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 Tiburon666
Joined: 3/2/2012
Msg: 431
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Message RestrictionsPage 15 of 33    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33)

f you are are looking for women the youngest you can search for is your age -14 this rule is only in effect if you search for women under 35. Women 18 to 21 can only be contacted by men under 30. (not fully implemented yet)

Women who are 18 come to the site to find people to date, they don't come here to find "friends" with men in their 50's. Over all for young women its just a horrible user experience as for some of them over half their messages are from men double their age. This change only effects 1.7% of first contacts between users on the site but it will make a huge difference in terms of female perception of the site.


19 pages of posts would suggest many here disagree with this observation, including myself. I just recently upgraded to paid membership for 3 months, now I wish I hadn't.

Here's the deal with myself, as I can't speak for others. I've been on this site for over a year, and the only dates I've been able to make have been with women more than 14 years younger than me. I've sent out many dozens of messages to women my age or close to my age and haven't been able to get a single date yet. In fact, I rarely get responses back from them. Yet I've only sent out a few messages to women more than 14 years younger (maybe 10), but have generated a 1/2 dozen dates from them. I was in the middle of several conversations that were all initiated by women more than 14 years my junior that I can no longer respond to because of this rule. Unbelievable, that a site can make such an arbitrary decision and not be obligated to repay your membership fee! That's all fine I guess, because I won't be renewing!
 itsquagmire1
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 432
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/23/2013 8:48:01 PM

f you are are looking for women the youngest you can search for is your age -14 this rule is only in effect if you search for women under 35. Women 18 to 21 can only be contacted by men under 30. (not fully implemented yet)

Women who are 18 come to the site to find people to date, they don't come here to find "friends" with men in their 50's. Over all for young women its just a horrible user experience as for some of them over half their messages are from men double their age. This change only effects 1.7% of first contacts between users on the site but it will make a huge difference in terms of female perception of the site.


That is ****ing retarded... more of this bullshit in society around 'oh men are bad'... sounds like it's okay for women over 30 to do so though.

A horrible user experience? Oh they get tons of messages to boost their ego... oh that must be horrible. :Z

Even worse without telling us all of a sudden in the search I can only search 6 years younger than me.. dodgy.
 JamesInSR
Joined: 6/20/2010
Msg: 433
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Couple of straight forward questions...
Posted: 5/23/2013 8:58:52 PM
I've been following this thread for a couple days and even offered what I thought was a simple solution to the big fish's problem.

However, I'm curious as to has anyone with any official standing (either paid or unpaid, volunteer, etc), actually come out and answered the simple question:

Why can't, didn't or doesn't POF just REQUIRE that an age preference be set by ALL users at the INDIVIDUAL USER level?

And please don't give us the excuse that "young girls can't figure out how to do that", or "their Iphone won't let them", or "they have no other means (other than their iphone) to log into the full website to set their email age preferences".

Again, just curious if any mods have answered these pretty straight forward and simple questions.


We have nothing to do with any site functionality ... I've even gone so far as to mention the same suggestion - just make it mandatory period like some of the other fields - put the onus in the user's control as to whom you want to be contacted by, but force them to make that decision.


the other
Any site related question not answered via the HELP link, then email CSR@POF here || Site Rules Here || Posting Clarifications Here || TOS ||



 just1ian
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 434
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Posted: 5/23/2013 9:20:53 PM
This is getting to be rigoddamndiculous. If I wanted to be a member of a dating site that told me who I could date/contact I would have joined e-harmony ffs.



You're always welcome to quit anytime.
Why not let your feet do your talking.

 Tiburon666
Joined: 3/2/2012
Msg: 435
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Posted: 5/23/2013 9:35:31 PM
This is getting to be rigoddamndiculous. If I wanted to be a member of a dating site that told me who I could date/contact I would have joined e-harmony ffs.

