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 jeh1963
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 38
Message RestrictionsPage 2 of 33    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33)
I agree that this is a bad move on the part of POF. I have recently joined and am a paid member. At this point I wish I were not. I just don’t understand why the owner of this website decided, all on his own, that he can decide which users I should search on and contact and which users I should not. I am 49 and would never go out with and 18 year old but I should not have a friend that is 34? Now I will tell you if you look at my ad you will know right away I am not player. I also would never, ever send a disrespectful message to anyone, ever. What I will say is, as an adult, I should be able to interact with whomever I choose as long as they are willing to interact with me. Also I have checked as to the app and yes you can search but you still cannot contact anyone. I am 49 and the magic number for me seems like 35. So in other words if I found a match that is 34 and I am a match for them based on their preferences then oh well. I guess the owner just decided, for us, we should not communicate. Two consenting adults over 30. That is just insane. I would also say that his wallet just shrank tremendously. Must be nice to be able to turn down money like that. I have no data to back this up but my guess is that paying members are mostly made up of men. I think as a protest we should all turn off our auto renew feature and ask for a refund. I will be.
 Ave Caesar
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 39
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 5:56:12 PM
this is totally unacceptable!
 JamieD99
Joined: 8/14/2012
Msg: 40
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 5:56:17 PM
Remove this!!!! This is the most stupid thing ever!! I'm pissed and I have lost a few conversations with other photographers under the age of 27. Without any warning...poof, I'm labelled a creepy old man. BS. I have received messages from them and I can't respond to them so it looks like I'm ignoring them. I like to find other photographers to network with and have friends that are photography students or that are interested in photography as a hobby. Just because an older man messages a younger woman doesn't make him, "creepy". Allow people to make their own decisions. Quit assuming all men who message younger women as creepy, and yes we can have common interests and hobbies that we can talk about. Having a life long relationship, probably not....but let the users decide.
 JamieD99
Joined: 8/14/2012
Msg: 42
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 6:44:27 PM
I chatted with one of my younger friends on FB and ask her to send me a message on POF. Funny she can yet I can't respond.
 bAveryJ
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 43
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 7:02:56 PM

He will sell this nice newly repackaged dating site.


This seems overly apparent, unfortunately. It seems to fit Badoo/Hot-or-Not/Blendr Conglomeration's format and ready to sell for easy import.
 fishin_4u
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Message Restrictions on already established contacts
Posted: 5/19/2013 7:13:09 PM
That's a totally ridiculous policy as we are all adults here, if you haven't noticed. But it's your site and so be it. The problem is, what about already established contacts? If you care so damn much about the "younger" members on here, how about informing them they're not going to hear from the other person again for no reason, out of NO FAULT of their own, as in my situation? Duh, I assume you do think these things through first??? Btw, I'm sure your advertisers who CLEARLY target your older members, won't be happy with lessened traffic this will cause... Oh, I guess you didn't think of that either...
 hoopsnhikes
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 45
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 7:20:30 PM
I don't think I've ever made any first contact with anyone in my now forbidden age range, though I have had a few contact me. So this won't really affect me personally too much. But it would seem to make more sense to have this as a decision that each individual makes for themself, as others have stated.


Cut Off completely, out of luck. I just had this girl message me back and asked why I am not responding

Maybe you should pay for the upgrade, so you can at least see if she is leaving you any bad date feedback for suddenly blowing her off.
 jeh1963
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 46
Message Restrictions on already established contacts
Posted: 5/19/2013 7:22:33 PM
I think it even falls under deceptive practices. I saw nothing that stated this before money was paid to become and “Upgraded Member”, some upgrade. Anyway I have requested a pro-rated refund of membership dues. I doubt it will go very far but a chargeback will be forthcoming and I would suggest others to do the same.
 fishin_4u
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Message Restrictions on already established contacts
Posted: 5/19/2013 8:10:54 PM
And another thing... ALL members already have the ability to set their own personal age range preference in their mail settings page under "edit profile". So really EVERYONE receiving these messages from older members are doing so because they are CHOOSING TO!!
 _charming_2013_
Joined: 3/4/2013
Msg: 49
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 8:44:50 PM
No they haven't!

