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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > this ladies, is how good guys become jerks      Home login  
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 188
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerksPage 9 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

I agree: there should be mutual respect. If you find yourself correcting your partners flaws every turn, you're going to drive him away. Stand up for yourself, but don't expect _him_ to change himself solely for you.

But I'd also say there's another thing to note if you find yourself correcting a Partner's flaws at every turn: It may not be That so much, but that you're not that into them, and you're reaching for reasons to complain (legit or not so legit). After all, what are the chances they would be an actual Partner if that "correcting" was happening at every turn since date #2 or #3, ya know? Their "partner" could have changed over time and be very different from how they were when they were just Dating, or, not so much different, but oneself is not-so-happy underneath it all and looking for something to "grab" to.

I say this because one thing I realized over time is something that people don't talk about much. This sounds "too theoretical", but when ya think about it, IMO, it's quite Common & unfortunately normal: When we're losing feeling in our BF/GF, when you're solidified, we know we just can't say one day "Ya know, I'm just not feeling it. Good luck in your search," as if you just got done with date #1-3. So instead, we Want to find flaws... something 'solid' to grab on to to complain about. To find "reasons" to justify our feelings subsiding to alleviate the guilt about it... and/or to give it more "umph". That's why we see couples fight over nothing. WHY? I think it's an instinctual "route" to go down, because in an odd sense, they want reasons to be pissed... reasons to have subsided feelings.
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