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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 101
You'll find someone when you stop lookingPage 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

^ Good. You are uncommon.

In a way, yes - though it gets annoying. I am fiercely independent, so I can get hung up on making sure everyone knows I can take care of myself to the point where it gets old for those around me, but hey - it is what it is. I once argued with a guy for 15 minutes who said at the end of a date "I got this" when I offered to kick in money. When I asked why, he said "well, I'm the man". That wasn't the best thing to say to me. Yikes. Anywho...

I can feel like someone's saying I can't cover my own expenses by the way they approach paying a bill. It's almost always in my head, I'm sure, and it can kill off some romance at times, but it's a visceral reaction. : )
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 102
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You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 8/1/2013 2:47:36 AM
me:

Today's woman sure isn't like yesterday's woman. I'm happy, and proud...

womaninprogress:

I am fiercely independent, so I can get hung up on making sure everyone knows I can take care of myself to the point where it gets old for those around me

But, women's pendulum sometimes swings too far in the other direction, which is just as bad - in our discussions, you continued to insist that somehow looking for someone or having someone has something to do with you being happy, complete, and content by yourself. Again, if you don't really want someone, which I guess is what we're establishing, then none of this that we're talking about matters. But that just doesn't ring true - you're here, in a dating site, and you're still talking about finding someone...you're just arguing for a bassackwards way of doing it.

It's weird that I've said this post after post, but here it is again - Ok, you're happy and content on your own, your sense of self-worth isn't affected at all if you don't find anyone or if a prospect doesn't work out, you're at peace, you don't worry about finding someone...

...and blah blah blah mother-freaking blah blah blah. The price of beans in China doesn't have a damn thing to do with whether or not I like mustard, ketchup, or mayonaise on my burger. If I'm talking with a waitress about which to put on my burger, I don't want to discuss the damn price of beans in China as if that decided what's going on my damn burger. This represents a particular virtual psychological disorder.

Girlfriend, you better decide one way or the other. I don't care who you are, how secure in yourself you are, or how independent you are...having someone, and wanting someone, is a whole other ball of wax. You have to give a damn, care about it, and want it. Without this weirdness of thinking it has anything to do with your being-complete unto yourself or not stressing over it or whatever. I can almost say that you're not going to find anyone. Will you find a strong and independent man who can "handle" a strong and independent woman? Hell no - at least probably. Because you don't really give a damn about it. I'm strong and independent, very, very happy and content unto myself, who wants a woman who isn't of a subordinate psychology, and blah blah blah, and I wouldn't want you...because you don't really care about it, don't really want it, and you think it all somehow has anything to do with happiness-with-yourself. Now, this wouldn't matter to you because as you've said "that's fine", you're fine with that...but, again, somehow that doesn't jive. If that's the case, then you wouldn't have said some of the other things that you've said. So, I'm saying - decide one way or the other. If you're fooling yourself, stop doing so. And be sure and don't lead anyone on. Make sure you're clear about not really wanting someone or caring. If that's not the case, then you better address the other half of this conundrum.

 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 103
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You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 8/1/2013 8:54:11 AM
Yes and no...

I think when you try to hard, mistake can be made.

When you stop trying, moments may pass you by.

So perhaps a little of both.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 104
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 8/1/2013 2:11:48 PM

But, women's pendulum sometimes swings too far in the other direction, which is just as bad - in our discussions, you continued to insist that somehow looking for someone or having someone has something to do with you being happy, complete, and content by yourself. Again, if you don't really want someone, which I guess is what we're establishing, then none of this that we're talking about matters. But that just doesn't ring true - you're here, in a dating site, and you're still talking about finding someone...you're just arguing for a bassackwards way of doing it.

I've been here in the forums for years...I have never been here (or anywhere else) looking or trying to find someone. I have met people I found interesting while doing other things, but was never one to search. I've been involved over a year now, so I'm still not looking for anyone. All I did was give you an example of what I did when I was single and for whatever reason met someone I found interesting.

