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While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
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 lmsailor20
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 194
Message RestrictionsPage 7 of 33    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33)
Another suggestion:

If I can't message them, I don't want to see them when I click on VIEWED ME, what is the point?
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 195
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 4:17:16 PM
. I'm sure Markus has seen the numbers of messages and relationships between men over 50 and woman under 35. They're probably infinitesimal, and of no consequence especially when measured against the number of female subscribers that quit as a result of being bombarded by older men.


And every single one of those women could have solved that problem with the site the way it was just by setting their mail restrictions or if they want to be more restrictive just hide their profile and contact only the men they want to talk to. This new feature will not prevent older men from contacting younger women some of the old guys will just create a new profile with a much younger age to get around the restrictions.

If this new ruling if it is applied equally to women then women won't be so preoccupied with all the attention they are getting from young men this can be good and bad. Some women seem to really enjoy the ego boost they get from young stuff telling them that they look HAWT otherwise why would they just not exclude them based on mail restrictions

My Grandfather was 22 yrs older than my Grandmother they stayed married till he died and she never remarried or had a significant relationship afterward and she was always one of the happiest family members I can remember- older/younger does work in some cases.
 Luckyone1031
Joined: 2/17/2013
Msg: 196
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 4:17:37 PM
I agree we should have been given a warning that this new policy was going to become effective say on June 1 so people could have made other arrangements with someone they were corresponding with.
 PelagicSoul
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 197
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 4:24:39 PM
Wow, this has really reduced the number of messages I receive. It IS a relief that I had no msgs from very young boys and men today (18-30sM contacting 5o+F). I wonder if there are as many very young men seeking middle age+ women as there are middle age+ men seeking very young girls.
 lmsailor20
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 198
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 4:24:56 PM

A forum user is a special kind of user.. I no way does the forum population represent POF population in any way.


We are special seeing this is a private club, unless you know how to get here, there are little or not references to

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/

from the "dating" side of the house.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 199
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 4:34:09 PM
Indira and I have spent countless hours helping people, men and women improve their profiles, Not oh change a photo - freakin hours upon hours, why - because we believe in Love and we want people to find what they are seekiing.
Now, she and I cannot message each other.
Maybe we should have said you are ugly and can't spell nor run a sentence together that makes any sense -
no. So delete
we worked hard. Go ask. O odles of help, people who were going to delete their profiles stayed.
Then I get
You cannot msg Indira
BS
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 200
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 4:38:00 PM
I'm actually all for the new restrictions, but many have made a valid point saying it should still be up to the individual to set their own parameters.

The problem is evidently too many were NOT responsible, mature, or intelligent enough to actually "make" those choices.

If young women don't want to get creepy emails from old guys, or older women from young horndogs (I can hazard an informed guess the rule changes were driven more by male abuse), all you have to do is set age restrictions.

Obviously, most don't do it, or don't take the time to learn how, and Markus and the other moderators were so sick of the complaints they decided to finally do something.

Look people, like most things on sites like these it all can be traced to member error. Don't blame Markus for being forced to do something the member community should have fixed themselves.
 Jer808
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 201
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History
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 4:39:56 PM

Since I sent out that emails 3 hours ago, there have been 55,000 messages to my admin account virtually all in support and a couple of old men that are unhappy about not being allowed to message 18 year olds. I have yet to hear from a single women that is upset with these changes. Most of the comments are alone the lines of "its about time"


The only thing this tells me is that 55000 users either didn't take the time to set the age restriction in the mail settings or they didn't know about them.

A simple mass email pointing out the age issue some users were having and the fact that age restrictions ALREADY EXISTED if you took time to set them up in your mail settings would have been a better move in my opinion.

POF users have to be 18+ to make a legit profile, meaning all user are expected to be adults. Let the adults make their own decisions on who can and cannot contact them.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 202
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History
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 4:45:36 PM
I think people who are not smart enough to set age restrictions should not be encouraged to date, because it would be better for the survival of the species if they were at least not actively ENCOURAGED to procreate.

If people access the site via the app, they necessarily also have access to the full site via their browser, so this whole app argument doesn't hold water.

Markus has every right to do what he wants on his site, but I think a mandatory choice of age range would have been a much better way of doing this.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 203
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 4:45:57 PM
I don't think BigFish is concerned whether or not we can message our forums friends on here.......

