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 AUTHOR
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 151
FWB and new BFPage 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Respectfully, I disagree. It's not the risk of infidelity that is the sole concern for me,but rather the blatant disrespect that this demonstrates towards me, and the relationship.

In the example I gave (that's not the thread's), it's one where there is no risk of infidelity or one that could be read at all. Sure, just because there's no risk of infidelity, doesn't mean one can't be disrespectful to their SO, I agree.

However, I think it is respectful, notably when there is no infidelity risk, that the girl brings it up to her SO as a just-in-case. Many guys as the SO are cool with this... it's an isolated incident to talk over a couple beers with, with a again, an unattractive guy-friend who needs female advice about his recent breakup, all while she has always looked at him like a little bro & her SO sees that. Now, if the guy said "I can't stop you", and leaves it that without being pissed at all, it basically means "I'm not a fan of it, but whatever, if it's just this event, fine..." (because he's been able to tell the guy probably likes her). How disrespectful it'd be, if she carried out that little event, would depend on her SO's position on it + how much the guy-friend liked her. If he was a guy where any stranger in 5 minutes would notice he was into her -- it wouldn't fit the example as it wouldn't be a situation where she legitimately looked at him merely as just a little brother (she'd be pretending to be dumb about it). But even in the example, I can see a guy not being comfortable with it, but "whatever" -- as opposed to her hanging with an ex of any type who's now a "friend".

I find the whole FWB distasteful anyway

I totally agree with your post except for this tidbit. I don't think a FWB is (necessarily) distasteful. Many times, a FWB situation = "just seeing each other" with an understood aim not to go toward a relationship. And being humans, while they're "just seeing each other", as time unfolds, they'll be doing more than handshakes & lemonade (otherwise they'd just be friends). That's not to say any FWB/casually-just-seeing-each-other situation can be distasteful, as many can be, although so can particular Dating situations or Relationships.

I actually would find it closer to distasteful (in the opposite direction) if two people went out on a several Dates with one of them shying away from a simple kiss, yet still wanting to see each other again.
 moonchildmn
Joined: 4/1/2013
Msg: 152
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/25/2013 2:01:13 PM
I do believe I've been misunderstood.

I would never not kiss a man, geez I actually want a man to kiss me even on a first date if there's an attraction. Obviously for anything to progress there will be a sex involved at some point (sooner rather than later) and most likely, before you've decided you're the perfect couple. It's all part of the process, I think.

I take issue with having sex with each other knowing you're just having sex because there's nothing better available at the time. But, this topic and the definition of FWB has been beaten to death and I know everyone has their own feelings on it.

I think the original poster, who has since departed, had an emotional attraction to her FWB that she wasn't acknowledging which tends to happen after having long periods of hanging out together and having sex :) It's kind of like dating in my world.
 JJ02013
Joined: 3/28/2013
Msg: 153
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/26/2013 3:44:38 AM
I know everyone is different but I personally would not date a woman who was close friends with a guy she slept with in a FWB situation.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 154
view profile
History
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/26/2013 11:27:57 AM
The thing that blows my mind the most about this whole thread is that anyone tells anyone about their FWB situations. That is your personal business and does not need to be shared. I do not want to hear about any guy I am dating's past sex relationships nor do I think he needs to know about mine, period. There is no way to hear things like that about someone you like and not be bothered. I also think it's a bit funny that people think it is rude to ask about income or how much a house costs but do not think it is an invasion of privacy to need to know things such as this. Make no mistake, you will be judged by 98% of people regarding a situation such as FWB. Just keep some private things private. Geez....
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 155
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/26/2013 12:01:26 PM
moonchild,

I would never not kiss a man, geez I actually want a man to kiss me even on a first date if there's an attraction.

Obviously, yeah -- I never was trying to imply that you wouldn't...! :)

Obviously for anything to progress there will be a sex involved at some point (sooner rather than later) and most likely, before you've decided you're the perfect couple. It's all part of the process, I think.

It is, but let's say you're juggling 3 guys. You don't want to have sex with all 3 at the same time pre-couplehood. I think the more one wishes to play the field, the slower they should move in that period in which they do (physically and/or seriousness like meeting parents, etc). Not to say you keep it at handshakes & lemonade, but you shouldn't keep it at the polar opposite either during that "initial dates/pre-season" phase. But I'm a guy -- we'll get lambasted (post college) if we're seen doing that. Aka Player.