I still maintain that being open to someone else is healthier than hunting for someone. I feel in order to be a good candidate to date, you have to be content and happy single. I will always feel that way. If you don't have to have it, you are less likely to compromise to get it - and why should you or anyone else unless you feel less than when not involved?

It's weird that I've said this post after post, but here it is again - Ok, you're happy and content on your own, your sense of self-worth isn't affected at all if you don't find anyone or if a prospect doesn't work out, you're at peace, you don't worry about finding someone...

Yes.

...and blah blah blah mother-freaking blah blah blah. The price of beans in China doesn't have a damn thing to do with whether or not I like mustard, ketchup, or mayonaise on my burger. If I'm talking with a waitress about which to put on my burger, I don't want to discuss the damn price of beans in China as if that decided what's going on my damn burger. This represents a particular virtual psychological disorder.

In a thread where the topic is how to go about finding someone better - my response is that the concept of trying to better find someone is sometimes what causes you to be single longer. If you're OK with that, you won't be trying to angle yourself into it. I think socialization should be natural. For the most part, for me it has been - when it's not it's either because I don't care to socialize or I'm trying to hard to do it. Gender irrelevant.

Girlfriend, you better decide one way or the other.

Decide what, exactly?

I don't care who you are, how secure in yourself you are, or how independent you are...having someone, and wanting someone, is a whole other ball of wax.

I don't see how it is.

You have to give a damn, care about it, and want it.

I have to be open to it and have time for it - beyond that, I disagree.

Without this weirdness of thinking it has anything to do with your being-complete unto yourself or not stressing over it or whatever. I can almost say that you're not going to find anyone.

I have met plenty. Since I don't seek I can't say I find, really - but I have met, dated, gotten involved numerous times usually without trying or being consciously on the hunt for it.

Will you find a strong and independent man who can "handle" a strong and independent woman? Hell no - at least probably. Because you don't really give a damn about it. I'm strong and independent, very, very happy and content unto myself, who wants a woman who isn't of a subordinate psychology, and blah blah blah, and I wouldn't want you...because you don't really care about it, don't really want it, and you think it all somehow has anything to do with happiness-with-yourself.

I am one of many many people that thinks having to be with someone to be happy is unhealthy. If I were the only one ever that thought that, then I might question it. I'm not. I've lived it, I've seen it. Being part of a couple isn't something that should permeate your life. There are other things to do besides pine for your other half.

Now, this wouldn't matter to you because as you've said "that's fine", you're fine with that...but, again, somehow that doesn't jive.

I really don't see why it doesn't.

If that's the case, then you wouldn't have said some of the other things that you've said.

Such as? Too vague. I say a lot of shh...which things don't jibe with this?

So, I'm saying - decide one way or the other. If you're fooling yourself, stop doing so. And be sure and don't lead anyone on. Make sure you're clear about not really wanting someone or caring. If that's not the case, then you better address the other half of this conundrum.

I'm not in a conundrum...perhaps you are? I'm addressing a mindset that I and some others have. To each their own. I've met enough guys that share this mindset that I'm not overly worried about it...not that I would be, as singleness to me isn't a horrible thing to deal with.

I will never need "someone" in my life. When I meet and get involved with a person who I become attached to and care about, I may want HIM in my life - but before I meet anyone I can't technically say I want or need anyone - as there's no point of reference - to do so indicates my life is somehow less without a warm body. It's not .
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 105
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You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 8/1/2013 4:34:16 PM
^ Well, I certainly enjoyed being able to have this conversation without any over-sensitivity or rash responses. That's also not common enough.
 remaining_optimistic
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 106
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 8/1/2013 4:48:08 PM
I can understand this saying the past few weeks ive been hanging out with different groups of friends that i haven't in awhile and doing things out of my comfort zone if you will. Ive met some great new people and met some great women got some phone numbers and have had a few dates. All these time ive gone out ive just gone real casual in both dress and attitude not expecting to or wanting to meet anyone.
 sunriseguy5
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 107
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 8/1/2013 4:51:03 PM
just be open and anything will be possible
 pfif
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 108
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 8/12/2013 11:06:43 AM
I once met a woman in my own kitchen.

