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 Definition_Of_Insanity
Joined: 6/12/2013
Msg: 51
circular datingPage 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

I have met far too many men, on this site and out in the dating scene offline, who are ready to commit after a handful of dates. They know quite a bit about me but I STILL know next to nothing about them because them "liking me" is ALL they think I need to know! Some men are very slow to get to know but far too quick to "press" for a commitment. ;)


I also have had the experience where a man seems to 'press' for a commitment even if they don't know quite a bit about me.... I dated someone for 2 months this winter. He insisted he KNEW on our first date that I was 'the one' for him. And because not seeing others was important to him, I agreed even though I thought he was rushing things (in a way I thought it made sense at the time - this was after the 3rd date or so, he said it would be nice to have a clean slate, to get to know each other without distractions....)

BUT....

What I found was that he made a decision about me WAY BEFORE he really knew me and that it didn't hold up. He liked the way I looked, he liked the fact that I had been in a long term marriage and only a couple relationships since then (he felt it spoke to my ability to be 'loyal') and he liked the initial impression I made (personality wise) I guess?

6, 7 weeks in as he got to know me better, while still talking about our future together he also started mentioning the things he felt I should change about myself (so I must not have been all that and a bag of chips in his eyes after all!) I realized that my feelings had not developed and I ended it (kindly with what I hope was a reasonable explanation).

Not the worst outcome and I think it was fine that I made a decision about him based only on him.
I honestly do not have a problem putting all my energies/effort into getting to know ONE person but I don't think that fact implies a TRUE commitment - I'm not saying I see you as my life partner, just that right now (currently) this is where my energy is being put.

I love the discussions on the forums where people have different views and experiences (I try to ignore the judgmental tone of a few... :)
 midable
Joined: 5/19/2013
Msg: 52
circular dating
Posted: 6/24/2013 10:33:35 AM
Dating 3 people at the same time has been a recommendation from psychologists for decades, the author you mentioned did not come up with this idea. Actually the idea comes from observing the life of single supermodels.......they can have dates with as many men as they want, they have so many men chasing them. It is a good way to lessen the sting of rejection, when you have other suitors to fall back on if one dumps you or does not call. Men can do this too, if they have the looks or the skill.

Some people with great relationship skills don't really date though... they know who they are and know what they want, and almost never have more than a couple dates with the same person... by the time they get to date three, they are in a relationship.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 53
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circular dating
Posted: 6/24/2013 11:00:13 AM
I've read a bunch of posts here and folks seem to forget something. Playing the field is the same as circular dating, but with known set of people instead of cruising looking for dates. So, there may be a 'field' of 10 or so people that date amongst themselves. Not a bad idea if those involved can handle it emotionally.

But, remember that 'playing the field' is where the term 'player' comes from. Most people don't like 'players'. The reason they don't like them is because exclusivity is missing. There can be no feeling of being 'special' if you know the guy is going to be chatting up some other woman tomorrow, and a third the next day. This works the exact same way for men.

Also, the term 'date' for most people means doing something together. The term 'dating' can mean something entirely different. When a woman tells me she 'dated' that guy, she means she had sex with him. If she had a 'date' with him, she went out for dinner or something. The kids are more honest, they talk about "hooking up". But, I've noticed some weaseling with that term the last couple of years, so it may be as inconsistent as 'date' and its derivatives.

So, circular dating or playing the field, probably means multiple sex partners depending on the situation. That's what makes this social method unappealing to many people. Sure, it's nobody's business who you have sex with, but it definitely will affect your various relationships. Especially among the older crowd that has antique morality.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 54
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circular dating
Posted: 6/24/2013 1:06:08 PM
As mentioned before, sex should be off the table during this stage. At our age we should be able to survive without it. It seems it is still too big of a priority for some.
 midable
Joined: 5/19/2013
Msg: 55
circular dating
Posted: 6/24/2013 1:10:33 PM
Dating and kissing are different than sex. I would not suggest "playing the field" or having sex with multiple people.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 56
circular dating
Posted: 6/24/2013 5:18:33 PM

63: As mentioned before, sex should be off the table during this stage. At our age we should be able to survive without it. It seems it is still too big of a priority for some.


But I can't decide which ‘things-I-could-do-without-at-my-age’ to abstain from. All of them? Just sex? Could I sacrifice staying up all night snorting coke with crack whores instead? Cuz you know that shyte is way too important to some people.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 57
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circular dating
Posted: 6/24/2013 5:37:44 PM
^^^I know you're being sarcastic (I hope), but I think a lot of well adjusted people in their 50's or better are smart enough and content to stay away from juvenile and/or dangerous behaviours. We just want to find someone compatible with whom to spend our lives....And smart enough not to jump headlong into an unknown relationship.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 58
circular dating
Posted: 6/24/2013 9:22:45 PM

68: …people in their 50's or better are smart enough and content to stay away from juvenile and/or dangerous behaviours.

Would that be skateboarding, ma’am?

Yes, I’m having a little fun with your stated reason for prescribing abstinence for others – ‘At our age we should be able to survive without it.’

