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 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 26
Viagra And Divorce: A link? Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Can one claim it is a legitimate side effect of their medication?

I'm sure a lawyer could make a case for it to a jury with convoluted logic.
Kind of like, societal speaking, the birth control pill influencing increased promiscuity and STD's.
But I personally wouldn't accept from my spouse "Honey, I went and bought the drug for us! But after I took it I just wanted to go out and have a bunch of the sex with someone else! I couldn't help myself, I had to keep taking it and since you didn't want it I was driven by the drug to fulfill its purpose."


In the USA Today story, he says that in about one of every 15 to 20 new divorce cases, someone mentions Viagra

"Someone mentions Viagra" is not really helpful.
Based on that statement it could be any of these:
"I found your viagra and someone else's panties!" vs. "Well maybe if you'd have just gotten viagra you could have fulfilled my needs!" vs. "It was one ecstasy tab! Not Viagra!"
Plus that's only like 5% of divorce cases.

Viagra seems to have simply become a cultural symbol. And all symbols tend to accumulate blame for something.
They make easy targets.


new type of infidelity. "[There are] cases of men taking Viagra, but their wives were no longer interested in sex. And now, a lot of middle-aged women are having affairs with older men who were impotent before there was Viagra,

That doesn't seem like a new type of infidelity to me.
It seems to simply be one person in the relationship wants sex, the other doesn't, so they look for it somewhere else.
All this really reinforces is sexual identity is important to people.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 27
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/14/2013 2:00:32 PM

I don't know about the 4-hour erections haha My only experience with a guy who used viagra was that he complained of a headache for 3-4 days after he took it. Gradually, we just quit having sex because I got tired of his whining. And he seemed perfectly OK with that.


We, as men, of course have no experience with the phrase "not tonight, I have a headache".
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 28
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/14/2013 2:34:26 PM
(Msg . #22. (Larissan04) Well, why do people really cheat in the first place? It isn't all about sex. If someone is cheating, the marriage probably should have over a long time ago...so the real questions is, why do people stay in marriages that are no longer fulfilling their needs...viagra or no viagra...


Because it’s beat into our heads a marriage isn’t about sex. It’s about washing dishes together and liking the same sit-coms. (A bit of an exaggeration but you get the idea.) I’ve never, ever heard anyone give the following advice, “Look for a person who is good in bed and hurry up and marry them.”

The general advice is look for everything but sex. Never worry. It will follow naturally. The problem is it doesn’t follow any more naturally than two people liking the same flavors of food. Add to that society’s golden rule one should never have sex unless they feel like it and we have the perfect recipe for an affair. Sex, thought of so highly it’s a necessary function to consummate a marriage but is pooh-poohed when it ceases to occur within marriage.

We live in a society/culture that tells us sex is unimportant when deciding whom to marry but one must never, ever try to fulfill their sexual needs outside marriage. As a society/culture we have mocked and disparaged sex to the point where any serious discussion or consideration of it is either ridiculed or forbidden. Not only has this led to the destruction of marriage but also to the staggering abortion statistics.

I’ll never forget the incident of an Arab boy trying to hide behind his father as he was shot to death in the Middle East. (This was probably 10 or more years ago.) That clip was shown on 3 or 4 consecutive nights on the six o’clock news but God forbid if a condom AD was shown or a Psychologist/Marriage Counselor was advertising their services to help sexually dysfunctional couples. Sexual content is banned while the murder of a child is considered suitable family viewing. It doesn't get much sicker than that.

We, as a society, have “disrespected” sex to our own detriment.


(Msg. #24. Larissan04) The real reason a woman becomes uninterested in sex is because her man no longer thinks forplay is necessary.


I have to wonder how much foreplay was involved the first 10 times or 50 times or 100 times they participated in sex. I have heard more than a few say all they had to see was the guy’s “6-pack” and they were ready for action.