I take issue with having sex with each other knowing you're just having sex because there's nothing better available at the time

Well, a FWB is *not* a booty call. A 1-on-1 FWB is basically seeing each other, having a bond between each other like any other people, but yes, having sexual relations too. It's just that a Relationship is not a goal at the end of the tunnel. That's not to say a FWB couldn't end up toward a real dating-relationship. It's much the same way as people saying "I just got out of a marriage/relationship, I'm not ready for a Relationship, I just want to date" -- many times that can happen, from explicitly non-serious -> serious. It's not much different than a common flavor of FWB->Dating-Relationship.

Or like in the OP's case, the dating process wasn't working out toward a Relationship because of feasibility reasons (age gap, kids, etc) -- so they'd keep it at FWB -- ie that "pre-season" phase perpetually, but having sex.

I think the original poster, who has since departed, had an emotional attraction to her FWB that she wasn't acknowledging which tends to happen after having long periods of hanging out together and having sex :) It's kind of like dating in my world.

Oh yeah... it's human nature. She did have attraction but she wasn't aware/acknowledging that she was also attracted to the notion of cozying up to him & more while she had her BF. Even if you can "control yourself" from taking physical action, there's still a huge problem: You're still taking action to put yourself in tempting or very potentially tempting situations. You doing that means you still have feelings for them. When ya have a gf/bf, you're cheating when you're purposely pursuing to bond/continue-bonding 1-on-1 with someone you're still into.

melissa,

The thing that blows my mind the most about this whole thread is that anyone tells anyone about their FWB situations. That is your personal business and does not need to be shared.

I disagree. It is the new BF's business. She's not telling stories of her sexual adventures of the past. She was wanting to hang out with her EX, 1-on-1, to hang out at his house too and possibly pass out there, etc. A gf/bf should know what's going on in that regard.

I think you would want to know if a new BF of yours was going to have a little getaway with his female "friend" who he's dated/FWB with, and porks when they're both single... and if/when you break up, he'll pork her again, etc. It'd be naive and foolish to be cool with that. I think it's selfish of that person with the ex of any sorts to think of themselves only "But they're a good friend of mine! I'm not going to change my ways with them and let a SO tell me what to do!" Uhhh, yeah, a SO should tell you what you should do in regards to monogamy, respect, and fidelity when lines are crossed or aimed to be crossed. That "other" person being close to them before you've gone out is a poor excuse that some folks seem to hold on to, unfortunately.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 156
view profile
History
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/26/2013 12:55:30 PM

I disagree. It is the new BF's business. She's not telling stories of her sexual adventures of the past. She was wanting to hang out with her EX, 1-on-1, to hang out at his house too and possibly pass out there, etc. A gf/bf should know what's going on in that regard.

I think you would want to know if a new BF of yours was going to have a little getaway with his female "friend" who he's dated/FWB with, and porks when they're both single... and if/when you break up, he'll pork her again, etc. It'd be naive and foolish to be cool with that. I think it's selfish of that person with the ex of any sorts to think of themselves only "But they're a good friend of mine! I'm not going to change my ways with them and let a SO tell me what to do!" Uhhh, yeah, a SO should tell you what you should do in regards to monogamy, respect, and fidelity when lines are crossed or aimed to be crossed. That "other" person being close to them before you've gone out is a poor excuse that some folks seem to hold on to, unfortunately.


I still do not think it is my business to know, I would not want to know and do not feel I need to tell anyone anything that personal. I also don't believe you should be FWB with someone that you are best friends or as close with as the OP was. She should definitely not have been sleeping over there while in a relationship with someone else. Unless there was drinking involved and being safe were an issue.

I had a FWB for quite a few years but when one of us was dating someone we didn't even really speak at all. I would see him out and what not but we didn't make plans or hang out in between. It is your job as the BF/GF to cut off the FWB while in a relationship which she wasn't willing to do in the beginning. That is just being respectful to the the person that you are in a relationship with. As long as you are truthful and do not cheat on your SO then it is none of their business who you slept with or when, before or after your relationship with them. It is only their business what you do while you are involved with them and it is your job to be faithful and not to give them reason to worry about your faithfulness to them during that time. If you cannot trust the person you are with then you should not be with them in the first place.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 157
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/26/2013 1:18:33 PM

melissa,


The thing that blows my mind the most about this whole thread is that anyone tells anyone about their FWB situations. That is your personal business and does not need to be shared.
********************
I disagree. It is the new BF's business. She's not telling stories of her sexual adventures of the past. She was wanting to hang out with her EX, 1-on-1, to hang out at his house too and possibly pass out there, etc. A gf/bf should know what's going on in that regard.

