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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?      Home login  
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 Space_Weaver
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 26
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
"telling somebody they need counselling because they lack relationship experience is a tad cruel don't you think??"

Agreed Beurling. This is just rash judgments, but what's new. People like to divide and conquer by categorizing people that they don't know thing one about. These kind of judgments are not helpful, yet demeaning, lacks empathy, and further can set a person back.

OP. I'm somewhat in the same boat. 40 and never been in a relationship, yet I am very sociable. There is a thing called circumstances people. The last person I was trying to get with asked if I had ever been in a relationship, or cohabited with another woman. No was my answer. Although we connected on so many levels, her reason for breaking further communication was because of this, as she had the courage to tell me. What she failed to understand, as I explained, was the fact that I had been away overseas participating in 3 conflicts from 91 to 2011, while enhancing myself by being responsible holding down another job and going to school. It is her choice and I respect that, but to judge someone on this little aspect and not wanting to see reasons behind this is a little rash. Circumstances.

OP. The answer to this problem is within you. You have acknowledged it, so now it is up to you. Pay no mind to these judgments. All people are filled with beauty, and you have to be willing to open up and let it surface, as well as the ability to see it in others. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Best of Luck. Silly Goose.
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 27
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/18/2013 7:12:17 PM
Inexperience reeks for others, but there will be someone who will be there to show you the way if they so want to.


Good point and does point out a common denominator.
 EdKansas
Joined: 6/15/2013
Msg: 28
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Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/18/2013 9:19:49 PM
Space you might try re-reading what he wrote. He admits to being afraid to touch women. That is not a rational response to an encounter with a woman unless perhaps you just aren't into women.

There is nothing wrong with getting help. There is nothing wrong with advising someone to get help. Ignoring those facts feeds into an already unjustified social stigma. Does anyone really believe that telling someone who is clearly desperate to be in a relationship and for whom life is half over that they don't need to worry, that we are all beautiful inside?
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 29
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Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/25/2013 10:26:36 PM
He admits to being afraid to touch women. That is not a rational response to an encounter with a woman unless perhaps you just aren't into women.


He did not however say why he was afraid.
The 'why' is the key. It may be rather rational. There's been a lot of bad 'educational' efforts over the last 20 years. We don't know what he was exposed to.
 ILIKECOOKIES77
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 30
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Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 7/31/2013 9:40:02 AM
I predict your situation will become more of the norm in the future as technology swallows up our attention.

Drawing from my life experience I would say any issue that you perceive or have that you do not deal with becomes a wall.
For the longest time I had a fear of talking in a group more than 3 and dodged it like the plague. So it became a bigger and bigger issue and I had to confront it or become a prisoner to it. So are you willing to change this mountain and get the most out of your life?

Think when you communicate your past relations it gives the women you convey this to a lot of alerts.
Whats wrong with him? They think you must be to picky,lacking emotionally or all kinds of stuff they can put on you to help put you in a box. We love to do that as human beings. She has nothing to gauge you against down the road,no past girlfriends to judge herself against or even talk to if she feels warranted. Really I could go on and on about how she is seeing you but it doesn't help you.

You need to work on yourself and one way that would really help you grow is a support group for men with similar issues. Thanks to Skype you can find a million types of groups if you live in a small area. The more you talk the more you smooth out issues,but you need to be honest with yourself. This is why AA,NA,GA and other Addiction support groups work for so many people. You can talk it out and hear copping strategies from people in the same situation.
Work on yourself by getting counseling,but I would steer clear of a lot of these life coaches. The few I have talked to tend to be people that suffer from issues themselves and are not qualified. So get actual counseling.

For the touching issue,because your nervousness comes across like it or not. Suggest dance lessons that would get you used to touching the opposite sex and learn a few steps. Massage does wonders for being touched,as they usually go hand in hand. The more you do the less the issue becomes.