If two people are together a while and the man still gets turned on just by looking at his partner but the gal requires increasing amounts of foreplay I wonder if that means women are more inclined to stray.


(Msg. #25. GoldBond) Maybe they stay married because they have integrity, I realize that can be a shocking personal value. I'm not saying the one cheating has integrity, obviously they have none.


Let me throw out a hypothetical situation. Let’s say a man and a woman have been married for 15 years. The sex has waned over the past few years and after numerous attempts to discuss it the man finally asks if a divorce may be the route to take as it’s obvious she has lost interest in him. While the woman is well aware of it and realizes it’s probably due to hormonal changes she doesn’t want to risk hormone therapy as a close female in her family suffered breast cancer and hormone therapy could increase her risk. When the husband inquires about a divorce she replies, “Are you nuts?!! I love you!!

So, the man has a number of choices. He can say, “Sorry, but I miss the physical intimacy and I’m leaving” or he can bargain for an occasional “pity f**k” which will satisfy neither one or he can attempt to live with it resulting in growing resentment and, in most cases, ultimately divorce after they have been at each other’s throats for years or he can discreetly seek solace outside the marriage.

Considering he and his wife are not having sex there is no possibility of transferring STDs to his wife should he contract any. She is happy and the stress of him constantly being “at her” is removed. Also, he is satisfied.

Would it make sense to inform her of his activities and rub her nose in it? Would it make sense to put the nagging thought in her mind that he may leave her for the new gal when he has absolutely no intention of doing so?

While integrity may be lacking does he get points for staying with his wife and adjusting his life so as to ensure she is happy?

Two things to consider. First, she has made it clear she is in love with him and the feeling is mutual and, second, she is well educated and employed so she is not dependent on him for financial reasons. She is with him because that's where she wants to be.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 29
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/14/2013 2:41:52 PM
Guess it could cause marital problems if the husband wants sex and the wife doesn't . What's the old saying , put out or get out . Don't know many men in their mid 50's that are ready for platonic relationships . I do remember reading in the news when viagra was first out about a 70+ year old man who was chasing his wife around the house and she had him arrested for sexual harassment .
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 30
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/14/2013 8:04:23 PM
Well, just a guess OP, but perhaps you used to post on here as Dave1234? Same location, same age, retired, married, and from years past roughly the same story....

Anyways, I'm curious... because you started this thread talking about Viagra, and mentioning "if medication results in an erection it's difficult to ignore it", testosterone increasing medication, etc... and now with your last post you're talking about a wife who "he" loves, who loves him back, and yet she isn't interested in sex... and she doesn't want to take hormone replacement because of it's risk and her history... ok, I can see that (there are risks, especially if there's a family history of cancer).

But then one would have to ask, if the man in question here is taking Viagra and/or testosterone (the initial "thrust" - haha - of this thread)? And if so, and he loves his wife, why would he take said medication (which also has *it's* risks for men - if I recall Viagra can cause eyesight issues from the "increased blood pressure" , and testosterone also has its cancer risks related to prostate cancer)? Seems to me, if he loved his wife that much, he would choose not to take medication that gets him 'worked up like a horny dog' and wanting to stray??

If I was taking something that wasn't medically necessary for basic living/survival (ie, insulin for diabetes, etc), and in fact has it's risks to my health, and it was destroying my marriage/relationship with someone I truly loved... I think I'd stop taking it? At the least I wouldn't be trying to use *it* as some justification for straying or leaving the relationship.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 31
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/14/2013 10:47:00 PM
I get all hot and bothered over a sweet new pair of shoes, so I guess I have 200 cheating opportunities missed out on. Pfffft. That logic is idiotic.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 32
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/14/2013 10:58:37 PM
That is why there is Cialis for women,lol...
Once this drug over rides Viagra, then they will make another drug that makes men penises hard forever and 4 times longer and thicker...

Stop taking legal drugs, stick to the illegal ones, the side effects and death rates are considerable lower...

