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 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 76
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circular datingPage 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
...(Sigh), I guess some oldsters have the motto, get it while you still can...Now that's boring, IMO... Thanks, Jesse:)

 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 77
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circular dating
Posted: 6/27/2013 6:38:14 AM
Oh good grief Jesse, chill out. This is a forum, how can anyone be jealous of a few pixels on a screen? Especially since no one knows if anything anyone says is actually true.

It's common sense. What do you need to figure out if it's true or not? People in general when their in their 20's or earlier have relationships formed on sex. Theoretically as you get older the focus of designing your relationships around sex should wane. By the time your reach your 40's and most definitely your 50's you hopefully will be more mature, be able to see the forest through the trees and realize that yes while sex is a part of a relationship, IT'S NOT THE ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP like it probably was when you were 20. There's things like family, friends, getting to know the actual person, their interests, hobbies, how they think, how they operate, how you feel with them and like wise that take priority over sex. Something as logically as this got turned into a huge bashing of someone's personal profile. Why is that message so hard to figure out or garner truth from? Did it really need to turn into a train wreck?


That`s funny coming from the 53 year old who welcomes email from 30 year olds directed to the woman who is not single and not looking....


Most people who are on here and don't want to use online dating or are in a relationship yet want to post in the forums change their profile to say not single and not looking. Duh! Have you ever hidden your profile and stopped online dating for whatever reason yet you wanted to continue to post in the forums? Well I have and let me tell you once I removed my photos, yet left my original profile the same due to the character requirement (to lazy to write Forums only 5000 times to fill the requirement) I received 0 emails, none, zilch, squat! I'm 15 years younger. So how many 30 year old's do you really think write her with age, her profile being hidden where only forum members can view it and given no photo? People in the forums 99% of the time are to far away to date anyway even if you did find someone amazing.

And why would you care who one dates, writes, sleeps with or welcomes? Jealousy wasn't the correct term, insecurity is. There's no hypocrisy in her message. Common sense yes, hypocrisy no. So what if she actually dates 30 yr olds. Age does not equal maturity!

Your a grown woman, I am too, so are all these people on this thread and hopefully on this site. That means we are free to sleep with and date whomever we want, yes that includes a 53 yr old dating a 30 yr old. Do whatever it is you want to do but make sure you do it well is all I have to say. To each to their own. No reason to train wreck someone over their preferences.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 78
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History
circular dating
Posted: 6/27/2013 7:20:17 AM
^^^Exactly, I feel no need to plaster 'forums only' on my hidden profile just so forum folks know. The fact that I have no photos posted should be a clue. Also, when I have a differing opinion from a poster, I don't bother to go over their profile to find hypocracy. It's just a forum to post opinions.
 Sapphireeyes100
Joined: 5/30/2013
Msg: 79
circular dating
Posted: 6/27/2013 12:19:58 PM

It's common sense. What do you need to figure out if it's true or not? People in general when their in their 20's or earlier have relationships formed on sex. Theoretically as you get older the focus of designing your relationships around sex should wane. By the time your reach your 40's and most definitely your 50's you hopefully will be more mature, be able to see the forest through the trees and realize that yes while sex is a part of a relationship, IT'S NOT THE ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP like it probably was when you were 20. There's things like family, friends, getting to know the actual person, their interests, hobbies, how they think, how they operate, how you feel with them


See I used to think that way--but do you not realize how judgmental you sound?

First, not all formed relationships based strictly on sex only at a younger age, some still do it and it is what makes them happy, to say they are not as *mature, etc is judging them to be lacking. For some it is still the majority of the relationship and if it works for them--who are you to say differently.

See you have listed what you want, what works for you as you feel you have evolved into something more than you were in your 20's but just cause someone is different from you doesnt mean you are more mature or evolved or you would see thru your own forest that your tree thinking is flawed.

To some SEX is the basis of the relationship, you can read it on here daily, I met the nicest person but no attraction--so please dont down play the part SEX does play for many. I personally do not want a relationship where SEX isnt still a fundamental part of the relationship, but I would never just have sex to have sex, there is a difference, for some it is what they want for their life and I wish them the best it just doesnt work like that for me.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 80
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circular dating
Posted: 6/27/2013 2:31:47 PM
It took a while, but I got all ejucateed on that circular dating thing. It's pure crap.

