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 AUTHOR
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 10
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I'm sorry this happened to you and it must be confusing and very painful. You need to realize he made you a victim as well and he is a strait up PREDATOR. He probably groomed you just as he did his other victims. The whole thing with sexual predators is that they are very very good at manipulating everyone around them. Someone of your young age probably didn't even see it coming. Don't take responsibility for his crimes. Seek counceling to process this experience. best wishes.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 13
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/11/2013 2:52:20 PM
He did the same thing to anouther lady and she was older than him his a very clever person.

it doesn't matter what he did to anyone else. this is your thread.
(not all of us get wiser just because we get older.)
live & learn.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 15
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/11/2013 6:21:21 PM
He did the same thing to anouther lady and she was older than him his a very clever person.


The only thing that this piece of shiat was "clever" at was picking the vulnerable. And you, OP, were/are very vulnerable. I don't know what to say to you, cause he's got ya hooked. Hooked on the lies and deceit that he fed ya. You HAVE TO KNOW right now, that he is a piece of shiat, and EVERYTHING he told you was to GET THINGS from you. Only you can say what you "gave up" but, I could guess of a few things.

You should have listened to your mother before she got caught up in his lies and deceit. Maybe get a hold of the court documents and study them. Cause, he's setting you up to be the next victim, once he's served "his time".

I'm going to go hug my daughter now.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 16
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/11/2013 6:29:04 PM
I put this because you said an older woman would see through him and that's not the case

it wasn't intended to be a universal statement. if I have to issue a disclaimer for every single thing I say, then maybe you aren't capable of reading for meaning and context.

stop changing the subject. if you want to defend the guy you're blaming for treating you so badly, you're LOST. ("oh he is just sooo smart, sooo clever, he can even fool older women".)

this is YOUR problem, not anyone else's. it has everything to do with the choices you made and the consequences thereof; it's not about some older woman he was able to take advantage of in addition to yourself.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 17
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/11/2013 6:36:53 PM
you are still defending him. you have been brainwashed completely. seek professional help please .
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 18
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/11/2013 8:07:25 PM
He wouldn't tell me what accusation was he told me it was to horrible and that he had defiantly not done it i believed him and trusted him. The court case came and on the Friday he was found guilty but let out on bail to be sentenced on the Monday wich my mum went to and found out a lot of horrible stuff. He was married had kids and a grandchild and what he had been found guilty of was absolutely awfull he lied to me from day one .

that aweful horrible stuff, and he roped in someone who was less than half his age,,, I assumed. My apologies if i was mistaken.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 20
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/12/2013 3:32:19 AM
you'll be ok. you'll be more than ok. you've got your whole adult life ahead of you; one day you'll meet someone else and this guy will be just a memory. some schmuck who lied through his teeth (you weren't the first) and then he went to jail, big deal. guys like that are a dime a dozen. it isn't going to have much of an impact on you in the grander scheme of things.
 Misguided_Old_Mule
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 22
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/12/2013 4:52:44 AM

^^^Did you just expose your warm fuzzy side?
She does give the tough love, but tough love is still luvvvv.

OP,
You have a crucial decision to make. He can be a blip, with no impact, *IF* you learn from this.
And what is there to learn?

It's less like listen to your mom blindly in all things + avoid older men.

And more like pay attention for signs of a smooth operator + get to know somebody beyond surface things like musical taste, before giving the heart.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 24
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/12/2013 7:02:45 AM

stop changing the subject. if you want to defend the guy you're blaming for treating you so badly, you're LOST. ("oh he is just sooo smart, sooo clever, he can even fool older women".)


I agree with this statement and the ones that have said to STOP DEFENDING him. You are still infatuated with an idea in your head of what the person was. Many people also have great attributes, but it's their bad deeds that render them sociopaths, criminals, abusers, predators and sexual offenders.

Realize everything he did to others, he can and will eventually will do to you.
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 26
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/12/2013 12:17:03 PM

Who said he was a sexual predator?

You did...