I wondered how long before the yahbutscame out of the woodwork in response to

The thing that blows my mind the most about this whole thread is that anyone tells anyone about their FWB situations. That is your personal business and does not need to be shared.


AFAIC, melissa has the basic idea right. But I can also understand how some people who have issues with the FwB concept would presume that the OP-or anyone else who has had a FwB!- is going to keep boinkng the FwB. Generally speaking, I think that when someone is "dating" a person with an eye towards building a relationship, then contact with a FwB should be seriously reduced-or reduced as much as possible. Unfortunately, sometimes you can't just take a FwB, shove them in a closet and slam the door shut on them.
It sounds like in this case, there was a great deal of shared PLATONIC camaderie. I think THAT is what the OP wanted to hang onto.
However, I can see the possibility that having that F(sometimes)wB may be something of an impediment to developing a relationship with someone else.
That being said, I think we should give the OP's judgement credit, since she is the one in the situation-that she and her F(sometimes x)wB would not be a successful LTR match.

had a FWB for quite a few years but when one of us was dating someone we didn't even really speak at all.
That is probably the wisest course of action when it is workable. But,as I said, sometimes you just can't shove a x-FwB into a closet and slam the door shut on him or her. If the 2 people happen to be in the same social circles, share a hobby or recreational interest,live in the same neighborhood, or are in the same business circles, it may not be possible to shut an x-FwB completely out of your life.
I know the OP has resigned her membership, but I have absolutely no doubt that this same type of scenario proabably occurs in people's lives every day. I think this is a valuable discussion.
Cindy O
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 158
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/26/2013 2:15:13 PM

I still do not think it is my business to know, I would not want to know and do not feel I need to tell anyone anything that personal.

It would be your business to know the generics who your BF is hanging out 1-on-1 with, when it comes to the opposite-sex. It involves you if it's someone he was involved with before and will be when you two break up. Now, it may NOT be your business to know the ins-and-outs of his relationship with the gal -- sure.

He could say "she's someone I have been involved with", and doesn't have to spell out whether it's dating vs FWB vs casual dating vs serious dating, how good the sex was, etc.

It is your job as the BF/GF to cut off the FWB while in a relationship which she wasn't willing to do in the beginning.

Exactly! BUT, if she chose to still hang out with the guy -- it *THEN* becomes his business. I agree it's nobody's business to know who your sexual/romantic history in and of itself -- no. But if you decide to continue to see that person -- YES, it becomes the GF/BF's business to know what's up, is all I'm saying. I think that's common sense, right?

It's very different than say, going out to the bar to meet up with friends, etc... and a guy she was FWB with is there and she chit-chats with him for a bit, as with everyone else... no, the BF/GF doesn't have to be clued in. But if she gets his # again, texts every day, starts hanging out with him, etc -- she's choosing to make it his business!
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 159
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/26/2013 3:26:29 PM

The thing that blows my mind the most about this whole thread is that anyone tells anyone about their FWB situations. That is your personal business and does not need to be shared.


I give Okhikergirl a lot of credit for being honest with the people involved in her life. Of course, it's not in her benefit to be honest. There's a good chance that her current boyfriend might not take things with her too seriously because of this bit of information. However, to keep things hidden... in my mind shows a lack of integrity. I think she made the right choice to cut things off with her FWB. Hopefully things will work out for them in the long run.
 jerrysheart
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 160
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/26/2013 8:18:00 PM

have an XB-FWB and I'm dating others.


Dear sunFORsome, (why isn't it sunFORall?)

i just gotta let you know your publicly stating that you have an XB - FWB
is really deppressing to a guy like me. i gotta think that on a first
date if i do the slightest thing wrong, i'm quickly forgoten history because
you got and easier route to have a good time.

that is all.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 161
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/27/2013 3:19:36 PM

(melissa0607) The thing that blows my mind the most about this whole thread is that anyone tells anyone about their FWB situations. That is your personal business and does not need to be shared.


