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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Harsh Reality of Dating these days.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 76
Harsh Reality of Dating these days. Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

If I were you, I'd cancel any future appointments with this counselor, they appear to have a very negative slant and may have influenced you to think negatively about dating and about yourself. IMO, that's just not helpful, don't go back to this person.


His comments about POF were not directed specifically back AT the poster - the counselor kept it plural, as in a general commentary about the WHOLE site - read it again and realize the context -

...he said he was stunned at how angry and bitter towards each other we were. It was like he said that we were just blaming each other for personal things.


Part of the harsh reality is realizing people don't have to blow rainbows and sparkles up your arse all the time to make you realize what you're doing to yourself, or what you can empower yourself to change. Tough love is what some people call it. If you want something better and prettier and less harsh, sure, you can take your $150 an hour and pay someone else to play cheerleader for you. Yeah, feeding advice with spoonfuls of sugar makes it easier to swallow, but there's a point when their teeth start rotting out of their head and they NEED to know their 'smile' needs serious work.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/2/2014 12:30:12 PM

There is a harsh reality my counselor brought to my attention yesterday. He had been hinting at it for months. However, when I gave him the POF forums website, he said he was stunned at how angry and bitter towards each other we were. It was like he said that we were just blaming each other for personal things. So his harsh reality to me you might ask? Well he said, you are single because of you, not anyone else. I didn’t get it at first, but I had known all along he was right.


Hmm. Angry and bitter people on a free internet dating forum. It sounds like this was his first time on the internet. I agree with him saying YOU are the reason that YOU are single. It's really not that hard to improve at dating. It's harder to watch every episode of Full House back to back.
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/2/2014 1:12:50 PM


this is why I think my kind of "list" is the best way to go
LOL...I was totally lost on reading your list...each to their own...simple

Well, part of it's design is to be understood only by certain folks. You might say that it's in code. And the ones who can decode it are who I'm looking for.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 79
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/3/2014 8:20:17 AM

I can no more change who I am for a woman as they could change for me.


This is not true.

I feel you are using this logic, even though has some base on truth to arrive at nothing but an excuse and accept what is your "fate" for what you get.


So instead of being all upset about it, just go with the flow.


You do not have to go with the flow. You can and you do make your own reality. Period. If you think the above is true, it becomes your reality and it becomes your "Conditioned Identity."

You become the elephant that after years of being changed to a stake, now all you need is to put a string and the elephant will not break away from it.

Now where you are right on your expose is that you should not be angry about it, because this was created by you, not by the world, not by women. But instead of accepting it as all you can get in life, you should challenge yourself to change it.

HOw do you change that? Well, first you realize what you want. Then you need to develop the desire to change the only thing that you can change, and that is you. You can start that by projection. Yes projection. For instance, you engage in a sport that helps you build confidence, that confidence then overlaps onto your personal life, work, dating.
You identify the type of women you realistically like or want.

In my case, I tend to like skinny, super attractive, athletic women that are also very artistic and slightly geeky. My type of woman is not into football. She may like foreign films and is well versed in spirituality. She is also a runner, or a hiker or likes endurance sports where the mind is challenged.
I am not shaping myself to appear as something they may like but rather exactly who I am. But, because I have the confidence to pursue these type of women, that has always been who I've dated. Even right now. My gf is simply hot.

So do not accept this bullshit of going with the flow. Create your own flow. Create your own reality. If you persevere enough it will happen.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 80
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/3/2014 10:18:22 AM
1)reality is harsh when it doesn't give us what we want.

2)bitterness when it comes to relationships makes sense, when you realize how much we allow relationships to reflect who we are. All human defend their sense of identity--its the most important thing to us, when we defend our children, we're defending our genes and our ability to live on after we're dead--so strongly, I can tell when someone identifies themself with a certain group or belief. its when someone else speaks poorly of that group or belief, and the first person jumps all over them. such emotion comes from having one's personal sacred cow slaughtered.