He sexually assaulted his girlfriends kids


You were another victim. The things you thought you had in common were just an illusion he created in order to get sex from you.
 anita_lay
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 28
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History
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/12/2013 4:27:26 PM
Oh sweetheart..this ''man'' sexually assaulted his girlfriend's children...think about it.
He not only betrayed his girlfriend's trust, but he ruined that family's lives forever. And his own family's life.
How could you care for this monster? How could you care for a child rapist? Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself "What do I love about a man who could hurt children?"
This man is beyond horrible. He is evil. And you don't love evil, do you.
Child rapists - or paedophiles - are the most clever at fooling people. That's why they can talk their way into people's homes, people's lives...and hurt their children. He fooled you, little one. He tricked you, like he tricked his girlfriend, into thinking he was Mr Right.
Don't blame yourself for being tricked by a conman. But I do suggest going to talk to someone professionally about this. It's a pretty horrible thing to have gone through..
 Misguided_Old_Mule
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 29
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/12/2013 7:17:21 PM
^^Agree, professional help is a great idea.
Believing WE weren't used / deceived like those OTHERS is a defense mechanism.
Denial sometimes can help with the pain, while a particularly nasty truth is being assimilated.

Child rapists - or paedophiles - are the most clever at fooling people
And diabolically clever at selecting damaged or otherwise vulnerable victims, and convincing them "he really cared for me"
 anita_lay
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/13/2013 2:41:09 PM
Instead of thinking of how you miss him, think of what he did to those children.
Then thank your lucky stars that he's in jail and can't hurt you or your family.
Fill your head with plans for the future. You're 21. Do something for others. Volunteer. Get involved in your community. Stop day-dreaming about a creep who played you. AND HE DID PLAY YOU.
Now snap out of this nonsense.

\/\/\/\/
It IS that easy. Control your mind. You have feelings for a child rapist. Allow yourself to feel disgusted...disgusted enough to make yourself feel sick at the thought of ever seeing this sicko again. Do you understand that he is not what you thought he was? That everything he said was a lie? PLEASE go and talk to a professional about this. REALLY IMPORTANT.
You say you're a film/tv junkie - this is not a movie plot and you're not the star in it. Get a grip..
 sunsunsun4
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 33
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/13/2013 10:55:41 PM
If you still have feelings for a tried and convicted pedophile, you need to seek professional help. The fact of his incredibly sick actions have knocked him out of the human race. Period. Just reading about him made me feel nauseated. You need to talk to a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse.

If you can hold both the image of this man raping babies, while "missing" him, you desperately need intervention.

Yes, you ARE the victim of a sexual predator. The fact that you don't see it yet, is another indication that you need to see a professional. My brain started to fry at the point where you knew he was going to court, yet didn't insist on knowing the reason. Your therapist will also help you develop a sense of self protection and self love. There are support groups at women's sexual assault centres you can attend, as well.

Good luck.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 34
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/14/2013 6:10:47 AM

Yes, you ARE the victim of a sexual predator. The fact that you don't see it yet, is another indication that you need to see a professional. My brain started to fry at the point where you knew he was going to court, yet didn't insist on knowing the reason. Your therapist will also help you develop a sense of self protection and self love.


OP, you are living in denial. Realize that whatever this guy did to others, he can do to you. So take the advice that says go to therapy. You need to heal.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/14/2013 11:17:07 AM

Why would I think of him raping babies he didn't rape anyone and I wasn't sexually assaulted and he didn't hurt me.




He sexually assaulted his girlfriends kids


These are your words. Stop defending someone that deserves to be in prison, that lied to you, lied to others, and did what YOU said he did above. You really, really, really need some therapy.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/14/2013 2:00:50 PM
Sometimes sweetie people fall in love with the wrong people.

I'm sorry, you were hurt and lied to. Being betrayed takes a big chunk of our inter being away. Time is what you need. Don't beat yourself up for trusting and loving. Forgive yourself for wanting love and for being loved...

You just found another azzhole like a lot of us have.... You are not alone, so don't feel like you are the only person who made bad choices.

Next time, well.... You know, next time you'll find out about a person before you jump into the river again.

Keep busy....
Don't forget that we all make mistakes....
Move forward the best you can.
Take Care of you!
Jan
 April1963
Joined: 6/7/2013
Msg: 43
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/14/2013 3:29:24 PM
The things we had In common was music taste, film taste, favourite car and loads of other stuff and I didn't tell him first


He is a pedophile,these perverts know what children and young people like; therefore, they pretend to have the same taste ...
You are very young woman ,beautiful and you have face of a child ,that's why he chose you.

