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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I screwed up royally need advice...........      Home login  
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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 26
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I screwed up royally need advice...........Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
5 months? At 29 years of age I would think a GF of 5 months would be invited to your birthday party. So what your post is telling me is that you don't have the nads to bring a girl home. Grow up.
If you were this woman's date to a wedding (I also assume you were not just showing up) you should never have left to help your brother with his car trouble. "I'm at a wedding" should be a good enough reason to ask your brother to please call someone else.
What kind of overbearing unreasonable family do you belong to?????

What is the point of dating someone that accuses you of cheating, you don't feel close enough to introduce to your parents and you don't think twice about blowing off for some BS excuse?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 27
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/16/2013 8:28:38 AM
Why instead of telling us that you screwed up, you tell her.

I personally do not think that you screw up big time. But rather you are young, and don't realize how to handle these situations. So simply man up, talk to her. Tell her that you have realized out of your own stupidity, how important she is to you. Then look at your profile and write that you are not looking, that you are in a relationship. Hide your profile. And move on. And stop flagging yourself with mia culpa, mia culpa.
 cajuncooker
Joined: 3/3/2013
Msg: 28
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/16/2013 8:51:21 AM
well first of all if you are interested in her then why are you still on Pof? I mean come on I am a guy and I can see the problem with that right there. If I was seriously interested in someone I would not be on pof updating pictures. if they are that close you have yahoo im, facebook,email and texting so come on are you that serious about that part of you question? I know that sounds harsh but its true.
Secondly are you serious about her? If so then you should take her home to meet the family. To a woman that means you maybe embarassed or ashamed of them. Or that they are not good enough or that you are not serious about them. And it was your birthday and you should have spent it with her. thats another reason she probally does not feel important in your life.
You went to a wedding she was taking place in and then left to help your brother? Man I dont think you are all that thinking. She may not have been the bride but she was all dressed up and believe it or not she wanted you to make a fuss over her and how beautiful she probally looked. And then again you left for family? Dude cut the apron strings. I have family we all do but there are times when you have to think about the person you are supposedly "so into". A wedding is not a time to go and help a family memeber with car problems. She wanted to smile and dance and spend time with you and again you showed lack of interest and ran off to family without her.
So here is the deal: You havent made her feel she is important. You havent made her feel that she is part of your world. I am telling you because from expierence straiten up, take her home to mom and dad and dont do anything with your profile. Treat her like she is the only woman on earth.
Now to make up: Make her a homemade dinner, Put some flowers on the table, candlelight a nice bottle of wine, look in her eyes (and for crying out loud dont tell her you are doing this) and talk with her. Maybe write her a letter and tell her how important she is and that you do care and give it to her during this dinner and apologize. Make her feel as though you are SHARING your life with her and she is an important part of that.
If you cannot do that give me her profile and I will chat with her
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 29
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/16/2013 9:21:41 AM

Then look at your profile and write that you are not looking, that you are in a relationship


If the OP even slightly respected and cared for the woman he was seeing, he would have changed his profile yesterday when the advice was given. My guess is that they are just FWB's. He's probably more worried about losing the benefits than the girl.

Repair work is much more difficult than doing things well the first time around. It requires a level of space, patience, commitment, good communication, confidence that things will work out for the best, and loving effort towards changing things. In some of these situations, you can give someone a week or so to cool down a bit... then start things up again with your best foot forward and reminders of the special time that you shared together. However, if you don't care about changing things, you will run into the same problems down the road.
 ihaunturdreams
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 30
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/16/2013 6:46:06 PM
He has been talking about marring me since the second week of us dating..... Hi all I am the girl in question and some of you are going to think I am dumb or like being used or what not but the real problem is that I have been too stressed planning running and putting together my best friend/ sisters wedding ( yes the one mentioned above) to keep a paranoid eye on him. I introduced him to all of my friends and family after he told me he was in love with me and loved me ( he was the first to even come close to saying it) and I have been asking since about the third month to meet his to no avail. He keeps changing his stories whenever he has to do some emergency family thing. Well because I am forgiving and believe in second chances and had legitimate feelings for this guy I let some of it go. But after him bailing on me at the wedding, getting mad at me for the inability to control my tone (when I have not slept in three days and have been putting together a DIY wedding by my self ) and the changing story of what happened to his brother I was hurt and pissed and at the end of my rope. BUT to have my BROTHER catch him on here a few hours after he abandons me at the wedding I get livid. I agree with maany of the things you all have been saying on here. He only posted this AFTER I called him out on it so yhea I am not happy to say the least!!!!!!
 Terramay
Joined: 7/14/2012
Msg: 31
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/16/2013 6:48:06 PM
I don't know if I understand any of your problems at all.
Maybe you should just say you're sorry.
 ihaunturdreams
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 32
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/16/2013 7:07:17 PM
At the moment wait and see. Actions do speak a LOT louder than words and it is going to take a lot of actions to even begin to fix this if he even can... So most likely wait and see I promise to update on here whatever my actions end up being.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 33
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/16/2013 7:09:11 PM

So OP's Girlfriend, what are you going to do?