3)we aren't attractive to everyone. but some are more attractive than others. be normal, act normal, and you scare away fewer people than the person who marches to a different drummer. you may think Scarlet Johanson looked fat in, "He's not that interested in you", but that doesn't mean 70% of the men in the room would refuse to sleep with her anyway--and act accordingly if she walked into the room. what a woman hungers for in a man is likely different at age30 than what she fell for back at 18.

4)reality is how we react to stimuli. we'd love to fly, but we can't flap our arms fast enough. so we use a plane instead to get the same feeling as flying, or the same benefit of traveling thru the air from location to location. In reality, we can't fly...but it doesn't matter. we still can work around that. how much are we willing to bend our expectations, just to get the end result we desire?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 81
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/3/2014 2:41:31 PM

you are single because of you, not anyone else.

Really? You had to pay a counselor to find this out?
I thought that was a self-evident truth.
And why is it "harsh?"
I don't know of ANYBODY who was born already set up with a mate.

yeah, I know there used to be all kinds of pre-arranged marriages, etc, and there are still lots of cases of "high school sweethearts" who get married( and STAY married!)


there is a harsh reality that no one may want us because of who we are.

I agree this is reality, but I still don't understand why it needs to be labeled as "harsh".
Cindy O
 cherieluvr123
Joined: 2/23/2014
Msg: 82
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/4/2014 12:19:06 AM
There's a whole lot more to it these days. Basically too many choices and flavors which gives people this impression that they can treat people like objects rather than people with feelings. Having standards is one thing, having realistic standards is another thing. We just have way too many women on here that have set the bar way too high. Thats not a standard, it's a want. Like a guy wants a Vette rather than a Kia yet he can only afford a Kia. and this chemistry thing is so out of whack. Just what the heck is chemistry other than a different word for being shallow? I mean honestly. All these profiles where women write about all the attributes they love in a man, but bottom line is, if the guy in the pictures does not look like he came off the red carpet in Hollywood, then it does not matter one iota if the guy is genius or noble prize winner, or the most amazing person on the planet. But this here is even better. It would not be so bad if the women doing this were young and pretty sweet women, (even though even here it's not allright) but at least you can say she's pretty, she wants a pretty guy. Whats mind-boggling is that most of the women with these high standards are train wrecks. Their lives are a mess, they are late 40's to 50's, they are overweight and they simply so not look good. But men still contact them anyway but these women act like no one is good enough for their standards, and thats where one has to say gimme a break. Granted we have tons of women in the 40's and 50's that look amazing, but I'm talking about the ones that are a mess.

And another thing out of whack. Those that say they want relationships yet they never want to commit to one in the first place, cause it's much better to be dating 5 guys at once, have them all wine and dine you, free meals and entertainment, and the women saying lets give it time to get to know one another, when in essence they really have no intention of it going anywhere. It's the biggest scam going. And of course guys want to be gentlemen and give her space and time, so they keep taking her out for weeks and in the end it's all for nothing.

As for the comment about going for your throat cause you picked these men, well......... you did. No one else picked them, you did. You chose not to pick ones with qualities and you picked the ones you felt chemistry with by seeing pics. I'd like to know how to perform this magical feat.

Carry on
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 83
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/4/2014 5:19:59 AM

...and the women saying lets give it time to get to know one another, when in essence they really have no intention of it going anywhere. It's the biggest scam going. And of course guys want to be gentlemen and give her space and time, so they keep taking her out for weeks and in the end it's all for nothing.

Yikes Cherielvr123 - have you been burned a few times because you picked the wrong women? That's the vibe you're throwing out. If you feel this way about women - I hope you're not actually trying to date any right now, as clearly it's only setting your self up for inevitable disappointment.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 84
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/4/2014 6:59:08 AM
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Take this pill twice a day and you will be able to write the most outrageous emails to women. You will be glamorously rejected by a ton of women. But one will recognize that you are under the influence of BAM and will want to meet you. Under BAM you will just ask for the date, take the kiss without thinking or remembering your last rejection or that she is way over your league. Under BPM you will walk her to her car, give her a co ck y smile then pull back, so she jumps on you and kisses you all over.