Dating has become a real interesting issue the last 10-15 years since we believe we need these connections less and less.
Look around you see more people involved in their phones,more people with dogs and more depression and addictions.
Online dating can be nasty because it gives people a stage to act up and be troll like. Just remember that these people that take issue with you are doing you a favor by showing their true colors early and not wasting your time. Way to many fish in the sea and online is such a small fraction of it to get caught up in.

Rambling like crazy..To end off you need to work on yourself and when you do that doors will open up to you in all aspects of life. If you are to much in your head it can be a bad thing and helping those that are less fortunate can really help there as well. Read,expand and don't let any issues slow you down. Check out some podcasts as well if you want suggestions I can point you to a pretty good one.
 Kellticman72
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 31
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 7/31/2013 12:44:25 PM
Quit telling them how inexperienced you are first of all. Its really no ones business. Next, quit mind ****ing yourself. They are just women.
 ILIKECOOKIES77
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 32
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Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 7/31/2013 2:32:42 PM
I honestly missed some of the posts before I commented and mentioned therapy/counseling for the op,so I want to address the reason for it.
Clearly OP has some walls that are holding up a healthy loving relationship,which I am picking up that he wants.
So how else does some one get there mind right?"Get your mind right Luke"(CoolHandLuke)! They seek out friends,but we all know that there are hidden dangers doing that as well. You may have sabotaging friends,friends that agree with everything or you may not even have true friends. I don't know and its no big deal because the future can carry you where ever you want to go.
Support groups I think get a bad rap because you are labeling any potential issue but you need support on this because I think it is not something that will sort out over night. It took you this many years to get there right?
Lets say your a gambler and have some how managed to quit gambling but your still going through these weird swings every 3 months. Who better to help you through than another former gambler!

A therapist is great because if they are good they let you drag your own ass to the water to drink.
Nothing wrong with this either,some people think they have life figured out,truth is they have just not hit a hiccup yet.
Examples are every where...The person that has always been in a relationship suddenly loses their spouse 2o years in,the accountant that suddenly loses his job after enjoying a nice life for a set amount of time.
Personally as a kid I used to be high and mighty and what would happen time and time again is being thrown into that persons shoes for a well. I earn a new respect every time and this is also why I mentioned getting out of your head and helping others. It really is what life is all about.
 sunriseguy5
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 33
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 7/31/2013 7:49:01 PM
This is sunrise's brother. I've posted under his account before and am in a relationship, so it would be odd to have an account here, so here is my post.

I'm sorry to hear about the issues you are having on dates. I would like to encourage you to hang in there and to continue to take the risk and put yourself out there. It is going to hurt, but if you want to be in a relationship, it will be worth it. I wanted to comment on your post. First off, there is hope. Just because you're 40 and inexperienced doesn't mean that you don't deserved to be loved nor won't be love. I believe you can find love, but it will take time, effort and a willingness to improve yourself and do things that you are not comfortable to do.

I believe that it is your inexperience and insecurities that is turning off women, not you. The good thing is that these things can be worked on. You may wonder how that is possible. Keep reading and you'll see, but I would like to further explain how it is inexperience and insecurities that turn women off and not you because you are so much more than that.

Everybody has to go through growing pains. That's just the nature of life. We often go into a situation not knowing how to deal with it or how to deal with the stress and anxiety a particular situation may cause us. This often makes us feel like crap, but we let to deal with it. Do you remember how hard it was to on your first day at school, when you transitioned to middle school and everybody started to act differently, when you went to high school, when you didn't get something and you thought your life would be over, you're multiple times not getting hired for a job that you wanted? Those were all difficult situation, but you learned to adapt and move forward. I bet you learned to be independent of your parents. I bet you even changed the way you interviewed at jobs and that has helped you land some of jobs. You have to do the same with dates. Dates are like interviews and you have to learn the do's and don'ts of dating, but we'll get to that a little later.

People often say that hard work is the answer to everything, but thats only half true. You have to work smart and hard. What good will it do if you if you don't know or understand what you're doing wrong. What is needed is to know what to do and understand what you're doing wrong and correct it. Let's call this a game plan.

