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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 37
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Lightningman Well firstly i do things they way i like as well.


If that were true you would not be asking this question to begin with



People who "go against the grain" from a free choice normally have a level of confidence about it.

They do not come off as social misfits by posting 20 or so threads lamenting their inability to "couple."



Reread both of these comments before starting another thread OP. I honestly don't have any "easy" answers for you're "problem" with the ladies, or whatever.

Most "free thinkers(doers)" think and do at their own free will. They think silently, and go about their business without much fanfare. No need to promote,they just do. You,my friend are "promoting" and it's not very appealing.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 38
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 6:05:01 PM

And you are missing my point.e.g Not wanting to get married,Not wanting kids,
Not interested in a Gym membership ect...Why should that be a put off to people....


Well wtf DO you want to do? Play music by yourself forever?

What do you want out of life? What do you have to offer a woman? Anything?

I remember your zillion other threads like this only worded differently. You grasp at any external factor as to why YOU can’t get a date…..or whatever the heck it is you want.

If you don’t know what you want you ain’t gonna find it. After all these months and all these threads have you done ANYthing to improve yourself or your situation besides post different pics on your PoF profile?


On that point.The few dates that i have been on think its even strange that i have never been married or had kids. God only knows what they would think if told them the whole truth... hahaha.

But seriously by most of the threads and post that i have read. I most the only honest or dummy that has actually admitted to never having a relationship at my age.So its very hard to get a point of view from people in the similar circumstance and know how the deal anf feel about it.


Wow. That’s some whine.

Look, if I was on a date and he had some kind of problem with MY LIFE, that would be the end right there. I don’t need some jackoff’s approval of how I have lived my life up until now. Why do you? Stand up for yourself, FFS! You come across as wishy washy, needy, indecisive, unsettled, desperate, and frankly very immature. But it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re 36 or whatever and have never been married or had children.

How about if someone disapproves of your life you say something like, “I’ve lived my life according to my needs and my decisions, not yours.” Then you quit dating judgmental blabbermouths.


They forget that i do get a kick out of playing music that is what seems to get lost in the argument...


How can they “forget” what they don’t even know about you? And why are you “arguing” with anyone about YOUR life?? Jeez…..every time you post I just want to shake some sense into you.

IMO you need to focus on yourself and quit blaming everything and everyone for you not having what you want especially since apparently you don’t even know what that is. Take a step forward, already!! For yourself, not everybody or anybody else.
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 39
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 8:24:41 PM
Wanting kids is a biological urge. It doesn't really have anything to do with peer pressure or following the herd. It's about wanting your DNA to make it to the next generation. That being said if you don't want any then for crying out loud don't have any. As for clubs and gyms,well many people have no interest in them. Join a cooking class if you want to meet people,take an art class,start conversations with random people in book stores or the supermarket. You have friends don't you? Well ask them to ask their wives/girlfriends if they have single friends.
 Madailein
Joined: 6/9/2012
Msg: 40
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 7:14:58 PM
^^^^^^ +1, very astute animaltime



My only argument is why do they shun you away based on these things?.

I see that as a complaint, not an argument.


I am not asking for Acceptance or Approval.

Actually, you are.


It just seems that does not matter or how old or young you are everybody assumes you are a follow of the sheep."Another clone"

Not wanting to get married,Not wanting kids,
Not interested in a Gym membership ect...Why should that be a put off to people...


Sometimes these are known as, “Rites of passage“.
Gyms are not in the same category as marriage and children.

I would suggest that you read, animal time’s msg.53 and then try to practice his very sound analysis.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 41
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 7:22:00 PM
The OP has posted a ton of his defeatist attitude over a long period of time. He always comes up with a But... instead of trying something different something new. He is here not to get better, but to nag and whine. He will not change, because in his mind he is not willing to change. So he will continue to nag. And continue in the same sorry a ss path at infinitum.

