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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 26
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
You will find if you state a opinion the fem pak doesn't like , the vicious assault ensues . I could care less , but then I have always gone my own way and have not been one of the herd . Seems almost every profile you look at the women have a shopping list for the type of man they want (looks more like they looking for a girlfriend ) while also displaying an awful lot of negativity . Almost every profile I look at has negativity in it , who would want to date them let alone be in a relationship with them . Probably best place to find a good woman these days is at the homeless shelter , they would actually appreciate a good man , instead of taking advantage of him like most on these dating sites do . If you are a good man here , you are friend zone materiel . Guess that is to bad , I do not do friend zone , they can shove that garbage where the sun don't shine .
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 27
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 7:30:10 AM
It never WAS cool to go against the grain. Look at what the Church did to the scientists who did. Be glad to live in an enlightened place and time.

Back in my day, being cool meant being detached from life. I was the kid who loved to be interested in everything around me, and noticing it out loud got me the, "you're weird" tag. Oh well, those kids turned to drugs and other things in order to have something to feel again, I just kept on geeking out on stuff around me. And their views on sex are so weird, making simple things so complex. They don't realize how simple it is--you get out of it what you bring to it. not a jot more. for example, I was reading someone here posting about how bad casual sex is. its like having a casual drink w/ someone. the booze gives its own buzz, but the real fun comes from the company. you can share a good conversation and still go home without them.

be individual, and you shrink your fishing net. lower your standards, and you increase the odds of getting a date...that fits about as well as the sentence above. like everything else in life, figure out where you want to end up before figuring out the best way to travel. most figure out the fun way to travel, then get amazed at where they end up after the fun is done.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 28
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 8:53:33 AM

Unless you live in Amish country or the deep deep South, it's a multigrain society.


Society is like a box of breakfast cereal depending on where you shop it can consist of any one of a number of grains you can get plenty of nuts throw in a few fruits if you choose and if your lucky you might get some sweet stuff as well.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 29
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 9:10:43 AM
I'm not sure what I'm more tired of right now:

The negative whiners who argue with every suggestion that is made,
The bitter ones who act like every woman (or man-let's be fair) in the world is (fill in the blank) ______ just because a few have treated them that way. So they spend the rest of their time wallowing in their bitterness instead of finding out that what they experienced was from the minority of that gender.
The obnoxious ones whose answer to everything is to treat all of the opposite gender like they are nothing.
The argumentative ones who find it necessary to bash all other people who are posting.

I think instead of reading all this stuff-after all it's the same old same old-nothing new here- I will go out in the fresh air and go swimming....dang I wish I had a place where I could go skinny dipping....Oh well. Ciao!
 RandomFish123
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 30
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 9:30:28 AM

Lightningman Well firstly i do things they way i like as well.


If that were true you would not be asking this question to begin with. ....


As i said before people seem to be shocked that you havn't done certain things by a certain age.
Thats the way people lives run. we are not all the same .
A early post read "I would probably get a weird feeling if I met a girl who said she never had a boyfriend by her 30s- it would be kind of a turn off"
My only argument is why do they shun you away based on these things?.


You cannot control how ppl's reactions and opinions will be. You can only control you. There will always be ppl who don't agree with you or don't like you for certain things. Tis the nature of humans ... The more "shocking" thing is, why haven't you figured that out yet by your age OP. .. I mean srsly?
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 31
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 9:59:09 AM
I agree with Randomfish....Just be yourself!
You shouldn't try to mold yourself to anyones expectations....I like people that can "think for themselves" and don't follow the crowd.
Walk your own path in life....and someone will enjoy and be attracted to the real "you"..!

Don't get stuck....like some of these old codgers(who post on here)....who are getting older and more bitter...everyday!
Blaming all their circumstances...."as if they had no say or choice"... in anything.
Life is all about "choices"....you will make some mistakes but learn from them and move on.
Good Luck!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 32
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 12:04:44 PM

Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Are we not individuals??


