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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 47
Are there friend zone indicators? Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Again...it's not that complicated.

1. The onus is on the person who's interested to make a move - IF they have any desire to make something happen (if they don't, then disregard). That may be the one or both involved. If you are interested and want something to happen but do nothing, blame yourself for whatever happens.

2. Declare interest and make some kind of a move. The other person will either want the same as you or not.

3. If they want what you do, great. If not and they offer friendship, you can either deal with that and accept it or not.

This is not rocket science.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 48
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/8/2015 4:29:18 PM
Didn't have older brothers or male cousins, so I had to learn on my own, through 'trial and error', the hard way.

Now, I know the tricks, however, what I wish I could go back in time, and tell, "young NikonGuy" is:

1) If she "ain't ready", RIGHT now.....................TODAY. Walk away.

2) If she says anything like, "Let's get to know each other as friends" ("Getting to know each other" is what the f "dating" is for)............RUN, don't walk, away. Do not pass, "Go". Do not collect $200.
You can bet your boots that NO woman is telling Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Idris Elba, (or whoever a woman finds 'sessy)', "Hey (Brad, George, Idris), let's talk on the phone and hang out (on your dime), platonically, for an indeterminate amount of time and then, MAYBE I'll sleep with you..........................at some unknown, future date in time."

3) State your sexual interest/intentions immediately! ANY response, other than, "Yeah"/"Let's give it a shot" is a "No." Walk away, and give her the gift (of missing you).

4) If you have not slept with her, do NOT, under any circumstances, listen to any of her problems (that is what her girlfriends and gay, male 'friends' are for.

Like it or not, NOBODY can put you in the "friendzone". People ALLOW themselves to be put there.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 49
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/11/2015 1:41:11 PM

One single guy mentioned he feels like he's always the confidant of the females in his life, be it co-workers or women he meets socially, they always seem to confide in him about all sorts of personal and professional issues.

For all practical purposes, yeah, that's being friend-zoned, yep. If he wasn't explicitly friend-zoned, but establishes himself as That guy, he will be relatively quickly to most women.

Now he, along with most guys in our group interpreted this in a way that he's always the friend zoned one, while most women in our group were of the opinion that this is not an indication of him being friend zoned but rather that the women who confide in him feel comfortable and at ease with him.

You're among guys & gals. First, many women don't Think about that so much, how certain things that process may make a guy they know who's not hot, nor not hot, to make him friend-zoned as far as her feelings go. Second, they're going to want to defend that notion of a Nice guy doing that -- they like having that, and they appreciate it. Marking it as friend-zone deters guys from being like that. So in front of them? You would expect defense/bias of guys doing that. Friend-zones are about comfortable & being at ease, being a shoulder to lean on about their problems (many times about the men they actually Like).

OP, how often do you lean on a guy and confide in him about personal issues who you're Attracted to when you're both single?
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 50
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/11/2015 4:41:31 PM

Now he, along with most guys in our group interpreted this in a way that he's always the friend zoned one, while most women in our group were of the opinion that this is not an indication of him being friend zoned but rather that the women who confide in him feel comfortable and at ease with him.


I tend to agree with the women in the group. The whole idea that some men are easy to talk to and therefore not relationship material is a tired stupid cliche.

What woman doesn't want her guy to be her confidant as well?
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 51
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/11/2015 5:41:46 PM

One single guy mentioned he feels like he's always the confidant of the females in his life, be it co-workers or women he meets socially, they always seem to confide in him about all sorts of personal and professional issues.

Now he, along with most guys in our group interpreted this in a way that he's always the friend zoned one, while most women in our group were of the opinion that this is not an indication of him being friend zoned but rather that the women who confide in him feel comfortable and at ease with him.


Most women don't even understand that most of their male "friends" would bang them in a second if the woman gave a wink and a nod. I'd say about 95% of your male friends have imagined banging you.

For guys, in addition to what you mentioned the other guys pointed out, here are others:

- You get a pat on the back if she allows you to hug her
- She gives you a cheek if you try to kiss her
- She mentions that she has a friend who would love to meet you
- She brings a friend along on a date
- She says how much you remind her of her brother
- You say you like her and, in response, you get a "deer in the headlights" look back
- If she ever calls you, or anything you do, "cute"
- If she ever says something like, " I feel like I could talk to you about ANYTHING."
- She wants to paint your toenails while she tells you about her last boyfriend

Those are the main ones, but there are many others. Basically, she will bang anyone but you and tell you about it.

