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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?      Home login  
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 NicNixx
Joined: 12/6/2012
Msg: 1
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Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
After months of searching I found an amazing guy despite all my doubt and concern it actually blossomed into something amazing, my first bf. So I packed up my pof, , match and everyother site, to live happily ever after.

Fast forward 3 months of dating, 3 months of relationship. He has bad news. His ENTIRE company is moving to Florida with a guaranteed promotion at the end of the year and him and his roommates are all moving there, as they have jobs with the same company. I break down and cry, he cries, we cry together like a soppy Saturday romance novel and the whole house is in disarray and stress.

Pros- I just graduated and don't have a job keeping me, I'm young , I really like him, adventure, I actually considered moving else where warmer than Chicago. He'd be able to support us both till I could kick start my career in advertising.

Cons- I just graduated and don't have a job, my family is here, we haven't been together long (it will b a yr by the time he leaves.) Its too early to tell where the relationship will go. I've never been 'on my own'.



These are the years to be young and dumb, but how dumb or smart am I willing to be!? This could turn out to be multiple blessings in disguise not just relationship wise.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2
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Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/23/2013 12:29:38 AM
9 months is a long way off. 3 months is a very new relationship, and a lot can happen between now and then.

I would start looking into the job market there and see if you can line something up. I seem to recall that you have a fairly low level job, so you wouldn't give up that much.

If you're still together when he moves, and it's otherwise a healthy relationship, I would go. What do you have to lose? You're young and free and not established. That's the time to do these things. Actually, I think it's never too late to do these things. I'm about to move to Connecticut to be with my sweetheart.

However, I wouldn't move just anywhere, so make sure he takes you on a nice exploratory trip to check out the lay of the land.

And, btw, how are things with your roommate and her boyfriend?
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 3
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/23/2013 12:46:03 AM
I would encourage you to go for it. Nine months is long enough to begin searching for a new job and build on the relationship. With your schooling done for now, and I assume no children, you are lucky to have this option. P.S. LOL I don't know if you would want to go barefoot in Florida, except at the ocean or the Gulf.
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/23/2013 3:50:04 AM

If you go, do so independently or not at all.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
My thinking as well.
A job lined up and an inexpensive apt/room .


You are thinking to far in advance imo
Life can change in a day..24 little hours.

Whats his take on this?
Is he wanting you to go?
If right away, then why?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 5
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/23/2013 7:24:23 AM
I think if you want to move there and there is nothing holding
you where you are, you should move.
But you should be able to move there on your own, not dependent
on him (or anyone else) for your livelihood.
Not a great idea to be dependent on someone and then finding you
can't depend on them...always have a plan B.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 6
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/23/2013 10:33:12 AM
By the time he moves, he'll (hopefully) be a boyfriend of 1 year. I'd definitely move if that's the case. I agree with the other posters that you need to have a job and place lined up for when you move. That's a lot to handle, but you can do it. It'll be better for your relationship in the long run if learn what its like to live on your own.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 7
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Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/23/2013 10:51:43 AM
Unless there is something about him that could lead to some sort of abuse, go. What have you got to lose? You are young and ready and can always go back if things don't work out. Just make sure you have the funds to get home and that you can move in with family until you get settled, I don't see a downside. But really, don't expect the relationship to work out just enjoy and have fun. And I don't mean it won't work out, it may, just don't be basing your hopes on it, just have fun with a new adventure.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 8
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Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/23/2013 11:00:42 AM
I'd go in a New York minute! You are right, this is the time to take risks and have adventure! Just make sure you don't get pregnant, and don't count on the relationship lasting forever. If it does, great! Either way, a chance to explore a new place is to be welcomed, in my opinion.

It looks like you have some time before you go, so why not start applying out in California now? If you get a job, you can move independently of him and that would be the ideal situation, imo.

Whatever you decide, good luck!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 9
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/23/2013 11:50:34 AM
I agree with many people on here. You BOTH cried? Your relationship would last 2X longer as it has before he has to move. It being a bit of a downer, just agree that if things go well, you both would have dated for 9 months before he leaves... and when the end of summer/beginning of Fall starts, after dating for 6 months, you can start looking for a job down there in FL.