The landlord was showing the apartment; I was living there at a reduced
rent, with the understanding that the apartment would eventually be let
at full market rate; it was a temporary (3 month) arrangement. We met,
and she introduced herself, giving her full name, as did I. It was perhaps
a fifteen minute encounter.

A year later, I noticed her outside a nightclub, after the show, and said
hello to her by asking her Aren't you so and so, giving her first and
last names. She remembered me, and was floored that I'd retained her
full name. I was something of a savant at names—matching faces to
names (which I put no effort into developing, and has since fallen off,
dramatically, but in those days, it surprised people, and I was just
noticing it was there as a natural talent in me).

She gave me her phone number, and we dated.

. . .

Another time I was flying into Denver, on a commercial flight, seated
between two beautiful women. One gave me her phone number. We spoke
on the phone, a week later, but I'd met another woman on the same flight,
and was seeing her at the time (and multi-dating was not a part of who I
was, or am). The reason I met the other woman was that we were both
destined for the same place in Denver, proper, so we shared a cab. That
woman I did date, but I did not enjoy our night out, having misread her
from the beginning, and what she was about (from a different world than
mine).

I kept the first woman's number, but since I'd already told her I was
seeing the other woman, I thought it would be gauche to double back
on her and tell her I was now available to date her.

I've been on several other commercial flights, and none of this ever
occurred (but it has on trains; once on a bus). In none of those cases
was I remotely looking to meet people; when I travel, I'm traveling,
and it just seems like it happened a lot, when I traveled. Maybe it
puts people in the mood. They're all there to get to destination;
meeting people is kind of unavoidable. Everyone wants to feel com-
fortable on a long flight; and you have to respect what the people
seated near you are giving off as social signals—some like to chat;
others want to read, or maybe they want to talk to someone else
who does or doesn't want to talk to them.

. . .

One time on a train down to Philly (via New York, from Hartford) we
hit a shopping cart on the tracks, which made this horrible sound as
it tumbled under the railway car we rode in. The woman next to me
grabbed onto me; she was momentarily alarmed.

I had a strong sense that this was my cue, but I really wanted to get
to Philly, and I'm often not very forward, unless other things happen
that unwind me and relax me. To be honest, after speaking briefly to
her when I first sat down next to her, it hadn't crossed my mind (at
all) to get to know her better. On the other hand, I'd met a friend at
the station, so we were essentially travelling together on a crowded
train, inbound to New York, and we conversed diagonally across the
aisle for several minutes, before each settling in for the rest of
the ride.

I think that may have advertised me to the woman next to me, kind
of like how overhearing a cellular phone call (because you can't
get away from them) advertises them to you; you learn so much
about a stranger by what they say to people they're comfortable
with.

Old stories. I was probably about 30 when the more recent story
took place. ;)
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 109
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You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 8/13/2013 3:33:35 PM
^ Nah...one thing I almost always say to these things is that you gotta do what's appropriate for you, striving to know how to match how you look with what you're looking for. You don't get in touch with this, and try to follow some cliche' rule, then you're in trouble.
 Doublju
Joined: 6/9/2011
Msg: 110
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 8/21/2013 9:13:08 PM
People like me are too shy and quiet to talk to women. I prefer online dating because it is much easier. I do wish I was very outgoing, but I am not.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 111
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 8/22/2013 6:46:47 PM
^^^^^
Online is easier yet harder! For every 1 good thing about online dating there are 3 bad things. Don't just wish you were more outgoing just be more outgoing. What a waste of a wish.
I'm shy but I still approach women online and off. Yet my experiences online actually make it harder to want to approach some women offline. Anyway if you are 20-30 you are better off trying to date offline.
 KingofWisdom
Joined: 12/26/2013
Msg: 112
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/12/2014 9:19:23 PM
I've been single for the 21 years I've been alive by not looking for relationships. I don't think it's working.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 113
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/12/2014 9:54:04 PM
^^^I doubt you have been available to date or find a relationship for 21 years....probably more like 5. :P

===



If someone said to you, "You'll make money when you stop working" would you believe them? This makes about as much sense. Everything in life requires an effort.


