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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?      Home login  
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 Madailein
Joined: 6/9/2012
Msg: 68
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

That you have deeper feelings for your "friend" than you want to admit and most of your venting rage has to do with jealousy and/or the desire to control her as an extension of yourself than anything.
There really isn't a lot of information here about your relationship with her, but maybe you forced/accepted her into the role of mommy (maybe that's why she takes in stray possessionless men,
Those are my thoughts.
Act like a friend, or a teenager whose mom is dating someone new. Figure out which one you are and accept it. ~handles_it

I would not insult teenagers with this logic.
The OP means well, even if one sees him as friend zoned and this contrary to his wishes.



her personality is suited to gravitating towards that dysfunctional role) and it now appears you are having a tantrum that she's not paying as much attention to you as you want.

If anything, she is paying way too much attention inclusive of revealing TMI to a caring friend, though not in the manner you believe. Why tell a friend something that she knows most will consider irrational or not in her best interests?
Most persons when they are this age, (we are not talking youngsters here), middle-aged, are conscionable enough not to share stupid, illogical decisions with their friends or families; unless they are the sort that enjoy distressing others.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 69
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/15/2013 4:06:37 PM
exeterguyfriend- You are a good friend who knows your friend is doing something stupid (and, yes, moving in with someone you barely know is beyond stupid).
But..........She's a big girl and she'll have to learn the hard way.
Just tell her what you think and then let it be, this is 99.9% likely to end in disaster, but all you can do is be there for her when it does.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 70
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/17/2013 6:45:32 AM
I think it's highly unlikely this would work. But there could be a few exceptions.
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 71
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/17/2013 6:59:03 AM
I would say she is crazy. This man has nothing to offer and appears to NEED her to support him. If he owns nothing.. I would say a huge red flag.

Most likely she will end up supporting this con man. Love in 3 days? really?

Your friend appears to have some real self esteem issues and is lacking common sense in this situation. She will most likely end up being used until he gets back on his feet, or she will end up supporting him forever.

Sad story.
 exeterguyfriend
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 72
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/18/2013 8:16:39 PM
I read all the posts here and will try to remember to update and answer all the questions. First off regarding my old relationship, I had no idea long distance things were that rare. I drove 500 miles a weekend for 3 months then moved that woman in. I could tell you the long story about our 12 years together but I think the fact that I accepted her even after she cheated on me the night before she was due to move 250 miles to be with me was a bit of a mistake on my part.

With respect to my friend I knew nothing I said could change her mind. In a way I would have been disappointed if it did but in a better way, I would have been happier. He was married 2x and was living with his ex girlfriend when he found my friend. She said her style was being cramped by not being able to have guys over and he needed out. He supposedly just left 'everything' with the 2nd wife and that's why he has no possessions and everything he owns literally fit in his car to move in. My guess is he moved right from 2nd wife to the gfs apt. The notion that I wanted to be with my friend is incorrect. I could have if I wanted to but I didn't and don't ever want to for various reasons. None important to this thread. She's met a few guys in the past 2 years and even saw one for a few months and I know she was just tired of being lonely when this opportunity arose.

when it was finally time to move his clothes in, she cleaned out 2 drawers and he complained about the lack of room even after that. sounded ungrateful to me. So she went on a cleanout spree (which admittedly did need done) and got rid of clothes that didn't fit her. so one could say he's motivational. He also called her a hoarder but fact is it's just the 1st floor of the house and she has stuff from a 4 BR house trying to fit in there. I just hope he's nice to the cat, she will definitely kick out any man before a cat. I think she did question him a bit on finances but unsure how much detail. Very weird that a man with no child support, alimony, house to maintain, few possessions cannot even afford to move into a small place by himself. I think he is a 40 yr old baby and wanted to take the easy way out. he told her that his ex said he needs 'direction' and my friend is more than happy to direct him apparently. maybe that's what she likes, being a mother.

my friend says she knows she can be hurt but wants to take the risk. she knows I will never support her decision, nor do I have to, she is who she is. I hope he can tolerate noise, the people upstairs are 'those neighbors from hell'..the drinking, the fighting, the loud walking etc. I predict in a month or 2 they will find something bigger for them. I cant imagine he would be happy in such tight quarters. I know even if there was more negativity I doubt she would have told me in the past week. she knows it would make things look bad. so I don't know more than what I've said already. Unless I forgot it lol. At least I said everything I wanted to say and made my peace with it. there literally was nothing more to say. one thing we always had was the ability to be honest and direct and I was very of both.

Just remembered one more thing, she didn't tell her neighbor of a year how long she knew him. the neighbor is very nosey and asked a lot of questions. on one hand I know things are private but on the other hand, if you aren't embarrassed why not tell everyone the answer to a simple question. It was kind funny when my friends landlord called her back and I was in the room, she couldn't even remember the man's name to tell the landlord. I just hope he's listed as a resident. not a cosignor. then again in PA I think you only have to live together X days to be considered having rights to live there.