Take a second dosage of BAM and ask her on the second date to your house, where you will cook for her one of the free recipes that come with your first order. Your food will taste awesome. Then you will have to tell her that you are just not that easy as she tries to tear your clothes off. However, the makers of BAM do not guarantee that you will be able to resist. So if you need a refund for your product, send the rest to the PO box Blah, blah and you will get a full refund, minus shipping and handling.

So order your BAM today!! However, never store product in the Freezer, keep at room temperature.

Back to the regular programming.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 85
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/4/2014 12:26:38 PM
cherieluvr123, I can of course only speak for myself, but I think it's better to be single than "settle" for someone you don't feel excited about. And it has nothing to do with looks. I went out on dates with guys who didn't look all that great in their profile pics, but then when we met, there was a spark. Opposite also happened many times - I went out on a date with a "hot guy" and he left me less than impressed and I felt no chemistry. The last guy I dated looks way better IRL, and I almost overlooked his profile because his pics were just plain bad. BUT....there was still something about him that made me stop and talk to him. He was not aggressive or****, but just a real "nice guy" - respectful, humble, non-pushy, and he did not brag or even mention his accomplishments until after we got to know each other better. And guess what - it still didn't work out. I wanted it to, really badly, but he didn't show that he really wanted to be with me enough and didn't make time to see me. I guess he didn't feel the "chemistry" - funny how that goes both ways.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 86
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/4/2014 4:30:19 PM
I think it's better to be single than "settle" for someone you don't feel excited about. And it has nothing to do with looks. I went out on dates with guys who didn't look all that great in their profile pics, but then when we met, there was a spark. Opposite also happened many times - I went out on a date with a "hot guy" and he left me less than impressed and I felt no chemistry. The last guy I dated looks way better IRL, and I almost overlooked his profile because his pics were just plain bad. BUT....there was still something about him that made me stop and talk to him.


When you say stop and 'talk' to him, are you referring to an online conversation, or a real human being in real life? Because saying there was something 'extra' about him makes a helluva LOT more sense in a real-life situation than it ever would online. You can't possibly find much 'extra' about a person online other than their profile texts. You can't hear a deep voice or smell a nice cologne or recognize 'charisma' or 'charm' from eight photos and few sentences of text. Online doesn't happen that way.

I appreciate an attractive 40-something woman that can get a date easily stating that looks aren't everything, but convincing anyone who's 'average' and gets ignored online constantly that looks don't matter is frankly, insulting. That's where the harsh reality rears it's head. Not everyone gets a second glance on the internet, in truth - hardly anyone EVER does.

Seriously, in an online dating profile, you just can't trust anything else beyond a photograph to be true at first blush. Looks has EVERYTHING to do with it. Yeah, the photo may be of poor quality, but if the dude looks like an attractive hunk, I don't care how much you mess up the picture - a beefcake is STILL going to look like a beefcake. People never admit it was a marital status or job type or favorite movie written in their profile that got their attention - because it wasn't. Photos tell more truth than anything else in online dating, so people get 'attracted' to looks FIRST and THEN decide to read into them. It's NEVER the other way around. Anyone who says looks don't matter is lying.

Once people meet in real life, and have seen each other as real human beings and such, then, yeah - looks aren't as much of a concern. Casual 'jeans' dates with no makeup or sweaty workout dates biking or running are perfectly fine and nobody thinks twice about their date not looking perfect. Heck, even a first date/meet doesn't need to be a formal affair -- But STEP ONE - the initial online attraction factor - it's looks that do indeed matter.

If looks didn't matter, we wouldn't have a bunch of incredibly beautiful ladies constantly complaining about 'players' or handsome men grumbling about 'insanely' hot women (with an emphasis on 'insane') in here every day. Face it - people like what they like, and be damned the consequences. Higher reasoning is supposed to be a factor, but that damn biology thing always seems to get in the way. I don't care how brainy you think you are in the match game - it's never about finding a better match that works - it's working WITH that match you HAVE that makes it to the 50th anniversary.