There are compelling arguments on both sides of this issue, i.e. telling about your sexual past vs. keeping quiet about it. I don't like someone deciding for me what I need to know; on the other hand, it is personal information, and if it's in the past, then I fall on the NOYB side of things. However, the OP's situation wasn't in the past: it was very much current.


There is no way to hear things like that about someone you like and not be bothered.


Very true. People should not ask questions if they're not able to deal with the answers.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 162
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/27/2013 3:26:26 PM

(sunFORs0me) Of course, it's not in her benefit to be honest. There's a good chance that her current boyfriend might not take things with her too seriously because of this bit of information.


This is a common mental contortion used by people who lack maturity: rather than seeing that the FwB is the problem, they determine that talking about it is the problem. That's like a murderer saying his crime was being caught, not in committing murder in the first place.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 163
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/27/2013 5:54:06 PM
This is a common mental contortion used by people who lack maturity: rather than seeing that the FwB is the problem, they determine that talking about it is the problem. That's like a murderer saying his crime was being caught, not in committing murder in the first place.


Having a FWB is not the same as committing murder.

It's more like having a fast food diet. There's just better food for you out there. Some people care about their health and they want to make good decisions regarding the food they eat. The more nutritional value information that is provided upfront... the better decisions people can make. If you love chicken nuggets... well that's great! However, I don't think people should pass chicken nuggets off as healthy food. Then again... you can't force people to eat grilled chicken just because it's healthier for them. People gravitate to what tastes good to them.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 164
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/28/2013 3:53:50 PM

(sunFORsome) Having a FWB is not the same as committing murder.


*sigh* I never said it was... I said the mentality of refusing to see the problem clearly, and instead blaming a side issue, is similar to the mentality of a murderer, who thinks that his having murdered someone isn't the problem: it's his having been caught that is the problem. OP's *HONESTY* is not the problem, and it's stupid to blame it; the problem is her having a FwB that she has gone back to after every failed relationship, so there's no reason to think that she won't again -- that, and not her honesty, is the problem.

This is arguing the analogy. Just like OP, you're all in a snit because you don't like the [pi]analogy, so you'll argue against that, rather than address the *REAL* issue, which is her having a FwB that she runs to whenever she punts a would-be suitor.

Fine. It's like having a pizza, when you know that in 20 minutes you're going out on a date, and you'll be eating again, and if you don't like the food, you can come running back to the pizzeria, and have another pizza. Happy now?
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 165
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/28/2013 4:54:44 PM
^^^Okay, I see your point Arlo.

I agree that it is a problem maintaining a FwB while trying to cultivate a new relationship. In this case... the FWB has the makings of a primary relationship and the new boyfriend is more likely to be a rebound guy. Even if she wasn't upfront and honest about her circumstances the dynamics involved (i.e. missing seeing the fwb) are likely to cause this new relationship to fail.

Overall, it's better to completely cut ties to the FWB, spend some time alone being single, and then consider whether to pursue a more traditional relationship with someone who is emotionally available to be in a relationship.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 166
view profile
History
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/29/2013 9:15:13 AM
If you are truly just FWB with someone then cutting it off and concentrating in the person you are dating should not be an issue. This particular case where the OP is SO close with this guy is probably rare. Anyone I know that has had a FWB it is probably more of an acquaintance than an actual friend. But, I still maintain that whether you have slept with them, intend to sleep with them, whatever, it is no ones business but your own. As long as you are not sleeping with that person while you are dating someone else you do not owe the person you are dating any explanation of who you slept with before them or who you intend to sleep with after them. All telling someone does is cause paranoia and tension and possibly for no good reason. Telling the person or not telling them will not stop you from doing whatever you are going to do, it won't make any difference. If they had never slept together and she was hanging out with him or staying over when she was drunk, would it really make a difference? Even without a history of them sleeping together they could still end up having sex or not having sex. It all comes down to trust in the person you are seeing. Period.

Your only responsibility in a relationship is to be faithful and up front about your current condition. I am friends with someone I slept with a few times years ago, I hardly ever think about the fact that it happened and he is just a friend, nothing more and it would never happen again. We used to sometimes even hang out as a foursome him and a date and me and a date. No reason either of our dates needs to know what happened years ago. All it would do is upset them for no reason.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 167
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/29/2013 9:51:54 AM

If you are truly just FWB with someone then cutting it off and concentrating in the person you are dating should not be an issue.

