place, but have other friends to meet up with us if [Brad] was cumming out to meet her. I would have just said that hey, I don't want to be a 3rd wheel if your plans are to meet [Brad], and just not gone out (unless there was a group of mutual friends too).

Nice guys (or any brand of guys) aren't going to tell a gal they have a crush on "No my dear, you may not come over and fool around with me before going out." Many nice guys are going to be poor on picking up signals of their Real interest, and many are going to avoid Canceling plans when it has danger written all over it... because they tend to see things from an inexperienced perspective, naively assuming everyone is more or less good too (and not going to make out in front of me with a guy ya like; she may flirt a good amount at the most, but she's not my gf).

Getting the pootang is not the final goal.

Tell that to [Brad] who porked her silly that night. :) I don't think OP's overall goal was to "score" -- it was to solidify her interest. And if that meant heck-yeah-sure from her offer to "phuck" at his place before going out, yeah. I think OP knew this was a weird situation, but he was naive to carry out that planned outing with her after Brad's-cumming was announced.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 166
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 7/24/2017 10:05:39 AM

A sensible person would reflect on this. Learn the signs then learn to walk away when they see situations like this again.

Yeah, he should learn from it and not just have disdain toward gals and run with it (or disdain toward guys in a reverse situation). How Easy it was to "see" it though, we'd have to be there. There can be situations where you cannot blame a rookie -- or even some with some experience -- from not catching on quick enough when the other person is f'ing with them, when done unusually.

There are plenty of men who behave in exactly the same way as the girl in this scenario. They are known as "players".

Actually I disagree. This is how someone in His position -- if he's handsome enough and has good communication skills -- Become players. Disdain, "screw it" mentality after getting f'd with. Even though she played him for emotional adoration, she wasn't a "player". She was a tease. She was just f'ing with him. If she was a "player" she Actually would have "phucked" him, and nothing in a player's "handbook" would say to make out with someone you like in front of them on a pre-destined outing (in fact, if anything, Not to do that).

But I agree, although they're different animals, to learn from people screwing you over in whatever way -- and better pick up on warning signs and learn not to take those extra steps of involvement. Instead, he should have canceled the outing with her once she brought up [Brad] showing up, knowing she liked him -- and just been hurt at that point ("Why did she say she wanted to come over and phuck me and go out, then say [Brad] was going to show up with us? We're not an item, but WTF?").

Why change yourself and get nasty because of something you could avoid in the future?

Well, you should change yourself To better avoid harsh situations in the future. And everyone in his position is going to be Pissed, and rightfully so, and should. But they shouldn't have a disdain toward a whole gender due to it. Sometimes it takes a Big Sting to make people avoid it. And he has -- but hopefully not hissing at "girls" in general. One also needs to learn how Rare (or Common) a situation they fell in was. His was Rare, and should take peace of mind in that.

By pointing out the obvious perhaps they can learn to stay away from these situations in the future.

It's also learning from Non-obvious situations. His wasn't necessarily all that obvious. A gal who likes you for guy attention is rarely going to say she'd like to phuck ya then go out dancing. The hurt is that given things lining up, yeah, he could have crossed the platonic barrier. But then there was [Brad] who entered into the picture. He got a warning. That was the Obvious part to learn from, not to continue it once that was known. But he'd still be hurt pretty bad, even if he did cancel it. It sort of came swooping in quick. But he can learn to avoid a deeper wound that he had -- and that very very few girls are like that (even if she Didn't make out with [Brad] in front of him)... and to bear that in mind when it comes to the female population.
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 167
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 7/26/2017 7:04:29 AM
people are either jerks or not you do not become a jerk.. many people change opinions about many groups of people based on one, a few or several experiences with said group of others. That my dear friend is how stereotypes and prejudices are born and justified with supposed rationale...
you will be fine just maintain this rationale and you will find justification for your stereotypes and conclusions with a us and them or those people attitudes...
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 168
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 7/27/2017 10:24:55 PM
Inicia- " people are either jerks or not you do not become a jerk.. many people change opinions about many groups of people based on one, a few or several experiences with said group of others. That my dear friend is how stereotypes and prejudices are born and justified with supposed rationale...
you will be fine just maintain this rationale and you will find justification for your stereotypes and conclusions with a us and them or those people attitudes..."

Well said, although, people CAN become jerks, that weren't, but at the end of the day, that is ALWAYS their choice.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 169
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 7/28/2017 12:35:46 AM
I understand frustration. Trust me, I UNDERSTAND frustration. It hurts being rejected, passed up, abused, etcetera, and it can do a number on your heart and self confidence. Some people choose to use it as a stepping stone to better themselves, some people lash out in anger, and yet others shut down. As others have said, it is a choice of what to do with these frustrations. I wish I could gloriously proclaim that I was one of the ones with the fortitude to use the pain from frustration to make myself better, but I am not. I only passed between the last two my entire life. Either lashing out at myself for being unattractively weak, or shutting down so I don't have to deal with the pain of being hurt. That is my life as of now. Some people are just so unsuccessful at finding relationships at all, they can do is feel hurt. HOWEVER, there is a choice, always a choice.
 omgherecomesb
Joined: 12/19/2017
Msg: 170
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 12/27/2017 7:13:25 AM
First of all.. you tried to friend her up to get ****

Second of all, you were her time boy and she used you exactly how you wanted to be used. She'd have respected you more if you just walked away the very first time.. but you let her use you.

Lesson learned, dont friend them, **** them
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 171
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/2/2018 7:41:16 PM

She just broke up with her boyfriend...so I thought if I was around and she was ready, we'd end up together.


You were a jerk before what she did.
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 172
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/2/2018 8:43:50 PM
wow- flip- wow-what th ever---wow good guy???? yuck keep it maybe when you get older a little decorum and decency will arrive..
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 173
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/5/2018 9:36:05 PM
I think he was already a jerk for wanting to get involved with someone that was currently with someone, and for being part of that pic she took to make her bf jealous.

A problem men have, they see you're available, and think it means you should date them, just because they're interested.
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 174
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/7/2018 5:06:48 AM
You need to embrace the power!

You'll know what she feels, when you have some poor chick crying, and through her tears she looks at you and says, "how can you treat me this way?"

You whip out a picture of the other one and say "Ask her! She taught me everything I know!" :-)
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 175
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/7/2018 12:18:15 PM
I can see being a jerk to someone who was a jerk to you,
but I don't get passing it on to the next person.

If everyone did that, wouldn't we all be ***holes and jerks?

I can listen to an asshat at the bookie and then greet the
next person with a smile and a hello. There are a bunch of
fribbles on the forums, but that doesn't mean I dislike the
rest.

There are some people I don't care to see ever again, but
it doesn't mean I dislike ALL people...just most of them...
hahahahaha!
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