|Message RestrictionsPage 8 of 33 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33)|
|I am %100 per cent in favor of this decision. Hope it helps filter out the the sick people on here that I have encountered. Markus, it is your site and there are many smutty ones people can go to. I for one am glad you stood your ground.|
Posted: 5/20/2013 6:35:30 PM
|Ok, now I like women who are older than me between the ages of 25-45 . I'm 23. I am not looking for a hookup. I am actually looking for a relationship. The reason that I like older women is because they are mature, very attractive, and know the importance and meaning of a relationship. Thanks a lot Pof.|
Posted: 5/20/2013 6:38:41 PM
I double checked our hundreds of thousands of relationships we track. Turns out outside of +/- 12 years there is virtually no chance of a relationship...
So Humphrey Bogart didn't really have a relationship with Lauren Bacall? What about John McCain and Cindy Lou Hensley, Clint Eastwood and Sondra Locke, Newt Gingrich and Callista Bisek, Tommy Lee Jones and Dawn Laurel? According to Mr. Markus, these people had virtually no chance of a relationship, yet they were all married.
And let's not even talk about Burt Reynolds, Johnny Carson, Tony Randall, Hugh Heffner, and Anna Nicole Smith.
And BTW, exactly how does POF track relationships? Everyone I have met from here takes the conversation offsite prior to the first in-person meeting. This seems a perfectly logical approach - to talk on the phone prior to arranging an in-person date. If so, then how would POF be in a position to "track" what happens after that, other than from self-selected samples?
I have never been married, have no children, but still want a family. I'm at the age where women my age can no longer have kids. As far as just dating goes, I have no problem dating women my own age, but as far as biological reality, I am forced to seek someone younger than myself if I ever hope to have a family. I have received "you go boy" messages, well-wishes, and messages of encouragment from women in my own age group for my steadfast pursuit of my goal.
I too have been cut off from a 32 year old I was already conversing with. I had a pleasant dating experience with a 21 year old that I met on POF last year, and yes, her parents knew about it, and yes that one is still a possibility, and no we have not had sex. So much for the "hook up" excuse.
POF has still left me a fair amount of wiggle room to find someone of child-bearing age, but has also cut out the vast majority of the possibilities. Now it appears that if I am to realize my goal of having a family of my own, it won't be on POF.
Perhaps the site should change its name to "Paternalism on Fire." I find it rather ironic that POF's paternalism lessens my chance of my achieving my goal of (matrimony and) paternity.
Posted: 5/20/2013 6:54:28 PM
|So if someone sets up profiles with age 32, 60 and 88 (Gasp! People with multiple profiles? Heavens to Betsy!), this entire brilliant, mind boggling, contrite scheme drops into a quivering heap of blithering, loquacious heap of much ado about nothing?|
Posted: 5/20/2013 7:00:18 PM
this is some BS man, the only reason I'm on here is to bang soccer moms, and i've had 5-6 so far, 3 this year alone, this is fked up man, if I wanted women my own age i'd be going to bars.
From the mass email Markus just sent I suspect this is the type of conduct he is trying avoid his site being used for. ~Moderator.
Methinks the original poster's tongue was firmly planted in his cheek, but apparently the moderator did not.
Posted: 5/20/2013 7:13:14 PM
|Is this the place where I complain about POF making decisions regarding who I can or cannot date? |
I was in contact with a woman 15 years older than me who I'm very much interested in and I cannot believe the bizarre e-mail I received stating I cannot talk to someone 14 years older/younger? Aren't I the one doing the dating and not POF? Isn't age preference, well, a preference? I mean, I'm doing the dating, so I should get to choose who, right? No?
I don't have issues with age gaps - I don't know why this site suddenly does. Now I cannot contact the woman I've been talking with for several weeks.
Please reverse this ageism. We are individuals who should be allowed to specify our criteria.
Posted: 5/20/2013 7:22:47 PM
|The current measure to improve the experience of women and to preserve POF's image wouldn't be necessary if users were provided two features:|
1. an age range restriction that prevents messages (and possibly visibility) from users outside the preferred age range. [already implemented]
2. a "hide user" feature that provides immediate remedy for unwanted contacts, by blocking email and effecting two-way invisibility.
