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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?      Home login  
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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 51
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

If people can have sex on the first date, why can't they move in together after 3 days? Answer that one my fellow POF geniuses.

I wouldn't do either - but at least with the sex it ends and you can get some space.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 52
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/11/2013 12:28:30 PM
chloramine...ok good to know... "fisted" te word gives me the giggles evern since reading the the thread about "fisting'....lolol
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 53
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/11/2013 12:34:27 PM

My main problem is a man literally trolled this site looking for women to 'rescue' him. Do you think my position is unreasonable?

At most, yes. At best, he was trolling to find a good woman to 'rescue' him. So no, your position is not unreasonable at all. It's unreasonable to think he wasn't on, looking to be rescued.

My friend states she is so comfortable and doesn't want to lose him but I fail to see how him moving 2 hours away is losing him?

Moving 2 hours away with family is pretty much losing him, in the sense of practicality. They've met and known each other for 3 days. She really digs him, partially fueled by him making sure he's everything she wants in a guy (sans poorness). Her main motivation is losing him, but she should -- he's not her guy.

Now why the man cannot move back home and continue to date her is beyond me. I have personal experience with dating someone 4 hours away and it wound up in marriage.

That's Very uncommon. VERY VERY uncommon.

Has anyone ever heard of such a relationship actually working out?

I've heard weird stuff on that level at least working out in a relationship, sure. That's why it's a story to be told. But it's extremely rare. Rarer than a LD relationship-attempt. LD relationship-attempts among those who are social & at least somewhat attractive -- don't work. Fat chance. Her situation? An even fatter chance, yes.

Technically, anything is possible. Who knows. People can be happily married, then one day the husband leaves his wife out of the blue for his secretary and moves in with her. And he and that secretary have a great marriage until one of them dies. That happens. Rare though -- but everyone wants to think their situation is the exception.
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 54
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/11/2013 12:59:40 PM

what are your thoughts?

That you have deeper feelings for your "friend" than you want to admit and most of your venting rage has to do with jealousy and/or the desire to control her as an extension of yourself than anything.

There really isn't a lot of information here about your relationship with her, but maybe you forced/accepted her into the role of mommy (maybe that's why she takes in stray possessionless men, her personality is suited to gravitating towards that dysfunctional role) and it now appears you are having a tantrum that she's not paying as much attention to you as you want.

Those are my thoughts.
Act like a friend, or a teenager whose mom is dating someone new. Figure out which one you are and accept it.
 bal_ny1969
Joined: 4/23/2013
Msg: 55
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/11/2013 6:19:00 PM
I haven't read any of the previous responses, just giving my own anecdotal evidence.

Yes, it can work. My son's dad and I moved in together after knowing each other for just a week... I'd lost my roommate a couple of months earlier and was having trouble making rent on my own, he'd just moved back to the area after a divorce and was living with his brother and sister-in-law, and it made sense for him to move in and share the rent. We were together for 18 years.

Oh, and he had no possessions because when he left his wife, he let her keep everything. Jail wasn't a factor.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 56
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/11/2013 6:22:01 PM
Msg.1:
I am amazed about you knowing the internal affairs of the man that his ex is kicking him out of their place. After knowing for him 3days your lady friend took him in her house.. Now he become her responsibility.. End of the story.


<div class="quote"> My main problem is a man literally trolled this site looking for women to 'rescue' him ,,,,,,,,,,,
Women now a days recues stray men, instead of stray cats and dogs.. Pray tell me what makes it your problem ?
It is not your "puki" that is being pounded nor teeth/ throat that is stuck with hairball, nor your water ,food ,heater to support the man....