I think in the OP's situation, or ones not as so far as hers, they think that "cutting it off" just means sex. Problem is, actual execution of sex is not The cut-off point with others, when ya have a real relationship. Some folks in their teens or early 20s may have been duped into that, or through their experience of not being that-into the gfs/bfs they've had may believe that... but as life goes on, through 1st hand or 2nd hand experiences, they'll realize that the cut-off point is well before s-e-x.

Anyone I know that has had a FWB it is probably more of an acquaintance than an actual friend.

They may have been a Booty Call, not a FWB. A FWB doesn't have to be a close friend of course. If they're too close a friend and you hang out a lot -- you're basically DATING. If they're a group-friend who you mingle with a bit more when everyone's going out -- sure, they're not a close friend, someone you legit consider a friend who you're porking on the side. But to call them a mere acquaintance wouldn't fit the bill of FWB -- when you start sleeping with someone, they go from acquaintance to more than that... It'd have to be a situation where you're not sleeping with them, but you have slept together and very well may sleep together at some time in the future, to better call it an acquaintance w/ benefits.

As long as you are not sleeping with that person while you are dating someone else you do not owe the person you are dating any explanation of who you slept with before them or who you intend to sleep with after them.

Totally disagree. The cut-off point isn't banging. If choose to frequently hang out 1-on-1 with the person while being in a Relationship with someone, you're giving up that "right" of privacy of what the emotions are, etc. One would be a complete moron to be fine with their SO be in an on-going, non-platonic 1-on-1 relationship with someone, even if physically it's held to a stop before sex.

Telling the person or not telling them will not stop you from doing whatever you are going to do, it won't make any difference.

I disagree. Horrible, unethical excuse, too. You realize most people who cheat on someone with a "friend" didn't have some game-plan to do so while in a relationship -- it many times "just happens". Letting the person know brings attention to themselves what's up -- makes them less naive to themselves. If it isn't so bad -- why hide it?

Again, hiding that one's continuing a relationship with someone who they have feelings for is wrong to an SO. Even if they cut themselves short of banging. That's not a faithful victory. Continuing such a relationship 1-on-1, knowing feelings, etc -- by itself, is crossing the line. That's why you don't want to tell an SO.
 toronto_gal2012
Joined: 10/26/2012
Msg: 168
FWB and new BF
Posted: 6/2/2013 11:29:41 PM
@danceyface, read messages 189 & 191. Why you picking on me. I am not the only one who responded like this. If a man has a fwb's he is not questioned or put down, but if a women does it she is looked at completely different.
and for the record, I would never have a fwb if I had a boyfriend.

You also said this, "If you decide to keep this FWB relationship while stringing your boyfriend along, I sincerely hope your BF gets a clue and finds someone who will treat him better. " I would never do anything like that, thats not me,
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 169
FWB and new BF
Posted: 6/3/2013 11:05:58 AM
Ppl don learn nothing. Lesson for future DONT SLEEP OR EVEN DATE UR FRIENDS. I lost my good friend n we tried to date n it did no work. If u would told me that u want to see someone u are sleeping with when u are no in relationship I would be done with u. U pick ur bf or ur fwb are u for real ?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 170
FWB and new BF
Posted: 6/3/2013 11:28:50 AM
toronto_gal,

If a man has a fwb's he is not questioned or put down, but if a women does it she is looked at completely different.

Totally not true. A GF is not going to be more cool with her guy having a FWB, than a BF feeling about his girl having a FWB. If you HAVE a FWB while in a relationship, you're either in an open-relationship or cheating -- nobody's cool with it.

The OP pointed out that her relationship with her FWB was a close one where it just has platonic Boundaries when either of them would be dating someone. Most people who've gone through the gauntlet of life and understanding the human condition from the inside & outside looking in, know that's a recipe for disaster.

There's a difference between someone you know who's not much more than an acquaintance, who WAS a FWB.... VS someone you have a close relationship with who is an on-again-off-again FWB where you merely put up platonic Boundaries while one of you is dating someone. The need to have the latter is emotionally driven. No GF/BF would want their significant other having that type of relationship under their watch.