A user should be able to unilaterally determine whom he/she will see and be seen by; same for contacts. Such a laissez faire/invisible hand approach, giving more, not less, control to individual users, would have the same result as the current dubious workaround, but who would complain?
Posted: 5/20/2013 7:35:59 PM
|Simple fix to this fiasco (even if it's personal opinion) is to just REQUIRE users to set age preferences (whether they choose something like the 18-99, meaning they're not age biased or picking something more specific such as 25-30) in let's say their next 3 logins or their account will be disable until they do so.|
This would take roughly the same amount of programming (if that), and would let individuals decide whom they are able to communicate with, versus having someone else decide that for them.
Posted: 5/20/2013 7:56:38 PM
|To everyone out there who disagrees with being forced an age range on us, please post a comment not only here, but on your profile to spread your dissatisfaction with the new rule. Thank you.|
Posted: 5/20/2013 8:04:39 PM
|Actually, message restrictions based on age already existed and is quite effective - it's part of "mail settings" when you view your own profile.|
I can appreciate Markus' desire to thwart hookups, but since everyone already has the ability to limit who can contact them by specifying an acceptable age range, there was no hard code a specific limit for everyone.
Some of us are perfectly comfortable with a larger age gap and not seeking a hookup. I'm a widower and my former wife and I had a very large gap. Uncommon, absolutely but it worked for us because despite our larger age gap we were essentially two peas in a pod. That was until she succumbed to leukemia, diagnosed too late.
Some people specifically seek larger age gaps. Others, like myself, are merely open to it. I see nothing wrong with everyone using the already existing feature to restrict who contacts them and that be the end of that.
If Markus want's to "protect" young gals from being harassed by creepy older men, the default age range can be set by the system +/- 14 years and those of us who would like to change it, may do so under our own accord.
Certainly, we're all grown ups and we can make our own choices.
Posted: 5/20/2013 8:25:41 PM
I am 44. I have been contacted by women as young as 19, and as old as 60. Neither was about a hookup (well, the 19 year old was flaky). According to your new rules, I could contact neither. Not really worried about the 19 year old, but a 29 year old is outside of my range. But...also..the 60 year old is too.
Let users report creepy or unwanted communication. Don't apply a heavy hand, then note that it's zero tolerance.
Poor job, Markus.
Posted: 5/20/2013 8:37:26 PM
|You know, I think it’s time to stop condemning what’s been done here and give POF a round of applause. This is marvelously impressive when you really think about it, what Markus has done here:|
***He’s created the biggest distraction in POF’s history, in order to avoid fixing his faulty mobile app – the faulty mobile app that caused the problem that he needed a distraction for.***
Well done, sir – well done. Bravo! Bill Clinton would be proud. Well, he probably IS proud – I wouldn’t doubt that he hangs around on this site. And he’s probably pretty mad right now! But also, very proud.
I also have to give you props for finally pushing many of the female forum regulars over the edge by making these changes gender neutral during the 6 hours that I’ve been gone. I didn’t think you had it in you, but once again, you’ve proven me wrong, man. Of course, their opinions don't many anything to you since forum regulars are "special" cases (despite the fact that you just started a thread asking for opinions from forum regulars...) -- unlike those 55,000 people whose emails you read in 3 hours.
As for the rest of you, you must realize that complaining will only harden his resolve (ESPECIALLY those of you who are giving him even more ammunition to fire at us). This man cannot be bothered with logic or reason. But when 90% of his page views disappear from his site and his ad revenues plummets, he might be whistling a different tune. Exaggeration? Heck, several people in this thread already said “I’m getting half the first contact messages I used to get,” like that’s a good thing for POF. And one quarter of the views, I bet. You really think “more active” teen girls are going to counter all those lost page views? Not to mention lost membership revenue from guys (let’s face it, that’s nearly all of your paying customers) who no longer want to contribute to this site?
On the other hand, I have no doubt he’s already taken all this into consideration. He obviously just wants to make LESS money. I’m not even going to venture a guess on his motives behind that. It’s his business. Let him be.
