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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends      Home login  
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 baitandtackle1
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 44
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friendsPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Don't waist any valuable time with this player..instead use it to build up your self esteem, enough said
 80sBaaaybeee
Joined: 3/16/2012
Msg: 45
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 5/1/2013 8:25:49 AM
Thank you for all the thoughtful input. I really do appreciate it and it's helped me come to terms with his (and what is probably also my) major malfunction.

And I finally got my answer.

He called me Monday. First said he said we could be friends and his (ex) gf wouldn't mind. Then said he was having second thoughts about going back to her in the same conversation. These two totally different points within a 30 minute conversation just pissed me off. I told him, I'm on my way out. This is not okay and you are treating me like I don't have any feelings at all.

Then on Tuesday night we were texting and he wouldn't answer some serious questions and instead, started sexting me. I said, what's a taken man doing sexting me if we can no longer be intimate. He then said he wasn't sexting me and disappeared.

So, this morning, I sent him this text: When you get the card I sent, don't open it. Just throw it away. It was based on mutual feelings I thought you had but I understand I was wrong about you now. Your behavior is not the behavior of the caring communicative man you claim to be. I'm not a toy to be used for sick head games. I won't beg any man to choose me regardless of the possible potential I used to see or be treated as just an option. The man I'm looking for would prove himself in his actions, treat my trust as a valuable commodity and go out of his way to win my heart instead of treating me like an option. I'm out of this game, erasing your info from my phone and won't send or respond to further communication.

His response: I understand Luv.

Yeah, the "Luv" was so he could keep the door open. Whatever. I deleted him from my phone. @sswipe.

Just so you know, I usually hang far back from getting involved right away. I have dated several men from POF and with the vast majority of them, I didn't get emotionally invested even at the 3-4 date mark. When they went away, I was happy about it. And the one I've been a bit more serious with, it took months to sleep with him, not because I didn't like them but because I was getting to know him and wanted to not be totally emotionally invested too soon. He has proved to be a good friend and ally. I usually don't fall in love or infatuation easily. This guy was a perfect storm for me, that's for sure. It's really eff'd me up.

But the good news is that I'm D.O.N.E.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 46
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 5/1/2013 8:59:20 AM
Thanks for letting us know, 80sBaaaybeee, and good for you for severing ties!
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 47
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 5/1/2013 10:05:40 AM
Ive had that game played with me before it is a game of toying with a persons emotions all the while they are enjoying going back an forth an see you as a leaning crutch just in case or in some cases if he is mad at her 1 day its all about trying to be with you an the next its hes distant an all about her its a case of bulls hit no matter how you flip it an if the person in question was having it done to them they would be flipping out because its so not fair although they think its ok to play that game with others..

he avoided your serious questions on purpose an started the sexting in hopes you would drop it an maybe drop your panties for him you see he vanished as soon as you called him on it..

im sure he is playing the same emotional games with her,,these types always try an come back around once things arent as great as they thought it would be with the other woman or like i said he becomes mad with her..even though it is a good thing for you to cut ties with him,,trust with those types they always try an worm thier way back in with some lame exscuse or fake "luvy" dovey words as if nothing has ever happened an then the process starts all over..
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 48
view profile
History
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 5/1/2013 12:43:30 PM
I am happy that you got your power back. It was hard and it won't get any easier when he tries to contact you, because he will....

Just stay grounded, and if you can get your number changed, it will be for the better.

I'm proud of you!
Don't hang on to the feelings... let go and everything will be ok.
Take Care, and look at a better future for YOU!
Jan
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 49
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 5/1/2013 1:03:29 PM

His response: I understand Luv


Personally, I could be friends with someone and JUST date; however, this guy really just sounds like a "player" and this ^^ statement sounds like he's done this before and it's no big deal to him that you are frustrated with his behavior.

I hope you find a much nicer guy than this.
 80sBaaaybeee
Joined: 3/16/2012
Msg: 50
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 5/1/2013 1:10:41 PM
Thanks Jan! I'm not changing my number for some dumb man who couldn't figure out his issue, and was probably lying the whole time anyway. And with all the practice I have with exes trying to come back (they ALWAYS do), I'm an old pro at rejecting them when they do - I've had 2 try that in the last 6 months. Although the sex was Really Hot. That's the only thing I'll miss. If that's what I wanted though, I've got candidates for that lined up down the block. Once I reached the Pissed Off Zone, I'm done. And it takes me far less time than when I was much younger to reach the Pissed Off Zone. Thankfully.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 51
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 5/1/2013 5:54:51 PM
You CAN block his number, you know........
 80sBaaaybeee
Joined: 3/16/2012
Msg: 52
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 5/2/2013 8:49:14 AM
iPhones don't have number blocking that I'm aware of because I've tried on other occasions. I'm not too worried about it all. (Which tells me I am a good way toward Being Better Without This ***hole.)