I believe that if you want to get results, get dates, and all that you need to follow these one marketing premise:

Differentiate or die

That means that you do not follow the grain. And you do not give a rat's a ss what they may think about you not following such grain. However, you seem so much more concerned about what others feel because you may or may not follow such grain. That is the kiss of death. That produces the results that you have been getting.

Because you are so concerned about this being a factor. It becomes a factor. And you do not end up going against the grain, but tepidly pretending to to so.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 33
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 12:22:13 PM
OP, I'm not quits sure what you're trying to get at with your post.

You're not a 20 something year old college kid anymore but should have found your way and yourself by now, meaning standing way above peer pressure.

Ok, granted in the professional world one has to be diplomatic and play along at times for career reasons, but learn to draw the line and don't let this influence your personal life too much.

Saying, don't like gym, sports or clubs? Don't go, fill your sparse spare time with things you enjoy doing. Don't want kids? Don't have any and make sure to use condoms every time so not to be "tricked".

It's your life, live it as you please and let others live theirs.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 34
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 1:55:46 PM
People who "go against the grain" from a free choice normally have a level of confidence about it.

They do not come off as social misfits by posting 20 or so threads lamenting their inability to "couple."
 RandomFish123
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 35
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 2:03:59 PM
^^^ LOL!! ... actually yes, you made good points whippedboi


the actual look may very but is most often calculated to "LOOK" as if they don't give a d@mn
...
...

cool people don't post all over POF forums, asking how to be 'cool' or how to get a date
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 36
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 4:22:30 PM
No, there are no individuals.......... "There is no me, only us." ~Borg Queen to 7 of 9.....
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 37
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 5:07:18 PM

Lightningman Well firstly i do things they way i like as well.


If that were true you would not be asking this question to begin with



People who "go against the grain" from a free choice normally have a level of confidence about it.

They do not come off as social misfits by posting 20 or so threads lamenting their inability to "couple."



Reread both of these comments before starting another thread OP. I honestly don't have any "easy" answers for you're "problem" with the ladies, or whatever.

Most "free thinkers(doers)" think and do at their own free will. They think silently, and go about their business without much fanfare. No need to promote,they just do. You,my friend are "promoting" and it's not very appealing.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 38
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 6:05:01 PM

And you are missing my point.e.g Not wanting to get married,Not wanting kids,
Not interested in a Gym membership ect...Why should that be a put off to people....


Well wtf DO you want to do? Play music by yourself forever?

What do you want out of life? What do you have to offer a woman? Anything?

I remember your zillion other threads like this only worded differently. You grasp at any external factor as to why YOU can’t get a date…..or whatever the heck it is you want.

If you don’t know what you want you ain’t gonna find it. After all these months and all these threads have you done ANYthing to improve yourself or your situation besides post different pics on your PoF profile?


On that point.The few dates that i have been on think its even strange that i have never been married or had kids. God only knows what they would think if told them the whole truth... hahaha.

But seriously by most of the threads and post that i have read. I most the only honest or dummy that has actually admitted to never having a relationship at my age.So its very hard to get a point of view from people in the similar circumstance and know how the deal anf feel about it.


Wow. That’s some whine.

Look, if I was on a date and he had some kind of problem with MY LIFE, that would be the end right there. I don’t need some jackoff’s approval of how I have lived my life up until now. Why do you? Stand up for yourself, FFS! You come across as wishy washy, needy, indecisive, unsettled, desperate, and frankly very immature. But it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re 36 or whatever and have never been married or had children.

How about if someone disapproves of your life you say something like, “I’ve lived my life according to my needs and my decisions, not yours.” Then you quit dating judgmental blabbermouths.


They forget that i do get a kick out of playing music that is what seems to get lost in the argument...


How can they “forget” what they don’t even know about you? And why are you “arguing” with anyone about YOUR life?? Jeez…..every time you post I just want to shake some sense into you.