Indeed teach, what will she do, how often do you get both parties on the same thread, this is a good one,lol...
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 34
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/16/2013 7:23:16 PM


I have been with another POF user for more than five months. Things are amazing with her and I until recently I screwed up royally. On my bday I spent it with my family and did not invite her the reason is because in my family if i bring a gal home its serious between her and I and have been accused of being unfaithful. t

You did the RIGHT thing... waiting until six months to meet family is ideal...Good for you!



I have been on here since saturday to need advice and no one has responded and to make it worse now i am being acused of being unfaithful again because i updated my picture on this site..... is there any advice out there ?

Now, now, now....Why are you EVEN ON a dating site if you're with this woman for FIVE MONTHS..she had every right to be pissed and NOT trust you...

Once trust is BROKEN it's gone..
The MOST you can do is BACK OFF for a WEEK, then call her and APOLOGIZE with the hopes she'll be willing to date you again..once a woman can't trust you ..you're toast..
 63T
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 35
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I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/16/2013 7:24:15 PM

At the moment wait and see. Actions do speak a LOT louder than words and it is going to take a lot of actions to even begin to fix this if he even can... So most likely wait and see I promise to update on here whatever my actions end up being.


ihaunturdreams

He is simply not committed to you in the way that you need him to be. He doesn't seem to truly understand how his actions are effecting you and just how deeply.
You must try to make him understand.
Failing that will only create significant barriers to your intimacy with him if not already.

Also, there appears to be some naivety on your part regarding the recognition of the infamous "red flags" such as proposal of marriage after only two weeks of dating.

Personally, I don't see this being a successful union without a lot of hard work and effort.
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 36
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/16/2013 7:44:54 PM
U know wat I love about forums the most. That when ppl go out of their way to create one, and then other ppl respond to that topic, the OP magically disappears. LOL

Why? U couldn't handle the truth that's y u chose not to respond to everyone's critic?

WOW.....If i was ur gf, I would dumped ur a$$ a long time ago! I'm not into immature guys who don't have the balls to introduce me to their family after 5 months of dating!
 ihaunturdreams
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 37
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/16/2013 7:54:27 PM
Ok since this thing wont let me post much I am going to address a lot of ppl here...

3ffervecent: He told me about as an excuse for why he was here not thinking I was smart enough to check time stamps and such.

HOwabout: the worst thing he could do is let me sit and fester I just get more and more upset I like to tackle things head on and get them worked out within hours of the thing happening. I agree to the meet the family thing but not letting me meet the friends or go on a group thing when all of their girls go that is where that issue is. I respect a mans right to family values and privacy but when he has met all of yours and you have yet to even talk to one of his and we are almost six months in thats a bit of an issue. I have been following his lead on how serious we were or were not and moved accordingly. He on the other hand did not...

63T: I don't need him to be committed all I need is for his actions to match up to his words and thus far over the last month and a half they have not. I have done everything short of getting a Spanish translator to get him to understand I was honest about everything in my personal life/history not to mention any problems I have caused in past relationships and any mental issues I might have (I.E. being a little paranoid never without cause and being a little ADHD and OCD). With him it is the same issue different day repeat after repeat but again I give second chances and think how would I feel if the situation was reversed but I do have a three strike rule and he has hit his.... And I have always been bad at the red flags cause normally that is not what goes wrong in my relationships. But that is on me not him.

realitycktable4one: I know exactly what you are saying and really do appreciate the blunt honesty. I know that that is a big issue but I know when I am tired and stressed I dont always get the correct words out right away but as close as I can get. I know waiting and seeing is setting myself up for more heart ache however I have issues giving up on things and abandoning ppl....

msright78: No he appears not to be able to handle the truth so I was on here updating ppl as the person who was wronged. He claims it is that he doesnt want his family to ruin the relationship that is why he has not introduced me but its not just his family its his friends coworkers and anyone else so yhea....
 WHITEROSEFOREVER
Joined: 3/18/2013
Msg: 38
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 12:12:08 AM
he is embarrassed to be seen with you...i am sorry if that is harsh but the only reason a man does not introduce a woman who he has been seeing for months, to his family, friends, and co-workers is because 1.he is married 2. he is ashamed of you. please break up with him and find a man who will be devoted and love you and be proud to show you off to everyone he knows....
 varyk
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 39
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 12:33:24 AM
Wait and see??? My question to you is, what are you waiting for?? An encore? He is a joke and a sorry excuse for a man. It goes without saying, but his silence and disappearance from the thread is deafening and speaks so much louder! He isn't taking your relationship seriously now and never will. Sweetie, if it's like this now, how much better do you really think it will be down the road if you chose to stick in out? It's not peaches and cream now, actually sounds nightmarish to me. 5 months of dating and he doesn't yet consider your relationship serious?