If you part distance at 9 months, you'd have a temporary gap of not seeing each other (sans a visit + job interviews) for a month or so, At Most.

Just wait until college football season starts until you start looking. Your relationship is pretty new, and the 6th month mark is a big step where you can start looking for jobs down there to move down there in January where he'll be, assuming everything goes well between you two up until then.

There are far more worse situations. :)
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 10
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Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/23/2013 11:59:09 AM
No.--huh evidently that is too succinct an answer... well.: No as in NOPE....
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 11
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/23/2013 1:45:38 PM
There are a few things that are confusing. You mentioned his roommates are also being transferred there. Is he planning to get a place there to share with his roommates? That wouldn't work if you were to follow him there-at least for me, it wouldn't work out.

Another point of confusion is I didn't see anywhere in your post where he asked you to move there with him. Have you two actually talked about you moving there with him, or are you assuming that he will be happier than a pig in sh1t if you go there with him?

The third point is I worked in two companies that closed down and moved elsewhere, and it was the worst kept secret long before any official announcement. Some management usually like to give people a head's up by dropping hints to not make any major purchases like a house, so people can be more mobile and prepared to move. The boyfriend must have had conversations with co-workers or heard rumors about the closure and transfer long before the official word came. Did he mention any of that to you? If he heard rumors, you should be one of the first people he tells. If he just told you out of the blue when it became official, I would be a little suspicious.
 ironwinecoffee
Joined: 9/4/2012
Msg: 12
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/24/2013 11:19:13 AM
I would not allow him to support the both of you. I think you could plan a move there and get a place of your own and try to kick start your career especially if you have always wanted to live somewhere warmer. You have time to plan some of this out between now and the move. However, if you two have not discussed this then you might be jumping the gun a bit. Hope this works out for you.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 13
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/24/2013 11:25:42 AM

Another point of confusion is I didn't see anywhere in your post where he asked you to move there with him. Have you two actually talked about you moving there with him, or are you assuming that he will be happier than a pig in sh1t if you go there with him?

Yeah, since the ball was in his court (him having to move, him having it all planned out with his roommates, etc) -- him not bringing up the possibility of her possibly moving out there is something to wonder about. She should bring that up to him.... and since he didn't, when that ball was in his court to do so, she should push herself to have an unbiased eye on his responses. She may want to think he Really does and it'd be great when really it's a "Yeah, I could see that" and he's churching up his words to make her feel better.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 14
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/24/2013 3:19:19 PM

It's kind of soon to make this kind of decision, but you don't have anything stopping you other than family.


Or a boyfriend who doesn't see or know yet if there is a long term future with her once the honeymoon phase is over and reality returns. Ultimately, he has the final say in the matter. I'm thinking if the OP is going to take the step to move to another city to be with him, she will want the two of them to get their own place and live common-law. In most cases, when women live common-law with someone, they see it as a stepping stone to marriage. Nobody but the boyfriend involved knows if he's ready for any of those steps.
 cesska
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 15
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Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/24/2013 8:27:33 PM
don't go
if he wants you to he can marry you
 NicNixx
Joined: 12/6/2012
Msg: 16
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Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/25/2013 12:12:08 AM
He did in fact ask me to go with him to continue the relationship with his full support. The unemployment rate in florida is in fact much lower than Chicago with a lower rate of higher educated people. This means finding a part-time job would be nothing, and I'm very confident I'd be able to find a Job in my field towards my career with time. But like some of your comments, with all of this I still would not want to be dependent on him and don't know how I feel about living together without even being close to TALKING about marriage, On top of that we would live with his roommates. But at the end of the day I have to make sure me and my future is taken care of supported or not.

If I can get a foot in the door before we move and or even just an internship set up there I'm confident that my future is sealed in my career and that is ultimately what I want with or without him. And the time frame is in fact 6-8 months from now.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 17
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/25/2013 8:46:04 AM
OP, you are young, this is a great opportunity and in all honesty, if it does not work out, you can always go back to Chicago and your family.