You said it! I can see management making arbitrary decisions like this if it was a completely free site. In that case, they could do with it as they please. However, many off us have paid membership, to change the terms like this after joining is unconscionable. As I said in my previous post, I won't be renewing, because this change has directly effected me. Several women I was engaged in conversation with over a period of time, I'm no longer able to contact. One in particular that was my best prospect, initiated the first message to me, yet I can no longer respond! Absolutely ridicules!!!



None of your paid features have been changed at all.


 mx74bne
Joined: 5/18/2013
Msg: 436
Couple of straight forward questions...
Posted: 5/23/2013 11:36:35 PM
I think this would have been better received if the age settings were implemented as default - but allowed the user to change them afterward. Even better, to let mail outside the age ranges go to an 'Out of Range' mail folder so that the user has a choice.
 Tiburon666
Joined: 3/2/2012
Msg: 438
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Posted: 5/24/2013 12:20:34 AM
None of your paid features have been changed at all.
says moderator
BS. You changed the terms with this age crap after I had paid for my membership (3 weeks afterwards in fact). Now I can no longer contact people I was making progress with. Several were in mid conversation, one in particular who had in her mail filter settings and stated in her profile that she was looking for someone 35-50 (she is 30) I'm no longer able to contact and SHE was the one who initiated our first conversation!

This 14 year rule is so arbitrary. My Dad (who is 84) has been married to a woman 19 years younger than him for 25 years. He was married several times before to women much closer to his age (my Mom for example is only 8 years younger) yet this marriage has lasted more than twice as long as any of his previous marriages. By this site's logic my Dad, who is happier than he's ever been, shouldn't have ever contacted the woman who turned out to be the love of his life! Total nonsense that is probably motivated by greed or right-wing religious fanaticism.

This site has really gotten messed up. Chat has not worked more than it has, and the "chemistry" or the "Ultra Match" features are both useless. Half the women that show up in those searches I can't message, because I smoke or they've selected age filters that exclude me from messaging them, yet they turn up towards the top of the lists, why? If they select filters excluding you from contacting then why in the heck are they even turning up in my searches, let alone towards the top?

Conversely, there are many women who I won't date because they're obese, and I have specifically selected in my profile that I won't date BBW or few pounds over. Yet these women continually show up in my searches, why? I am in excellent shape for my age. I'm 5-11 175 lbs which is only 5 lbs heavier than when I wrestled for the state championship in high school. I take excellent care of myself, but I'm not even looking for someone who does the same, just someone who isn't obese. Why even ask the question in the profile if the results are the same regardless of what is selected!

Then to make a comment and have a moderator representing the company make a statement like you did....is ridicules. It shows a total lack of customer service! I will never pay another red cent to this joint ever again.

Ciao



Here is the link to the page that shows the added features you obtain with a paid membership.

www.pof.com/upgrade.aspx?

As stated earlier, not one of these single paid enhancements have changed.


 Southtc
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 439
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Posted: 5/24/2013 12:35:41 AM
Everyone has heard the old saying that someone has "shot them-self in the foot". With this fiasco, we now have the modern day version, "shot them-self in the foot...with an assault rifle".

I don't really care about the age restriction, but it's really been a bad idea. I think it would look even worse if the forum link was still on the main page and we could hear more from the non-forumite POF'ers. Markus, you should think about going back to the drawing board on this one.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 440
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Posted: 5/24/2013 2:34:23 AM
"Plenty of fish" - and people come here because they hope that somewhere out there in all those millions of users is someone who might value them, instead of all the people who reject them on sight.

What is so gross about humans who are non-standard-hotties still hoping and trying?

I get asked if I'm lying about my age a lot. I'm not. Even had a cop at a booze stop once tell me (no, I hadn't had anything to drink - I NEVER do when on the road) that couldn't be my license, because I didn't look that old.

---

We've heard that stuff about Markus selling the site so many times... why the hell would he, when it's made him so rich and he can (and does) open other sites at will?

---

Dating sites are in the same business as bars and pubs and dance halls: deceiving people into believing they are selling access to the affections of women and then delivering only... booze, loud music, sadistic staff, bad food... endless photos and profiles of lovely women you can't even try to talk to. Why do we keep getting shown their photos, told they want to know us, and the like? To keep us clicking.