 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 45
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/14/2013 5:06:10 PM
Wow he didn't have a tattoo on his head saying pedo how was I supposed to know?

You couldn’t know. There was no way for you to know and it’s not your fault that you didn’t know.

…he was just a normal guy and he abused them and did not rape them and I do feel sick everyday do u think I enjoy feeling like this?

I don’t think you enjoy this. I think you probably feel awfully confused about caring about him. But you are not awful for caring about him and you are not to blame for anything that you’re feeling.

I’m no counselor or therapist so what I say might not be right for you, but I don’t think it helps to force yourself to stop caring for him. Continuing to care doesn’t mean you agree with what he did. Caring doesn’t mean that your relationship continues as it has. Maybe caring means that you and he have some shared history together, some shared interests, some really fun times. You’ve been close. There is a bond between you. Just let that be what it is for a while. It doesn’t help to try to rip those feelings out of your heart.

And (here it comes)… you also discovered there’s a secret part of him you didn’t know about, a part you would have probably found pretty unacceptable if you had known about it, a part that would have probably stopped you from caring right from the start if you had known. Believe me Laudie, some days half the threads in this place are about people who wouldn't have cared so much for someone if they had known the dark side. Maybe not so serious, but these things do happen.

People keep secrets. People hide their shyte. People want to be loved one way or another. And a loving person like yourself wants to give love. There’s nothing wrong with that. And maybe secretive people take that love even if a part of them knows it can’t last. I don’t know. Sometimes I think they themelves don’t even know what’s going on in their heads. They’re like drug addicts. They’re compulsive. And they kid themselves.

But like I said, I’m no counselor. And I think it would really help if you could sit down face-to-face with someone who could listen to you without judging you and just let you talk about what’s happening. People here have no right to judge you. We’re ALL trying to be loved, in our own way.

Where’s 3ffervescent? You got the link? OK. Stay in touch with somebody here. There’s light at the end of this tunnel. That I can promise you. It might even get a little darker before it gets lighter, but you'll get through.
 anita_lay
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/14/2013 6:09:09 PM
Beautiful post, MutedEnthusiasm. Thank you.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 48
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/14/2013 6:09:40 PM
Doll - you need to get him out of your world yesterday.
For the people who said nasty things about you - ignore.
You do need to talk to a neutral person who can provide you with some tools to help you cope if this happens again
For the B3tch who said attacked based on looks, you need more help than this poor child does. Vile. Some people are just vile.
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 49
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/14/2013 6:39:49 PM
Yes I a gree with Anita lay and ouija.

For the people who said nasty things about you - ignore.


OP sorry your going through all of this YES your a beautiful young lady. Please listen to MutedEnthusiasm because he is correct. Reach out for help hon, you have nothing to lose but a lot to gain.
Good luck and best wishes...
 stayrealok
Joined: 4/24/2013
Msg: 51
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/14/2013 7:12:03 PM
OP you've been given some great advise from some great people. Take it and get the help you need.

On a side note I've seen the best advise given on this post that I've seen in a long time. At the same time I've seen the worst case and you should be ashamed of yourself.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 52
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/14/2013 9:14:54 PM
First Stop Centre in Braintree provides support services to a wide range of needs and offers some counseling. They would be able to offer help or direct you to other support services.
Telephone 01376 346535
29 Bocking End
Braintree

Here’s a few more that would be able to help you or direct you to other services:

*Community Legal Services
(Free Helpline):
0845 345 4 345

*Victim Support
(Helpline):
Essex 0845 456 5995

*Samaritans:
08457 90 90 90

*Counselling & Therapy Clinic, David Jon Bryan
6 John Ray St Brantree, Essex CM7 9DZ+44 1376 552774


Also Essex Gay Men is probably very aware of other local resources. They might be one of the first places I’d go, regardless of gender or orientation, just because of the kind of needs they’re accustomed to responding to.

EGM
Tel: 07967 447323
Text: 07949 348820
Email: info@essexgay.org.uk
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 53
Loving a person who turns out to be a verry horrible person
Posted: 6/14/2013 10:52:58 PM
Op~ All us old farts are telling you these things as you simply can't see how you have been brainwashed. Please take the advice and see a councler asap, just for a few times. You're going to need help navigating this to actually put it behind you. A forums board can't offer you the solice you need.
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