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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Young adult children from his/her marriage      Home login  
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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 24
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Young adult children from his/her marriagePage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I would not enable either of these adult children. You are renting, therefore are not in a position to allow these two to just move in, it goes against your landlords rental agreement and could get you tossed out.
I would continue to ready the family home for rental as planned.
Both young men were well aware that the home was being sold and Mom was leaving as these things do not happen overnight. I would have their father tell them to start looking for a room to rent. Anyone working 6 days a week should be able to afford an apartment/room. As far as the 2nd son, it's time for him to be self supporting, perhaps his brother may be willing to help him out but at 21, how much longer is his childhood supposed to last? The only way a young person is going to move forward in life is to take charge of it.
I am assuming it is not convenient to your employment which is why you and your BF are not going to be occupying the family home. Owning a house and renting one sounds a bit silly otherwise.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 25
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Young adult children from his/her marriage
Posted: 4/28/2013 2:53:39 PM
Thank you everyone for the contributions. I realise that it sounds odd that we want to rent the house out rather than living in it, but the idea behind that is to ensure the boys do not have any notion that they can move back in. It has been their family home all of their lives bar about 4 years for the oldest. The house needs work done on it to realise it's full potential and selling it now would be a bit of a waste. However it IS currently the fall back plan.

I do not want to move into the house with the older boys, I would then be seen as replacement mum who they would expect to cook and clean for them. Not happening.

Oldest son has put in an application for a rental, but with no rental history it could take time, which is why the offer of very temporary accommodation had been made. I envision 2 or 3 weeks. At that point, there are a million share houses around and that would have to be the next step. The only added complication are 3 boisterous dogs who also need a home! Youngest son has only sporadic employment although he can and does take any work on offer. They have just been so mollycoddled that they do not know how to take responsibility for themselves.

Oh and to the poster who mentioned that the boys must have been given notice that mum was leaving? They got 3 days notice, as did my SO. Is lack of responsibility inherited???

Having slept on it, I will wait til my SO gets home next Sunday and can actually speak to the boys. I like the idea above from starlight... a brainstorming session with the 4 of us, and that can be when I explain what being at our house temporarily would mean in terms of what is and is not ok.

thanks again everyone :)
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 26
Young adult children from his/her marriage
Posted: 4/28/2013 3:45:17 PM
…the boys must have been given notice that mum was leaving? They got 3 days notice, as did my SO.

I realize this is not on topic here, but I would have thought she’d need his consent to remove the child so far from his father and his brothers, specially at twelve. But it's not clear to me how much time his father is spending out of the country. Sorry if you answered that already. Carry on…
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 27
Young adult children from his/her marriage
Posted: 4/28/2013 4:47:18 PM

I realise that it sounds odd that we want to rent the house out rather than living in it, but the idea behind that is to ensure the boys do not have any notion that they can move back in.


It seems like a drastic step to make sure the boys don't move in. Don't you think they might figure it out some day, which may cause more tension? Another option would have been to buy a house outside of that neighborhood or even in a neighboring town so there's no emotional attachment to the house. Did the boyfriend get a deal he couldn't resist on the house or was he emotionally attached to it too? How do you feel OP, about some day moving to a house that he shared with his ex for so many years? If the boys move into your rental place until their next step, make sure you explain it to the landlord first and get the clearance for that. Otherwise, it could be a problem.

Do all 3 dogs belong to the boys? If so, it won't be so easy to either move in with you temporarily or find a place that allows dogs. It's a shame people don't think before getting pets (or having kids in many cases). Did they plan on living in the house with the mother for the duration of the dogs lives, which could be another 15 years?
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