Married women never want to do it as much as their partner anyways, if they have a boner for 5 minutes or 4 days...
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 33
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/14/2013 11:13:47 PM

......she's done and over in under 5 minutes?? That would certainly be a sad, sad day!!

My thought too!

Doesn't sound like any woman I've had the pleasure to have known.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 34
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/15/2013 7:44:43 AM
RE: Msg. #32.

….. if the man in question here is taking Viagra and/or testosterone (the initial "thrust" - haha - of this thread)? And if so, and he loves his wife, why would he take said medication (which also has *it's* risks for men - if I recall Viagra can cause eyesight issues from the "increased blood pressure" , and testosterone also has its cancer risks related to prostate cancer)? Seems to me, if he loved his wife that much, he would choose not to take medication that gets him 'worked up like a horny dog' and wanting to stray??


A few things that should be noted. First, I do not personally take Viagra so that has no bearing on my particular case. I posted it as I felt it was a good topic for discussion. Second, some people take testosterone because some medications lower a person’s testosterone and in other cases it is due to a medical problem.

As you’re probably aware some athletes have taken testosterone. As people age their testosterone level drops. If their testosterone diminishes too much they become prone to “old age” syndrome, for lack of a better term. Lethargic. Unmotivated. General malaise. So, while testosterone may increase ones libido it also increases one’s vigor, in general. If people were asked if they wanted to feel like 60 years old or 40 years old I’m sure the majority would choose the latter.

The last but definitely not least (as the old saying goes) point to note is that physical intimacy is critical to a romantic relationship. The desire to be intimate, be it full intercourse or some variation of sexual play, bonds two people. It’s not unusual for one to become irritated at their partner’s habit or quirk although they had that habit/quirk from day one. The only thing that changed is the frequency of sex.

Perhaps an analogy would be how we look at our children. Maybe our child is just starting to get used to using a cup instead of a bottle. They have poor coordination and spill a bit. We think it’s cute. He/she is learning.

Now we look at the table beside us and see a child spill their drink. Are we thinking how cute or are we thinking about the waitress who has to clean up the sticky table and floor? And if we were sitting together, like in a stand at a sporting event, and their child spills a drink on us compared to our child doing so what is our reaction?

The only reason we react to two identical events differently is due to the bond we have with the individual and that’s the purpose of sex between adults.

Does our partner really change or is it the way we see them that changes? I believe it’s mostly a case of the latter. At best, sex is looked at as an option if ones in the mood and, at worst, as something selfish or dirty while I believe it’s a vital ingredient not only necessary for a successful relationship but necessary for one’s general well-being.

One doesn’t require any friends. They don’t need any companionship. A person can live as a hermit but I wouldn’t say it’s a healthy, happy life.


If I was taking something that wasn't medically necessary for basic living/survival (ie, insulin for diabetes, etc), and in fact has it's risks to my health, and it was destroying my marriage/relationship with someone I truly loved... I think I'd stop taking it?


Perhaps the question we should be asking is, “Why is the destruction of a marriage blamed on the one who seeks to fulfill their needs outside the marriage rather than blamed on the partner who can’t or refuses to fulfill those needs?
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 35
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/15/2013 8:09:34 AM
OP


Why is the destruction of a marriage blamed on the one who seeks to fulfill their needs outside the marriage rather than blamed on the partner who can’t or refuses to fulfill those needs

Well...IMO...You have spun quite a yarn to justify....your want to cheat(viagra or not)
If she is not fullfilling your needs then...either communicate that...try therapy or have the balls to leave.
Trust me....If you're not happy...neither is she.

First off...viagra does not increase your sex drive.
In most circumstances....If you cannot get a partial erection...It is not going to work.
Do your homework.
Another thing...is I read on one of the posts....If your partner isn't desirable...that's the reason a man can't get an erection....bullcrap!
If that was the case....why when you were younger would you get an erection numerous times a day without visual stimulation...at all?
Most instances your lack of an erection is or can be.....diet,exercise, age or a medical problem....sometimes brought on by the meds you're taking.