What I would like to know from Markus is what your intention with regards to the forums? Will they be eliminated or changed in some manner?
 literate_simian
Joined: 9/19/2012
Msg: 204
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 4:46:59 PM

A simple mass email pointing out the age issue some users were having and the fact that age restrictions ALREADY EXISTED if you took time to set them up in your mail settings would have been a better move in my opinion.


+1
 Genuine_Gentleman_For_You
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 206
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 4:58:45 PM
Big Fish, you already have an age restriction selection programmed on your site. So what you're doing does not make any sense. Sure some people do not want to be contacted by those +/- 14 years, but all they have to do is set the age restrictions. Many of us have had contacts with those beyond the 14 year limit, and no harm was done. And if they don't like it, well, as I've said before, all they have to do is set the age restrictions.

I know it's your site, however, this is a total over-reaction on your part, especially when there's already a remedy in place; the age restriction settings. And that is the type of mass email you should have sent out, reminding members about those age restriction settings. Then the power of choice would still be in the hands of the members. And not based on some programmed arbitrary age limit.
 Irascible_Pacifist
Joined: 8/16/2012
Msg: 207
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 5:06:42 PM
How fishanine can this get?

If protection is the objective, provide the tools for that. It is quite simple, really. Judging by the rest of the features on this site, I am sure even you can manage the minimal coding changes that would require.

Other than that, this is simply imposing some sense of personal morality onto others just because you can. The site is already restricted to adults. Have the decency to treat them as such and let them decide what their preferences are.
 1918aero
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 208
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 5:06:50 PM
RE: An earlier post saying the new age range is plus or minus 19 years from your age. It's even more strict than that, it's now plus or minus 14 years from your age.
 1918aero
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 209
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 5:08:07 PM
I have never sent an inappropriate message to anyone seeking a "hook up". I will also not be told what is an appropriate age range for me to date within, by Marcus or anyone else.

There are many women on here in their mid to late 30's that list on their profiles they will date men up to my age range (slightly greater than 14 years their senior). They are not looking for “hook ups” either, they are looking to simply date and form relationships, as am I. I have also been contacted by older women just wanting to talk, which they would no longer be able to do.

I think it would be fair to limit control to those sending sexually based come-ons and or “phishing for suckers” messages seeking to scam money out of people. And leave the age ranges up to those who are looking to date, because they are perfectly able to control that on their own.

I‘ll wait and see how other people on P.O.F. respond to this latest policy change. But if the new age range controls stay in effect, I will certainly switch to other dating sites.
 Holly63
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 210
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 5:10:34 PM
What about people who are on the cusp of the age range? For instance a Forum friend of mine had his Birthday yesterday and he told me he can no longer chat to the lovely lady he's been chatting to recently.

I've offerred to contact her (if her mail settings allow) on his behalf to explain to her what's happening as she doesn't use the Forums.

On another note, yes, allow users to at least be able to contact the mods and event hosts as Miss Allison suggested.

Maybe also, at the very least, extend the age difference to 20 years? There's 4 very sucessful couples in my family alone, who's age diff is up to 18 years.
 AwesomeKisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 211
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History
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 5:15:08 PM

I like the 14+/- age restrictions along with the others. I'm getting the sense that those majority of complaints about the age restriction are coming from men from what I read. gee, i wonder why.


That's implying that it's all about pursuing younger women. It's not at all. In fact, I've had PM conversations with men, some younger seeking advice on their profiles etc. or discussing things from the forums in more detail. Guess that won't happen anymore either.

The age restriction won't have any affect on my dating here as I do that age appropriately but it does affect what I saw as a nice side benefit of POF which was making new acquaintances and having discussions. It just takes away one of the nice aspects of this site beyond potentially meeting someone to date.

As I said, I was having a great discussion with a 19 year old girl about her future and she was quite curious about my educational and work experiences. Now I can't reply to her last message. Is it the end of the world? of course not but it is a bit sad that Markus seems to believe that it's all about dirty old men chasing young women. I'm sure that happens here just as it does in the real world (ever been to any nightclub where you can see old guys creeping on young women?) but the new rule has wide ranging effects beyond that. It's just a shame that the social aspect of POF is being eliminated with the removal of a link to the forums from the main site and now this new rule.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 212
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History
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Posted: 5/20/2013 5:16:25 PM
xCoopsx:


Godwin's Law on the 7th page... not bad.


i was expecting it on page 5. too bad we didn't make a bet on it.

animaltime:


I guess we have to feel for ladies sometimes, I think that the fact of the menopause and them losing that part of their sexuality...


where's the rolling on the floor laughing emoticon when you need it?

fertility has NOTHING to do with sexuality.

and i do hope that this man begins to experience ED precisely on his 40th birthday...