Get your own life Sweetheart, so you don't meddle into someone's life...
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 57
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/12/2013 10:19:22 AM
First date with my ex-husband lasted a week. Then I moved in with him. We married a year later. But divorced 23 yrs later so I guess that was stupid and a failure.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 58
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/12/2013 10:32:39 AM
Dude got caught playing on an internet date site & his ex to be is now kicking him out over it. Sounds like your friends is retarded if she believes he's the catch of a lifetime & letting him move in after just 3 days of knowing.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 59
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/12/2013 11:03:03 AM
Can it really succeed? Sure, it *could*, but the odds are against it.

As far as what your friend does being any of your business, OP - that's only to the extent that she asked for your opinion - once - and you gave it - once. After that, it's up to her to live with the consequences of her decision.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 60
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/12/2013 11:20:26 AM
First date with my ex-husband lasted a week. Then I moved in with him. We married a year later. But divorced 23 yrs later so I guess that was stupid and a failure.

No, that was a statistical anomaly (of success). :) When judging moving in with someone within a week of knowing them, like anything else, you want to look at the outcomes in society and see if it's heavily tilted one way or the other in terms of success or failure -- just not one's own.

You could have a 40 year old women who had a date with a married 18 year old guy, they dated behind the scenes for a year, then he separated, then divorced, and after that, they got married and stayed married for 25 years. He or she would be a fool to say "Oh yeah, that works! You can be a 40 year old woman and have a great long-lasting, successful relationship with an 18 year old guy who's married!"

Thing is -- how probable is it? Very very very very very small. There's no 100%, and there's no 0%. Oh goody! No 100% chance of failure -- that means any situation can work, and mine's always going to be the rare exception because my gut tells me so! ;)

I can see it where there's a 70/30 chance, so hey, go for it if everything else has great signs (that your gut doesn't have to tell you). But if it's a 95/5 chance, wtf? Just because you heard a camp fire story of it working that means it's suddenly 50/50?
 Madailein
Joined: 6/9/2012
Msg: 61
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/12/2013 1:16:39 PM

I feel it's a horrible way to start a relationship, basically blackmailing a woman into having her ask him to move in.
that's how I see it
what are your thoughts?


Firstly, he did not blackmail her into anything.
If she is so stupid and desperate as to move a stranger into her home, imo they deserve one another.

Were it love at first sight; it would be a different story.
This is manipulation at first sight,
“If you don’t take me in I can’t see you anymore”. (You are not worth a two hour drive)
“I’m too poor to support myself”. Who would want that? He is not a child.
“Has no possessions.” He is literally a homeless guy who clings to anyone dumb enough to support him.

I think you are wasting your time counseling her.
Providing food and shelter for a leach insures a lasting union.
 Misguided_Old_Mule
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 62
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/12/2013 3:15:12 PM
# 60
First date with my ex-husband lasted a week. Then I moved in with him. We married a year later. But divorced 23 yrs later so I guess that was stupid and a failure.
That is romantic as hell. The proof is in the pudding (so to speak).

# 36
Not if he's cutting my lawn and fixing my barn.
I think it is High Time that Somebody tended to those dangerous ramschackle rafters you got going on in there.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 63
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/12/2013 6:14:16 PM


First date with my ex-husband lasted a week. Then I moved in with him. We married a year later. But divorced 23 yrs later so I guess that was stupid and a failure.

No, that was a statistical anomaly (of success). :)

True, that, Confident-Realist. I don't give my story as an example of how I think it will go with OP's friend. I give it only as an example of, just like the lottery, the odds may be extremely small but some lucky dog's gonna win. I think I won the lottery. I was 20 at the time, he was 25. If my friend had posted our story on pof at that time the responses would have been very much like this thread - a lot of unnecessary meanness - and flat out wrong.

And, yes, scurvy, it was romantic as hell :-)

Do I, personally, think it will work out for OP's friend? No. But my opinion of her potential 'success' is irrelevant. She is not the one asking for advice. It is the OP asking for advice so I'm going with PittsburghVixen on this one

As far as what your friend does being any of your business, OP - that's only to the extent that she asked for your opinion - once - and you gave it - once. After that, it's up to her to live with the consequences of her decision.

