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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Single vs Coupled Friends aargh      Home login  
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 peaceful_garden
Joined: 4/10/2013
Msg: 16
Single vs Coupled Friends aarghPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Life is not fixed in one position, it changes, you dance close to your friends and at other times you dance further apart. It's always in motion always in flux. And sometimes you outgrow your friends and you make new ones.

Whenever it feels lonely and your closest friends have moved or are not very available for whatever reason its a gift. It's time for you to renew your friendship with yourself. Make peace with being alone....learn to master it. And when you do you will be hugely popular. Someone that loves themself even when it's lonely is the most loveable, trustworthy and attractive individual around.

It doesn't hurt if you believe in a higher power then you know for sure you are always in good company. That's another friendship to cultivate. Being lonely happens for a reason, there are no mistakes. Go with the flow.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 17
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History
Single vs Coupled Friends aargh
Posted: 4/27/2013 4:22:34 PM
Have you tried switching your profile to... 'looking for a woman' as friends, activity partner or hang out?
Also have ladies nights (clothing exchange pot luck's?)
Do things that don't involve chatting, join a swimming, surf or running group?
Theater is a blast.
and last but not least...
Learn how to play guitar! (everyone hangs out around a guitar.)
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 18
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Single vs Coupled Friends aargh
Posted: 4/28/2013 2:46:32 AM
It hasn't been my experience that my friends that couple up leave me out, I have more trouble with my friends that have children. This is especially true of the friends whose world revolves around their child (e.g., never goes anywhere without them, the only conversation to be had is about their kids). I can only handle those friends in small doses, and unfortunately, unless there is a strong friendship pre-children, those relationships tend to fade.

Most friendships have "seasons". That is, unless you have been friends for a very long time, most of the friends you meet in your life are there only for a short time. You just have to learn how to always be open to making new friends and understand that not many will be a lifelong friend.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 19
Single vs Coupled Friends aargh
Posted: 4/28/2013 4:40:31 AM

unless you have been friends for a very long time, most of the friends you meet in your life are there only for a short time.


But don't forget the friends who only know you exist when they want something. Those I can do without.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 20
Single vs Coupled Friends aargh
Posted: 4/28/2013 7:33:04 AM
motown said:

1. find other ways to define your own happiness that don't rotate around how single you are and how non-single everyone else is. you could still have an entire raft of feelings about your situation, but at least your actions would be congruent with a useful strategy for finding happiness based on stuff you can actually control.

2. relalize that relationships are over-rated. i'm not saying the're some terrible thing, but for everyone like you there are three more who are attached to someone and dying of boredom or pulling their hair out in frustration, or coming to the forums to ask why the person who said they loved them is sneaking around on the side, verbally abusing them, ignoring them, not having sex with them, sending weird mixed messages, or kicking their dog. relationships are over-rated like hell.

3. people tend to idealize the things things and situations they don't have because it stands in stark imaginary contrast to where they are, which is some unsatisfactory place of wistful longing based on factors they can't control or facts they refuse to accept. you are single, and boo hoo because you don't want to be. this is just a trick of the mind and a sad illusion we keep telling ourselves.

at every single moment of your existence, you are always just YOU and nowhere else, even when someone is on top of you grunting and humping away and whispering sweet nothings and making promises. if you can't find a way to be happy with just you, then you're placing your happiness outside of yourself. so don't be surprised if you're not happy because somebody you don't know and have never met isn't doing something to keep you that way.

4. you could meet someone today, tomorrow, next week, in a way and in a place you never expected or could have imagined. you just don't know, because you can't. and you can't control the outcome either. all you can do is create opportunities for yourself and decide to be happy right where you are. life's real magic comes FROM you, not TO you. every 60 seconds you waste being unhappy because you're single is another minute of your life that you'll never get back.


and newonthescene76 said:

It hasn't been my experience that my friends that couple up leave me out, I have more trouble with my friends that have children. This is especially true of the friends whose world revolves around their child (e.g., never goes anywhere without them, the only conversation to be had is about their kids). I can only handle those friends in small doses, and unfortunately, unless there is a strong friendship pre-children, those relationships tend to fade.

Most friendships have "seasons". That is, unless you have been friends for a very long time, most of the friends you meet in your life are there only for a short time. You just have to learn how to always be open to making new friends and understand that not many will be a lifelong friend.


and I concur 100% with both of them.

OP - go out and do things that you want to do and you'll meet and make new friends. Friendships ebb and flow throughout life, take work to keep them going, and sometimes you have to cut a friend loose because they have become toxic to you. Don't assume that you'll be forever single, nor that being single is a bad thing, or you won't be able to enjoy the life that you do have.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 21
Single vs Coupled Friends aargh
Posted: 4/28/2013 5:36:00 PM
you are only 30 yr old and you feel lonely because all your friends are married or in relationships. You have a long life ahead . inorder to be loved you have to give love . Have you thought of volunteering at some organizations where everyday they will look forward to meet you? you will make zillions of friends .
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 22
Single vs Coupled Friends aargh
Posted: 4/28/2013 5:47:24 PM
It's funny how things come full circle. I remember when I was married and had single friends who were the third wheel when getting together and they occasionally moaned about being single and lack of opportunities to meet singles because everything is coupled oriented (this is before internet and dating sites). I gave them the same useless advice everyone here gives-go do things you like by yourself and travel to different places by yourself. They would respond by saying going places and doing things by themselves is very boring, unless you are totally anti-social, and I couldn't argue that point, if they don't enjoy doing things by themselves. And contrary to popular belief, not everybody makes new friends-real friends that you make plans to socialize with-as soon as you go to a gathering of human beings. It takes a lot of being in the right place at the right time, meeting the right people and luck.

So here it is years later, with me being single and unattached and these single friends all have spouses and now I'm the third wheel when we get together. At least I'm not moaning to them about how it sucks being single like they did years earlier.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 23
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Single vs Coupled Friends aargh
Posted: 4/28/2013 6:54:54 PM

And contrary to popular belief, not everybody makes new friends-real friends that you make plans to socialize with-as soon as you go to a gathering of human beings. It takes a lot of being in the right place at the right time, meeting the right people and luck.


I think finding new friends is a lot harder for men than it is for women. In my experience, many men maintain the friendships they forged in school or early on in their lives. Few find it easy to make new friends later in life. For women I just think it is easier to be social and open to new friendships.
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