If he's not prepared to show up on my doorstep personally with a boatload of flowers and admit that he was wrong to treat me this way and then (this is the REAL key to it all) work hard to win me back, then anything else he says is a mute point. I don't hear words, I hear actions. And it will be a cold day in hell before I will bend to a liar, much less a male liar. Once I'm at the Point of Pissed as Hell, there's no going back. If a man is that waffling, he doesn't want me. And I don't want a man who waffles. If he chose not to be with me (or was lying about the whole thing), the point of the matter is, he.is.NOT.WITH.ME. Nothing else matters.

If I want to settle, there are plenty of other men who have treated me much better than this for which I could settle. And I ain't settling. The proof is in the pudding....If you tell me you're crazy about me and falling in love with me, then you better be ready, willing, and able to make the pudding dammit. Anything else is unacceptable.
 MARYON66
Joined: 3/17/2013
Msg: 53
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 5/3/2013 9:14:38 PM
Any, man or a woman that you meet on here, All they talk is about there ex girfreind on there first date,
are you for real then why are you on this site for, your wasteing my time and your"s. Go back to her then and
have a happy live then, I,dated a guy on here like your issue to, Be ware there strange men out there.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 54
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 5/3/2013 9:28:26 PM
Sorry OP but I don't buy any of this. Seems like maybe you maybe have had these kind of things happen before if reading your forum history is any indication. Plus, you say you are done with this guy, see how he is but still talk about how he needs to apologize. If you really really see through this guy, then an apology would not be sincere to you and you would be strong enough to move on and any "apology" would be fake at best. I don't think you have moved on imo.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 55
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 5/7/2013 10:38:13 AM
It is sad that many are still making to be a game on both side to play and the one whom has real intention to find "the one" got caught in the game unrealized that he/she been dragged into the game unwillingly.

At the end it has made many of us here to be a sinister on the whole dating world.

Congratulation to OP that you are escaped "the emotional hook" to keep you in his playing field!
 BlueEyedBlon3000
Joined: 3/15/2013
Msg: 56
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/1/2013 1:00:29 PM
I read only header of your post.
he wants to keep you as friend in case he breaks up with his ex-girlfriend again and considering his ability to flip-flop I can guarantee he will break up with her soon and come back to you, until next time.. this on and off may last for while until one of the 2 women will leave him for good and will not take him back.
 NtvNtv
Joined: 5/15/2013
Msg: 57
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/1/2013 6:41:04 PM
(^^)

He will be back...once his ex or whatever her role is now, hears about you...she most likely will let him go. Then you will hear from him for sure. Aww, I feel for you...hope you are okay.

Whatever he says from now on I WOULD NOT BELIEVE.
: (
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 58
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/2/2013 6:57:12 AM

(Msg. #1. Should I remain his friend? I think it would be healthiest but hardest in the short run to cut contact. However, in the long run it would probably serve me better.

What do y'all think about remaining friends after being dumped for the ex? And what do you think about a woman who says she loves a man but refuses to take his name even though that's a criteria for marrying, as well as the fact that she moved away to be near her child, even though supposedly she loved him. I call absolute BS on that.


It seems people are so quick to throw away relationships these days. You wrote,
I recently started dating a wonderful man. We hit it off right away and became exclusive. We had an amazing connection and he said he was crazy about me and I about him.


How many wonderful men have you met with whom you were immediately exclusive and with whom you had an amazing connection? In msg. #60 you wrote,
If he's not prepared to show up on my doorstep personally with a boatload of flowers and admit that he was wrong to treat me this way and then (this is the REAL key to it all) work hard to win me back, then anything else he says is a mute point.


While you may be pissed off you know he has a place in your heart. Don’t we all pick and choose and go slow, most of the time? Maybe he hadn’t thought it through before he met you. If he returns that means he chose you over the Ex. Why would you not want him back?

It’s not like he had an affair. You just met, relatively speaking. What harm can it do to remain friends, at least for a little while? He is making a decision which, granted, he should have made before but as you said things moved fast.

If he is wonderful and you had an amazing connection can it hurt to wait a bit? Does it cost anything to remain friends for a while? You can still look around and date and do whatever you want so why not remain friends for a month or two and see what happens. If nothing changes then slowly let the friendship dissolve.

Again, consider how many wonderful men you have met with whom you were immediately exclusive and with whom you had an amazing connection. For most people it is rare. If he split with the gal before it’s quite likely it will happen again. There’s plenty of time to throw him to the curb. While it’s tempting to strike out be careful you are not cutting off your nose to spite your face. It costs nothing to maintain a friendship for a little while.