Inexperience does not turn women off. Insecurities turn women off and inexperience contribute to insecurities, but that's not the only driving force. There are social rules people must follow and not everybody knows them. Some may know them because they were well socialized. Some people have to learn them on their own because they were never taught them. Inexperienced people may not have such social skills and it is the lack of these social skills that turn off women. One must know these social rules and be able to pick up on social cues to see if people are happy, angry, sad or uncomfortable and be able to say things that are appropriate within these social rules.

An inexperience 25 year old with poor social skills will do just as poorly as an inexperienced 40 year old and it will hurt just as much. I know because I was the inexperienced 25 year old. Women don't like awkwardness, so don't make it awkward. I had a lot of trouble on dates because the date had no structure. The flow of conversation was horrible and I wasn't very good at conversation. It because awkward and I struck out. I was depressed for a long time, but I still tried to go on dates. I tried online dating and it was difficult at first. No girls would respond, but I figured out a way to get a response. I made funny observations that were funny to me that was personalized to their page. I sent out like hundreds and got only a handful of responses. As I sent more, I got better at messaging and would get an opportunity to chat over yahoo messenger or aim. I know, everybody uses skype now, so this was definitely back in the day.

I seems like you're able to get dates, but you can't get past the first date. It's good that you have some experience going on dates, so you're not a total newbie. You are much better situation than you realize. You have some experience.

So let's look at some of the social rules or do's and don'ts as I like to call them. Girls don't like guys that talk about their insecurities or ex-girlfriends. Girls don't like it when guys brag about their job or car. Girls don't like it when guys are overly critical of people. Girls don't like it when guys tell their sob story. If she asks and you do have a sob story, tell a brief version of it and let her know that it's a bit hard for you to talk about it and that you'll like to share it more once you guys get to know each other better. Girls don't like racists remarks. Girls don't like to be insulted. Girls don't like to be complimented only on how they look. Girls don't like guys who don't have any ambitions. You can be in a bad point in your life and not have much, but if you have a realistic plan and have the drive, that will help you more than you realize.

Girls like to be complimented. Girls don't only want compliments on their looks, but also for who they are. As you talk to a girl, if you find something cool about her, let her know that. If she likes sci fi, let her know that you think has good tastes. If you compliment a girl on her looks, be specific and not something general. Compliment her on her eyes or how you like the way here hair is and how it really brings out her eyes. Be sincere though. Don't be a bs artist. Women can sense it.

Girls like to laugh and talk about things that they are interested in. How do you find out what they like to do? Ask them and then you talk about it and then you talk about things you like. A conversation is a two way street. Women are very emotional, so when they talk, they are very emotionally involved. So when you share what you like to do, you'll want to say that you like to do something because it elicits a particular emotion in you. You can get her opinion on it and go from there. Women may not be really talkative, so it's best to come to the date with some things to talk about.

A good simple structure of what to say on a date is as follows[which should be casual like coffee]:

1)Greet her
2)Compliment her
3)Ask her if she wants something to drink
4)Walk over to the line with her and talk about what drinks you like
5)Find out what drink she likes and/or plans to get and see if she is a picky drinker. If she is, she'll most likely be a picky eater
6A)If she is a picky eater, let her know that she must be a picky eater because she is a picky drinker and talk about food
6B)If she isn't a picky eater, let her know that she'll be easy to eat with and you can show her all the cool food places that you like without restraint and talk about food
7)When you get to the cashier, let her order first and then you order and pay
8)Talk about what she likes to do in her free time and find out how and why she got into that and how it makes her feel
9)Be ready to talk about things that you like to do in your free time and be able to share how and why you got into it and how it makes you feel
10) When the situation dies down, tell her that you're going to ask her a super serious question and be super serious. The tension will build up and it'll be released when you ask her what her favorite color it. She'll probably laugh and will tell you her color. See if you notice that color in her outfit or make up, if so, point it out and say how that makes sense. Then share your favorite color.
11) Let her know that you're going to ask her another serious question, which is, “What are you looking for here.” This implies what is she looking for. She is looking for a relationship, a friendship or she may not know. From here you can share what you're looking for and why. You may be looking for a relationship because you're looking for a companion that understands you, encourages you, makes you a better person, and somebody you'll do the same thing too as well. You're looking for somebody to compliment you, to be the peanut butter to your jelly.
12) This may lead to the discussion of your relationship history. This is okay. You can qualify this and make you and her feel less awkward by letting her know that “this may sound a bit awkward, but I've never officially been in a relationship. I've been on dates, but some how there wasn't any chemistry. I do believe that there is somebody out there for me and am hopeful. I don't believe we can find love, but that love finds us. We just have to give love a chance to find us. Do you think love drinks Starbucks coffee?” Now this isn't an easy thing to do, but by qualifying it, it'll make the girl think you'll say something super awkward, but when she hears it she won't be super surprised. This should give you a sense or reassurance. Now she may feel awkward and that'll make you feel bad, but you'll just have to get over it. The more you do it the less you nervous you will be. This is where she either accepts it or she doesn't. You will find somebody that will accept this, but you have to be okay with girls not okay with this and be able to keep moving forward and improving your social skills at the same time. You can end it with, “So, how do you feel about this?” And then discuss as needed.
13) You can end a date by saying the following, “Well, it has been a pleasure meeting you. I really enjoyed your company. We should go do XYZ activity on ABC day[which should be at least 1 week].” You should already have something picked out before the date as a safey, but ideally it should be something that either she likes to do or you like to do that you'd like to share with her. You'll find this out by your conversation with her.

I know that this is a lot to digest. You won't be able to get into a relationship over night. You aren't changing yourself into somebody you're not, but you're helping yourself reach your full potential. Girls like guys that are positive and have stuff going on outside of them. You have to give girls their room and you need to live your life fully and happily with or without them. You won't be with your partner all the time in a relationship, so you have to be happy. That's a whole other journey on its own, but if you're happy, a girl is more likely to want to be with you because like minded people attract each other. Know that as you get more experienced, you will go through growing pains. You'll be with women that realize initially or over a period of time that they don't like you and will leave. You'll be with women where you realize that you don't like them initially or over time and will leave. Both will cause you heart ache and pain, but this is growing pains. It's true that you don't have raging hormones running wild like a teenager, but it'll still hurt like a mother f'er, but like with anything in life, you'll get better at dealing with the pain and will be able to continue on your journey of putting yourself out there for love to find you. I truly believe that we can't find love, but that love finds us, but we have to put ourselves out there. I have faith in you. Don't give up. You're still young and have many more good years ahead of you. May you find love and happiness and experience everything that is great in life. Peace.
 TheFuryan
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 34
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 8/1/2013 7:57:23 PM

I'm about 40 without any relationship experience. I've tried to hide this, but women can see right through it. It usually takes 30 seconds or less before they've decided they aren't interested.

I don't touch women that I date out of fear, yet several have told me I make them feel uncomfortable. In half the cases it is right after I told them I haven't been in a relationship. Them telling me I make the uncomfortable is 1000 times worse than them telling me they hate me, and puts an extreme amount of fear into me. I don't understand this. I'm nervous on dates because I don't get many. I'm socially awkward no matter how hard I try. I can understand how that could cause her to hate me, but not to put me in a category with a predator, which is what's implied when she says she feels uncomfortable. I don't get it at all.

I started on a profile but I'm too afraid to put anything out there. Why the extreme reactions?



"You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say? I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I *am* the Seventh Degree Imperial Yo-Yo Master. "Ooh, do me, Yo-Yo Master, I want you to do me cause you're the yo-yo guy!"

"You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!"

Andy Stitzer
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 8/2/2013 3:55:31 AM
(op)

I'd say to forget that you haven't been in a relationship. Why give a damn? Why's it matter, really?

And stop with this being a afraid to touch a woman. Just stop it. Period. Just plain ole stop it. Boo!
 BorderCollieMix
Joined: 7/4/2013
Msg: 36
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 8/3/2013 10:23:22 AM
There are many late bloomers--but the reality is, by 30, the chances are that one of these people is going to be a "non-bloomer" vs. a "late bloomer." It never, ever hurts to get some professional advice, either. Better to err on the side of caution.

