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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why won't he let me go?      Home login  
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 43
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Why won't he let me go?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
He made the choice. Although he has not followed through with the second part, he made the choice and it was not you.
Currently the choice he made is: Not you.
Later the choice will be: What his parents want.

I know that this is difficult for you to accept. But it is made. Unless he tells his parents that he chooses you (and not just say that he will tell his parents - but actually does), he has made his choice - Not you.

Sorry, but you are obviously trying to hold on to any little shred that you are getting. I know that this is hard. But it is time for you to make your choice - move on so you can heal.
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 44
Why won't he let me go?
Posted: 4/23/2013 9:26:44 PM

Why couldn't this possibly be the case when you said yourself that he has "not yet grown up" ? People can change

Are you still as attracted to 14 year old boys as you were when you were 14?
He is dating you now based on who he is now.
If (huge if seeing as he's probably well over 18)/when he grows up then if you don't make as profound a "change" in your life to complement his growing up then you are going to be faced with a completely different person, and he's going to see you in a completely new light.

That's why this couldn't possibly be the case.
And the only real way for him to "grow up" is for him to either tell his parents "no!" and run off with you (with the real danger of him only sticking around because he wants to live up to what he did, his identity, rather than because he actually wants to be around you), or let you go to find a relationship that is actually healthy and fulfilling for you.

Of course maybe you are fulfilled in this relationship and love the drama. Some people do. For some people this is the type of relationship they want. Which makes this entire thread simply you seeking out an audience to essentially brag and emotionally masturbate with.

I just feel like the more time that goes by, the more strongly he seems to feel and the more he freaks out about any sign of me being unhappy.

Is it you being unhappy? Or you being unhappy with him?
Because there is a difference.
The latter is just manipulation to keep you from judging him, not concern over your emotional well being.
And based on this thread, he really doesn't care that much about it if he continues playing these games.

Games like

he still takes me out to dinner, holds my hand, and kisses me good night

He's not doing this to you, he's doing it with you, you are enabling it.

"My friends are just really great. And then there's you & I. We have a special relationship." Um, what is that, exactly?

Melodrama to make his life seem more important than it is?
Producing his own Lifetime original movie with him as the protagonist?
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 45
Why won't he let me go?
Posted: 4/24/2013 12:08:20 AM
OP, I have read the variety of extremely valid reasons for you to move on, yet somehow you still keep asking "WHY". TBH, I don't think your propose of posting here in this particular thread is to seek answers rather you seek affirmation from others that what you are feeling and want is justifiable. But I hate to be the one to break it to you sweetheart you are playing into the drama and fueling the confusion and the drawing out of a never ending saga of why me. Should absorb objective suggestions that have been posted in reply to your thread. You are not going to find anyone in their state of mind to support or affirm what you want. You are alone in this and losing points as this drags further...

Let's just state facts here:
1. He loves you (debatable), but not enough or as much as family, his current lifestyle & status. If he really loved you, he wouldn't want to hurt you which btw is what he is doing

2. He needs you , but least you forget that he DIDN'T choose you, because doing so would mean he would need to grow up & support his self. This type of relationship is dysfunctional, because love doesn't mean intentionally inflicting pain on one an other. Not in this sense anyway.

3. He is immature & selfish. A grown man would be able to make is own decisions, based on solid grounds and would at least consider how his is treating you.

4. He is overly dramatic, yes, he is, but NEWSFLASH so are you, sweetie! This isn't a harlequin romance & you are not the damsel in distress. The reality is, most of what is going on, you are partly to blame, because you recognize that there is a problem, but you play into it anyway. You don't want to let go. Heck you may love the drama and rush of the push and pull.

OP, you are not a victim as much as you think you are, seems to me by your replies & comments, you are just another pawn in this increasingly torrid affair of the mind not the heart. If you really love him as you claim you do, stop this madness and take the control back of your life and ffs get your head out of your ass and back to reality! Good Luck!
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 46
Why won't he let me go?
Posted: 4/24/2013 11:01:11 AM

The only reason I'm confused is that he did not actually make another choice at this point. He has never actually started dating, got engaged to, or married anyone else to this day. He "broke up" with me, but things have been exactly like they always were -- minus him trying to have sex with me. We go on romantic dates. He also constantly talks to me as my best friend. He won't even let 1 day go by with me upset at him - he'll say "I have to see you before I leave for the weekend" and make things right. I can't convince myself that when push came to shove and he'd actually be losing me forever, he would allow that to happen.

It sounds like you’ve lost yourself in him. You’ve gone passive. TWO people decide in a relationship. Do you want to continue in a relationship with someone who will hide you from his family and never marry you?
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