Just saying.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 59
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/2/2013 7:39:09 AM
The guy is a loser and the OP sounds like she allows that behavior by doing what she did before she "supposedly" came to her senses. If she is attracted to that behavior then she has to realize she deserves it until she wakes up and treats herself better as a person. To think she should be friends with this lowlife is absolutely hilarious!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 60
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/2/2013 8:04:02 AM
OP
I haven't read all of this thread but my reaction is that hanging around hoping that this guy will dump his ex and return to your side is an utterly stupid and even counterproductive use of your time. Despite another posters' comments that you have plenty of time to wait him out, I think that you are just getting in your own way, and maybe you need to stop and think about that. Why do you think yo don't DESERVE a solid and loving relationship that doesn't involve waiting around, playing head games or fearing "competition" from exes?

Walk away. Now.
Cindy O
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 61
view profile
History
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/2/2013 8:06:39 AM
I wouldn't stay friends with someone who dumped me, regardless of the reason. The reason is irrelevant.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 62
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/2/2013 8:39:13 AM
I call BS on the whole story. Sounds like the wife was out of town on a family emergency for a few months and, while the cat's away ...

He wants to keep a little "sumpin sumpin" going on the side, obviously.
 midable
Joined: 5/19/2013
Msg: 64
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/2/2013 11:18:56 AM
I read your posts ma'am, and while you did get yourself into a pickle, obviously you pulled yourself out of it and have a good handle on things... so good, in fact, that I really don't have any thing to add... the fact is, you should be giving advice here.
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 65
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History
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/2/2013 11:45:45 AM
Staying friends means: I like you and think you have good qualities. Please don't hate me. Good Bye.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 66
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History
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/3/2013 9:29:25 AM
Don't know how long you were with this guy but he's not being honest with you. If she has grown kids they aren't kids themselves and if he ditched a good relationship over his last name he's as big a douche as she is for not wanting to change it and realistically, she could have married him and legally used both names just like many entertainers have their real and stage name. Not that big a deal and also, if he loved her couldn't he have moved with her to be with her while she was closer to be a resource to her son? Relationships are give and take and since you weren't there, you are only hearing what he wants you to know which could be massively far removed from the truth. For all you know he's a bipolar asshat and she bolted to save her sanity and glommed onto the son thing as a reason to leave.

You need to dig your head out of your rear. Whether it was intentional or not, this man played you. You entered into a sexual relationship very quickly and if he is falling in love with you why is he going back to her? He is really too old to believe that 'I felt I had to do it' crap that we often convince ourselves of when we are young and don't know any better. There aren't kids involved so not reconciling to have biological parents together, he/she didn't want to work things out or you'd never have met him and a normal person is not going to go back to a relationship with the same impasse that existed before it was dissolved. Even if she stays put, they are going to quibble about their last name.

This man isn't the wonderful man you think he is or he's stupid, either way find someone who is actually better suited to you instead of demonizing the ex-girlfriend because she took away your guy. She didn't do anything but ask and he went running, blame the right person for the demise of what you had going on with him. And recognize that he wasn't your guy, the relationship was not nearly as serious to him as it is to you. This way he gets a no-fault out because most women feel they must applaud the courage to try to paste together what anyone with average brain cells could see is dysfunctional.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 67
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History
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/3/2013 10:59:41 AM
I dont see the benefit of this besides bringing you pain and discomfort.
He is trying to back burner you.
Just cut it off entirely.
Its a lot easier than pulling the bandage off slowly.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 68
He's going back to his ex but wants to remain friends
Posted: 6/3/2013 11:54:00 AM

What do y'all think about remaining friends after being dumped for the ex?

It's quite silly. For either party to Actually be friends is emotionally driven -- to keep them as a possible future option + being in contact enough to "have a chance", or in his case, to feel like he didn't totally lose ya. Because if you remain in his life any closer than being a distant friend-of-a-friend -- he still "has" you to some degree.

Don't fall in the trap. You want to be "friends" with him -- be in his life still -- because you see a chance. Yeah, chances are kinda low that he'll run off in the sunset with his ex. But don't stick around waiting for him emotionally whatsoever. Tell him he's an idiot if he expects a gal to be in his life while he goes back to an ex. How would his now-again GIRLFRIEND think of that? And how would HE think of that if the roles were reversed? It's a no-brainer. Don't let your yearning for him and hurt for what happened keep him in your life.

Move on. Many months from the point that you do move on -- you'll think "Why in the hell did I even think of sticking around??"
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