The reason you are inexperienced is you. You couldn't get experience b/c of something in your make-up--and ultimately, it is "you" that makes women uncomfortable, as some others have said. The inexperience is a whole 'nother issue that a lot of women will ignore if you work on yourself first.

If, at 40 (really, at 30), you have made little to no progress in your ability to create and maintain relationships, then you need help learning what most others learn more naturally.

Social skills and interpersonal skills can be learned/improved, but admitting you need help is the real challenge. Our society creates this impression that everyone basically learns everything in roughly the same way and along the same timeline. As a life-long educator with a special ed background, I cannot tell you how TOTALLY WRONG that is.

The reality is, about 20% of people develop within what are presented as the "normal" perameters for learning in an educational environment. (Our educational system was actually set up to identify this 20% for higher learning, and prepare most of the remaining 80% for industrial labor, but that's another story). Obviously, if only 20% hit that "normal" mark, there is nothing normal about it. But we perpetuate the idea that somehow that IS "normal."

I cannot even begin to tell you how many people have learning challenges in specific areas that are "unidentified," because they learn coping mechinisms and manage to scrape through whatever challenge is there. It is only when people have more than one challenge that they are generally unable to compensate, and then they may get identified as having a learning challenge.

But--unfairly--our system does not CARE if your learning challenges are inhibiting your personal development (vs. your "economic" development--that is, your ability to become a productive cog in our economic wheel). So we ignore the suffering of those who cannot, on their own, learn these skills that help lead to a balanced, healthy, life. As long as you can excel in all academic areas (ie, the top 20%) you are considered "good to go."

So when someone hits 30 with a history such as you, OP, it is because you have a "learning diability" in the area of social/interpersonal skills. Without intervention, nothing for you is likely to change. Even if you try to teach yourself by reading and watching videos, for example, it is like someone with dyslexia trying to teach themself to read--possible, but really, really hard. AND, because your challenge is in an interpersonal area, it is likely to be even more problemmatic b/c study ON YOUR OWN has no connection to the area of your challenge.

The educational system is changing very slowly--the buzz word here is "differentiation," to address the learning differences of people with moderate challenges.

In the meantime, you have the power to help yourself by seeking help. Good luck.
 house_full_of_bullets
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 37
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 8/4/2013 4:49:24 AM

Personally I'm turned off by Divorced Men, Players, Serial Daters. Why? They don't know what they want. They use Women for Sex. They don't honor their commitments. You can't trust them.

Okay..... Good luck with your miracle virgin man.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 38
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 8/24/2013 11:39:50 PM
At 34, my longest relationship was about 4 months. They ask me why. If I knew why, it wouldn't be the case. It doesn't seem to matter how good I do in other aspects of my life either.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 39
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Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/25/2013 4:03:09 PM
If we assume that many women are put off by inexperience then its very disheartening for those of us who haven't had a relationship. It could also be compared to the Catch 22 situation of job hunting without experience when the only experience you can get is by getting a relevant job. However unlike dating the way round it is by getting a voluntary role to get the experience.

Personally I don't see why having had an ex partner is relevant to entering a new relationship, in fact surely it can be a negative as they will want to know why you split up with them.
 Bearfish13
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 40
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/25/2013 6:33:44 PM
I think those that get turned off by inexperience are the people who you don't want as it is..

I have gone through the same frustrations you have, and to the right person, your inexperience wont matter, dating is not easy, its not easy for a lot of people.. its in order to be successful at it you have to look at yourself in the mirror and say its not worth it to be miserable and sad, you have to feel good inside yourself, take every day as a positive in life, no matter how dark it may seem, look at how you look, get a new wardrobe, change your appearance, go to the gym, these steps make you feel very good about yourself. Hang out with your friends, after all they are there for a reason, to build you up.. the more you do this, it will work out, keep yourself busy and positive that once you get that opportunity, your will realize you were happy and are much happier
 arlo2
Joined: 5/30/2013
Msg: 41
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Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/25/2013 9:41:49 PM
As I hear it from some female friends, once you get to a certain age/experience level, a guy with very little "experience" makes one feel like a wh$re by comparison.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 42
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/25/2013 9:50:05 PM

Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?