^^^I couldn't agree more! +1
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 114
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/12/2014 11:14:36 PM

^ Nah...one thing I almost always say to these things is that you gotta do what's appropriate for you, striving to know how to match how you look with what you're looking for. You don't get in touch with this, and try to follow some cliche' rule, then you're in trouble.


If a girl only likes guys that are over 6', muscular build, making over $100k/year, but she's dating you just because it's more realistic, are you really gaining anything by being her consolation prize? Why should guys do this to girls? Going both ways, the guy should ONLY look for what he wants, and the girl should only date him if he's what she wants. Neither should change or expect the other to change. Relationships like that happen ALL THE TIME.

Some people lost touch of this, though, when they discovered the "candy store" of online dating. Guys have hundreds of girls to choose from, and girls have hundreds of guys messaging them. Now it's not about the quality of the other person, it's how good they look, or for a lot of guys messaging so many that the odds of SOMEONE replying is in your favor.

Step back and look at your friends who have never come to a dating site. Are you noticing that they tend to be doing a lot better than you in the dating world? Even if they're not dating as much, when they do date someone, it usually ends up being more serious than meeting one time for a cup of coffee?

But back on topic, yeah, you'll find someone when you stop looking. You'll find someone when all the superficial bs just doesn't matter to you anymore. When you're giving that random person a chance because since you're not looking for a bf/gf, you'll actually talk to them now. What it really comes down to, is when you stop looking, that's when you're most willing to give people the chance to actually talk to you, which is where that interest in dating comes from, not how hot they are.

Summary: When we're looking for someone to date, we're looking for someone who fits our shopping list of demands of what they need to be. When we stop looking, we're more likely to actually talk to random pepole who aren't as hot, or don't make as much money, and then SURPRISE you start to like them.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 115
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You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/13/2014 3:58:16 AM

People like me are too shy and quiet to talk to women. I prefer online dating because it is much easier. I do wish I was very outgoing, but I am not


Online is easier yet harder! For every 1 good thing about online dating there are 3 bad things. Don't just wish you were more outgoing just be more outgoing. What a waste of a wish.
I'm shy but I still approach women online and off. Yet my experiences online actually make it harder to want to approach some women offline. Anyway if you are 20-30 you are better off trying to date offline

For me at least, but also for many others even with different intentions than mine...going online is only to play them numbers, increase the chances, look among a larger pool of people, use a medium that increases your contacts more than offline might offer. But it's not as a replacement for offline. Just like when a business draws from a bigger pool of prospective customers when including an online presence with their real life store-front. But, the problem of "finding" becomes bigger if you aren't clear about what you're looking for in the first place and get caught up in the "candy store" practice of always looking for the one who's "just a little bit better", so you screw yourself if that's the way that you think.

If a girl only likes guys that are over 6', muscular build, making over $100k/year, but she's dating you just because it's more realistic, are you really gaining anything by being her consolation prize? Why should guys do this to girls? Going both ways, the guy should ONLY look for what he wants, and the girl should only date him if he's what she wants. Neither should change or expect the other to change.

Yes. True. The person that you're with shouldn't be someone who you've "settled" for, but also a problem that some people have is what they're looking for in the first place such that it even becomes a matter of settling or not.

Some people lost touch of this, though, when they discovered the "candy store" of online dating. Guys have hundreds of girls to choose from, and girls have hundreds of guys messaging them. Now it's not about the quality of the other person, it's how good they look, or for a lot of guys messaging so many that the odds of SOMEONE replying is in your favor.

Yes. True. The real problem with many is what they're looking for in the first place. They can't keep their eye on the ball.