Oh, on a positive front, another friend I have, who was living with her ex hubby after her rented house was foreclosed on, was able to find an apt for her and the kids. It's really amazing that a single mom making so little with 2 kids can find a place but single man cannot. I think she was more determined :) and at least she knew her ex over 10 years before moving back in with him lol. Can you bet which friend I'm talking to more these days?
 exeterguyfriend
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 73
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/18/2013 8:21:51 PM
I did remember one more thing. the 1st week she knew this guy she didn't call me nor come over (while at the same time telling me no man would ever control her and prevent her from doing anything). This was very unusual not to call me but i'm pretty sure it's because she didn't wanna hear what she knew she would hear from me. She literally made 4 specific promises of times to call during the week. but never did. This tells me volumes about how much she changed. And of course I never wanted to call her because I didn't know when she would be with him. And she did tell me she wouldn't talk to me if he was there.

so after the week when she finally was here, we got done eating lunch and then she literally said 'now that you are done eating, ill tell you that he's moving the rest of his stuff in this afternoon'

now wasn't that very considerate... waiting until I was done my lunch to spring the bad news?
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 74
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/19/2013 7:12:38 AM

so after the week when she finally was here, we got done eating lunch and then she literally said 'now that you are done eating, ill tell you that he's moving the rest of his stuff in this afternoon'

now wasn't that very considerate... waiting until I was done my lunch to spring the bad news?


Hey atleast she didn't ask you to help move him in.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 75
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/20/2013 12:11:29 PM
GingerorMaryann...it isn't as if exeterguyfriend provided his friend's name, address, SS#, and DOB to the POF Forum. He is sharing a unique story and later returned to the thread to provide follow-up news on what has transpired along the way. Don't worry, the woman's identity is not at risk and nobody knows who she is or where she resides.
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 76
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/20/2013 6:09:43 PM
Me and my exhusband met at a club where he was a musician, the next day we moved in together, and our marriage lasted for 13 years (2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 hamsters [we're like Noah's ark], and 3 houses later) and would have lasted much longer, if not forever, had he not had a freaking mid-life crisis that made him wacko. It can work.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 77
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/23/2013 4:14:12 PM

The friendzone is a terrible place, isn't it?

Lol. My thought too.

I suspect the OP would give anything to be in the shoes of the bloke who's about to move in with his friend?
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 78
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/23/2013 4:39:26 PM

GingerorMaryann
I never said she was identified but if I found out my good friend was posting things about me on line, I would be furious even if I was not identified by name or other means. I would consider it a breach of my trust and confidentiality. It would be the last time I told them anything private.

GorM


My feelings exactly.....If I told someone something in Confidence and found they posted my story online without my permission, even though I couldn't be identified from the story....It would be the last thing I told them, in private......
 exeterguyfriend
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 79
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/23/2013 5:23:08 PM
who choose 2 weeks in the POF pool? if so , you win. he talked with his ex and we assumed he moved back in with her after my friend asked him why he was acting funny. he said he just wanted to be friends and so my friend kicked him out that night. or maybe he found another girl on here, who knows.

and to those that think I wish I moved in with my friend you really are so far off base it's not funny. I could have had her move in here years ago if I was really interested. I am not, she's just a friend.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 80
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/23/2013 6:01:32 PM
OP, do you feel better now?
You've been validated and you have your friend back.
No matter that she's been hurt and humiliated.
Not just humiliated among her 'friends' - the people who know her and, allegedly care about her - but, also a bunch of strangers on the internet can now point and laugh as they have for 4 pages.

I'm with Ginger. Where's your integrity?
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 81
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/26/2013 6:35:03 AM
You need to email a her a link to this thread and let her read for herself.
 BlueEyedBlon3000
Joined: 3/15/2013
Msg: 82
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 6/1/2013 1:06:03 PM
what starts fast - ends fast.
it is like a candle that burns twice as bright. Pretty soon nothing but ashes .
The law of human relations.
 ladyLeelo
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 83
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 6/1/2013 3:26:21 PM
OP...
I read you initial concerns, and a few posts through the pages..

While I agree, this is way too fast.. it isn't impossible, and given the circumstances you might be right. Someone looking for a place to crash other than the mission. That's his problem.. what about your friend.. is she desperate? .. needy?

Today I photographed a couple that was married for 67 years! I asked them about this and they told me they got married after meeting at a dance 3 weeks prior.

You could see they were still very much in love. :)

67 years ago.. times were different, communication was different.. but love never changes. I hope this is one of those situations.

If not, be there for your friend if it falls apart.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 84
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 6/2/2013 11:11:25 AM

if people can have sex on the first day, why can't they move in together after 3 days? Answer that one my fellow POF geniuses .


Cowgirl,

Your question is not a rocket science ,it is a piece of cake so even a dumb girl like me can give a shot on that.

They were in* heat* so they consummate it on their first meeting. and they moved in together after 3 days because they are still in* heat.* ( they guy has no suitcase ) I read too much Ann Rule's books and watch crime show so I would say it is futile to beat the odd if it will cause your precious life.
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