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 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 66
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Are there friend zone indicators? Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

If you say so. I'm going to assume you speak from experience?


No, no...I promised I wouldn't, so I won't... I promise.....

 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 67
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 6:46:21 PM
come to think of it, sometimes I picked out an indicator of interest in a woman just by going, "sheesh, she's behaving the way I would, when I'm interested in someone." Always being there, flirting, focusing attention upon the person you really want out of a room full of people, making that one particular person a priority...
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 68
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 7:25:38 PM

One single guy mentioned he feels like he's always the confidant of the females in his life, be it co-workers or women he meets socially, they always seem to confide in him about all sorts of personal and professional issues.

Now he, along with most guys in our group interpreted this in a way that he's always the friend zoned one, while most women in our group were of the opinion that this is not an indication of him being friend zoned but rather that the women who confide in him feel comfortable and at ease with him. Which leaves me wondering now whether there are any gender specific indicators regarding the friend zone issue?

To me, the issue is never about friendship or friend-zone. It's always about attraction or lack of it. If I feel no attraction for a man, "more" will never happen. If I feel some attraction and there are reasons to avoid a non-platonic relationship, then "more" is tabled until circumstances are favorable, which could be months or years later. If circumstances are never favorable, then we’ll continue as friends.

It's a good sign if I feel comfortable enough to discuss boyfriends with a man-friend because we're connecting on an emotional level, and that's a nice place to start. But in this phase, it’s not possible to tell whether I’ll ever want to be more than friends.

I would never intrude on another person's relationship, nor would I cheat, and I'll happily be a man's friend forever if we enjoy each other's company. True friendship thrives with or without attraction.

Mature people don’t dive into every dating opportunity without considering the issues at hand. … I wonder how many people think they're permanently friend-zoned, but the truth is they're in a holding pattern until/unless their situations become favorable for romance.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 69
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/13/2015 11:52:28 PM

To me, the issue is never about friendship or friend-zone. It's always about attraction or lack of it.

In one context, that's pretty much what "friend zone" means -- it doesn't necessarily mean an Actual friendship -- it's just being friendly about having a lack of attraction. The other similar definition means that they want a platonic friendship. The difficulty in that one is that there is no announcement, and so you don't know whether they're playing the ACTUAL "friends first" game in which there IS at least some attraction but they're wanting to role-play it out as if there's really not any, or whether no, they just want to be friends but aren't making any concrete statements out of (a) fear of confrontation, and/or (b) liking to be casually taken out and to get opp-sex attention (where they can ease their conscience by convincing themselves they COULD like them when in reality there's pretty much a zero chance of adequate attraction that could ever happen).
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 70
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/14/2015 3:26:06 AM
Indicators, that would be interest - your ability to discern interest - that's on you.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 71
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 2/14/2015 7:22:17 AM

To me, the issue is never about friendship or friend-zone. It's always about attraction or lack of it. If I feel no attraction for a man, "more" will never happen. If I feel some attraction and there are reasons to avoid a non-platonic relationship, then "more" is tabled until circumstances are favorable, which could be months or years later. If circumstances are never favorable, then we’ll continue as friends.

So simple isn't it? This is exactly what it's about. One cannot "land" in the friend zone because of something they do. One can only determine attraction or lack of it early enough not to form a bond of friendship first. Attraction is usually pretty evident and permanent.

If you are attracted to someone and you date them, friendship is part of the relationship. Take the attraction, sex, romantic context away, the friendship remains. Some people seem to think to want to be friends is the opposite of a relationship and the two can't be combined, when in fact it's just another layer added.

So based on what Kay said, instead of looking for friend zone indicators, look for indicators for lack of attraction.
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