For women, it's a bit simpler:

- He only wants to bang you when he's drunk
- He only calls at 1:30AM when he's drunk

 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 52
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/12/2015 4:44:44 AM

Which leaves me wondering now whether there are any gender specific indicators regarding the friend zone issue?



I've never found it a good thing when my hand is constantly getting slapped just after I feel the silk of the young ladies panties under her skirt. I stop trying after the slaps on the hand turn to one solid one across the side of my face.

Sometimes, it even hurts.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 53
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/12/2015 4:39:03 PM
You have to know how to read people, you need to understand the basics of facial expression, and body language in general. Some people can (beyond a reasonable doubt) discern where they stand by assessing the situation and its circumstances. Understanding where you stand with people can be understood in the same way. An example is that lies tend to sound flat, where the truth is said in confidence. There is nervous energy with a lie. You should know if someone is into you or not, the way people act subconsciously as a result should be self evident. It should only be a matter of time before the intent becomes obvious.

Or you could always ask.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 54
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/12/2015 4:57:24 PM
If a guy is always the confidante of women and they show no other signs of sexual interest etc, then he is friendzoned, yes. He is lending a willing ear so they will unload on him.

The only way to know for sure, is to ask a woman he fancies, out. Simple.

For me being comfortable and at ease with a man is desirable but there has to be that edge, that spark and attraction as well. Some men it seems, are not as adept at reading signals and body language as women.
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 55
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/12/2015 5:07:46 PM

The only way to know for sure, is to ask a woman he fancies, out. Simple.


Well, it's not as simple as you may think because often women will accept the invitation knowing full well that the guy has no chance at ever seeing her naked, while the guy thinks that the acceptance of the invitation shows that she IS interested in him as a prospective lover.


For me being comfortable and at ease with a man is desirable but there has to be that edge, that spark and attraction as well.
Some men it seems, are not as adept at reading signals and body language as women.


Absolutely, and to confuse the issue, women send very mixed messages which complicates things further. Saying things like, " You're such a fantastic guy!", "You're so cute!", makes the guy think the woman likes him in a sexual way, especially when the guy is young and/or inexperienced....

.... us older guys know that's the kiss of death.....

 irishgirl772
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 56
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/12/2015 5:16:20 PM
Referring to a guy as 'harmless' or 'adorable' means friendzone ( a dude told me this) For me, if he calls me a 'good girl' or a 'nice girl', it generally means he doesnt see as a 'fukable'girl..lol
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 57
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/12/2015 5:43:49 PM

You have to know how to read people, you need to understand the basics of facial expression, and body language in general. Some people can (beyond a reasonable doubt) discern where they stand by assessing the situation and its circumstances. Understanding where you stand with people can be understood in the same way. An example is that lies tend to sound flat, where the truth is said in confidence.


Wow this has to stand as the laziest attempt at composing a statement as I've ever made. And im proud of it, it truly is just a horribly written paragraph of half nonsense half good point.
 naysaying_knicktwist
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 58
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/12/2015 8:43:38 PM

Wow this has to stand as the laziest attempt at composing a statement as I've ever made. And im proud of it, it truly is just a horribly written paragraph of half nonsense half good point.

Oh no, you've done much worse. :-P
Seriously, CTRLvector, you seem to be feeling better these days, and that's good to see. :-)
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 59
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/12/2015 8:53:07 PM
Yeah sometimes... sometimes I don't know what the hell could have been thinking. And things have been crazy as they've always been. But yeah as for the spiral, things tend to go bad when I under value the AD meds.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 60
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/12/2015 9:27:51 PM
"You have to know how to read people, you need to understand the basics of facial expression, and body language in general. Some people can (beyond a reasonable doubt) discern where they stand by assessing the situation and its circumstances"

>>>after about that sentence, I think you engaged in, "I need to make this paragraph longer than two sentences" and got into verbal diarrhea :)

A few nights ago, I decided to treat myself to a burger after being shut in all week due to snow. Could only find a Hooters restaurant on the way home. Waitress was both hot (anyone who has posted there's no such thing as a 10, would have had to correct themselves after seeing this woman) and intelligent enough to keep a conversation going with a complete stranger. She obviously knew how hot she was, or she wouldn't have dared to wear the uniform. her desireability was sort of the 800lb gorilla in the room, not even worth refering to.