To be truly comfortable, takes a lot of experience. Experience = Confident (usually)
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 43
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/26/2013 5:52:35 AM
To say you never had a relationship in 20 years of trying makes you an exception.

It's not inexperience that makes anyone uncomfortable.
It's the reason for it that makes every one uncomfortable.
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/26/2013 12:33:24 PM


Personally I'm turned off by Divorced Men, Players, Serial Daters. Why? They don't know what they want. They use Women for Sex. They don't honor their commitments. You can't trust them
Okay..... Good luck with your miracle virgin man

This sounds very strange. You have to be a miracle virgin to not be a player or serial dater? Not being a player or serial dater means that you're a miracle virgin? I am now properly boggled. Yes, boggled I am. Quite rightly boggled indeed.
 lukasz1981-06
Joined: 11/17/2013
Msg: 45
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/26/2013 5:03:31 PM
From reading this thread, society is screwed. Funny thing is a good portion of women get royally screwed up by their bad boy experienced partners that when they do become single, they want nothing to do with a man even though there is nothing wrong with them.

According to this thread, I'm lumped into the inexperienced category because I haven't had a real relationship. There are guys out there who screw up women because they are experienced, so to speak. That is alright? Is that the new "in" thing to do?

A lot of things piss me off but to judge someone based on pure BS is just BS.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 46
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/26/2013 6:53:33 PM
To Opp : I think they probably feel uncomfortable because they are not used to such easy prey .
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 47
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Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/27/2013 6:11:27 AM
Message 49

Agreed it does seem a strange viewpoint, in a way they have only themselves to blame if they are only attracted to someone with that type of personality and wont consider others.

Inexperience can happen for a variety of reasons, often it can simple be saying the right things to the right person at the right place and at the right time which has been my downfall. Missed opportunities can be annoying, reading the signs and taking full advantage is usually the key. In the meantime it is best just to look at the things that are good about being single and not dwell on it too much if it bothers you.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 48
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/28/2013 2:54:25 AM
Maybe men are defensive or ashamed about it, more than anything, and further give women too much power over their self estimation-women view this as weak.
If you met a woman with a chip on her shoulder about say being chubby or red haired, vs if she was matter of fact or had sense of humor about it, you'd consider dealing with the latter if she had traits you liked, and think the former was an issue you don't feel interested in unraveling.
If you are ok with it, more likely she will be, assuming your other qualities matter to her.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 49
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/28/2013 8:05:33 AM
It's harder to retrain than to train, so inexperienced is better for me - frankly.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 50
Why does inexperience make women so uncomfortable?
Posted: 11/28/2013 9:21:30 AM
It is not the inexperience that makes me uncomfortable... it is the mindset that a person is an unattainable ideal that is kind of the holy grail and not a plain old flesh and blood woman that makes things uncomfortable for me.

There are those people who are interested in you because you have shared interests, there is attraction, mutual mental chemistry; but the people where you feel like they aren't interested in you as much as they are interested in you helping the "climb the hump" so to speak.

Where you aren't attractive because of who you are, how you are or what you look like; you feel like you are attractive solely because you happen to be there.

If you can not think relationship at all, and just BE around them and get to know them as people; not as possible first relationship material, some of your discomfort will go away; and it is YOUR discomfort that is repelling them ironically.

If you can be comfortable? I am with woman in progress; sometimes someone with a clean slate would be a really refreshing person to be around; no baggage; no paying for other people's crimes, just a new day and fresh starts and all that. That can be a GOOD thing; but not until you are comfortable, you aren't trying to impose a relationship for the purpose of having one; and you interact with a woman as an interesting person you very much would like to know.

Good luck OP
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