Look....We could all use excuses on "why" we want to cheat and stay comfortable in the home....not losing half of the assets...etc.
But I will tell you...If your wife catches you being deceitful and cheating on her.
You will feel the wrath of a woman scorned....plus, your children and friends will not pat you on the back.....
Give you both a chance to feel "love" and desire again....trust me, most women want sex but a lot of couples have no idea...how to keep the romance alive and want to give up and start the blame game
Be brave and choose the admirable route...jmo.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 36
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/15/2013 8:59:34 AM
Viagra tend to make your C0ck shiney and when your C0ck is shiney your brain is dull and when your brain is dull you tend to want to buy shiney things so I don't know about a link between Viagra and Divorce but I think there might be a link between Viagra and Jewellery.

My favorite Viagra commercial ( it may have been from Saturday Night Live ) was with a series of couples in close quarters the man with a stupid smile on his face and the woman with a look of " Gawd not this again" saying sarcartically "Gee thanks Viagra"
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/15/2013 6:37:12 PM
If the only reason he might not be cheating is because he's impotent, then why would I want him? I can pretty much guarantee he was cheating before he needed Viagra if that's the case. If the wife has no interest in having sex with him, then why should she care if he gets it elsewhere? Sex in a marriage is a two-way street.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 38
view profile
History
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/15/2013 6:41:42 PM
If a guy can't keep it up and needs viagra, I could see that being a contributing factor that leads to divorce.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 39
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/15/2013 10:39:46 PM
Perhaps the question we should be asking is, “Why is the destruction of a marriage blamed on the one who seeks to fulfill their needs outside the marriage rather than blamed on the partner who can’t or refuses to fulfill those needs?


I wasn't trying to "blame" Dave, I was just curious since the initial discussion was about Viagra, and it would seem a poor justification to be using Viagra as an 'excuse' for cheating when knowing the wife isn't interested (even if her own decision not to do HRT). Just would seem a 'poor decision' to be popping Viagra and walking around with a hard-on knowing the wife wasn't interested - if one isn't, that is an entirely different situation.

And the simple answer to your question quoted above is, the classic marriage vow of "in sickness and in health", obviously. One could argue the wife who won't seek help has a 'sickness', and isn't seeking to help it. Then again, the obvious argument is, if the husband doesn't at least *try* to get her to counseling, to consider perhaps alternative options (homeopathic (?) options/exercise/?), that he is failing in his part of that. It would be considered the "fault" of the person seeking to fulfill those needs outside the marriage *because* they are not 'honoring' the terms of the marriage... the one choosing to do that should take one of two options:

1) leave the marriage.
2) talk to their partner about their needs, and be honest, and if the partner says it is ok for them to seek 'sex' (their 'fulfillment') outside the marriage - then that I actually wouldn't consider an issue - the non-interested partner has a choice.

What the problem is, is when the person wanting sex is "sneaking around" behind their partners back - because the *ONLY* reason for doing this is that they *KNOW* that it would hurt their partner if they were to find out. In simple terms, they are doing something that would hurt their partner, knowingly, behind their back, secretively. That, at it's most basic level is not "love" but "selfishness". It isn't "cheating" if the other person knows (even if they tell you they don't want to know any specifics), it is "cheating" when you are selfishly sneaking around behind their back.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 40
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/16/2013 4:26:08 AM

If the only reason he might not be cheating is because he's impotent, then why would I want him? I can pretty much guarantee he was cheating before he needed Viagra if that's the case. If the wife has no interest in having sex with him, then why should she care if he gets it elsewhere? Sex in a marriage is a two-way street.


I agree with you, Daynadaze.

And while I have not read this whole post in detail......to me......it's just yet ANOTHER reason for people to justify cheating. - BOTH genders.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 41
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/16/2013 5:11:06 AM

Married women never want to do it as much as their partner anyways, if they have a boner for 5 minutes or 4 days...