I constantly curse under my breath when people like using the word "settle" like it's a derogatory term about matching with a sub-par human being. 'Settle' by definition is reaching an agreement with someone. Not being able to "settle" is your OWN failure to agree to be with one person, not about finding a better match.
 msoptomist
Joined: 11/25/2013
Msg: 87
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/4/2014 4:58:58 PM

And another thing out of whack. Those that say they want relationships yet they never want to commit to one in the first place, cause it's much better to be dating 5 guys at once, have them all wine and dine you, free meals and entertainment, and the women saying lets give it time to get to know one another, when in essence they really have no intention of it going anywhere. It's the biggest scam going. And of course guys want to be gentlemen and give her space and time, so they keep taking her out for weeks and in the end it's all for nothing.


Hi, very honest post. But I think it may be a bit biased as I'm sure my view is. I am curious about the section regarding a woman having no intention of it going anywhere...hmmmm....is it not possible they want to extend the up-front period so it may evolve into a relationship; and that she is careful not to sleep with someone right away for the fear of just being one of many and never hearing from the gentleman again? That of course happens every day.
True, no?
I don't think the majority is in the former; I think it's in the latter. Most women-not all, but most-would be very pleased for a meet-up to evolve into a decent relationship. You'll have to trust me on that one. :) Many of them are afraid that as soon as it's intimate, it ends. Keep in mind, too, maybe the s*x doesn't turn out to be compatible on one or the other's side. Given that, it is true some women discover the forum and get a real kick out of the attention that they were missing. Don't the guys?
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 88
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/4/2014 6:52:55 PM
Sweetdanimal, he stood out from the other messages in my inbox because he was wearing a red shirt in his pic - that bright color got my intention and I zoomed into his profile. His pics were not good - horrible angles, bad lighting, and did nothing to enhance his looks. Not exactly a "beefcake" either, and I'm spoiled as far as going out with super ripped, muscular dudes. He was nothing like that, more "average" than anything. But that red shirt and the honest and vulnerable expression on his face, and his beautiful eyes made me stop in my tracks. So I responded to his messages and we started to get a nice convo going. He passed the second "hurdle" with that, and he asked me out after a few exchanges. He was out of town at the time we started messaging, so that went on longer than I usually do, more than a week, but he was so easy to talk to and just nice and easygoing. I lost count of how many convos I've had that went nowhere because the guys are lazy and expect me to carry the conversation. No thanks, ain't nobody got time for that.

On our first date, he was dressed in a long sleeved, bulky sweatshirt, not a skin tight short-sleeved shirt flexing his muscles, lol. It was really hard to tell if he was in shape or not, and he was pretty nervous, but he was interesting, reserved, not over-eager, respectful, and I LOVED his voice and his accent, and his eyes were just unreal. We clicked. I really miss him, too bad that this one didn't work out either. :-(
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 89
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/4/2014 8:55:27 PM

...he stood out from the other messages in my inbox because he was wearing a red shirt in his pic - that bright color got my intention and I zoomed into his profile... But that red shirt and the honest and vulnerable expression on his face, and his beautiful eyes made me stop in my tracks.

Everything you describe is the visual-based part of the profile (a.k.a. the Photos), so looks DO matter. My point is that in the online arena - what you write out in your profile is secondary to your pictures. It is for everyone. People fret about what to write to gain the greatest attention in an online profile, but it really doesn't matter if the 'reader' doesn't see anything that catches their eye in the pics.

It doesn't mean EVERY guy should wear a red shirt or take pics with puppy-dog eyes, because other women may find other colors and other photo types more attractive; but making an effort to get good pics matters a helluva lot more than the content of their character - at least to garner the initial online attention. Some may only need to put up a couple current 'Selfie' pics to get more attention, while others may need a pro photo shoot, and yet others may need months or maybe years to get in shape or several weeks of therapy to get over their past.