Having worked in the food industry, I could see in her the clues that she was having a slow shift and was looking for things to do to keep the clock from slowing way down. Dropped a few hints about understanding her situation, and was pleasantly surprised she came over once she was done polishing the silverware with no other purpose than to sit down and talk for a few minutes with me. closest I'll get this year to anything approaching action :)

with Valentine's Day around the corner, there were times I could work into the convo the fact I was single, without making it her problem. Discussing such things is like someone talking to you about what you should do with the money you just inherited. How could someone do that without sounding like they want you to spend it on them? without being preachy? how can they speak about it generally, as if its a subject they have no personal interest in? If you know how to do that to another person, you might be able to drop into a convo the fact you are single, and watch for their response--are they interested in taking that opening to offer to help?

a woman bold enough to come over to chit-chat with a stranger, would of course be bold enough to take an opening, if that had been her interest. so, that was a friendzone indicator. Didn't even need to bother attempting kino. gotta love women confident enough to let a guy have a clue. I once got surprised by a bold female friend who wanted to take me out of the friendzone. had a female coworker who tried to get me drunk, she may have been trying as well (around here, wintertime boredom can work in a friends' favor :) ), but had I been wrong, it would have made the office we shared, the size of a postage stamp.

when it comes to reading people, it helps to be able to look for what's there, not search for what you wish was there.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 61
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 2:02:08 AM
The word "cute" can mean a lot of different things.

Less than a month ago a girl from Tinder and I were having a texting conversation the evening before our first date (she was at a party, that's why we weren't having a voice conversation). After I sent a bold text, she replied "You're cute" with a smiley. Next day on the date, we were more than friends.

One gal from POF said "You look cute in a hat" a couple minutes after we met (had the hat off initially so she could recognize me as my profile doesn't have hats). To the best of my knowledge, she hadn't put me in the friend zone yet. About 10 days later she was riding in my car and said some blatant friend zone remarks: complaining about a guy she dated.

One of the rudest friend zone lines: if you mention a friend and they ask if the friend is single!

Talking about other dates is definite friend zone.

Not a good sign if a message on an online dating site mentions other users: "The men on here are awful", "What's the deal with people asking for a number in their opening message", "Have you had any luck on here?"
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 62
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 2:55:09 AM
Yeah I meant to say that you can or should be able to understand body language, the best type of information comes from that type of communication. A keen eye catches all the subtleties like inflection, or behavior that makes lies obvious, posture, facial expression, nervous energy - that's basically what I mean.

Some people employ this technique of getting that intel, others simply see reality at face value. You can educate yourself on the subject, or rely on your own natural senses - either way, I have no idea how often or if people employ this type of skillset.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 63
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 5:30:46 AM

Absolutely, and to confuse the issue, women send very mixed messages which complicates things further. Saying things like, " You're such a fantastic guy!", "You're so cute!", makes the guy think the woman likes him in a sexual way, especially when the guy is young and/or inexperienced....

.... us older guys know that's the kiss of death.....

You really can't state that across the board. I have used both phrases with guys I wanted to sleep with - so they can't be indicators of friend zone for everyone.

when it comes to reading people, it helps to be able to look for what's there, not search for what you wish was there.

This is important to remember and worth repeating. You have to be objective about what is actually happening, and not be clouded by pessimism about what you figure will happen based on self esteem (this person will never want me) or wishful about what you hope will happen (I think this person is hot and want them and anything but blatant rudeness is taken as interest).

Not a good sign if a message on an online dating site mentions other users: "The men on here are awful", "What's the deal with people asking for a number in their opening message", "Have you had any luck on here?"

Before you know someone at all and you're just messaging - you don't know if you have any interest, therefore you can't really say that conversation like this will indicate lack of it. It's basically a conversation between two people with an indeterminate path at that point. I have asked plenty of people if they had any luck - we're both on a dating site so that's the common environment we're in - why not discuss it?