In the meanwhile, Markus, if you can do anything to help my “one first contact message in the 12 months” rate or my 1% message return rate or my one meeting every 2 years I’ve been on this site rate, you know, without you just telling me to my face that my problem is that I’m a misfit and a freak of nature like you’ve done so many times in the past, I’m still willing to pony up the money, because I’m just here to date (within +- 14 years now, of course), not spend half my time in the forums "arguing" with you (of course, it's not like I ever have any messages to reply to). But, by God, you better start serving up some REAL features to help me out if you want my cold hard cash. I always thought in the past you didn't want help people like me out because you didn't want to upset the non-niche' people or lose page views with radical changes, but now, I'm feeling froggy, man, because you're obviously willing to PO half the site without much good reason so let me know when you're ready to listen to a few of my feature requests!
PS On the subject of POF events... do they really make POF any money? I can't see how, beyond the page views from people opening those emails and responding. Then why should he care what happens to them? And I don't think POF thinks moderators are very special either from the way they get treated by POF.
Posted: 5/20/2013 8:59:21 PM
|When I was 20 I dated a 40 year old woman. It had nothing to do with "hooking up". She was very pretty and we had a lot in common. We dated for the entire summer. She even met my parents. I don't like the idea of a dating website telling me what's appropriate and what's not. My last girlfriend was 11 years younger than me. we dated for 7 years. The girl before her is 8 years younger than me. People should be free to date whomever they want to without some website owner saying no, that's not appropriate. And it's not like you're blocked from contacting these people. You can still search for them and contact them but if you forget and do it you get automatically deleted? What's up with that? And if you use any sexual reference at all in your first email it doesn't get delivered and you get deleted? |
Why not just change the name of the site to Plenty of Fascists?
Posted: 5/20/2013 9:05:07 PM
|I just checked and I can only do 26 to 54. The obvious workaround is to change my birth date to 35 so I can go as low as 21 and as high as 49, but that just seems silly. To be 100% honest I don't think I ever met anyone off this site anyway. I've had much better luck on , Facebook, Tagged, Badoo, Myspace, and a few other sites. POF women don't seem to want o date anyone unless you make over $500,000 a year.|
| New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions|
Posted: 5/20/2013 9:18:36 PM
|I am glad this thread existed, Before reading it, I was breathing fire over these horrible restrictions. I have not hooked up on this site, nor have I made any attempts to do so, but it happens that the only friendship I have had that lasted more than a couple months on this site was with a who was 17 years my senior. As she has recently rejoined POF, I now can't contact on the site. Also, I realize that going back to same well (age wise) would now be impossible. In this thread, every argument I could have brought forth has been used and while most of the counters have not been convincing, I get it. |
War has been waged. The Anti-restrictions team, we've lost. Your lost/interrupted conversations won't be restored. Arguing that the importance of 14 extra years to someone who is 22 is greater and more disturbing than the same gap is to someone past 45 and the latter shouldn't be penalized, is wasted text.
Women are more important to a dating site than men because they bring the men to the site. They don't come to us. There aren't a million women over at the Worldwide Leader in Sport's web site pretending to like fantasy baseball in hopes of meeting men. Call them lazy or call them stupid for not setting, but if women were leaving for being subjected to too many age inappropriate men giving this dual distinction of a site where women can't feel comfortable due to pervy men and men (hookup artist and perpetual monogamist alike) leaving the site because there just aren't enough women to meet, catering to the women was only smart.
Sure it was poorly executed. Isn't the first poorly executed POF change. It won't be the last. This site is largely a free site and it's run like one. I doubt there is a 5-to-8 person department discuss site policy and discover how artfully navigate the sensibilities and cater to them all and another 10-to-15 in site design to execute it all and make sure it flows together. I'm guessing we have less than a hand full of guys in hoodies and/or ironic t-shirts making all the calls. We've gotten what we've paid for and it is okay. I'm not demanding much more from my free website. I'm glad we just have a color scheme and some varying font size.
Oh yeah...some are upgraded. Thanks for subsidizing the rest of us, but think of it like the United States at-large. Just like paying more taxes isn't going to give you recognizably better experience than the rest of the populace...
| New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions|
Posted: 5/20/2013 9:37:43 PM
|Dear POF, would it be okay for me to date _____ ?|
This is where this site is headed, you'll have to ask permission to do anything on here. Thanks for limiting us - I didn't like picking a mate anyway. I like being controlled.
| New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions|
Posted: 5/20/2013 10:14:37 PM
|LOL I clearly found the weaker thread earlier - this is the place to be. So I'm going to repost my thoughts here. I will say that I love some of what you have posted regarding this. A few of you were really cracking me up... :)|
The one change that it's clear most people agree makes sense is eliminating "intimate encounters." Save that for Craigslist. Agreed.