The 'Harsh Reality' the OP created this thread about is simply the largest hurdle anyone of us has in online dating - just getting enough interest to get a conversation started. The huge mystery is that we have no idea who may be truly interested and who is just playing the game, and whether it's just a few minutes or a few months, it always seems like that wasted time is more valuable than lost gold or diamonds, and people loathe each other for wasting it. Those online interests and declarations in their profiles mean nothing matching-wise, because even if several points may be in-common, the extent that someone likes an activity is never clear.

As time passes, no matter how great of an online pick-up artist you may become, the main skill that people STILL sorely lack in here is the skills to KEEP a relationship going after a connection has been made - some try too hard, some not enough, some can't stop playing around with others long enough to focus. THAT is really what society needs to work on.

The Harsh (online) Reality;
1) You WILL be judged by other people. You have no say in the matter and no control over who does the judging. Suck it up. Get used to it. You're not in control of who is attracted to you, and you never will be. Learn to be humble about the experience, and marvel in the ability of two people to still find a connection amongst the gobbledygook. It doesn't happen for everyone at the same time or pace, so you gotta be patient as well.

My additional advice;
2) Finding a relationship on the internet doesn't make it disposable. You are still dealing with very real people and very real feelings. Finding a way to get along is SUPPOSED to matter more than finding someone better. Being polite does matter, but being honest - both to them and yourself - matters more.
 cherieluvr123
Joined: 2/23/2014
Msg: 90
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/5/2014 1:49:04 AM
Stating facts is just that, stating facts as we experience them. If you dont like them, they get labeled as 'whining'. Whatever. The point is so many say that looks don't matter or that looks are secondary to everything else, which we all know is bullshit. There are profiles where women say that brains, heart, soul is 95% of what they seek, yet when you write to them if they do respond they say that they DONT FEEL ANY CHEMISTRY. So explain that to me. First of all, how do you feel a profile? We know words are as cheap on here as they are coming out of a mouth of a politician. So whats left to FEEL is the pictures and how they draw you.

The second part here will draw the ire of the women but who cares, it's the truth, and I challenge all the guys on here to try this out. First off the majority of women on this site are train wrecks. True there are some very attractive ladies on here but for the most part the majority are a mess in every aspect. and the diva attitudes these train wrecks have is hysterical. The amount of quality men that they reject because they dont meet their standards. What standards are those? Those that maybe they had 20 years ago? Cause we have too many overweight 50 year old women that could be cast as the mean jail guards in womens prisons. So thats why you have guys on here so called whining. Its not cause they only chase pretty women and get rejected, they are getting rejected by the rejects. I mostly got on here to look around and see what my friends are all talking about. It's amazing. Me being from Europe, I gotta say, guys, go to Europe and meet some real women. The women in Italy and Greece and France, Russian, Romanian and all the rest are on average all very pretty sexy and educated women. And they like to date real guys, they are not hooked on guys who look Hollywood. Walk down any street and pretty girls are everywhere. And they are so friendly and sweet. Go to Europe guys.
 PlentyofThis123
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 91
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/5/2014 2:23:20 AM

I appreciate an attractive 40-something woman that can get a date easily stating that looks aren't everything, but convincing anyone who's 'average' and gets ignored online constantly that looks don't matter is frankly, insulting. That's where the harsh reality rears it's head. Not everyone gets a second glance on the internet, in truth - hardly anyone EVER does.


Quite a few times I've seen women's profile state this in their profile. They say something to the effect of, "A personality is great in a man that I look for, but let's be realistic here, looks do matter to a certain extent" or plainly, "Physical attraction is important to me, otherwise its just a waste of time, I have to be physically attracted".

So some women online make this blatantly obvious in their profile.
 margareta08
Joined: 2/28/2014
Msg: 92
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/5/2014 3:36:06 AM
Of course looks matter!! A lot!!! Lets not pretend otherwise. If a guy doesnt take the time to load a decent shot for instance, stares into the camera unsmiling and sullen, who is going to attracted to that? Pictures of the boat, the cat and the kids is not what women want to see.