First wife yes not as much, second wife big time not true. Even when I was 25 we would have been evenly matched in desire.

Maybe often true, especially among those divorced. A wife demading too much sex or a husband that often denies his wife sex is seldom listed as a reason for divorce.
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 42
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/16/2013 9:53:49 AM
Wiskey, your spot on as usual.
Wiskey wrote

OP
Why is the destruction of a marriage blamed on the one who seeks to fulfill their needs outside the marriage rather than blamed on the partner who can’t or refuses to fulfill those needs

Well...IMO...You have spun quite a yarn to justify....your want to cheat(viagra or not)
If she is not fullfilling your needs then...either communicate that...try therapy or have the balls to leave.
Trust me....If you're not happy...neither is she.

First off...viagra does not increase your sex drive.
In most circumstances....If you cannot get a partial erection...It is not going to work.
Do your homework.
Another thing...is I read on one of the posts....If your partner isn't desirable...that's the reason a man can't get an erection....bullcrap!
If that was the case....why when you were younger would you get an erection numerous times a day without visual stimulation...at all?
Most instances your lack of an erection is or can be.....diet,exercise, age or a medical problem....sometimes brought on by the meds you're taking.

Look....We could all use excuses on "why" we want to cheat and stay comfortable in the home....not losing half of the assets...etc.
But I will tell you...If your wife catches you being deceitful and cheating on her.
You will feel the wrath of a woman scorned....plus, your children and friends will not pat you on the back.....
Give you both a chance to feel "love" and desire again....trust me, most women want sex but a lot of couples have no idea...how to keep the romance alive and want to give up and start the blame game
Be brave and choose the admirable route...jmo.


OP, The USA Today article was thought provoking. The increase in divorces maybe true.
After reading your story, why not work it out? If two people loves each other and their only breakdown in their marrage is in the bedroom, it can be fix if the two work together. Your running a a huge risk to your marriage. Is it worth it?
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 43
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/16/2013 5:08:00 PM
Another thing...is I read on one of the posts....If your partner isn't desirable...that's the reason a man can't get an erection


That is a very valid reason for a man to not get an erection. - it's really not that much different than a women not getting turned on sexually if she does not find her partner appealing - it's not like we are all such horn dogs that we raise the flage for anything with boobs and a vagina - some of us may even have enough depth that despite a woman being physically appealing her personality and demeanor is enough to keep plenty of slack in the rope.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/16/2013 5:21:03 PM
OP, there are many psycho-tropic drugs that have bad side effects. If viagra was the worst, we'd be in far better shape as a country. But looking back at the bombings and mass shootings, most of those people were on psycho-tropic compounds of one type or another.
 monocryl
Joined: 3/4/2013
Msg: 45
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/17/2013 7:50:24 PM

Can one claim it is a legitimate side effect of their medication?

"Legitimate"??? By that, do you mean if it will stand up in divorce court? (Pun fully intended.)
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 46
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/18/2013 10:33:14 AM
Did someone say shiney jewelery?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 47
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 4/18/2013 12:50:33 PM

The problem is, the real reason many men have to take Viagra is because their wives are a turnoff.

No, the real reason many men have to take ED meds is because they have health problems,or have to take medication for health problems but prefer to be in denial/blame their wives.
I'm not saying that the health problems are always somehow the fault of the victim,but if a man starts having trouble getting an erection, he should be speaking to his doctor, not on a dating site blaming women for his issue.


have to disagree with that. If medication results in an erection it’s difficult to ignore it.