Markus got rich off those (er... we) pathetic losers who keep hoping for the impossible because 50 million or so members makes it seem only extremely improbable. Doormen at bars select only the hottest women as lures but let all the guys with lots of cash in... until they women complain there are no guys there they like. Same diff here.

We bash our heads against stereotypes all day and night, and then get told they are so common they should be enforced.

Like all the business owners who say they don't have anything against (blacks, gays, women, fat people, etc) but it chases away the customers. And they don't think that's unjust, unfair or illegal.

I'm not saying this policy is illegal; I am sure as hell saying it's immoral and revolting. What the hell makes men "creepy?" What the hell does that even mean? Just that you don't want them.

Again, how is anyone to blame for not being wanted? For being persistent, rude, crude, abusive, threatening, yes... but that's already banned and enforced.

Police in many places find their job so much easier if they only stop all the black folks. They call it "DWB" - Driving While Black. And, surprise, all the people they bust seem to black!
That's what makes these policies - age gap, height gap, income gap - so disgusting.
ED BEAR
 1906AceClub
Joined: 5/6/2011
Msg: 444
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 6:34:40 AM
Such a weird decision. Why not force everyone to choose an age restriction for their mail setting? Or make +/- 12 the default age restriction, but allow people to change it as they see fit? Why would you solve one problem of some young folks complaining about older guys contacting them by creating several others like squashing in-progress conversations, heavy-handed Orwellian 'big brother' perception, restriction of choice, etc?

I understand that the female 18-25 demographic is the primary group that matters on dating sites, but seems you'd want to maximize that user base. From my years teaching and TA'ing undergrads (18-22), one thing they hate is being treated like children. They really value being able to make their own decisions within the system, just like any other adult. You know, like what age range should be allowed to contact them on a dating site.

I don't doubt the owner received tons of emails from those that don't mind the mommy and daddy-esque, hand-holding, coddling nature of his action. But if you have the tools and systems already in-place to placate the co-dependents and independents within the 18-25 group, why would you intentionally fracture the demographic? And piss off a whole bunch of other folks in the collateral damage? I mean, a 40 year old can't contact a 53 year old because someone half their age can't figure out mail settings, really?

Besides, the site code is a self-proclaimed mess. I looked at the 100 newest female users ages 18-25 within 50 miles of me. And the 100 newest females ages 26-35 (I bet they're the second most important demographic). For both groups, 30-40% of them use mail restrictions, and 30-40% of those with mail restrictions also restrict age. Just force people to use known a working part of the code, age restriction. Why add another thing to future entangle the code and break even more stuff, like in-progress conversations?
 Chelseabound
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 445
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 6:53:15 AM
The policy is insulting on may levels. I much prefer an older woman, and it is rather odd that a man of 46 can no longer contact the many terrific women over 60 that he sincerely prefers. Time to go elaewhere...
 Chelseabound
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 446
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 6:53:46 AM
The policy is insulting on may levels. I much prefer an older woman, and it is rather odd that a man of 46 can no longer contact the many terrific women over 60 that he sincerely prefers. Time to go elaewhere...
 Chelseabound
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 447
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 6:56:07 AM
The policy is insulting on may levels. I much prefer an older woman, and it is rather odd that a man of 46 can no longer contact the many terrific women over 60 that he sincerely prefers. Time to go elaewhere...
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 448
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Posted: 5/24/2013 7:15:52 AM
Let me start by saying that I logged in for the first time in a year and a half, JUST to respond to this. (Yes, I heard about it on another site.) And now that I've seen it, I'm glad I stopped using POF a while ago.

Even though this doesn't apply to me (I'm 33, so I can talk to girls who are 19, or women up to 47) I've never been a fan of site heads implementing a rule (or rules) that so many of its members have a problem with. In just reading a few pages of this thread, it seems that the majority of those posting, oppose this change, while a few others here & there, defend it.