We all want to feel some kind of physical attraction to be interested at all in the first place. This is, after all, a dating site, a hook up site, whatever... It can be ego bruising for "average" people to be passed over and ignored but no one forces you to be here. Personality is essential of course and chemistry is an unpredictable thing and we never know who is going to ring our bells.
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/5/2014 4:19:49 AM
Yea baby yea, ring my bell - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URAqnM1PP5E
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 94
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/5/2014 6:55:47 AM

The amount of quality men that they reject because they dont meet their standards. What standards are those? Those that maybe they had 20 years ago? Cause we have too many overweight 50 year old women that could be cast as the mean jail guards in womens prisons. So thats why you have guys on here so called whining. Its not cause they only chase pretty women and get rejected, they are getting rejected by the rejects.


Women are entitle to reject whoever the want to reject. I reject a lot of women myself. I do not see anything wrong having high standards, even if they are an illusion. I found that ugly fat women are as picky and as fvcked up as very attractive women, so I decided to only go after the attractive ones. So does that make me shallow? Who the fvck cares.

Instead of complaining what guys need to do is close their eyes and make a mental image of all the women they've fvcked. Realistically, you can aim at that and eventually you will get that. If you want to get someone better, more attractive than that, then realistically you need to make an assessment of what is it that you will have to do. Take for instance. If I decided to go after weight lifter gym rat girls, I would have to be a total antithesis of that, or be a total gym rat and lift a lot. It's not my cup of tea. So, I do not go after gym rats. HOwever, I have dated several aerobic trainers. What do we have in common? I am a cyclist, we are both rathe physical, but neither one is into the extreme stuff. So you find common ground and go from there. Do so more in lifestyle than simply looks. For instance I get along awesome with women that are runners, cyclist, triathletes, kayakers, hikers and don't get along most of the time with women that are golfer, tennis players, club divas.

Once you find your personality, go at it, eventually you will find each other.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 95
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/5/2014 9:07:02 AM
"Me being from Europe, I gotta say, guys, go to Europe and meet some real women. The women in Italy and Greece and France, Russian, Romanian and all the rest are on average all very pretty sexy and educated women. And they like to date real guys, they are not hooked on guys who look Hollywood. Walk down any street and pretty girls are everywhere. And they are so friendly and sweet. Go to Europe guys."

Well, I'm from Europe too, and I can tell you one thing: when I grew up, it was NOT acceptable for guys (or girls) to date or "talk to" multiple women at a time like it seems to be the norm here. It is a HUGE turn off for me and I wager that most pretty European ladies demand a lot more attention than most guys here would be willing to give them. When I dated in Europe, once a guy is interested in a woman, he will ask her out, and if things go well and more dates happen, it is taken for GRANTED that both parties are "exclusive" - no awkward "exclusivity talk" needed as it is here. Talk about a buzz kill. The last time I dated in Europe was in the early 1990s, so maybe things have changed, but the way it is done in the States is disgusting to me. If you can't focus on just ONE person for at least a few weeks to see how things develop, then what is the point? I've yet to meet ONE guy from any online dating site who is not "dating" or "talking to" several chicks at the same time or who kept his online dating profile up and still logs in frequently, even though they claim that they are only interested in me. Also, most men online do not know how to set up a date in a timely manner - the drone on with boring, meaningless conversations but DON"T ASK ME OUT. WTF??? Even when I drop not so supple hints that I have no plans on a weekend, it's chirping crickets. Very frustrating.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 96
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/5/2014 9:31:35 AM

The point is so many say that looks don't matter or that looks are secondary to everything else, which we all know is bullshit.

the women who say looks don't matter are obviously not speaking for the entire female gender, but only for themselves. whether you want to believe them or not is up to you. who cares.