The idea of some gal stringing along an entourage of men that are lusting over her enough to just 'date', no sex for any period of time is pathetic. If the guy goes along with this, he's either closet gay or a milquetoast and neither of those will fill the bill for the gal. This would be a way to get a few dates, but the guy, if actually male, will brush her off after a couple of chaste hugs goodnight.

Once upon a time, this was called 'dating' and was how one found a person they clicked with to pursue a more in depth relationship with. Now, apparently, the women that ascribe to this are trying to get a guy to pop the question. Hell, if he hasn't committed by (get this) three freaking years!, she should start this circular dating thing.

Just dump the guy way before that and move on.

I've been wondering why so many young women are living with a guy, wanting to get married, but not advancing in their relationship. There may even be children from the (lack of) relationship, and they're still waiting on him to ask 'the question'.

I'm just going to shake my head in wonder at this.
 anita_lay
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 81
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History
circular dating
Posted: 6/27/2013 3:12:42 PM
^^I'm not sure why you assume that women who choose to date non-exclusively are ''stringing along an entourage of men that are lusting over (them)''.
Surely men circular date as well? Maybe they all know they are doing it? And why are just the men lusting over the women? Surely the lust could be mutual? And perhaps these people just enjoy feeling lusty?
What's the difference between dating one man for two weeks and then moving on because it wasn't working (for whatever reason) to dating three men in one week and then moving on because it wasn't working? No harm done to anyone.
I'm not sure why the idea that some people enjoy sex for sex's sake is deemed immoral here. I guess it's just another chance to judge and sneer and make put-downs.
I would much rather have fun, fantastise about what could be and enjoy meeting people than sit at home, judging strangers and always finding ways to prop up your own ego.
But that's me. No better than anyone else, but not worse either.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 82
circular dating
Posted: 6/27/2013 3:14:09 PM
Well, I kinda expected to see a catfight break out in this topic and my expectations were met.

I don't know about anybody else, but I'm looking for a genuine, soul-deep connection, not just somebody "compatible" or "acceptable". I very much value my autonomy and my privacy, so simple compatibility/acceptability ain't gonna cut it for me.
As far as field-playing, circular dating,multi-dating as opposed to focusing on one at a time...I've done both. Both have their merits-and their drawbacks. I simply prefer to use my own best judgement and base my decision on how to date at any given time,on what my dating interests are at the time. I also don't believe that any reasonably competent, functional adult is OBLIGATED to date for what everyone else THINKS (s)he ought to be dating for.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with either "one-at-a time" dating, or "circular/multi-dating", its' for each individual to decide for him or her self.
Circular dating, done properly, is NOT 'stringing along a bunch of guys". One-at-a-time dating, done properly is NOT "putting all one's eggs in one basket" or "dating just to get into a relationship with ANYbody."
And yes, sometimes 2 people manage to find each other and forge a relationship without ever doing a lot of either kind of "official"dating. And that's not wrong, either.
People should date/find love(or whatever) in whichever way works best for him or her and is HONEST to the situation and the people involved.
The biggest problems-IMO- in dating and relationships are CAUSED by dating/relationship advice books.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 83
circular dating
Posted: 6/27/2013 5:01:25 PM

romantic, loving men...

As far as holding the door open, I've had men from barely 3 yrs old to 90+ years old hold the door open for me. That's simple good manners( and yes, I've held plenty of doors open for plenty of people of all genders and walks of life-it's simple good manners.)
As for spending money on me, I look at the context and I would NEVER consider dinner or some trinket as fair compensation for being treated as some kind of object, or for having my intelligence and/or personhood disrespected.
I expect a man to be able to stand on his own 2 financial feet as I stand on mine. I don't care for a feeling that a guy is trying to "buy" me.
Make no mistake, I can(and have) sent potential parasitic males down the highway-I don't care to be with a GUY that I have to "buy".
It's nice if a person (of either gender)can afford to express a deep romantic connection with gifts and/or treats, but what REALLY matters is quality of feelings. I've seen some happy couples that were seriously broke, and some well-off couples that were seriously unhappy.
It's overall actions and attitudes that express loving, romantic feelings, its' not just about spending money( or having money spent on one). But I'm not surprised to see that some women still equate spending of money with "romance".

doesnt anyone get romance at all???

