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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I just ended a relationship, and I think I've made a terrible mistake      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 22
I just ended a relationship, and I think I've made a terrible mistake...Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)

If I really wanted to go out on a limb just a little bit, I would even say that it sounds like the whole thing was two lonely people grasping at each other and shouting "values and morals! values and morals!"

I'd like to join you on that limb, if I may-(hope that doesn't cause the limb to break and unceremoniously dump us on the ground!)


I also believe in the virtues of hard work and in not slapping tourists for sport, but that doesn't mean I want to date the first guy who shows up who feels the same way.

I agree with the main point of this statement, but hard work and not slapping tourists around are VIRTUES?
Who knew?


If there is a choice between being in a sh*tty relationship for the sake of it versus being on my own.....I know my choice is being alone.

Indeed, and I seem to have gotten pretty good at making this choice...but then I've always said(because I have solid experiental evidence for the statement) that a truly good relationship, while it DOES require work, it doesn't FEEL like work.
I'm sorry, OP, but I have to agree that your relationship with this lady was most likely something that you and she created out of mutual desperation to be pair-bonded with SOMEONE. Now you are unpartnered and that can be a mighty scary place when you aren't used to it.
But I don't think this relationship had much of anything going for it,and I would encourage you to fight that urge to panic over being unpartnered. It sounds as though this "relationship" may have itself been a product of panic and probably sustained by a type of panic.
Cindy O
 GreatGuyAndDadHere
Joined: 12/20/2012
Msg: 23
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History
I just ended a relationship, and I think I've made a terrible mistake...
Posted: 4/29/2013 10:04:51 AM
Thank you goes to all who helped... I've come to terms with the situation, and all the useless ranting some of you are doing is kind of comical. Feel free to speak amongst yourselves... I am done with this thread.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 24
I just ended a relationship, and I think I've made a terrible mistake...
Posted: 4/29/2013 10:24:45 AM
Hopefully, you've told this new girl that you've just met that you are weeks out of a relationship. I agree that dating someone new can keep your mind off of the old person. However, most new people don't like entering what most likely will turn out to be a rebound relationship. I suggest dating ONLY for a month... unless she is really dumb. Even better than moving on with someone new... would be to spend time with your buddies for a month or so. Go out to some of the baseball games... join a team or hit the gym and train for a 5k race. My favorite after break up activity is to travel a couple of weeks. Since you've already done the on and off with this girl once before... there is a chance that you could do it again after you realize that there are worse things out there than being slightly uninteresting.

I agree with you that seeing each other once or twice a week isn't quite a relationship. It's the type of relationship that you have when you don't want to be in a relationship. Personally, I would stay away from people who are separated... going through a divorce... or people who have just recently ended things with someone else.
 63T
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 25
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History
I just ended a relationship, and I think I've made a terrible mistake...
Posted: 4/29/2013 10:57:09 AM
Based on your posts, you felt the need to end the relationship on at least two occasions, possibly because of ongoing arguing, not enough time spent together, and differing value systems. This is important and presents a great opportunity to learn about yourself.

The incompatibilty issues are more deeply entrenched and not likely to be overcome.
Maintain a "friendship" with her if you so desire and the desire is mutual.

Your feeling of being "hung up" on her is not really about her at all.
Look inward to sort through your own issues and learn to recognize and accept your limitations.
Take responsibility for yourself, hold true to your values and don't violate them.
Be honest and respectful to yourself.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
I just ended a relationship, and I think I've made a terrible mistake...
Posted: 4/29/2013 11:23:59 AM

All I wanted to be able to spend more time with her so that we could discover new interests/hobbies together and grow.


I do enjoy when I read something like that and... the "solution" to not spending enough time together is... to end it (and thus not spend *any* time together).

There's obviously more going on that just that.
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