There are profiles where women say that brains, heart, soul is 95% of what they seek, yet when you write to them if they do respond they say that they DONT FEEL ANY CHEMISTRY. So explain that to me.

they didn't like your face?


First of all, how do you feel a profile?

is this a serious question? the same way men feel like fvcking something whenever they see something that sexually stimulates them merely by looking at it. see? we feel shit all the time based on very little info, just like you do. get over it, crybaby.


First off the majority of women on this site are train wrecks.

well what a relief then. think of the time it will save you trying to figure out who you want to date next. otherwise, when would you get any rest?


the diva attitudes these train wrecks have is hysterical. The amount of quality men that they reject because they dont meet their standards.

WTF are you even sniveling about? why do you think "quality men" would want to date "train wrecks with diva attitudes"?


Cause we have too many overweight 50 year old women that could be cast as the mean jail guards in womens prisons.

so you're actually saying that men are whining because too many overweight 50 year old women who look just like sadistic prison guards refuse to date them. oo-WEE! ya got me there. [finger circling ear]
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 97
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/5/2014 10:07:05 AM
Also, most men online do not know how to set up a date in a timely manner - the drone on with boring, meaningless conversations but DON"T ASK ME OUT.

is it a one-sided conversation? because you could end it at any time or, alternatively, take the initiative..... to..... ask.... him..... out if you were really that interested in his boring, meaningless conversation. anyhoo, i think any man i had just got through labeling as 'boring' would be exactly the kind of man i wouldn't want to meet even if he asked me and even if he looked just like a big ol' steaming cup of Johann Gevalia.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 98
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History
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/5/2014 10:12:48 AM
Dating is a weeding out process.

If you don't like the men who approach you, or how they approach you, or how they drag their feet, instead of asking you out, or, if you don't like it that they're dating other women, cut them off.

Move on immediately, not a few months down the road because you thought maybe he would change. If you don't like how he treats you, move on, regardless of how cute his puppy dog eyes are.

It makes no sense to complain about the same thing over and over again and not change the way you're behaving. Since we can change nobody but ourselves, nothing will change until we do.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 99
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/5/2014 10:29:23 AM
I am ending those boring convos, and if someone doesn't ask me out within a few days of talking, I move on. I don't expect a guy to pull his profile after a first date, that's why I let it go on for a few weeks to give him the chance to do it and find out if I'm "worth" it. Sadly, none of the guys I've met and liked seem to think I'm worth it. Too bad there is no way to find out from the get go, because they were all always VERY enthusiastic about me, but still couldn't bring themselves to stop "talking" to other women. I don't like to repeat the same pattern over and over again, but how am I to "weed out" these guys right from the start? They were all very different types, not players or rich/super hot, but regular guys for the most part.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 100
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History
Harsh Reality of Dating these days.
Posted: 3/5/2014 1:55:32 PM


There are profiles where women say that brains, heart, soul is 95% of what they seek, yet when you write to them if they do respond they say that they DONT FEEL ANY CHEMISTRY. So explain that to me.
they didn't like your face?

Aaaaahaha! Oh my god you're so funny sometimes.

we feel shit all the time based on very little info, just like you do. get over it, crybaby

Stop it! I need to breathe.

so you're actually saying that men are whining because too many overweight 50 year old women who look just like sadistic prison guards refuse to date them. oo-WEE! ya got me there. [finger circling ear]

Oh my goodness, the power of plain old der obviousness.


Also, most men online do not know how to set up a date in a timely manner - the drone on with boring, meaningless conversations but DON"T ASK ME OUT.
you could end it at any time or, alternatively, take the initiative..... to..... ask.... him..... out

Um...like...yea...? No doo doo right?