IMO you need to focus on yourself and quit blaming everything and everyone for you not having what you want especially since apparently you don’t even know what that is. Take a step forward, already!! For yourself, not everybody or anybody else.
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 39
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 8:24:41 PM
Wanting kids is a biological urge. It doesn't really have anything to do with peer pressure or following the herd. It's about wanting your DNA to make it to the next generation. That being said if you don't want any then for crying out loud don't have any. As for clubs and gyms,well many people have no interest in them. Join a cooking class if you want to meet people,take an art class,start conversations with random people in book stores or the supermarket. You have friends don't you? Well ask them to ask their wives/girlfriends if they have single friends.
 Madailein
Joined: 6/9/2012
Msg: 40
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 7:14:58 PM
^^^^^^ +1, very astute animaltime



My only argument is why do they shun you away based on these things?.

I see that as a complaint, not an argument.


I am not asking for Acceptance or Approval.

Actually, you are.


It just seems that does not matter or how old or young you are everybody assumes you are a follow of the sheep."Another clone"

Not wanting to get married,Not wanting kids,
Not interested in a Gym membership ect...Why should that be a put off to people...


Sometimes these are known as, “Rites of passage“.
Gyms are not in the same category as marriage and children.

I would suggest that you read, animal time’s msg.53 and then try to practice his very sound analysis.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 41
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 7:22:00 PM
The OP has posted a ton of his defeatist attitude over a long period of time. He always comes up with a But... instead of trying something different something new. He is here not to get better, but to nag and whine. He will not change, because in his mind he is not willing to change. So he will continue to nag. And continue in the same sorry a ss path at infinitum.

My condolences. You are the living dead.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 42
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 9:12:33 PM
animaltime,

They are not sheeple, they are mindless automatons.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 43
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 9:16:50 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Yup, outmind is correct. I've noticed not just with this Op, but with some others, whom I will not name, that they are broken records. They say the same bitter, angry, insulting, negative, or defeatist things over and over. I'm beginning to think it's just for attention. Maybe it's easier to get attention with negative stuff than it is to maybe take a look at themselves and realize they have some areas they need to work on...
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 44
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 9:44:34 PM

Yup, outmind is correct. I've noticed not just with this Op, but with some others, whom I will not name, that they are broken records. They say the same bitter, angry, insulting, negative, or defeatist things over and over. I'm beginning to think it's just for attention. Maybe it's easier to get attention with negative stuff than it is to maybe take a look at themselves and realize they have some areas they need to work on...


Thank you sweet heart for your statement.

I would like to also say, that my life has been hell for the last five years. The economy, downsizing, being in a relationship with a woman that was bipolar, that went through breast cancer, that was gorgeous, yet very smart and manipulative and found everything to use me and destroy me. She was very sexual, I am very sexual. She used her vagina to control me (my fault and stupidity). She used her children as well. I called her children, my children, her children called me Daddy and for many years I was the real daddy. I have been through hell. A different hell than our defeatist OP is stuck in. The point is this. I took control of my situation. I realize that there were some things that I was doing wrong. There were things that she was doing wrong. I hired professionals. I developed a new sense of spirituality. I did not sit on my but and complained, I did something about it. I was at one point suicidal. I overcame. I overcame by not blaming others, but look deep inside the fabric that is me. There are things that I learned that were not my fault, yet I felt really guilty about. There are things that were my fault, and I realize that they are either things that I must change, or find someone that appreciates those things.

Negative, defeatist attitudes blame everyone else. They find a but in every argument, so they don't do d i ck. The whole world is at fault. If they just changed their attitude, their latitude will change.

I am in a cool relationship right now. We had a difficult discussion tonight not about us, but about her work and how she is being valued by a Baptist minister, ex politician with very narrow views on single mothers. She could sue for sexual discrimination. Yet we are going to find first a smarter way to create a win, win situation.

The point is. While the OP can't even get fvcking laid because of his OWN attitude, the rest of the world is dealing with bigger issues, bigger outcomes that render his pettiness as mindless. Dude, such the fvck up or grow some balls.