I think a lot of us may "get" romance more than you realize, they just don't tie it to money.
I absolutely agree that one can be highly romantic without having sexual intercourse.
I also believe that some people can manage a more complex dating/social life than others...it's a matter of preferences and figuring out what works best for oneself. And at different points in time and circumstance, one may find doing things differently to be beneficial. Or maybe not. But that is a matter of individual choice.
But I don't think that just spending money on a woman proves "romance". Look how many men abuse their women then buy them presents/spend money on them to "make it up"-is THAT romantic?
Just sayin...
Cindy O
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 84
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History
circular dating
Posted: 6/27/2013 8:04:41 PM
According to Websters:

immorality [ˌɪməˈrælɪtɪ]
n pl -ties
1. the quality, character, or state of being immoral
2. immoral behaviour, esp in sexual matters; licentiousness; profligacy or promiscuity
3. an immoral act
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 85
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History
circular dating
Posted: 6/27/2013 8:46:28 PM
Why did I direct it at women? Because the original circular dating thing was directed at women. It's no secret that many men would do this, that's where the term 'player' came from.

Why couldn't a person have a loving relationship without sex. Some of them can, just not most. Face it ladies, you go on a number of dates with a nice hug goodbye at the end of the evening and you'll be chasing the guy off because you obviously aren't interested in anything more.

A man that puts up with a woman dating a number of men isn't going to put up with it for very long. He'll just disappear.

So, this circular dating thing may be good for a woman's ego and help to establish her self esteem, but it won't lead to a long term relationship because the guys will just keep disappearing. If that's what a particular woman wants, go for it. But, then you'll be a player too.

Oh, romance. How many threads have been written on this? I remember trying to compile a definition on this very subject earlier this year. I failed. The reason I failed is because there are as many definitions of romance are there are people trying to define it. So, get over the romance thing. Romance is what you want it to be and if you want it, define it to the person you're targeting so they have at least a little bit of a chance of meeting your expectations.

So many women whine about 'romance' when the only concrete definition they have of it is taken from the pages of a Harlequin novel. Well, there ain't no knights in shining armor riding white stallions in my neck of the woods, and the damsels sure as hell aren't in distress.

I once gave a really nice turquoise and silver set of earrings to a lady friend. I had commissioned a Navajo artists to put them together using materials taken from the reservation, and everything had to be made using traditional techniques except the posts themselves. The posts were stainless to prevent any possible allergic reactions. They were really nice and cost a whole lot more than I expected. But, it was for a very special person, it was worth it to me. The presentation box was hand carved from an iron wood tree that had been struck by lightning; this was a suggestion of the artist since lightning struck wood is considered special. Iron wood is a bit tough, so he used power tools on the box. There was a note in the box describing the processes, materials, and tools used signed by the artist. I was really proud to present them to her. Romantic?? I thought so.

She sold them at a garage sale....$5.

Take your romance and ...
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 86
circular dating
Posted: 6/28/2013 12:01:48 AM
After carefully reading through this entire thread, I see a lot of different opinions about the subject. I've got mine:

The people that play the field insist constantly that they are absolutely sure they know what they want, and when they find it, that choice will be a no-brainer. What I find interesting is that the people from this area ARE constantly changing what they are looking for, even if they don't realize it. With each passing date, each relationship - that perspective DOES change over time.

From what I know of the 'chronically single' people in my life is their self-confidence, by 'sharpening' their outward dating goals constantly -- their OWN self-image gets slowly eroded over time - until they are pretty much defined BY their relationships, and not by themselves. Give it the visual of constantly sharpening a pencil - yeah, you can keep that point razor sharp and draw well-defined lines when needed, but at the same time you're grinding the thing down to a nub.