This is like POF deciding to block black males emailing white women and you saying "blacks brought it on themselves!"

Age discrimination is just as illegal as race discrimination in the US. If 1 or 2 or 1000 men in their 40s were bugging women in their 20s, every one of those women could individually set up her age preferences or worst case, flag the individual offenders.

There's no need for POF to play god and decide what ages are allowed to date what other ages.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 51
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 9:11:45 PM
My thought for this new restriction is that Admin is trying to present this site as being more of a Dating, Seeking Only Relationship site, rather than a chat, hook up, IE, Face Book venue.


^^^ Agreed!

Wow and look at all the angry Posts from (mostly) the men on here..........
Seems Bigfish has hit a major nerve........
*Edit*
I DO agree it should be applied to the women also but the majority of us do NOT welcome hearing from men young enough to be our son whereas that criteria doesn't apply to **some** men who would love to become involved with someone their daughter's age.
 jeh1963
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 52
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 9:12:44 PM
I do not think that is the case. I can only see one and one reason only for this. The reason is that the owners of this site have chosen to impose their personal beliefs upon everyone whether they agree or not. I guess they technically are within their rights as owners of the website but what is next, race restriction, religious beliefs, number of relationships? The whole point here is the users should have the right to choose who they search for and who they communicate with not to have the administrators make that choice for you. It is fine for them to SUGGEST possible matches but not to INSIST that you communicate with only the people they choose to allow you to. Its called freedom of choice.
 JamieD99
Joined: 8/14/2012
Msg: 53
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 9:29:13 PM


My thought for this new restriction is that Admin is trying to present this site as being more of a Dating, Seeking Only Relationship site, rather than a chat, hook up, IE, Face Book venue.


^^^ Agreed!

Wow and look at all the angry Posts from (mostly) the men on here..........
Seems Bigfish has hit a major nerve........


That's because the women are still able to send us messages and we (men) can't reply. Re-read all the posts and don't just take from it what you need. But the truth rather.
You're entitled on your opinion. Judge as you will. Brand all men who message someone younger as creepy. Listen to all the women complain about getting messages from younger men. WHEN, they can and are very AWARE that they can restrict age. How many dates fail on the relationship side yet continue as friends. Saying it should be only for dating is the intent, it rarely ends up that way. Regardless, it's wrong to decide for the individual (man).
 _charming_2013_
Joined: 3/4/2013
Msg: 54
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 9:51:25 PM

Women who are 18 come to the site to find people to date, they don't come here to find "friends" with men in their 50's


No disrespect intended, but why are you using the generic term "people" as in "looking for people to date" (v.s. "looking for young men")? You do so because in the spirit of freedom, women have a right to choose the "people" they choose to date, be it someone same age, or a bit older, or much much older, or same religion or different religion or an alien from Mars.

Women who are 50's also come to this site to find people to date, not "friends"--so there's nothing unique about the "plight" of young women, to whom you are clearly trying to cater. You might as well declare that younger men may not contact mature women. And take it a step further and say you are not allowed to contact someone more than 100miles from you, since most long-distance relationships fail and are not real "dating". If you insist on playing god, might as well run with it and play your hand to the full extent.

How about a less heavy-handed approach which would please every one: Making it very clear to all users that they are able to set their age preferences--in fact, make it part of the signon process, if it isn't already--that way women who are 18 who do not want to date someone who is 30, would simply check that off.