Insofar as I know, erections/sex are NOT vital to a mans' actual survival.
Although I fervently acknowledge that the choice may sometimes be an incrediby cruel one to make, if Viagra( or not taking other meds that interfere with erections) gives one sexual desire and ability but nowhere to go with the desire and ability,I can't quite see why a man would bother with it...but then again, I'm not a guy.
And of course I can understand a situation where a mans' medical problem prevents sexual enjoyment for both partners, that Viagra or other ED meds, or supplements may be warranted. But to put oneself in the position of getting erections and sexual urges with no legit/valid outlet seems rather odd to me.
Besides, isn't that one of the selling points of Cialis? That it is taken daily so that one can respond to a sexual urge if the occasion presents itself,but still maintain a normal day-to-day life?
Seriously!- I wanna know how the guy avoids a killer backache after he uses the team of horses to haul the rig out of the mud, fixes the sailboat, the overheating Camaro and then lugs 2 bathtubs out into the field and fills them. I'd think he'd be too damn exhausted to have sexual intercorse after all that.


Or how about this. The problem is, the real reason so many women become uninterested in sex is because their husbands are a turnoff! If all the husbands kept up their appearance and their hair and didn't have a pot belly hanging over their belts, and actually helped around the house from time to time, women would be more interested in sex.

This observation does have merit. For the most part, I think that COUPLES who are mindful of their health and fitness probably also retain more sexual desire AND the ability to perform.
While I never underestimate the adaptability and ingenuity of horny persons, I think we all know of couples, that we look at and cannot help but wonder "How in the HELL do they manage to have sex?"


As for Viagra, or any of the other ED meds, these do not cause erections in men nor can they turn an undesirable situation into one more amenable for physical intimacy. If the man does not find his wife (partner) desirable, either due to his sexual preferences or her unwillingness to conjugate, all Viagra will provide is a headache, stuffy nose, or other associated malady. If the man does not have the desire the pill has not the remedy. Viagra is but a facilitator to the end, not the ultimate means. Even then, Viagra does not work for all men.
I'll say it again: if the man is not turned on the pill is worthless.

Since I'm not a guy I cannot personally verify these statements but they do seem to track with some of the stuff I have heard from guys.
As for those who are getting all irate about the commentary that cheating is a symptom of something gone wrong in the marriage, I think they are intentionally trivializing this this point. I don't think that most people cheat and/or end their marriages over minor dissatisifactions or disappointments.
I believe that when a marriage ceases to function, it is NOT a trivial or marginal issue. And who is to say which takes the greater honesty and integrity? To stay in a relationship that has pretty much died, or to free both people to seek happiness on some other path? Make no mistake, I LAUD people who keep their marriages alive and functional for 20,40,50 years, but I see little sense in 2 people who have grown(at best) INDIFFERENT to one another, staying together because of some social convention.


The general advice is look for everything but sex.

Really? I never heard that advice. I was always led to believe that it was about a balance of factors, and that mutual physical and emotional chemistry should NEVER be regarded as of nominal importance.

We live in a society/culture that tells us sex is unimportant when deciding whom to marry

Really? That has not been my experience or observation. No, sex is not touted as the ONLY thing, but sexual compatibility and the thing we call "love" has never been downplayed in the society I inhabit.


We, as a society, have “disrespected” sex to our own detriment.

I hear this from time to time, mostly from people trying to justify or rationalize their own lack of integrity in handling dating/relationship/marital issues.


While the woman is well aware of it and realizes it’s probably due to hormonal changes she doesn’t want to risk hormone therapy as a close female in her family suffered breast cancer and hormone therapy could increase her risk. When the husband inquires about a divorce she replies, “Are you nuts?!! I love you!!

So why don't the couple get a friendly no-fault divorce which leaves both of them legally and morally free to pursue other sexual partners-or not? There are strategies for managing hormonal imbalances that are not as risky as conventional HRT...it sounds to me like both people have lost interest in each other sexually but fear the financial,social, and companionship ramifications of divorce.


She is with him because that's where she wants to be.

Is she aware that he has paid side pieces?


What's the old saying , put out or get out .

Between some of the ramifications of equal rights, and the fact that many courts still are kind of "fuddy duddy"- I suspect that a 50+ man who filed for divorce because his wife wouldn't "put out", might find that a rather expensive proposition.