This online dating thing has heightened the idea of screening through many partners can now be done on an epic speed and quantity. I don't see that as a good thing. People who linger online and do too much screening online end up being the ones who snap judgments about dates in the first fifteen seconds/minutes. I highly doubt people who 'circular date' or 'play the field' are actually giving themselves two or three dates with every partner before deciding to dismiss them, even though it make take that long (or longer) to truly understand who that person is sitting across the table from them.

Whether or not you enjoy playing the field; just keep in your perspective that if you truly want a long-term relationship, you will have to change your behavior eventually. That change gets HARDER over time, especially if you've been online in here habitually. I see posts in here from people that have tried many many times and are truly 'burned out' on the whole online dating process. I keep suggesting the best thing you can do for yourself is get the heck OUT of online dating -- a 'detox' time if you will -- of nothing shorter than something like six weeks -- just to give yourself enough time to find yourself and gain back your OWN self-image. People keep mentioning how they found their partner when they decided to 'stop' looking - well, there's a reason WHY that works.

A lasting relationship is based upon how well you get ALONG with someone - thru thick and thin - no matter what happens. You don't judge whether or not they make you more happy than others, because you're more concerned with keeping each other happy. You put THEM in front of yourself. In a lifetime of experience, three dates is nothing - a drop in the bucket - yet it's just incredible how many people out there have lost that patience to even ATTEMPT three HOURS, let alone three dates.

Yeah, you may have been hurt by someone before because they didn't turn out to be who you thought they would be --- but how many good matches have you turned down because you thought they were just like someone else? The answer is - you don't really know.
-------------------------------------------------------
Someone in here mentioned it's like test-driving a car. More like dozens of test-drives. People pour through endless sources of research, magazines, websites, looking for the ideal model of a car. They think they know everything. But when you get to the lot, you don't have the ability to custom-order everything off the menu -- you've got a limited choice of models, and even a smaller limited choice of 'Used' models to pick from. Most people don't pick a vehicle off the lot after ten minutes behind the wheel - they look under the hood, and even have a mechanic inspect it. Even after that, some people decide to lease instead of buy, or decide to trade in that car every 3 years or so for the newer model.

I bought a used car with about 40K miles on it. For 12+ years it's gotten regular oil changes, repairs when needed, new parts and tires when necessary. It's now over 265K miles, and my friends like riding in it because I keep it clean and in good shape. The cost I paid for it combined with all the upkeep bills is still cheaper than it would have been to buy a new one. It's outlasted both my marriage and my 11 yr career, since I decided to change professions this spring. It's nothing fancy - a very common GM sedan - but I'll keep it going until it fails me completely. You want to know my perspective on relationships? Look at what I'm driving.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 87
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History
circular dating
Posted: 6/28/2013 6:51:34 AM
I know people who drive fancy sports cars who are very down to earth and willing and able to commit and others who have longtime sensible vehicles who are longterm singles and very, very cautious and hesitant to...

I think with circular dating, the idea is not to dismiss someone quickly, to take your time to get to know them to see if something starts to click while giving another the same consideration if there so happens to be.
 Carpediem0367
Joined: 6/24/2013
Msg: 88
circular dating
Posted: 6/28/2013 9:47:37 AM
I think people are way overthinking this! Circular dating is what you should do! You don't want to go into every new date as if you are looking for "the one". Too many people do this and I think it puts way to much pressure on yourself and your date. If you can't keep your attitude a little casual, then you're bound to be disappointed or to be too involved too fast.

With access to so many other single people, its crazy not to date around. We have so many more options and less need to settle. The downside is there are probably too many options and can be addicting. But in general it's important to keep your options open and not get too wrapped up with someone just to combat lonliness. A lot of the time your gut instinct is right. If you don't feel comfortable using the term boyfriend or girlfriend, if you'd rather go to the gym then on a date, but wouldn't mind spending a free Saturday night with the person, then they probably aren't "the one"and you should keep looking. But if you like them enough to date for the short term, then why not???
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 89
circular dating
Posted: 6/28/2013 1:21:35 PM

I think with circular dating, the idea is not to dismiss someone quickly, to take your time to get to know them to see if something starts to click while giving another the same consideration if there so happens to be.

+1 to that. If your 'circular dating' is an endless line of one-and-dones, you're doing something wrong.