That's fair to all concerned. My personal prediction is more complaints from women in the coming weeks that "men lie about their age more than ever before", and I would attribute that directly to blocking men who simply and honestly choose to be themselves.
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 55
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 10:03:45 PM
To: Big Fish

I've been on POF for yrs, on and off, and have seen many changes, and usually shrug them off but THIS one is truly asinine. It's also sexist...to the extent that you are in fact saying that young women do NOT have the capacity to make decisions for themselves, and you have declared yourself as their...Dad? This is so because the option to set an age range as to who may contact one has always been there, and so if these young women of whom you speak don't wish to be "bothered" by older men...the solution to their problem was already available. If they're having a "horrible user experience" it is because they were too lazy to take the proper step to stop it. The same goes for the older women being "bothered" by the younger men....if this is bothersome enough, set your age range to prevent them from doing so and voila! No more problem.

Furthermore, to make this restriction apply even when it is the young woman who has contacted an older man initially....again, wow! Talk about your arrogance in thinking you know what is best for them better than they do.

I'd say I'm speechless over this but given the length of this msg...I guess not!!!
 onenotstuckupgrl
Joined: 1/3/2012
Msg: 57
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 11:00:40 PM

if you are are looking for women the youngest you can search for is your age -14 this rule is only in effect if you search for women under 35. Women 18 to 21 can only be contacted by men under 30. (not fully implemented yet)

Women who are 18 come to the site to find people to date, they don't come here to find "friends" with men in their 50's. Over all for young women its just a horrible user experience as for some of them over half their messages are from men double their age. This change only effects 1.7% of first contacts between users on the site but it will make a huge difference in terms of female perception of the site.


Bullcrap, Mr. Markus. I am closing my account, being one of the 19 year old chicks you are trying to "save". How dare you make advertising money off the backs of millions of people who use your "free" service, and try to play Jesus and decide who you allow to talk to who based on some "14 year rule" you made up on a back of a napkin. Morality has nothing to do with business. Keep counting the fat paychecks you are collecting from advertisers (I googled you--old enough to do that haha) and let people using your service decide for themselves what they want.

I had hundreds, maybe thousands, of dudes my age contact me since I signed on a year ago, and all they want is sex. It's the older guys I don't mind talking to because they actually care and talk about life and stuff I care about.

Go back and read about the 1920's and womens sufferage and realize us ladies can make our own decisions.
 JamieD99
Joined: 8/14/2012
Msg: 58
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 11:10:08 PM

*Edit*
I DO agree it should be applied to the women also but the majority of us do NOT welcome hearing from men young enough to be our son whereas that criteria doesn't apply to **some** men who would love to become involved with someone their daughter's age.


What criteria doesn't apply to some men? I'm sorry but your edit makes little sense, as to what point you're trying to make. As far as I have come to understand we have been painted with the same brush. Creepy old men. I have had plenty of great conversations with WOMEN in their early and late 20's. In fact a lot better than I have had with women in their late 30's. Educated University students at that, and trust me they are no fools. If I wish to date them and them me....it's our choice! So hold your judgements to yourself. Not you specifically, but anyone who thinks it's older men preying on younger women scenario.....the poor helpless little girl...blah, blah, blah....A lot of these girls complain about men their age just looking for sex and treating them like meat, maybe they want to be treated with a little more respect that can come with maturity, maybe they just would like a decent conversation and companionship that isn't about sex.....there are a lot of different scenarios....people are to busy focused on just the one negative......take a look around at the half dressed 18 year olds on here by the bucket loads. Tell me they aren't thriving on the attention. They aren't here to date. They are here for attention and they love it. Whether they get it from 50 year olds or 18 year olds. I'd restrict them long before I'd paint every man with the same brush. Right or wrong, which I personally think it's a horrible lack of self respect, but it's there none the less. I'd be ashamed if it was my daughter because it would speak volumes about my parenting skills.

There are **some** women who do. Not the majority? Who knows really, I don't have the statistics. I'd be inclined to agree though. You're only looking at it from you're point of view though. That is their choice and the choice of the recipient of their attention. Once again and it has been said a thousand times across a thousand posts.....YOU CAN SET YOUR AGE restrictions. As someone who is just here for the forums you can't tell me you're not well versed in this fact. So your point is mute. No offense I'm not bashing or attacking you. Facts are facts.

