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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue- what would you do?      Home login  
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 46
Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue- what would you do?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

I oftentimes ponder if dating a girl would be any easier... And then I remind myself it unfortunately wouldn't, because I wouldn't be fully attracted or fair to either of us.

No, it is not easier because you will not be fulfill in your happiness. And yes, it is not fair to other party. I am wonder if you are dating a butch, would that be possible for a substitution? Please forgive me if my question happened to make any of you reader upset. It is just my own personal curiosity with no hidden agenda.
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 47
view profile
Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue- what would you do?
Posted: 4/17/2013 3:54:13 AM
OP....I'd be more worried and annoyed at the fact that he referred to you as his boyfriend....I thought you were a woman. Perhaps, this is where the problem lies.

Anyway, man flu has been known to effect the cognitive reasoning abilities and lead to situations just like this....

Edited: I have now looked at your profile. You're definately a man. Congratulations. I think you need to move on.
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 48
Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue- what would you do?
Posted: 4/17/2013 5:09:49 AM
No, I would not be attracted to a butch girl... No offense to that question, as it was actually a reasonable one.

However, several posters keep bringing up the fact that they thought I was a woman. Why do you have to even bring that up if you have no real insight to give?
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 49
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Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue- what would you do?
Posted: 4/17/2013 6:22:39 AM
Did I say something wrong? Is he sick and doesn't want to tell me? Is he just too busy looking for his apartment to continue dating me right now?

You are spending a lot of time and energy specualting. Instead, maybe you should be spending time doing things for yourself. You met a nice guy and had a great time for three months, not a lifetime but as "nicetime". Thank God for it and then move on his friend, but start looking for others to date. Turn the corner. You may think this guy was "it". Sounds like you were "planning" on it. Maybe it was "your plan". But it may not be the plan God has for you! Maybe you always really wanted a GREAT car and for a relationship this guy was starting to look like a "mercedes" . Hang on to your faith in times like this. Let go of the person telling you he wants to be friends. Don't be afraid to turn the corner. God may have a Bentley sitting there waiting on you.

This entire situation is likely unforseen forces working in your favor. Don't spend time questioning yourself. It is time to be friends with this guy and say "NEXT." You deserve someone that wants you and can't live without you. Continue the search, but stop questionng every time it doesn't work out. Mutual love and respect is worth waiting on. ; )
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 50
Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue- what would you do?
Posted: 4/17/2013 9:12:48 AM
I really do thank you for the well thought-out response... it was very kind of you.

I do know that God is on my side, and that there are many things going around in my life that are better because of Him.
In this situation, as with what my closest friends and therapists are telling me... it really seems that he does truly care about me... as either a friend or still interest. He was beyond depressed when I cut all ties with him after he did the breaking up. I feel it is a testament to my strength, not to my weakness, that I plan on contacting him and opening up either the hope for friends or more. A good friend of mine just told me that she and her boyfriend did the same exact thing when they first started dating. Same situation, etc. They have been together for four years since. I think I figured out, and my friends agree, why the split happened. He gave me a few warnings and signs to it over the past few weeks, which were the only times I saw red flags on his part. He mentioned each time that I asked if he needed help or to talk about his troubles and current dilemmas, that he didn't need help and that he was never one to ask for help... that it makes him feel less of himself as a person, and it is something he needs as far as space.

Well... last Saturday we had one of our most amazing dates ever. Sunday came around, and while we were driving, I started saying that I am there if he needs help, etc... which resulted in the second time he said he didn't need help.
He was distant the rest of the day.
Tuesday we met up after a few days apart, and he was very much happy to see me... we had an amazing time mutually... until that is, when I offered my support and help in anything he was dealing with while we drove to eat. From that time on, he was distant.
I gave him space the rest of the week... Saturday we had great communication. Sunday, I went over to his house and it was very cordial... BUT, when I said I would be there to help him with anything... that was the trigger that caused him to break up with me. He said I was great and perfect and nothing about me was wrong...
We all feel strongly that he has some issues of self esteem he needs to work on... he might feel I am out of his league and at a different place with our careers, etc... and that I was always the one asking if he needed help. Maybe he felt he had not as much to offer.

I know that in opening communication with him, I will be able to feel it out.. I won't ask if he needs help. I won't be there for him unless he needs me to be in those cases. But, I will be a great friend and hope that he realizes what went wrong. The worst case scenario is that I will have a friend.
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 51
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Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue- what would you do?
Posted: 4/17/2013 9:29:59 AM
How did God get dragged into this conversation? Were you dating Jesus?
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 52
Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue- what would you do?
Posted: 4/17/2013 9:53:13 PM

I should wait a week, contact him with a short text. If he replies, good... And we can test the waters from there as friends or more. If he ignores me, I have my closure in that he just didn't like me. If we stay friends, it is closure in that I know he really just wanted to date other people.

I agree this is good advice if you want to preserve the friendship. Also... you should be confident that he likes you. You sound like a fantastic guy.

I have an ex-boyfriend who pulls back everytime things are going very well between us. I've learned to give him space... not get too emotionally involved...and to focus more on the friendship than trying to push for a relationship. I also date other people. In many respects... the time we spend together isn't much different then how things were when we were in an official relationship except we don't see each other as much and there is less focus on sex.

My guess is this guy knows he's not ready for a serious relationship... he sees that you are... but he doesn't want to feel bad for leading you on. That's why he's backing off.
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 53
Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue- what would you do?
Posted: 4/18/2013 4:55:47 AM
I decided to look up adult adhd online... And was quite surprised with the results I found.
If not medicated and controlled, which he isn't until Friday:
Problems at the workplace or wanting a new job- check
Not feeling good enough or motivated enough- check
Agitated and depressed or withdrawn- check
Slight mood swings- check
Overly spontaneous with relationships, as well as losing focus and
Abruptly ending things with no real reason- check.

I am coming up with this conclusion, since over just two and a half weeks,
He changed drastically from amazing, to heavily being worried about work and not
Having a good enough job (when before he liked it,) freaking out about having to find an
Apartment, swearing at random small things like his laptop freezing up for a few seconds,
Telling me he didn't like getting help with his issues since he feels less of himself, and also
Becoming more withdrawn from not only me, but his roommates.
He obviously broke up with me for no real reason he could dictate, and seemed to regret it.

It is both a harsh reality, but also relief in a way, since I know this was not anything I did.
I hope he gets help with the medication, and I do plan to be there for him to hopefully cheer him up...
As friends at the least.
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 54
Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue- what would you do?
Posted: 4/24/2013 12:22:08 PM
Its time to move on.

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