My condolences. You are the living dead.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 42
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 9:12:33 PM
animaltime,

They are not sheeple, they are mindless automatons.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 43
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 9:16:50 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Yup, outmind is correct. I've noticed not just with this Op, but with some others, whom I will not name, that they are broken records. They say the same bitter, angry, insulting, negative, or defeatist things over and over. I'm beginning to think it's just for attention. Maybe it's easier to get attention with negative stuff than it is to maybe take a look at themselves and realize they have some areas they need to work on...
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 44
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 9:44:34 PM

Yup, outmind is correct. I've noticed not just with this Op, but with some others, whom I will not name, that they are broken records. They say the same bitter, angry, insulting, negative, or defeatist things over and over. I'm beginning to think it's just for attention. Maybe it's easier to get attention with negative stuff than it is to maybe take a look at themselves and realize they have some areas they need to work on...


Thank you sweet heart for your statement.

I would like to also say, that my life has been hell for the last five years. The economy, downsizing, being in a relationship with a woman that was bipolar, that went through breast cancer, that was gorgeous, yet very smart and manipulative and found everything to use me and destroy me. She was very sexual, I am very sexual. She used her vagina to control me (my fault and stupidity). She used her children as well. I called her children, my children, her children called me Daddy and for many years I was the real daddy. I have been through hell. A different hell than our defeatist OP is stuck in. The point is this. I took control of my situation. I realize that there were some things that I was doing wrong. There were things that she was doing wrong. I hired professionals. I developed a new sense of spirituality. I did not sit on my but and complained, I did something about it. I was at one point suicidal. I overcame. I overcame by not blaming others, but look deep inside the fabric that is me. There are things that I learned that were not my fault, yet I felt really guilty about. There are things that were my fault, and I realize that they are either things that I must change, or find someone that appreciates those things.

Negative, defeatist attitudes blame everyone else. They find a but in every argument, so they don't do d i ck. The whole world is at fault. If they just changed their attitude, their latitude will change.

I am in a cool relationship right now. We had a difficult discussion tonight not about us, but about her work and how she is being valued by a Baptist minister, ex politician with very narrow views on single mothers. She could sue for sexual discrimination. Yet we are going to find first a smarter way to create a win, win situation.

The point is. While the OP can't even get fvcking laid because of his OWN attitude, the rest of the world is dealing with bigger issues, bigger outcomes that render his pettiness as mindless. Dude, such the fvck up or grow some balls.

With all the gifts you have, you should have women crawling all over you. But you got nothing. Why. Your negativity and because in the end all you think is about pitiful you. And nothing else.
 marilynh77
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 45
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 10:19:25 PM
Why do you want to be cool? Why does it matter to be part of a "group"?
I'm not an outcat but I don't see myself fit into anything for I'm amazingly stand out of the crowd and love it! I'm unique and that's what's cool about be. I do go to the gym and I have a child, etc but there are alot about me that's different and unique, and it's what makes me stand out. In life, I beat to my own drum. And in the dating game, I don't play the GAMES or follow the rules to get a guy thing like other women, lol I just go with who I'm and what I do, make mistakes, learn and follow my heart. It's your uniqueness that makes you stand out from the crowd.
If having no relationship is a freak, is it better than always having a bad relationship? lol And you relate to people all the time so there is a certain relationship that you have, just maybe you haven't been in an intimate relationship so far. But then it's better than being in a relationship and having all the freakin' sexual transmitted diseases! Hello? lol People can brag about being in so many relationships that they lost count but is it healthy? Are they clean? Are they able to hold a decent relationship?
Don't follow the crowd and be who you are but be truthful, there is someone for everyone.
I never follow the "hip" crowd, it's so dumb! I beat to my own drum. Funny thing about life is that the hips will eventually want to follow this girl. lol
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 46
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/18/2013 10:24:31 PM

The point is. While the OP can't even get fvcking laid because of his OWN attitude, the rest of the world is dealing with bigger issues, bigger outcomes that render his pettiness as mindless. Dude, such the fvck up or grow some balls.

With all the gifts you have, you should have women crawling all over you. But you got nothing. Why. Your negativity and because in the end all you think is about pitiful you. And nothing else.