The site is and has been successful from the beginning. The choices of what types of relationships we wanted was the good thing about it. TO EACH THEIR OWN, I don't judge, neither should anybody else. The change makes no sense because it will neither improve or ruin the sites revenue in the least. It's just someone power tripping IMHO. Big Fish, seriously?????? Come on....I have another name for him.

I am pissed I lost some good conversations right in the middle of it with no warning what so ever so I could have made other arrangements to continue....plus what about the messages I sent where they might want to respond as well. What has been done is pure ignorance, based on closed minded assumptions about MEN. It started with restricting MEN so don't tell me any different. It is totally SEXIST and I'm sick of that attitude towards men. Some are pigs some aren't, I have meet women that would make a prostitute blush.....not what I'm looking for personally but I just move on. So can anybody else.
 BigFish
Joined: 3/27/2001
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 12:01:25 AM
"Bullcrap, Mr. Markus. I am closing my account, being one of the 19 year old chicks you are trying to "save"."

These filters and others are put in place to keep people like you off the site permently.

You and your charming_2013 accounts are all nuked now. Of the 4 million users to signup in the last 80 days he was the 25th most reported.
 BigFish
Joined: 3/27/2001
Msg: 60
view profile
History
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 12:52:16 AM
+/- 14 years of age is now in effect for all ages. I double checked our hundreds of thousands of relationships we track. Turns out outside of +/- 12 years there is virtually no chance of a relationship, and what chance there is is heavilly dependent on the guys high income. Oddly there are more examples of old women dating young men.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 63
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 2:17:53 AM
As far as I'm concerned, it's your site Markus and you can make whatever changes you want to. The only thing I would say is that existing conversations should have been maintained and the restriction should be lifted if a younger person chooses to make contact with an older person.

Apart from that I couldn't care less, but then I'm not inclined to be hitting on men 14 years younger than I am.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 64
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 2:22:25 AM

+/- 14 years of age is now in effect for all ages. I double checked our hundreds of thousands of relationships we track. Turns out outside of +/- 12 years there is virtually no chance of a relationship, and what chance there is is heavilly dependent on the guys high income. Oddly there are more examples of old women dating young men.


So is it in effect for women as well as men? Not easy to tell from your post.

But even from the outside I have observed that common forum opinion is nearly always wrong. Meaning if a majority believe more old men date young women, the opposite is what is actually happening.

It makes sense since there are far more women over 54 or so looking to date than there are men in that age group looking to date anyone. So in some respects, if older women want to date they don't have as much of a choice.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 65
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 3:53:48 AM
I see the age restrictions as a positive for the demographic that seems to have the most difficulty on this site, the 20 something males.

And to assume that BigFish is projecting personal beliefs and playing God is hilarious! He is a businessman making business decisions based upon statistical data and feedback.

Bigfish, by all means implement age restrictions on older women contacting younger men. That way there are no gender inequality issues......

For the minority that is upset by the restrictions........you do realize that there are dating sites geared specifically for older men/ younger women, right?
 briandg77
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 66
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 5:28:04 AM
The thing is I met a good friend on here that is quite younger than me and have been talking to her for a few months now. Now all of a sudden I can't send her messages any more because of this age thing even though we have sent messages back and forth. Doesn't make any sense.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 67
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 6:09:33 AM
I hope you reconsider. Why not all May/Dec romances succeed some do - -and do very well. I would suggest people be made aware they can set their own age restrictions. Some of the younger men who contact me are far more datable than men closer to my own age.

Thanks :)
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 69
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 6:33:09 AM
+1 kj521,
This is a free site and markus can make changes as he sees fit. I'm sure there has been issues that lead him to make this change in the system. Go to a pay site and you will see they have restrictions as well.
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