If I were you, I would hightail it out of dodge and find someone man enough to treat you respectfully. In what possible way could he have explained coming on to POF after having left you at the wedding... seriously! That is not just a red flag that's a blazing, flaming red flag.

Finally, tbh you can do so much better than what is been going on. Exercise some self-respect and don't allow him to continue to disrespect you with his shady ways....toss this minnow back in the pond and move on to bigger and way better fish! Good Luck, ihaunturdreams!!
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 40
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 12:57:17 AM
Good luck ihaunturdreams. That fella is a dirtball
 Spifflog
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 41
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I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 7:00:46 AM
Seriously between your profile and your post here, you seem like one slimy dude. I don't know any other way to put it. I'll tell you one more thing. You aren't nearly as smooth and debonair as you think you are. These lies you are telling? They are so obvious it's amazing, and yet you think you are getting away with them.

Would really tolerate a woman leaving a wedding to go help a friend with a car? Really? If it were me, I'd calmly let her go and never talk to her again. Actually, I think virtually everyone would do the same.

I know guys your age have some growing up to do, but you are still way behind the power curve. This woman is very lucky to be rid of you.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 42
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 7:14:25 AM
I find it strangely odd that OP's girlfriend enters the scene, and despite OP coming here only for the forums, he hasn't replied since. It's been over 12h, wouldn't a forumite check his own, recent thread? Especially if it was somewhat important to him?

Of course, an alter ego would explain that... It would also explain why she waits and sees when there's not much left to wait for and look at. Oh well, I'll grab the popcorn and watch the show. This now feels like the blooper reel after the trailer.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 43
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I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 7:25:12 AM
I think the OP's GF dodged a pretty big bullet there....maybe even a missle...

Good luck Ihauntyourdreams
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 44
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 7:52:13 AM
The fact you updated you photos and are still on at least one or more dating sites says a lot. The fact you wont take her to a family event because that would mean its serious? Your "girlfriend" has every right to doubt your sincerity.. actions speak louder than words and your actions scream you are still looking, your do not consider her your "girlfriend" and you place more value on your ow needs than hers. If I would her I would block your profile and go find someone who respects her and treats her like she is important.. you sir, have not. JMHO
 ihaunturdreams
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 45
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 7:54:00 AM
Wow so much support I have never known a thread to be so incredibly one sided.
Since a lot of you are commenting on my wait and see comment that is being used as a place holder in this case. I believe that everyone deserves to know the end to their own story before the public at large so I am reserving my actually actions and words for him personally until it is resolved. However since he has dropped off the face of the planet for everyone including me I think the out come is obvious. I will however update you guys with the inevitable ending. I might need a dating red flag cheat sheet though before I get back out there lol.
 ManOfAdventure28
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 46
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I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 7:54:06 AM
I think his gf has found this thread and has now buried him under the garden patio.....
 pretty_green_thumbs
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 47
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I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 3:44:44 PM
So then fella if U R really sorry you will find 10,000 ways to prove and make it a fact.
U go now the Italian Gypsy , the one with the really great thumbs has spoken . . .off or do tenthousand good things.
Immediately !
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 48
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I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 4:58:01 PM
Man if he really thought he screwed up he would be in here eating a plate of crow the size of his car so his XGF would see it. Instead he slithered away...
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 49
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/17/2013 5:50:53 PM
ihaunturdreams. He is hiding something, After 6 months and you have not met any of his friends- family- co-workers.
Something just isnt right.
Move on, Wish you the best of luck. Leaving the wedding was wrong.
 ihaunturdreams
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 50
I screwed up royally need advice...........
Posted: 4/18/2013 11:40:46 AM
Ok all well he dropped off the face of the planet and changed his number so I sent him a very vicious break up text and will be mailing him the same text in letter form when I do a thing I do a thing right he will know what I think of him and what he is truly worth. I really am the last person he should have done this to because I have a huge family and a lot of very protective friends so I know without my helping he will get what is coming to him. regardless it is now over at least on my part so bring on the advice and whatnot lol I have moved on and am moving forward. If you all would like to know exact wording and what not let me know.
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