‘Can I survive without it’ is not the standard by which I choose my social activities. So I wondered if you applied that requirement to your own. It seems that some of your interests – country dancing, sports, live music, etc – could go on the chopping block if you did.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 59
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circular dating
Posted: 6/25/2013 5:42:58 AM
I would think at this age one would be able to distinguish between harmless activities such as listening to music, dancing, sports, with risky and immoral sexual behaviour. I notice you didn't list it in your interests.
 anita_lay
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 60
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circular dating
Posted: 6/25/2013 12:55:13 PM
^^Immoral sex...the best kind...
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 61
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circular dating
Posted: 6/25/2013 1:48:54 PM
Is that "immoral" or "amoral" sex you are thinking about?

One has guilt, the other is just plain fun!!!
 anita_lay
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 62
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circular dating
Posted: 6/25/2013 1:58:34 PM
^^well, at this stage of life, I mean ''amoral''...lol..
My days of feeling guilty about having sex ..never happened. Or, if it's illicit sex..mmmm..those days are over, too..
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 63
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circular dating
Posted: 6/25/2013 4:56:34 PM
Your name is quite fitting then. You must be very popular.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 64
circular dating
Posted: 6/25/2013 5:14:23 PM

Immoral sex...the best kind...


I miss it.

What the phuck is "immoral" sex anyways???? I mean, give me a good old fashion definition of such.

Some humans are pretty funny and quick at what they define as "immoral".
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 65
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circular dating
Posted: 6/25/2013 5:39:31 PM
I believe u have a daughter, I'm sure u know.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 66
circular dating
Posted: 6/25/2013 7:21:44 PM
Your name is quite fitting then. You must be very popular.


That`s funny coming from the 53 year old who welcomes email from 30 year olds directed to the woman who is not single and not looking....

You do know you can look at your own profile... and yes the age range you have is 30 to 65.

And we all know one can hide ones profile and still contact people.

But this is going off topic- so back to the topic, personally I will not commit to being exclusive with someone until I have gotten to know that person well enough to know I want to have sex with them. It takes time to get to know someone... but I don`t expect anyone to be paying for me during that time either. Just two people getting together to get to know each other.


 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 67
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circular dating
Posted: 6/25/2013 7:29:58 PM
I do? My profile has been hidden for 2 years. And the age range was + or - 5 years.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 68
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circular dating
Posted: 6/25/2013 8:56:40 PM
mjinict, better take another look, your messages are set to 30 - 65 (at this time), not + - 5. And hiding it does no good at all if you post here, it can definitely be seen, but you know that already.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 69
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circular dating
Posted: 6/26/2013 5:51:26 AM
^^^...Not that it's anyone's business, but I do recall changing the age parameters in case anyone from the forums wanted to contact me. And hiding it from search means nobody else can view it or contact me, which I'm sure you already know.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 70
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circular dating
Posted: 6/26/2013 7:18:47 PM
Nope, not my business at all. It's just that you were mistaken in the comment a ways up there. Hiding your profile doesn't mean it can't be seen, it just doesn't turn up in a search. This is pretty obvious because I saw it and commented on it. So, all they have to do is look in the forums for you and then go look at your profile. Holds true for messages also.

Just want to be clear for the folks that read this; hiding isn't really hiding. It's just keeping yourself out of the searches.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 71
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circular dating
Posted: 6/26/2013 7:33:45 PM
^^^^ Not sure how this thread became about one's profile or her choice of ages for the men she chooses to meet. If a new thread wants to be started about this topic then feel free but this thread was about circular dating.




That`s funny coming from the 53 year old who welcomes email from 30 year olds directed to the woman who is not single and not looking....


Really uncalled for in my opinion and reeks of jealousy. There's nothing worse than a woman who puts down another woman to make herself feel better. It's none of your business why people are here. We're all adults here and make our own choices.

As several have pointed out that if your following Rori's circular dating sex is not part of the equation.

My interpretation of mjinict said is she was simply pointing out that some on here seem to seek out sex more than they do relationships or getting to know a person. Someone who is seriously seeking a relationship (while sex is part of the equation) does not need to be preoccupied with it's attainment.

If you follow Rori's circular dating it removes this preoccupation with sex and opens the doors to getting to know who someone on an emotional level vs a physical one.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 72
circular dating
Posted: 6/26/2013 7:51:39 PM
No jealousy, merely pointing out the hypocrisy.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 73
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circular dating
Posted: 6/26/2013 8:25:08 PM
Oh good grief Jesse, chill out. This is a forum, how can anyone be jealous of a few pixels on a screen? Especially since no one knows if anything anyone says is actually true.
 anita_lay
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 74
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circular dating
Posted: 6/27/2013 1:33:02 AM
For the record, I'm not seeking sex or men or dating ..here...(haha)..
But seriously aren't we all a leeeetle old to be judging who has sex and for what reason?
It's really boring..and not to mention OLD. (You know, that word that fills you all with so much dread...)
Personally, I think you can date without screwing every man you meet. But if you want to screw every man you meet (or woman), go for it. Bloody hell, we're all OLD enough!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 75
circular dating
Posted: 6/27/2013 4:10:03 AM
^^^^^ But,but, wouldn't the "moral" police come and throw us all in jail????? Come to think of it, that would kinda be interesting for awhile but,probably a little sweaty.

I do believe some people would be stunned and amazed at what some of their neighbours, and consenting adults do behind closed doors. I wouldn't be so quick to define them as "immoral" but, more so, interesting. Definitely not boring.
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