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 shine1274
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 45
Boyfriend moved in...Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
50/50 of the household expenses is fair. As a man, I actually like the times when I pitch in a little extra. Or pick up an extra load of groceries. It makes me feel adequate I guess. What I don't care for is when it starts as 50/50, you start to pay more then it is assumed you are paying the extra all the time.

I don't see myself ever combining my personal cash with someone elses. We would really have to be in full agreement on how it is used and married for that to ever happen.
 Smiley587
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 46
Boyfriend moved in...
Posted: 12/19/2013 7:07:37 PM
I think the guy is a mooch...either get him to sign an agreement or he has to leave. It is already starting to cause bad feeling as here you are, venting.
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 47
Boyfriend moved in...
Posted: 12/19/2013 8:10:09 PM
I ended my last relationship because of financial incompatibility.

An easy response is to verify his income and make his contribution proportional to your joint income/expenses.

Unfortunately, it sounds like he's working under the table.

I would try to get him to commit to some actual dollar amounts, utility bills, or groceries.

I would clarify the amounts asap before this gets out of hand.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 48
Boyfriend moved in...
Posted: 12/19/2013 11:13:52 PM
If Y'all want to continue the conversation, it's OK, but the OP hasn't made a post in the Forums here in 8 months. I don't think she's coming back, as this is the only thread she posted in at all....
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Boyfriend moved in...
Posted: 12/20/2013 6:42:25 AM
An agreement was made for a certain amount of rent before he moved ine, that promise should be kept. You need to have a sit down and either come to a more reasonable number OR stick to your guns.
Being in a relationship does not mena you take advantage of a partners good will.
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 50
Boyfriend moved in...
Posted: 12/20/2013 3:02:38 PM
This is just one more example of why you should wait 2 years to get to know them better before moving in or getting married.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 51
Boyfriend moved in...
Posted: 12/20/2013 3:25:42 PM
francine1988- I swear, if ONE more person comes on here and admits that they moved someone in or moved in with someone else after such a short time together and THEN seems shocked that things went amiss...........ARG! Really?!
Look, I believe in love and taking chances, but hope should NEVER trump common sense!
Think, people, THINK! (rant over).
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 52
Boyfriend moved in...
Posted: 12/20/2013 4:06:56 PM

usmale6:
This is just one more example of why you should wait 2 years to get to know them better before moving in or getting married.


Maybe, maybe not..... My late Wife and I married 10 months after we met and were together over 28 years when she died. If you love each other and both are willing to do what it takes to make it work, then you can make it work.
 April1963
Joined: 6/7/2013
Msg: 53
Boyfriend moved in...
Posted: 12/20/2013 4:12:28 PM

He lived in my area but went back to Michigan after we first met because (as he claimed) to help his mom because his younger sister is pregnant and she was too busy during tax season to drive her to appointments and whatever.. Before that he was living with a friend. He claimed to be looking for a place on the other side of town.


RED FLAG, attention OP red flag, attention, attention,RED FLAG.

I was ready to tell you some truths in a not-so-good way, but I see that you only have 25 years.You have a lot to learn from life, only I have to say be careful next time.As the others said,use your common sense.!!!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 54
Boyfriend moved in...
Posted: 12/23/2013 1:23:45 PM

He has agreed to do 50/50 (and seemed extremely confident it wouldn't be a problem) but his income isn't really supporting that

So he was more of a couch surfer :)

He does websites, managers people's social media accounts, and other tech, his own business.

Having "your own business" means Nothing as far as success is concerned. Anyone with a few bucks in their pocket can technically start "a business" officially, while many don't do that but in practice do have one. Most people who "have their own business" is not doing well financially. Don't take it as a symbol of them being successful and/or making decent money. :)

When you're going to be moving in together, beforehand, you should ask how much money they make, ballpark range on average. When they're potentially a couch surfer and doing something many college kids can do in their spare time as their job (for better or worse), you want to let them know that as a guy you understand inflating things to be more manly etc -- but moving in together, you don't want to be misled and that would break things real quick. I think you not asking and getting a real gauge was out of fear of knowing something disappointing and thus, ruining the move-in situation that you two were excited about.

I love having him here and don't want to kick him out so I feel that would be an empty threat (unless we went two months and I wasn't seeing any money come in). Should I try to get him to change how he's doing business?

In perspective of April when this was posted, no, he's not going to "change" his work to automatically make a lot of money. That would take time. Most people when doing their own business don't make much for a while. Their aspirations keep them going for too long, and most fail or shrink to a side-thing while finally getting a real job.

In a sense, you'd have to sort this out with Him, not others. You were living with him! You don't move in with someone who's been living with others if you're too scared/non-confrontational to know how much they make and to sort things out about their game-plan of work. You relying on others and not having worked on this with Him well beforehand for a good amount of time is a red flag right there.

Work it out with him and basically say that he needs to have a real job, which may be his own little company or being employed. But he can't just "pursue his dreams" living off of others, sorry. He should live with his parents if he's going to not make much money and be doing that -- which yes, will take him off the dating market to a large degree. But that's the sacrifices ya make...
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