We have so many more options and less need to settle. The downside is there are probably too many options and can be addicting. But in general it's important to keep your options open and not get too wrapped up with someone just to combat lonliness.
Addicts don't know when they are addicted. Part of the reason why group interventions were invented.

A key piece of advice frequently given to ANY new person in here that's just broke off their former relationship is that TIME is needed to deal with your OWN issues before getting involved in others - you gotta be able to handle your own situation FIRST.

People that just want to combat loneliness are NOT going to be working on this from a healthy perspective; but they CAN still look at this 'circular' dating BOTH ways -- you can 'lock' into one relationship (good or bad), or be fine with 'any port in a storm' -- just to avoid being alone.

We all know having good self-confidence makes for a more positive reaction while dating, but how we earn that confidence depends on the person. Some people NEED multiple interactions with others to build up their confidence. Others are fine by themselves. Maybe that's it in a nutshell. Your ability to 'settle' has more to do with you trusting your OWN choices and not fearing the unknown than it does with whom you choose to be with. As a result, the level of your OWN self-confidence can determine what side of 'circular dating' you're on.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 90
circular dating
Posted: 6/29/2013 8:25:35 AM
Regardless of whether you are circular dating, linear dating, taking a break from dating- whatever!, whether you are unpartnered due to breakup, divorce, death of your loved one, or you just never quite found Mr or Ms Right-being single is NOT an abnormality, a pathology or an indication of some deficiency requiring a clinical labeling of "chronic".
As far as "getting along" being the epitome of a good relationship, by that token I have had any number of friends of both genders that I should have simply bargained into a "relationship" with. Yeah, right-when there is a killing frost in Hell-maybe...
I DO agree with "putting your partner first". But to define relationship perfection as just "getting along well" is,IMO, shortsighted.
I think there has to be a mutual acceptance that there are some things the 2 people will have to agree to disagree about, and some things that they KNOW they're going to butt heads over, but they are committed to getting around those dust-ups.


why is a woman who is open to receiving romance in her life, including a romantic gift, automatically assumed to be a victim of violence & control?

I don't believe I have ever thought,assumed, presumed-or said- any such thing, about you or any other woman who enjoys romance. I simply pointed out that some people do have a somewhat distorted(IMO) concept of "romance".
Yes, believe it or not,I have met women who think that being subjected to physical and/or emotional violence, and then subjected to a showering of affection, tenderness and often gifts or special treats by their remorseful SO, is storybook-quality romance.
I certainly do not mean to imply that ALL women who are open to "romance" are "victims" of anything, and while I can make a semi-educated guess about why my comment elicited that response, it would be off-topic.


A man that puts up with a woman dating a number of men isn't going to put up with it for very long. He'll just disappear.

with all due respect, I don't think anyone here is advocating dating "a number" of men, simply that some people do prefer to make up their minds about the path they take( or don't take) with a potential partner to come from a consideration of 2 or 3 candidates, rather than being all focused on ONE potential partner and feeling pressured to MAKE that work. From my experiences and observations, a circular or multi-dating pattern simply allowed the RIGHT person(unless he just wasn't in the picture at all!) to come to the front without leaving the other party wondering if she was missing out on something.
Of course there are scenarios where circular dating doesn't turn out well,just as there are scenarios where "focusing on just one" doesn't turn out. There are circumstances where circular/multi-dating just isn't feasible, and there are people who simply PREFER to "focus on one". And there are of course situations where one's "circular dating" roster ALL prove to be "not the right one". Believe it or not, there are plenty of scenarios where a circular-dating woman doesn't CARE if her suitors disappear, or even that she has to say," I really don't think we'd be a good match long-term".
But I do not think anyone here is advocating that ANYBODY "string along" a "number of" romance candidates.Lord, that would be a pain in the posterior.
Through time, some social environments have been more tolerant-or even encouraging!-of circular/multi-dating, than others. These days, due to the wonders of modern electronic communication, long-distance travel,relocation for work/education purposes, etc, varying social environments are much more apt to intermingle. I think people will tend to stick to whatever dating/courtship patterns were approved of in their social environment of origin. So we are always going to have to agree to disagree on the "right" way to date and pair-bond. And if a person gives a try to a different dating method than what they learned in their original social environment, and isn't happy with it, does not mean that this different method is across-the-board "wrong" for everyone.