Here's a quick story demonstrating this - Once when I had a particular motorcycle, and would be talking to a fellow "motorcycle enthusiast" type...he would periodically ask me why I wasn't interested in every new better motorcycle available. I could only reply that what he was talking about isn't what I was looking for in a motorcycle in the first place. The features in question weren't the reasons why I like having a motorcycle, nor the motorcycle that I had. The motorcycle that I had was the one that I wanted according to what I was looking for and why I liked having one - something that was better in certain ways wasn't better, and was irrelevant. I already had a motorcycle, and had no need to look for or get a "more cool" one. The ways in which something would be "more cool" had nothing to do with what I wanted.

So again, it's not that online has it's drawbacks...but it's that people aren't looking the right way in the first place. That's all. And this fact is just more obvious in the online realm.

But back on topic, yeah, you'll find someone when you stop looking. You'll find someone when all the superficial bs just doesn't matter to you anymore. When you're giving that random person a chance because since you're not looking for a bf/gf, you'll actually talk to them now. What it really comes down to, is when you stop looking, that's when you're most willing to give people the chance to actually talk to you, which is where that interest in dating comes from, not how hot they are.

Summary: When we're looking for someone to date, we're looking for someone who fits our shopping list of demands of what they need to be. When we stop looking, we're more likely to actually talk to random pepole who aren't as hot, or don't make as much money, and then SURPRISE you start to like them.

This is what I've tried to explain before in here - the real problem is identifying this issue incorrectly. It's how you are looking, not the fact that you are. The funny thing here is that everybody who expresses disapproval of looking keeps confirming this that I'm saying, but not realizing that's what they're doing or not admitting it. You're making a statement about the how, which reveals assumptions or preconceptions about people who are looking that often just don't apply. There are all of these assumptions of the dynamics of the act of looking, how someone is going about looking, or their total mindset. And those just shouldn't be associated with each other as intrinsic traits.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 116
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/13/2014 5:25:55 AM
You can not be looking but be open. Stop making dating and being part of a couple such a huge priority and actually get to know people for who they are. As you widen your social circle which is a side effect something may naturally/organically become romantic - but there doesn't have to be a goal or even a desire for it.

When you're looking (consciously sizing people up as dating partners in any way) your vibe tends to cause people to back off - it projects agenda. When you're not - you are open to conversations, learning about people regardless of whether or not you'd date them and while something may come out of it - you aren't paying attention to it nor do you care.

Experiment: talking to someone on the street who you have general interest in as a fellow human being as opposed to say, being a salesman and not taking that conversation as it comes but trying to steer in a direction that favors your agenda. Looking for a date is similar to selling a product. Some don't want to be thrown a pitch.

Not looking or worrying about dating but staying social works because whether or not you date anyone eventually you're generally content with the social aspect. You're not expecting anything...so you won't be disappointed if nothing comes of it.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 117
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/13/2014 7:51:06 AM
If you make dating a priority, you tend to scare away people. you don't even realize how intense you are, how you keep working into conversation comments about your singlehood, et cetera. If a woman has to fight you off, she doesn't have the time to make a pass at you.

on the flip side, if you aren't her cup of tea at all...neither method matters, unless she's drunk :)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 118
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/13/2014 8:30:06 AM

When you're looking (consciously sizing people up as dating partners in any way) your vibe tends to cause people to back off - it projects agenda.


Isn't that how dating usually works? People are looking for someone they are attracted to, and when they see or meet someone they're interested in dating, the agenda is to get a date. I don't see a problem with that. It's called flirting. People will back off only if they're not attracted to the person who might ask them for a date.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 119
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/13/2014 9:03:36 AM

Isn't that how dating usually works?

Depends. Are you trying to date until you find someone that works for you, or are you not worried about dating unless/until you meet someone and it develops? Many people are trying to date first and figure everything else out later. Dating isn't a job where you try to nail down a prospect, it's something you do if/when you meet someone you want to know better while you're living your life.

People are looking for someone they are attracted to, and when they see or meet someone they're interested in dating, the agenda is to get a date.

Exactly. Why look for someone you're attracted to? People will cross your path that you have attraction to eventually regardless unless you never leave the house. Why put the focus on trying to hunt for it?

I don't see a problem with that.

Most people don't, sadly.