Wow,Outmind.............you've nailed this and gotten to the crux of the whole problem in that Op never does anything to even try and better his situation!
Ps.Outmind,im glad to hear you're on an even keel now and things are better for you.
You were proactive and its paid off
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 47
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 12:33:31 PM

lightningman1
My passion is music but it seems not to many ladies really go for that weather fulltime/part time muso life it has always had a negative stereotype along with it e.g Broke,Can't pay the rent blah blah and so it goes!!!


If there wasn't a sliver of truth in the old stereotype about Musicians, then the Musician jokes wouldn't be funny. LIKE...

What do you call a Musician who broke up with his Girl Friend?........

Homeless................
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 48
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 1:18:09 PM
Of course it's not cool to go against the grain - that is why people have been flocking to tattoo parlours in droves to get thier own personalized stamp of conformity and approval.

You have to think that if Mic Jagger got a sex change he could easily pass for an unattractive woman.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 49
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 4:09:42 PM

(Msg. #1. Lightningman1) If we don't all fit the same mould are we then concidered outcasts??
When asked about dating, relationships its the same old answers:
Have you ever been in a relationship before?? NO. Oooh you must be some freak!!!!
"Haha this really makes me laugh as i was actually told this not that long ago".


I think one of the reasons might be a gal wondering if you are able to be in a relationship. Like anything else if you haven’t lived it are you able to share and compromise and work as a couple and ……well, the list goes on. Are you comfortable having to tell someone where you’re going and where you’ve been? If you have lived on your own for, say, 10 years you’re used to coming and going as you please. You never had to consider anyone else. I don’t think it’s so much a concern about you being a freak as it is their concern regarding your ability to adapt.

Then there are the questions of sex. If you’ve never been in a relationship how did you handle sex? One night stands? Do you prefer a FWB? Do you still have a FWB? Is sex not important to you?

Again, it’s not so much the different lifestyle. It’s why you chose it and how you dealt with it.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 50
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 4:19:12 PM
Women gravitate towards confident men that have goals and purpose in life. It doesn't mean you have to be a CEO of a company but I have to agree with the others with your musical talent it seems to me that your self esteem is shot.

You need to stop caring what others perceive you as, and start caring how you perceive yourself. If you perceive yourself as unsatisfactory lay out a plan or several goals to change for the better. If you are happy, you must express to those that doubt you as to why that is the case. If they continue to press though, I would ignore such people as your opinion on your happiness does count.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 51
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 4:20:38 PM
I think one of the reasons might be a gal wondering if you are able to be in a relationship. Like anything else if you haven’t lived it are you able to share and compromise and work as a couple and ……well, the list goes on.


Well thats like going for a job interview and the boss asking "Are you experienced", well i have to get experience some how..


Women gravitate towards confident men that have goals and purpose in life. It doesn't mean you have to be a CEO of a company but I have to agree with the others with your musical talent it seems to me that your self esteem is shot.


In my music i am very confident,with out it i struggle.
Thats why i put that up high on my shoulders cause thats really all i can do very well and i know that because i have told many times.
And yes i have been out playing gigs.
Done that for yrs.
In different Bands.
The reason i don't put any pics up of gigs is because i have not played live for a little over 7-8 months as i have been recording demo's and helping out another band in the studio for there demo's. So not current gig pics yet.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 52
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 4:28:55 PM
Then there is hope for you afterall! :) Music is your passion and through this passion you can inspire a woman. The key is to keep at it and be yourself. Try to build some goals around this passion of yours though.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 53
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 5:11:41 PM

(Msg. #66.) Well thats like going for a job interview and the boss asking are you experienced, well i have to get experience some how..


Quite true, however, let’s take a closer look at what you wrote in msg #1.


When asked about dating, relationships its the same old answers:
e.g Go to the local Gym, Play a sport, Do you want kids??? NO why don't you want kids???
Go out clubbing ect.. not everybody is a fittness fanatic, Not everybody wants to start a family,Not everyone feels comfortable in large crowds or feels that "Hip" .
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Are we not individuals??


I interpret your answers as having stated your preferences and/or made conscious choices. You didn’t go clubbing because you’re not comfortable in crowds. You didn’t go to a gym because you’re not a fitness fanatic. You don’t have children because you didn't want a family.