Just make sure you have a little nest egg available to get you and your stuff home if need be. Otherwise, I say go for it. Do this now while you are young and only responsible for you.
 NicNixx
Joined: 12/6/2012
Msg: 18
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Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 5/27/2013 5:03:23 PM
Well said and summed DMZ
 JeremyD4789
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 19
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Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 7/6/2013 1:47:24 PM
I would make up my mind without even considering the relationship status.

Do you want to live in Florida over Chicago?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 20
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 7/6/2013 6:51:35 PM
OP: You said his roommates are also being transferred. Does he plan on sharing a place with his roommates when he moves there? That would make it awkward for you-even if you stay behind and go to visit him. Three months is just the honeymoon phase of dating. A lot can happen in the relationship between now and the end of the year.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 21
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 7/7/2013 4:01:58 PM
DMZvisitor:

If you make the move because of the adventure, fine--but do NOT put yourself in a situation where you are dependent on him. Get your own roommates, maintain your OWN LIFE that does not revolve 100% around him--because otherwise, all you are really doing is following him and at 3 months, that is just not a good idea.

Many people move to new places (and from cold to warmer climates is something a lot of young adults do). You work whatever jobs you can find--multiple part time jobs--while saving and searching for a "real" job. You take full advantage of the fact that you are basically footloose and fancy-free (not with men, b/c you have a bf, but in other ways). Enjoy the new environment and keep the relationship in its proper place--evolving but not defining you.

Good luck, whatever you decide.


This is the best advice so far for your situation. Regardless of how old are you, if you know what do you want in a man and found in him, why not give a try! Many couple whom been married to reach a golden anniversary celebration also met their spouses in an early stage in life. It is a matter of how you two communicate and settle the disputed issues if arise. I see that your head is thinking clearly, but still not quite sure to follow your heart.

I will tell go this " Go for it!' At least you have a home to come back to rather looking back and wonder "if I have done."
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 22
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 7/9/2013 10:14:57 AM

I will tell go this " Go for it!' At least you have a home to come back to rather looking back and wonder "if I have done."


This would be fine and dandy if she was to give it a try, and if it didn't work out, she leaves and returns home without any hard feelings or regret and can pick up where she left off without losing anything. But how often does that happen? There are countless posts where women are mentally messed up for a long time because of sacrifices they made in the name of love that turned foul. The OP is in the infatuation stage right now and is wondering if this relationship will turn into the fairy tale "happily ever after". She should find this out before moving away to chase a guy.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 23
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 7/9/2013 11:04:57 AM
Op, if this move excites you, then go...but consider the boyfriend living there 'icing on the cake' and not the primary reason to go. Get your own room somewhere and find a job.

This way, if things go bad with the relatonship, you wont feel stuck there.

It must sound so negative hearing all of these people tell you to have a plan in case the relationship fizzles...but I dont know very many people who are still with the same person they met when they were your age, meaning odds are high that this will fizzle out. It is not a judgement about your specific relationship....stats are made up of everyones story, and some people do find thier life long love at a young age...the issue is, even you wont know that until you have hind sight. Best of luck in whatever you decide.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 24
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 7/9/2013 1:57:34 PM
nicnixx- What I wonder is- Did he ask you to go with him? You need to talk to him and make SURE he wants you to go with him when he leaves.
Once you talk, IF he does want you to go, be smart and plan.
The best plans ALWAYS include a plan b.
Between now and the time you might move, research the area and the job market, know what you are going to do BEFORE you get there.
Also, save money now in an interest bearing checking account that is your name only. Make sure there are enough funds in it that if things go to heck you will have the money to move back and live off of until you get your life back in order.
When you have the first question answered and a plan in place, if you are SURE you love him, take the chance and go.
Good luck :)
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 25
Bf of 3 months relocating, would you go?
Posted: 7/9/2013 10:01:14 PM

The OP is in the infatuation stage right now and is wondering if this relationship will turn into the fairy tale "happily ever after". She should find this out before moving away to chase a guy.


Every decision in life is about taking a risk. Even the safe test way still have an opportunity to go down hill. It is whether how one's want to go about with one's life as being a risk taker or stay put in a safe zone living in a familiar surroundings and being afraid of the unknown.
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