I've also noticed some VERY good questions/points raised by a few different members (in this thread) that Markus has not answered or even addressed, yet he's replied to other posts. (Again I'm only on page 6 or 7, so I have no idea if he's replied since then.) I'd quote them myself, but that would take too long.

Back on subject though, I do agree that everything is more skewed toward the women. First, the removal of the subject line last year (makes it harder for a message to even get OPENED if you're a guy) and now all these other changes. As if women don't have it easy enough ALREADY, these 'dating' sites just make it easier and easier, and that much harder for men. Which boggles my mind since most of these females on here are LOOKING for men.

Even though women complain about the messages they get, I don't think it's all about age. What is the NUMBER ONE COMPLAINT we always hear from women? "Guys always message me for sex." That tells me that guys of ALL ages are on some "hookup" type shit (way more than 2% I might add). So I don't have a problem with the "Any first contact between users that contains sexual references will not be sent" thing. It'll give women one less thing to complain about, and force them to either shut up, or actually get to know the men that message them. But that will no longer be an issue. Works for me.

Overall, I don't support the change. But at the same time, it doesn't affect me. So, I really have nothing else to add. I do see a LOT of good points in this thread though. From BOTH sides.
 1906AceClub
Joined: 5/6/2011
Msg: 449
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 7:27:09 AM
PureLogic brings up a good point. The complaint isn't really about older men contacting younger women, it's about men, of any age, contacting them for sex. Looking through those 200 profiles I mentioned in my previous post, many of them had stuff like "no hookups," "don't contact me if you're only looking for sex," "don't think I'll have sex with you within X number of dates" and what not. Stuff they shouldn't have to say but feel they do because of the messages they receive.

It isn't that they can't figure out the mail settings per se. After all, many have smartphones and are constantly on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube and all other sorts of social media. They can figure it out just fine, if it's there. More than likely it's that those mail setting controls aren't in the POF app. Hopefully it isn't the case that POF was too lazy to bring those controls to the app, or even worse, the code's so garbled it's tough to bring those controls over.
 hangout1972
Joined: 5/18/2013
Msg: 450
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 7:29:57 AM
there's a few woman that i'm presently talking to and because of all the dictatorship like changes to pof recently i won't be making any more new contacts. once i get the information i need to talk offline with these woman i'll be deleting my account. if need be i'll check back once in a while to see if freedom of choice has returned and if it has maybe so will i!


just because something is free doesn't mean it's any dam good!
 sailslow
Joined: 1/6/2008
Msg: 451
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Posted: 5/24/2013 7:56:44 AM
Well women are starting to figure this out...
Just noticed a woman I personally know's profile, she goes sailing with me and a friend occasionally...

She is married, getting divorced, and now has a "single" profile..

As well she is 44 but is looking to have fun with younger men right now. Her profile says 36.

Another win for the honesty and integrity brought on by Marcu's new rules.

Clearly Marcus who did not grow up in the US or Canada doesn't understand human behavior in the dominate cultures where the site is used.
 hangout1972
Joined: 5/18/2013
Msg: 452
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 7:57:38 AM
the age restriction change alone is just going to give people the need to have more than one profile with different ages. all these stupid changes are accomplishing is frustration and the need to deceit in order to talk to who those we want.

what's next? finger printing and credit reports?
 Kocheesbuddy
Joined: 2/28/2013
Msg: 453
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 10:47:14 AM
I guess I'll chime in here...

First, I think the requirement to make age range a mandatory question would probably not work with most of the younger ladies for the following reason... although a lady may put she is looking for a relationship and even if she truly is, the number one fantasy for women (through many surveys and studies) is to have uncommitted sex with a man that they do not know. And that guy is almost always much older.

So many young ladies will NOT limit themselves via an age range just in case that drop dead gorgeous guy twice their age hits on them for sex.

And many of the older ladies are doing the same thing, but with guys half their age.

Enough said.