Nothing prevented you from going to a club or a gym or having a family. They were choices you made. Therefore, it’s logical to draw the conclusion you never had a relationship because that’s a choice you made. You can say the right person never came by but at 36 that’s a tough sell. It’s only logical to conclude a relationship never held that much importance to you.

So, if having a partner and having someone with whom to share the lonely nights was not important to you the first question a lady will have is, “What changed?”
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 54
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 5:29:41 PM

Not wanting to get married,Not wanting kids,
Not interested in a Gym membership ect...Why should that be a put off to people...

I thought to have a "mail order bride" you have to get married so she can stay in the country. You want a mail order fwb until she's deported? Or your notions on marriage are fluid?
What you seem to want is to not grow up--fine, don't. Enjoy yourself but don't be shocked many women don't want those things--a few might but you've narrowed your dating pool again.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 55
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 5:40:24 PM
Nothing has really changed.
Thats right i am not a big social person, don't mind spending the friday or weekend at home.
If i do go out there is usually a good reason for it not just for sake of it.

The company of a lady would be nice.
But its those other factors that put them off,and i am not accepted for it.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 56
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 5:51:36 PM
Well I bet you reject women too--for their looks, etc..goes both ways. But you sound a bit passive . You have to be plugged in socially to make those contacts and music might be limiting if that is the only outlet you have.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 57
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 7:26:08 PM
In my opinion none of that is going against the grain.

Many people don't go to the gym or play a sport and have a partner as there are athletics aren't the sole/main interests of the general population.

Many people also don't want children in fact it's been touted as lifestyle club or sorts.

With hookup culture many people haven't been in a relationship before so being labeled a freak for not being in a relationship is doubtful unless you meant absolutely zero experience of any kind.
 Railrunner
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 58
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/19/2013 8:20:53 PM
If you care about going with or against the grain and the "coolness" factor, then one thing is certain, you aren't really going against the grain.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 59
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/20/2013 5:31:14 AM
I go against the Grain alcohol in favor of the Grape alcohol. I'm such a rebel.
 Luthion
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 60
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Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/20/2013 5:43:49 AM
Situation: I get accused of "going against the grain""constantly, like I'm intentionally being contrary or having a different solely in order to stand out. Yet, when I say something that *isn't* controversial, or like something that's popular, I get accused of being political correct, a sheep, etc. etc.

How can I be both?

Observation: People like to negatively judge others, based on very simplistic observations. A lot. It's a easy route to personal validation. "If they're inferior, I must therefore be a better person than them".

Conclusion: Stop giving a crap what those people thing. Look for open minded people who can think for themselves, and stay away from the people with little identifiable personality of their own. Appreciate people for who they are, not what you want them to be.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 61
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/20/2013 6:01:19 AM

The company of a lady would be nice.
But its those other factors that put them off,and i am not accepted for it.


You poor thing!
You must be an unfortunate, misunderstood rebel who is wrongly rebuffed by those unwilling to see through your counter-culture artistic demeanor to the shining jewel inside.

Or, maybe you are just a boring, run of the mill, uninspired, dull, fearful, laggard who lacks ambition, is afraid of real life and would prefer to pay for intimate contact (sex) rather thsn risk the emotional pain of getting close to any other human beings (beside mommy & daddy, that is).
Regardless, you keep grasping at straws in an attempt to make it everyone else's fault that you are rejected.

OP - you have started about, what, 15 - 17 threads regarding your inability to "couple?"
At your age (36), it is highly unlikely that this could be a mere twist of fate.

If you have come this far without having a "relationship," perhaps you may want to consider the possibility that you are of a personality type which does not partner up very successfully. Instead of trying to pound your square self into a round hole and inflict sorrow on an unsuspecting woman, I suggest you get to the root of your issues with intimacy. Go see a professional counselor or psychologist. In the meantime, read the description at:
http://avoidantpersonality.com/
and ask yourself if you wouldn't be happier coming to terms with your limitations, rather than act out a charade for the purpose of putting your family/ friends at ease.
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