It's called flirting. People will back off only if they're not attracted to the person who might ask them for a date.

Not necessarily. Even if someone might be attracted to or interested in someone they cross paths with - how that other person approaches and how their overall vibe feels can cause someone to put up a wall instead of discovering that there is an interest.

P.S. I'm not talking about flirting generally or even with someone you find attractive. I'm talking about having the mentality that everything you do in the course of a day could lead to meeting someone to the point that you care what the outcome is and are disappointed when it doesn't. Online dating has made it OK for people to perpetually be looking for someone to pair off with to the point where when it's not happening it can be actually depressing or disappointing for the person in question.
 KidInTheHall
Joined: 2/23/2014
Msg: 120
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/13/2014 9:22:24 AM
I've often thought this and on more than one occasion when I stop messaging women, stop browsing , really any of that I'd find a short while later someone would actually message me but it didn't go any further but so far I'm having more luck by actually messaging people.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 121
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/13/2014 12:43:14 PM

Stop making dating and being part of a couple such a huge priority and actually get to know people for who they are..


It's pretty easy to say that if you have had many relationships in the past or have no problem getting them. It's a human need and desire, if you don't meet it you're either going to get depressed or try harder to get one.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 122
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/13/2014 1:57:28 PM

It's pretty easy to say that if you have had many relationships in the past or have no problem getting them.

It's easier in those cases because you put more of an emphasis on it than others. You have no idea whether or not someone's been in many relationships in the past or how "easy" it is to get them - and it has no bearing on how important you're making it.

It's a human need and desire, if you don't meet it you're either going to get depressed or try harder to get one.

What you mean is that it's (seen as) that way for YOU. You can't really speak for anyone else.

It's easy to say it's a human need and desire - it justifies making it a huge deal. In fact it's not a built in human need and desire to be in a romantic relationship. It's a learned thing - likely you were told this a lot by people as you were growing up. Do people need relationships with other people in general to be healthy? Yes. Do they need to be specifically romantic? Absolutely not.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 123
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History
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/13/2014 4:02:38 PM
It's even went past funny at this point. Right on cue. Does she actually not realize what she's doing? It's just too hard for me to believe.

Stop making dating and being part of a couple such a huge priority and actually get to know people for who they are

something may naturally/organically become romantic

When you're looking (consciously sizing people up as dating partners in any way) your vibe tends to cause people to back off

When you're not - you are open to conversations, learning about people regardless of whether or not you'd date them

talking to someone on the street who you have general interest in as a fellow human being as opposed to say, being a salesman and not taking that conversation as it comes but trying to steer in a direction that favors your agenda

Not looking or worrying about dating but staying social


If you make dating a priority, you tend to scare away people. you don't even realize how intense you are, how you keep working into conversation comments about your singlehood, et cetera

I mean...it's right there. Right there. You can reach out and touch it. It's not invisible. It's not hidden.

What I've said before on this subject - What is disturbing is that simple disagreement or difference in opinion isn't what's happening here. And it's really weird.
 GJallDay
Joined: 1/28/2014
Msg: 124
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/20/2014 6:36:43 PM
I guess the short version is make a bunch of friends, handful of them of the opposite sex. Eventually ask them out or wait for them to ask you or introduce you to a single friend of theirs. But results may vary.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 125
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 3/20/2014 6:45:19 PM
"I guess the short version is make a bunch of friends, handful of them of the opposite sex. Eventually ask them out or wait for them to ask you or introduce you to a single friend of theirs. But results may vary."

Problem is all my friends are married and their friends are as well. I have some male "friends", but they are all trying to hit on me and are absolutely not willing to introduce me to their friends. Yes, I could easily go out on several dates a week with people who message me here, but they are just not my type. I've accepted dates from guys who are not my type before, but it was just baaaad. I felt like I was leading them on because they were so eager and I was "meh". I felt like I wasted their and my time, and that's not fair. I'd rather be by myself than with someone who doesn't make my heart race, and I can tell within a few minutes of meeting someone if I'm into him or not.
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