Addicts don't know when they are addicted.

So now anyone who dates differently than you do is an "addict"?
Really???


People that just want to combat loneliness are NOT going to be working on this from a healthy perspective;

But how do you weed out "unhealthy" perspectives? I've run into any number of men in my age range that believe my interest in finding a man with whom I really connect on multiple levels, is "unhealthy", and that I should accept any remotely reasonable offer of male attention that crosses my path.
I don't bother to label such attitudes as god or bad, healthy or unhealthy, I simply suggest that there are probably plenty of women who have the "proper" perspective and perhaps we'd both be better served if he dated one of THOSE ladies.

Both""circular" and "focus on one" patterns of dating can be mishandled or have unsatisfactory results. Both can also have splendid outcomes.
There are always going to be people in the dating pool with "unhealthy" reasons for dating/seeking a relationship. Everyone just has to do the best they can to date in the way that works best for them without leaving an undue amount of wreckage in their wake. Unfortunately there are a fair amount of persons of both genders who believe that a big trail of wreckage is part of the dating process. They don't wear identifying signs, there is no "DateFax" service to check someone's dating/relationship history, other than what they choose to tell you or things that are matters of public record.
You just have to take your chances...
Cindy O
 L,A, Woman
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 91
circular dating
Posted: 8/4/2013 9:36:50 AM
Well this is an interesting topic. Did you know there are 10 men for every 12 women in Ontario when you are between the ages of 40-49, as you get older the numbers get even less attractive for women. So, if you can get more than one man to date you at the same time this is quite a feat! I think this is the way to go as men can be so fickle. You can show them, tell them you are into them only to be dumped like a bag of garbage by the roadside. So, yes I think everyone should try multiple dating because men often know and think a woman will wait for him. Or this is what they have been used to in the past with women. For some, women have come too easy. Until a man tells you, you are the only one for him and that you are monogamous then you should be thinking multiple-minded! No bling, no ring, no gesture of the future, then yes continue to date others. I have just had this light bulb moment recently as had someone string me along for months. I did not date anyone else cuz I wanted to get to know him. But, in the long run this did not work as he disappeared anyway. So date but do not tell anyone you are doing this as this is your business. Men often have many on the back burner so to speak and they get away with it as they lie and hide this from women. So, women need to start thinking like a man more so go for the multiple dating thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If a guy wants to get serious he will tell you, they say what they mean. Then u can decide if you want to stop seeing other men. I have a hard time with this personally but if you can do this good for you. You are the creator of your life and luck. If you are older and did not get a chance to date when younger much then this could be a good me time to figure out what traits you like in a guy and the only way you will know this is by dating!
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 92
circular dating
Posted: 8/4/2013 11:45:30 AM
For those of us who are older, in "Life before online dating websites", you met a person thru friends or family, a co-worker, or even someone who made eye contact with you from across a crowded room. Where ever, doesn't matter. You introduced yourself, chatted and perhaps gave a phone number. At some point in time, you got the "Hey wanna go out this weekend?", phone call. Most often this person lived locally. ( In my case I most often knew something of their family.) You knew someone, who knew someone, etc. If you went out with this person several weeks in a row, everybody was aware of it. Before long you were "Together". I never once had the "exclusive" talk. You just knew! If either one of you was seen out and about with another man/woman, it didn't take long for you to hear about it! LOL...............Fast forward to the joys and pitfalls of ONLINE dating. I have had men demand that I be exclusive with them BEFORE talking on the phone OR ever meeting in person. One man told me, when I stated, that wasn't an option, "Well, you just need to change!" LOL Needless to say I blocked him. So.....Times have changed and so did I. My interpretation of "Circular dating" was to keep my options open, continue to meet new people (no sex), be open to seeing/dating one man more than once (no sex), and when the time was right, to only be sexually intimate with one man. (LOL yes sex)
 reallylucid
Joined: 5/27/2013
Msg: 93
circular dating
Posted: 8/4/2013 3:50:44 PM
Just when I thought I figured dating out - "they" make a change and invent a new way. YIPPEE!
 ForumFiona
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 94
circular dating
Posted: 8/6/2013 9:50:46 AM
Circular dating may work well for any age and gender who are looking for someone specific, or a specific kind of relationship, etc. One just has to be adept at crowd control though...