With all the gifts you have, you should have women crawling all over you. But you got nothing. Why. Your negativity and because in the end all you think is about pitiful you. And nothing else.
 marilynh77
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 45
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 10:19:25 PM
Why do you want to be cool? Why does it matter to be part of a "group"?
I'm not an outcat but I don't see myself fit into anything for I'm amazingly stand out of the crowd and love it! I'm unique and that's what's cool about be. I do go to the gym and I have a child, etc but there are alot about me that's different and unique, and it's what makes me stand out. In life, I beat to my own drum. And in the dating game, I don't play the GAMES or follow the rules to get a guy thing like other women, lol I just go with who I'm and what I do, make mistakes, learn and follow my heart. It's your uniqueness that makes you stand out from the crowd.
If having no relationship is a freak, is it better than always having a bad relationship? lol And you relate to people all the time so there is a certain relationship that you have, just maybe you haven't been in an intimate relationship so far. But then it's better than being in a relationship and having all the freakin' sexual transmitted diseases! Hello? lol People can brag about being in so many relationships that they lost count but is it healthy? Are they clean? Are they able to hold a decent relationship?
Don't follow the crowd and be who you are but be truthful, there is someone for everyone.
I never follow the "hip" crowd, it's so dumb! I beat to my own drum. Funny thing about life is that the hips will eventually want to follow this girl. lol
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 46
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 10:24:31 PM

The point is. While the OP can't even get fvcking laid because of his OWN attitude, the rest of the world is dealing with bigger issues, bigger outcomes that render his pettiness as mindless. Dude, such the fvck up or grow some balls.

With all the gifts you have, you should have women crawling all over you. But you got nothing. Why. Your negativity and because in the end all you think is about pitiful you. And nothing else.


Wow,Outmind.............you've nailed this and gotten to the crux of the whole problem in that Op never does anything to even try and better his situation!
Ps.Outmind,im glad to hear you're on an even keel now and things are better for you.
You were proactive and its paid off
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 47
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 12:33:31 PM

lightningman1
My passion is music but it seems not to many ladies really go for that weather fulltime/part time muso life it has always had a negative stereotype along with it e.g Broke,Can't pay the rent blah blah and so it goes!!!


If there wasn't a sliver of truth in the old stereotype about Musicians, then the Musician jokes wouldn't be funny. LIKE...

What do you call a Musician who broke up with his Girl Friend?........

Homeless................
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 48
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 1:18:09 PM
Of course it's not cool to go against the grain - that is why people have been flocking to tattoo parlours in droves to get thier own personalized stamp of conformity and approval.

You have to think that if Mic Jagger got a sex change he could easily pass for an unattractive woman.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 49
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 4:09:42 PM

(Msg. #1. Lightningman1) If we don't all fit the same mould are we then concidered outcasts??
When asked about dating, relationships its the same old answers:
Have you ever been in a relationship before?? NO. Oooh you must be some freak!!!!
"Haha this really makes me laugh as i was actually told this not that long ago".


I think one of the reasons might be a gal wondering if you are able to be in a relationship. Like anything else if you haven’t lived it are you able to share and compromise and work as a couple and ……well, the list goes on. Are you comfortable having to tell someone where you’re going and where you’ve been? If you have lived on your own for, say, 10 years you’re used to coming and going as you please. You never had to consider anyone else. I don’t think it’s so much a concern about you being a freak as it is their concern regarding your ability to adapt.

Then there are the questions of sex. If you’ve never been in a relationship how did you handle sex? One night stands? Do you prefer a FWB? Do you still have a FWB? Is sex not important to you?

Again, it’s not so much the different lifestyle. It’s why you chose it and how you dealt with it.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 50
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 4:19:12 PM
Women gravitate towards confident men that have goals and purpose in life. It doesn't mean you have to be a CEO of a company but I have to agree with the others with your musical talent it seems to me that your self esteem is shot.

You need to stop caring what others perceive you as, and start caring how you perceive yourself. If you perceive yourself as unsatisfactory lay out a plan or several goals to change for the better. If you are happy, you must express to those that doubt you as to why that is the case. If they continue to press though, I would ignore such people as your opinion on your happiness does count.
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