If you're talking about not telling your GF/BF that Sally or Bob WAS a FWB, and Sally or Bob is just on their Facebook friends list and for all practical purposes a friend-of-a-friend nowadays, that's more understandable. But if they were going to want to have a close friendship/relationship with Sally or Bob, yah -- they need to Not do that, but if they were to, they need to tell their GF/BF about that history with Sally or Bob. The reason some folks would still hide it is because THEY wouldn't like it -- and for good reason.
 toronto_gal2012
Joined: 10/26/2012
Msg: 171
FWB and new BF
Posted: 6/3/2013 1:24:57 PM
This is my last post on this topic.
Seems everyone thinks they know what is best and have made themselves councellors or relationship experts,
and for all you single men and women on the forums,
if your such good experts on relationships , then why are you still single.
I don't expect much from this site, mainly to pass time and read the forums.

happy fishing to all, ;-)
 toronto_gal2012
Joined: 10/26/2012
Msg: 172
FWB and new BF
Posted: 6/3/2013 6:57:06 PM
re-read what I wrote. I clearly stated that I would not have a fwb if I had a bf.
there are so many people out there, male or female who are in a fwb situations.
why bring up something that happened many years ago.
does that mean if I were to meet someone knew I would have to tell him about a fwb
that I had over 5 years ago, someone I don't even talk to anymore.
as for picking on me, there are other women who posted in the same way I did
why are you not picking on them
or is it because you read that others are.
as for the original poster, she deleted her profile on here
and is only seeing her bf and has cut off all ties with the fwb.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 173
FWB and new BF
Posted: 6/4/2013 9:14:34 AM
This is my last post on this topic.

It wasn't. :)

Seems everyone thinks they know what is best and have made themselves councellors or relationship experts

It doesn't take an "expert" by any stretch of the imagination to know that a vast majority of people would not want their Significant Other having a close 1-on-1 relationship with someone else who they bang when single and put up platonic boundaries when one or the other is dating someone (as an excuse).

There was a thread here in the past asking if giving oral sex was cheating. Seriously? Does it take an expert to say Yes? Would that be an excuse for the OP in that thread when they hear a "Hell Yeah" feedback lambasting them?

Yes, someone else here argued that one should hide the fact that their close 1-on-1 relationship with their "friend" was a FWB, and quite possibly to be a FWB in the future. That kind of bleeds into another thread about having 1-on-1 friendship/relationships with the opposite sex when dating someone. A reason why people may be too hasty about a new SO having a 1-on-1 friendship/relationship with the opposite-sex. Because unfortunately a minority of people actually believe that it should remain hidden if they still want that close relationship with that person, while in dating-relationship with someone else.

Again, there's a difference between someone who's now-a-mere-acquaintance who used to be a FWB, VS someone who's still-a-close-1on1-companion who was recently a FWB but platonic boundaries yet again raised up for the time being because someone's dating someone else. The first, I can understand not revealing it. The second, is a very different story. No "expert" required to notice the difference.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 174
FWB and new BF
Posted: 6/7/2013 4:34:39 PM
Message:
Oh yaaaa, someone said something about exhibiting remorse? What for? I haven't cheated on anyone, I haven't been dishonest, either by outright lie or omission. And don't feel sorry for my current BF, the man is deliriously happy - it's not that he's nutless, but because I'm actually very sweet and nice to him. I know I have double standards,


imo, you folks who can only do fwb's there is no set rules of the people u can dig or other person's u are entertaining. As your other bf he is along for the ride as long it last so it's no big deal as he knows your mo & u know his.


but I usually tell a guy from the get-go -- I mean from the FIRST meet and greet -- actually sometimes from the first conversation. I think that's much better than finding out after months of dating, don't you think?


And as for cheating some might say u are only cheating yourself but Ill leave that alone for another thread.

As many here enjoy the fwb relationships & no one is hurt or complaining cuz that's both your mo's. So don't feel guilt.
 Lone-Loser
Joined: 10/11/2012
Msg: 175
FWB and new BF
Posted: 6/12/2013 8:36:05 AM
I honestly think your best move would be cut off all contact with the FWB for as long as the current relationship lasts. Then TRY A REAL relationship with the former friend.

A great lover/partner is also a great friend, and often it starts that way. I think your confused, and if 'I' was the 'new guy' i'd personally drop you on the spot, since I would only be a reststop on your path in life. I'd always feel that way, and I would hate to have to say 'no you cannot see your friend' because of the past you had.

Honestly think your being unfair to the 'new' partner, regardless of how he is about it(He could just be trying to be 'good' with it to keep you.)
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