I don't agree with the forcing of the rest of us to only be able to contact those within a dictated age range. Let the ladies decide if they are in the mood for a relationship or just a romp in the sack. It changes daily.

But what do I know, I've been off and on the site since last November and I've met three types of ladies here. One type that can't wait to get between the sheets with me, one that is just here stroking their ego and playing on the internet, and the third that is so cautious due to their own experiences, its like pulling teeth just to get their phone number and/or meet.

I'd love to meet someone that was somewhere between the first and third, but no luck yet.

I do agree with nude pics and sex-talk in messages being eliminated. Do that on the phone or in person, not here.
 joyful818
Joined: 5/10/2013
Msg: 454
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 11:06:21 AM
The new age restriction is a bad idea and very limiting. What if you are talking to a person who is 18 but has a mental age of 50 or visa versa? What if a person is not interested in meeting someone over 25 and they are 40? Or visa versa?
 jimssearh
Joined: 12/13/2012
Msg: 456
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History
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 12:10:19 PM

Here is the link to the page that shows the added features you obtain with a paid membership.

www.pof.com/upgrade.aspx?

As stated earlier, not one of these single paid enhancements have changed.


Well actually one of the "paid enhancements" listed on that page is "Massive increase in emails.". I think thanks to these changes everyone will be seeing a massive DECREASE in emails.
 import_from_UK
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 457
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 6:22:41 PM

joyful818 - The new age restriction is a bad idea and very limiting. What if you are talking to a person who is 18 but has a mental age of 50 or visa versa? What if a person is not interested in meeting someone over 25 and they are 40? Or visa versa?


Fake images are more limiting, I'd think. http://www.flickr.com/photos/8054253@N05/483193503
 Madailein
Joined: 6/9/2012
Msg: 458
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 7:15:51 PM
Chelseabound:
I agree with you. As someone who had not dated for a very long time when I did begin to I was pleasantly surprised by the younger men who were attracted to me.

Not to be snobbish but choosing my age range for me is akin to the bourgeois dictating to the proletariat; as though I need to be protected by another for I’ve not the wisdom to choose wisely.
 shaggy458
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 461
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 8:58:24 AM
I'm 38 years old. I date women between the ages of 25 and 45. I'm not looking for an "intimate encounter". I don't discuss sex in the first email.

These new restrictions are ridiculous. I don't need someone to hold my hand and make sure I don't date the wrong person. If an 18 year old woman is bothered because she was contacted by a 50 year old man, she can change her settings to filter out age ranges. And who the hell is Markus to say there is no reason for a 50 year old man to be contacting an 18 year old woman? Can't she make that decision for herself?

It's your site and you can run it any way you want to. This is why I'm cancelling my account and not recommending anyone. 0kcup1d is a hundred times better, as far as I'm concerned!
 QuantumWhatever
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 462
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 9:00:12 AM
Judging from his posts in this thread, and the format he put into place for PoF, it seems like BigFish views dating and relationships in an almost-empirical sense, as if you could reduce the potential for a relationship between any two people to a scientific formula.

Define every variable, make every intention fit into a regimented category...but only certain potential results are deemed socially appropriate or worthy of inclusion on the site.

I take a very different view of the personal ads. I believe that using the personals should be as much like meeting people in the offline world as possible. So often, we meet people at work, social gatherings, in line at the supermarket, or elsewhere and recognize an immediate chemistry of some kind. It might not be apparent upon that first meeting precisely what that chemistry might result in, and you simply go with the flow and see what happens.

I prefer to use personal ads in much the same way. I want to meet women whom I find interesting, spend time together, and see what happens. Meeting someone with whom I can walk life's path for a long time would be ideal, but I'm also open to more casual dating and platonic friendship. A positive human interaction can take place with someone around my own age, or someone who's much older or younger. Maybe romantic/sexual, maybe not.

To me, the most ridiculous aspect of PoF has always been the dual required declarations of "looking for" and "intent." Why not leave a little room for magic and serendipity, and simply letting life take its course? Not everything can be reduced to the perfect algorithm.
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