+1
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 65
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/13/2013 9:14:28 AM
Three days is way too fast. For me, I would wait at least four days. It's kind of an odd question to ask people who have spent months or years getting to know someone, for the sole purpose of looking for red flags before taking the plunge, and it ends up in failure anyway. Maybe a lot of people are color blind. There are a lot of people here who are looking for total perfection and won't settle for any less, even if they have flaws themselves, so it's no use asking them what's too fast. And obviously what you think of it OP, doesn't matter.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 66
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/13/2013 10:52:46 AM
OP...

She is a big girl and she can make her own decisions. Dont deny her that right. Its not yours to deny.
Can it suceed? Well there's no way to find out other than running the experiment, is there? :)

Now...as to you...you need to hop on down to your insurance agency and stock up on some renters insurance.
That way, when all your stuff gets stolen along with hers, you can replace all of it with brand new stuff!
Silver lining level...excellent!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 67
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/13/2013 11:21:07 AM
So how is the new live-in boyfriend after three days situation going? Are they still happily and joyously together?
 Madailein
Joined: 6/9/2012
Msg: 68
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/13/2013 9:33:49 PM

That you have deeper feelings for your "friend" than you want to admit and most of your venting rage has to do with jealousy and/or the desire to control her as an extension of yourself than anything.
There really isn't a lot of information here about your relationship with her, but maybe you forced/accepted her into the role of mommy (maybe that's why she takes in stray possessionless men,
Those are my thoughts.
Act like a friend, or a teenager whose mom is dating someone new. Figure out which one you are and accept it. ~handles_it

I would not insult teenagers with this logic.
The OP means well, even if one sees him as friend zoned and this contrary to his wishes.



her personality is suited to gravitating towards that dysfunctional role) and it now appears you are having a tantrum that she's not paying as much attention to you as you want.

If anything, she is paying way too much attention inclusive of revealing TMI to a caring friend, though not in the manner you believe. Why tell a friend something that she knows most will consider irrational or not in her best interests?
Most persons when they are this age, (we are not talking youngsters here), middle-aged, are conscionable enough not to share stupid, illogical decisions with their friends or families; unless they are the sort that enjoy distressing others.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 69
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/15/2013 4:06:37 PM
exeterguyfriend- You are a good friend who knows your friend is doing something stupid (and, yes, moving in with someone you barely know is beyond stupid).
But..........She's a big girl and she'll have to learn the hard way.
Just tell her what you think and then let it be, this is 99.9% likely to end in disaster, but all you can do is be there for her when it does.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 70
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/17/2013 6:45:32 AM
I think it's highly unlikely this would work. But there could be a few exceptions.
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 71
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/17/2013 6:59:03 AM
I would say she is crazy. This man has nothing to offer and appears to NEED her to support him. If he owns nothing.. I would say a huge red flag.

Most likely she will end up supporting this con man. Love in 3 days? really?

Your friend appears to have some real self esteem issues and is lacking common sense in this situation. She will most likely end up being used until he gets back on his feet, or she will end up supporting him forever.

Sad story.
 exeterguyfriend
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 72
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/18/2013 8:16:39 PM
I read all the posts here and will try to remember to update and answer all the questions. First off regarding my old relationship, I had no idea long distance things were that rare. I drove 500 miles a weekend for 3 months then moved that woman in. I could tell you the long story about our 12 years together but I think the fact that I accepted her even after she cheated on me the night before she was due to move 250 miles to be with me was a bit of a mistake on my part.