Complaining men are awful to men is sort of silly regardless so I don't do that and it's irrelevant to this user what other users do...so I'd not do that anyway unless they ask me what other guys have done.
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 64
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 4:17:28 PM


Absolutely, and to confuse the issue, women send very mixed messages which complicates things further. Saying things like, " You're such a fantastic guy!", "You're so cute!", makes the guy think the woman likes him in a sexual way, especially when the guy is young and/or inexperienced....

.... us older guys know that's the kiss of death.....


You really can't state that across the board. I have used both phrases with guys I wanted to sleep with - so they can't be indicators of friend zone for everyone.


Yes, just as, " I won't cum in your mouth" never holds true across the board....

 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 65
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 4:23:35 PM

Yes, just as, " I won't cum in your mouth" never holds true across the board....

If you say so. I'm going to assume you speak from experience?
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 66
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 4:35:53 PM

If you say so. I'm going to assume you speak from experience?


No, no...I promised I wouldn't, so I won't... I promise.....

 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 67
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 6:46:21 PM
come to think of it, sometimes I picked out an indicator of interest in a woman just by going, "sheesh, she's behaving the way I would, when I'm interested in someone." Always being there, flirting, focusing attention upon the person you really want out of a room full of people, making that one particular person a priority...
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 68
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 7:25:38 PM

One single guy mentioned he feels like he's always the confidant of the females in his life, be it co-workers or women he meets socially, they always seem to confide in him about all sorts of personal and professional issues.

Now he, along with most guys in our group interpreted this in a way that he's always the friend zoned one, while most women in our group were of the opinion that this is not an indication of him being friend zoned but rather that the women who confide in him feel comfortable and at ease with him. Which leaves me wondering now whether there are any gender specific indicators regarding the friend zone issue?

To me, the issue is never about friendship or friend-zone. It's always about attraction or lack of it. If I feel no attraction for a man, "more" will never happen. If I feel some attraction and there are reasons to avoid a non-platonic relationship, then "more" is tabled until circumstances are favorable, which could be months or years later. If circumstances are never favorable, then we’ll continue as friends.

It's a good sign if I feel comfortable enough to discuss boyfriends with a man-friend because we're connecting on an emotional level, and that's a nice place to start. But in this phase, it’s not possible to tell whether I’ll ever want to be more than friends.

I would never intrude on another person's relationship, nor would I cheat, and I'll happily be a man's friend forever if we enjoy each other's company. True friendship thrives with or without attraction.

Mature people don’t dive into every dating opportunity without considering the issues at hand. … I wonder how many people think they're permanently friend-zoned, but the truth is they're in a holding pattern until/unless their situations become favorable for romance.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 69
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 11:52:28 PM

To me, the issue is never about friendship or friend-zone. It's always about attraction or lack of it.

In one context, that's pretty much what "friend zone" means -- it doesn't necessarily mean an Actual friendship -- it's just being friendly about having a lack of attraction. The other similar definition means that they want a platonic friendship. The difficulty in that one is that there is no announcement, and so you don't know whether they're playing the ACTUAL "friends first" game in which there IS at least some attraction but they're wanting to role-play it out as if there's really not any, or whether no, they just want to be friends but aren't making any concrete statements out of (a) fear of confrontation, and/or (b) liking to be casually taken out and to get opp-sex attention (where they can ease their conscience by convincing themselves they COULD like them when in reality there's pretty much a zero chance of adequate attraction that could ever happen).
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 70
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/14/2015 3:26:06 AM
Indicators, that would be interest - your ability to discern interest - that's on you.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 71
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/14/2015 7:22:17 AM

To me, the issue is never about friendship or friend-zone. It's always about attraction or lack of it. If I feel no attraction for a man, "more" will never happen. If I feel some attraction and there are reasons to avoid a non-platonic relationship, then "more" is tabled until circumstances are favorable, which could be months or years later. If circumstances are never favorable, then we’ll continue as friends.

So simple isn't it? This is exactly what it's about. One cannot "land" in the friend zone because of something they do. One can only determine attraction or lack of it early enough not to form a bond of friendship first. Attraction is usually pretty evident and permanent.

If you are attracted to someone and you date them, friendship is part of the relationship. Take the attraction, sex, romantic context away, the friendship remains. Some people seem to think to want to be friends is the opposite of a relationship and the two can't be combined, when in fact it's just another layer added.

So based on what Kay said, instead of looking for friend zone indicators, look for indicators for lack of attraction.
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