;-)

Hapworth:


Obviously, age difference becomes less of an issue when the two people involved are, ahem, "older."


not entirely.....

a few weeks ago, i managed to get a 7-year-old thread deleted due to my response to an 85-year-old who was whining at me about MY age restrictions! he felt we would be a "good match".

last time i dropped my age restrictions to host a party, i got more ruder, cruder and downright nasty emails from men in the 5 to 10 years older than me range than i ever did from the Pretty Young Things. if they treat me like that, i can only imagine how they're treating the ones young enough to be their daughters and granddaughters.

why are people continually missing the fact that the majority of young users are accessing the site on their smart phones and that the app doesn't allow one to set email restrictions?

the youth demographic are the ones that bring in the money - if the young ones are being "inconvenienced" this is damaging to the site's revenue base. it's that simple.
 AwesomeKisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 213
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Posted: 5/20/2013 5:18:11 PM

the youth demographic are the ones that bring in the money - if the young ones are being "inconvenienced" this is damaging to the site's revenue base. it's that simple.


So this has nothing to do with protecting the delicate young ladies and everything to do with protecting Markus' income stream?
 fishin_4u
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 214
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Posted: 5/20/2013 5:27:54 PM
#1 [Since I sent out that emails 3 hours ago, there have been 55,000 messages to my admin account virtually all in support and a couple of old men that are unhappy about not being allowed to message 18 year olds. I have yet to hear from a single women that is upset with these changes. Most of the comments are alone the lines of "its about time". ]

You read 55,00 messages in 3 hours? Now I really don’t believe it...BigFish, your credibility is falling fast! LOL

#2. [A simple mass email pointing out the age issue some users were having and the fact that age restrictions ALREADY EXISTED if you took time to set them up in your mail settings would have been a better move in my opinion.]

100% agree. And sooooo simple! and you would make EVERYBODY happy on here!

#3. [You can only contact people +/- 14 years of your age. There is no reason for a 50 year old man to contact a 18 year old women]

So you want to restrict the privileges of all the well-meaning members on here, to stop a few creepers? Which would already be restricted, if all members who apparently aren’t aware they can set their contact criteria, got the email in #2 and set their email criteria correctly.

Again soooo simple!

BTW, I can’t imagine there’s anyone on here is as creepy as the PAYING advertisers of other date sites who you willfully allow to be on here, blatantly promoting the activities you are righteously attempting to prevent. Talk about hypocrisy!
 little peanuts
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 215
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Posted: 5/20/2013 5:35:20 PM
Just because we are a "large body of water" doesn't mean we need "environmental controls". I have some very nice, platonic relationships on this site, with many younger guys, that all of a sudden have been nixed without warning. The autonomy should rest with the user. If someone is being a jerk, block him.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 216
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Posted: 5/20/2013 5:47:19 PM
aweseome:


...everything to do with protecting Markus' income stream?


it is a business, first and foremost...

i thought this one was hilarious:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16030088.aspx

this is what happens when you claim to be 107 years old! LOL!
 Southtc
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 217
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History
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 5:49:43 PM
What's the over/under on when the ability to search and send mail to all ages will become a premium ("Serious") member feature.
 1966ok
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 218
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 6:03:35 PM
I'd rather see admin force those young women to set their age preferences than limit everyone within a certain age. I never thought love or friendship could have an age limit with consenting adults,presuming of course everyone 21 yrs of age or older is considered an adult in the U.S. My sister's husband is 17 yrs her senior and they've been married 15 yrs. Doesn't affect me either way,just putting my two cents in.


little peanuts:
I just sent you a message saying how you look pretty nice all "glamed" up! Though I got the response "your not accepting messages from anyone my age or gender," I'll turn 47 on June 19th,and unless you turn 62 before then.......until then. lmao!
 JamesInSR
Joined: 6/20/2010
Msg: 219
view profile
History
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 6:11:16 PM
I've noticed that even though POF has set age restrictions on whom you can contact................they still accept and post advertisements (for a fee of course) from sites posting ads such as "Younger girls seeking older men".........and such.

So what's the deal? Either you believe that people should be able to contact people of any age and that decision should be theirs and theirs alone.....or you believe that one should dictate whom one can contact. Either way, show some consistency.

And for the record, since we're all adults here, let adults make their own decisions and if they so choose, they so choose, they can set their OWN age restrictions versus having someone else do it for them!
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