The change regarding someone sending a first message to someone that is of a sexual nature doesn't bother me in and of itself, because I've never done it, never would, and could care less. BUT I find it troubling in the sense that, are they reading everyone's messages to one another? Because that's creepy as hell. And how exactly would that content be sensored? What content would be considered acceptable and what would not? I use sexual double-entendres in a comedic way - will that too be sensored? It seems to me to be a slippery slope. So, while I've never done it, I have to admit I lean more towards the, "If someone's stupid enough to think that a message like that is going to work for them, let them send it. If someone responds to it positively, they get what they deserve. Otherwise, just 'block' away!"
BUT, as with many of you here, I ABSOLUTELY disagree with the extremely arbitrary 14 year limit, as WELL as the assumption that an age difference greater than that can only constitute a "hook-up."
1) There are very straightforward ways to control the age limits for who contacts you already in place. Or to block undesirables.
2) It will without a doubt lead to an increase in fake profiles, and an increase in people lying about their age. Why would you want to do something that will actually make something like that WORSE that it already is?
3) And this is the most important one: I'm sorry, but it so happens I personally know of not one, not two, but THREE examples of couples who not only had a greater than 14 year age difference between them (one was greater than 20 years incidentally), but all three have enjoyed extremely long marriages and in some of those cases, have had kids! In fact, their marriages have been longer than most people ever get to without divorcing! (To be honest, I actually know of *more* examples than just the three I'm referring to - friends of friends, acquaintances, but I'm sticking to those in my more immediate social circle.) Additionally, I *myself* am one of three children born to parents who were separated by almost 20 years. So if we pretend for a moment that my parents would have met on pof, this new policy would have prevented the very existence of myself and my siblings.
Now, I'm not saying that many age-disparate couplings might not just be hook-ups. But clearly, they're not all necessarily going to be, and again, see numbers one and two. So, I'm sorry, but taking into consideration everything I just said, I believe this policy is flat-out ridiculous.
P.S. And let's not be naive here either by the way, what percentage of ANY of the couplings on here only turn out to be hook-ups, regardless of age? What are you going to do next, try to prevent people from hooking up? lol, good luck with that one.
You know, if you're REALLY interested in creating a site that has a greater chance of encouraging *genuine* relationships, you might want to take a look at some of the other free dating sites out there - I think you can guess one without my mentioning it - which very creatively encourage members to do a little more than just SLAP UP A PHOTO AND A FEW LINES about themselves, and someone how manage to get by without any arbitrary age restrictions in place at all.
Just a thought.
Posted: 5/20/2013 10:33:38 PM
|you read 55,002 emails?|
Posted: 5/20/2013 10:45:42 PM
|Have the outraged actually "read" Markus's email all the way through? Like he wrote, the vast majority of us won't be affected by the changes because we don't constantly email men/women 20 years younger or older than our age. For the ones that do, the "majority" do so out of desire for sex, or mommy/daddy fixations, or whatever...reasons that have "nothing" to do with finding someone or exploring a healthy relationship.|
There are plenty of sites that cater to your desire. Seek them out and join 'em. Believe me, Markus will NOT miss your butts because he's making money hand over fist with this and his other sites, so all your moaning and b*tching won't change reality.
Personally, the changes won't affect me because I've never needed to put age restrictions on my profile in the first place. I don't get 20-30-somethings emailing me (I'm sure like the women my age on here it would be flattering, but in the end I have no desire to date someone that young or be penpal buddies) and I don't email them.
Bottom line is if you don't like the changes here's the door. For those that signed up for the premium membership cancel and move on. This isn't rocket science, people.
| New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions|
Posted: 5/20/2013 11:09:33 PM
|Nice! I can no longer talk to my older lady friends and they can longer talk to me. This is a problem....|
I have actually met a gal that was 20 years older than me but now POF thinks we are perverts and just looking for hook ups.
Thank you for making decisions for us. I guess you force me to date someone my own age so I can spend quality time around 'their' children and all the drama that goes with it and be an instand dad. (sigh) This is a serious problem!
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