On this note (oops, sorry guys, another long bunch of jibber jabber) - Sometimes, this phenomena is sad. I understand about wanting to meet someone in person to know that they're real and to get a real feel for them before too much extensive virtual talking. But, one of my put-offs is a woman who can't hold any conversation at all...or won't even try until we meet from insisting that there's a meet immediately. You see...there seems to be this polarity among us between wanting to meet very early, for reasons like not wanting to waste time with someone who has no intention of meeting or who isn't who they're pretending that they are…versus… wanting to see some conversation capabilities demonstrated, as well as getting some basic things on the table while it's convenient because of it being online chat or texting, etc, before wasting the time driving somewhere when one might have better things to do than meet a dozen people that you could've weeded out online without taking the time for all of those meets.

And that's where I'm at. I want to see some willingness and capability for some real conversation...not needing to last forever before meeting or get deep as the ocean, but just some conversation. The kind that a person with any sense is capable of via this medium - often, when someone says that they are better in person or would rather converse in person, I end up finding out that the reason they can't hold a conversation online is because they can't hold one, period - in person, they're just as handicapped.

So, I sometimes wonder if the reason that some of the women that can't get further than 2 bullsh!t small-talk messages past the first "hello" that they send me, or vice versa, is because they're sticking to some crazy azzed rule that I have to ask them out, within a couple of messages, and not try to make conversation with them. Asking them out, before any conversation...kind of azzbackwards to me. Why would I ask you out? I know nothing about you because you can't even talk to me. Hello? Anybody in there? Knock knock!

I fear that, for some at least, insisting that a conversation not go past a certain shortish period of time before a meet is shooting oneself in the foot. So, I've developed this theory about all that - I have this thing about gauging a woman's mindset concerning her identity and worth as a woman, and her motivation and intentions for wanting a man or wanting to go out. I want to know if she's made that foregone conclusion that if I ask her out, or notice that she's pretty...that I already like her. Already want her. And any dating between us is for the purpose of me wooing her, "persuading" her to like me, winning her over. And I want to know if she has that attitude or view, which I believe degrades both genders and how things could be between them, that a man need or wants her more than she needs or want him. That she doesn't have to do anything. That by virtue of being female and being asked out, we've already reached a certain step in the process. That he doesn't have to get to know her, but just her get to know him. This and a couple of other things is why I have the philosphy that you have to "go dutch" on the first few dates, without it even coming up or being mentioned...and you have to be able to approach me and say hi, and ask me out. Instead of just being sexy and charming and trying to manipulate a man into asking you out. Instead of playing that game with yourself that this is all about a man's "confidence". Well, anywho...I began to realize that possibly a very significant percentage of the times that a woman can't make conversation online and is waiting for you to just ask for a meet, seems to go hand-in-hand with these psychological profiles that I'm trying to avoid.

Oh, and also...it's another thing - it's not about just making conversation, nor the conversation being negated by the concern that online conversation is meaningless until things are verified in reality. But, it's about whether or not you comprehend that you can tell some real things about someone and make meaningful headway...it's about finding out if you have the intelligence to know how to do that. Not just for the purposes of that conversation taking place, but as one of the first tests to see if you have any sense in general, enough to know that you really can find out some real things before they're verified in person.

You just have the fact that making certain kinds of progress online is so much more efficient and convenient compared to the time and gas to meet - if you know how to do this, of course. It's not to avoid the meet, but it's to see if you are capable of achieving online what many think can only be achieved in person - not to see if you can do that, or only from a preference to do that, but it's a test of basic sense in general, as well as intentions and motivations.

And, no, I'm not talking about stringing along a conversation for months. I'm talking about the ones who can't seem to converse for more than a few messages, or get deeper than small-talk, let alone for up to a couple of weeks, as if that were a long time or something (for someone who's really looking for something long term and "real"?)

I am ending those boring convos, and if someone doesn't ask me out within a few days of talking, I move on

Oh come on. Don't be like that. Hehe. You can't go for more than a few days of conversation before being asked out? You can't ask him out? Why is the conversation boring? It takes two to make a conversation. And I see the possibility that the reason that it's not being made un-boring is because you don't want to make the conversation in the first place, being in such a hurry to be asked out instead of realizing that the conversation is the first date, for the purposes of beginning to get to know each other.
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