And if so, and he loves his wife, why would he take said medication (which also has *it's* risks for men - if I recall Viagra can cause eyesight issues from the "increased blood pressure" , and testosterone also has its cancer risks related to prostate cancer)? Seems to me, if he loved his wife that much, he would choose not to take medication that gets him 'worked up like a horny dog' and wanting to stray??

Dadburn it, quit making sense!
However, I do want to mention that the wife is not blameless here because there are strategies for managing menopausal/post menopausal hormone imbalances without going into full-fledged HRT.


If I was taking something that wasn't medically necessary for basic living/survival (ie, insulin for diabetes, etc), and in fact has it's risks to my health, and it was destroying my marriage/relationship with someone I truly loved... I think I'd stop taking it? At the least I wouldn't be trying to use *it* as some justification for straying or leaving the relationship.

Exactly. While I understand that perhaps women do not always feel quite so DRIVEN in terms of wanting sexual gratification as men do, insofar as I know, all people have the option to weigh the side effects and results of a medical treatment strategy and make their own best decisions to modify or reject those treatments if results and/or side effects are unacceptable.


The last but definitely not least (as the old saying goes) point to note is that physical intimacy is critical to a romantic relationship.

I'm not sure I would use the word "critical". It certainly is extremely important but there are couples who have managed to adapt if sexual gratification has to come off the table, and this has been going on for a long long time. And a lot of older couples are both fine with a reduction or cessation of sexual intimacy. I know that for some older males who want to retain their sexless marriage AND have sexual gratification, it must be comforting to rationalize/justify their adultery by saying that all romantic relationships require physical intimacy.
It certainly is the ideal and a good sexual intimacy is an incredible enhancement to a marriage. In younger couples, I would certainly agree that an incompatibility in sexual matters or a serious difference of opinion in whether or not to have children would justify dissolving a marriage in a young couple. But in an older couple that has been together a long time,I'm not so sure that sexual incompatibility is grounds for ending the marriage, or for adultery.
[ quote]while I believe it’s a vital ingredient not only necessary for a successful relationship but necessary for one’s general well-being.
well, if it is such a necessity and the partner is to blame for the lack of it, why bother to be discreet? After all, one is meeting one's "needs"-why be "discreet"?


If a guy can't keep it up and needs viagra, I could see that being a contributing factor that leads to divorce.

Yes, if a woman had a high sex drive, I could understand how impotence could become a serious issue. Even if the guy keeps claiming its' his wifes' fault he no longer wants to have sex with her.
But by the writings of one participant in this forum, if impotence or a male disinterest in marital relationships is in play,then the wife ishould be perfectly justified in getting her needs "discreetly" met elsewhere.


What the problem is, is when the person wanting sex is "sneaking around" behind their partners back - because the *ONLY* reason for doing this is that they *KNOW* that it would hurt their partner if they were to find out. In simple terms, they are doing something that would hurt their partner, knowingly, behind their back, secretively. That, at it's most basic level is not "love" but "selfishness". It isn't "cheating" if the other person knows (even if they tell you they don't want to know any specifics), it is "cheating" when you are selfishly sneaking around behind their back.

Indeed-but according to some, the Universe OWES them sexual gratification, even if obtaining it entails dishonest/unethical behavior.
Like I said, if it's so vital, then drop the discretion. Let the ol' lady know you're getting it somewhere else. Stand up for your well-being!
Cindy O
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 48
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 5/7/2013 2:45:07 AM
It's good to read here Viagra doesn't cheat, cheaters cheat, which is the same as guns don't kill people, people kill people. Lead us not into temptation. Time to reload!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 49
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 5/8/2013 8:00:35 AM
It's the matching bath tubs outside. That is what causes all this cheating.
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 50
Viagra And Divorce: A link?
Posted: 5/8/2013 2:51:28 PM
K...So what was the excuse before Viagra then??
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