Is this the way it is in 2013 are we all just on some kind of a conveyor belt? I mean isn't a relationship about falling in love with one person? How do you even get to know someone or let them get to know you if you are just
going through the motions, until the next new person arrives.

Most discerning people know by the first meet/date whether they are attracted to a person or not. That takes care of going through any 'motions' and wasting your time getting to know them if you aren't. Just keep in mind that attraction does not necessarily mean compatibility either lol.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 95
circular dating
Posted: 8/6/2013 6:02:16 PM
Circular dating is also about keeping an active life and not about making a man the center of your world.

I haven't read the book, but that's a Really Bad Idea if that becomes Your Life in and of itself, as you put it. I would hate to think that book is one of those "You Go Girl! You Deserve! Good For YOU!" type books (which would be the same for a guy's version). Books like that, for guys & girls, are made for those on the rebound, hurt, etc -- as a way to make money in selling.

But I will say, in the Pre-Dating Phase, in that getting-to-know-ya phase of the first handful of dates where it hasn't reached a point where things are routine and things are still up-in-the-air: YES. You shouldn't focus on Just One Person. You should keep your options open.

But that phase isn't necessarily going to last so long. If one's relationship-hunting, it would suck if their "active life" was defined that way, as opposed to a period of time in their life.

You shouldn't keep going out on dates with a guy when you're not that interested, but he is clearly interested in you. Just because some guys may do this, doesn't mean you should. It does you no service besides attention in the short-term, but it has good potential to bring you drama -- and him even more.

But yes, don't focus on ONE guy at one time when you can count the # of dates on one hand with someone you're dealing with. You have a first date with Gary set up for Friday? Cool. You shouldn't slow down your exploration, even though instinctually you will feel like doing that. Gary could blow you off for all you know, or you could realize he's a real weirdo.

Fast forward a bit in time where you have a 4th date with Gary and things seem to be clicking? Great. If you have other prospects for a 3rd, 2nd, 1st dates, etc -- don't meet anyone new anymore. In essence, don't juggle too much at one time and turn yourself into a perpetual window-shopper. Very soon, possibly after that 4th date, you may have to make the decision as to whether you want Gary or not -- either more or less go steady with him or don't go out on another date with him anymore if he does like you.

In essence don't "live out" the juggling factor as a gleeful way to get attention & feel wanted... or to get addicted to window-shopping in and of itself.

It should just be a temporary phase of juggling more than one guy in those first handful of dates until one "sticks" where it'd be good to go steady. This "juggling" phase shouldn't last terribly long, if you're not chasing guys out of your league or overly-picky (and have a decent amount of potential prospects in your area).
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 96
circular dating
Posted: 8/10/2013 8:06:14 PM
I seem to remember there was a name for the person in the middle of the circle but I can't quite remember it .
 anita_lay
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 97
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circular dating
Posted: 8/10/2013 8:51:19 PM

I seem to remember there was a name for the person in the middle of the circle but I can't quite remember it .


^^^"it"? It's "it"!
 Who234needsu
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 98
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circular dating
Posted: 8/11/2013 11:40:46 AM
It has always been this way with men... Not wanting to commit to seeing one woman. We (women) sit around waiting for him to call again. It is all BS. I agree with this circular dating and no investment in the relationship until he shows that it is his intention to be invested also.
 Who234needsu
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 99
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Posted: 8/11/2013 11:44:10 AM
If men are interested they should learn to show it. Stop stringing chains if women along, and then cutting them off one by one after he sleeps with them. Maybe there are a few decent men out there??? Who knows; I have not met even one.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 100
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circular dating
Posted: 8/11/2013 8:49:35 PM
^^^ Wow, Just WOW.

I haven't been active here because nothing new has come up in a long time, but your statements struck a chord.

So, I ask you to think about the relationships you've had that were so unsatisfactory and try to find the common denominator. Hopefully, it'll give you a clue.
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