With respect to my friend I knew nothing I said could change her mind. In a way I would have been disappointed if it did but in a better way, I would have been happier. He was married 2x and was living with his ex girlfriend when he found my friend. She said her style was being cramped by not being able to have guys over and he needed out. He supposedly just left 'everything' with the 2nd wife and that's why he has no possessions and everything he owns literally fit in his car to move in. My guess is he moved right from 2nd wife to the gfs apt. The notion that I wanted to be with my friend is incorrect. I could have if I wanted to but I didn't and don't ever want to for various reasons. None important to this thread. She's met a few guys in the past 2 years and even saw one for a few months and I know she was just tired of being lonely when this opportunity arose.

when it was finally time to move his clothes in, she cleaned out 2 drawers and he complained about the lack of room even after that. sounded ungrateful to me. So she went on a cleanout spree (which admittedly did need done) and got rid of clothes that didn't fit her. so one could say he's motivational. He also called her a hoarder but fact is it's just the 1st floor of the house and she has stuff from a 4 BR house trying to fit in there. I just hope he's nice to the cat, she will definitely kick out any man before a cat. I think she did question him a bit on finances but unsure how much detail. Very weird that a man with no child support, alimony, house to maintain, few possessions cannot even afford to move into a small place by himself. I think he is a 40 yr old baby and wanted to take the easy way out. he told her that his ex said he needs 'direction' and my friend is more than happy to direct him apparently. maybe that's what she likes, being a mother.

my friend says she knows she can be hurt but wants to take the risk. she knows I will never support her decision, nor do I have to, she is who she is. I hope he can tolerate noise, the people upstairs are 'those neighbors from hell'..the drinking, the fighting, the loud walking etc. I predict in a month or 2 they will find something bigger for them. I cant imagine he would be happy in such tight quarters. I know even if there was more negativity I doubt she would have told me in the past week. she knows it would make things look bad. so I don't know more than what I've said already. Unless I forgot it lol. At least I said everything I wanted to say and made my peace with it. there literally was nothing more to say. one thing we always had was the ability to be honest and direct and I was very of both.

Just remembered one more thing, she didn't tell her neighbor of a year how long she knew him. the neighbor is very nosey and asked a lot of questions. on one hand I know things are private but on the other hand, if you aren't embarrassed why not tell everyone the answer to a simple question. It was kind funny when my friends landlord called her back and I was in the room, she couldn't even remember the man's name to tell the landlord. I just hope he's listed as a resident. not a cosignor. then again in PA I think you only have to live together X days to be considered having rights to live there.

Oh, on a positive front, another friend I have, who was living with her ex hubby after her rented house was foreclosed on, was able to find an apt for her and the kids. It's really amazing that a single mom making so little with 2 kids can find a place but single man cannot. I think she was more determined :) and at least she knew her ex over 10 years before moving back in with him lol. Can you bet which friend I'm talking to more these days?
 exeterguyfriend
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 73
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/18/2013 8:21:51 PM
I did remember one more thing. the 1st week she knew this guy she didn't call me nor come over (while at the same time telling me no man would ever control her and prevent her from doing anything). This was very unusual not to call me but i'm pretty sure it's because she didn't wanna hear what she knew she would hear from me. She literally made 4 specific promises of times to call during the week. but never did. This tells me volumes about how much she changed. And of course I never wanted to call her because I didn't know when she would be with him. And she did tell me she wouldn't talk to me if he was there.

so after the week when she finally was here, we got done eating lunch and then she literally said 'now that you are done eating, ill tell you that he's moving the rest of his stuff in this afternoon'

now wasn't that very considerate... waiting until I was done my lunch to spring the bad news?
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 74
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/19/2013 7:12:38 AM

so after the week when she finally was here, we got done eating lunch and then she literally said 'now that you are done eating, ill tell you that he's moving the rest of his stuff in this afternoon'

now wasn't that very considerate... waiting until I was done my lunch to spring the bad news?


Hey atleast she didn't ask you to help move him in.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 75
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/20/2013 12:11:29 PM
GingerorMaryann...it isn't as if exeterguyfriend provided his friend's name, address, SS#, and DOB to the POF Forum. He is sharing a unique story and later returned to the thread to provide follow-up news on what has transpired along the way. Don't worry, the woman's identity is not at risk and nobody knows who she is or where she resides.
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