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Joined: 10/11/2012
Msg: 65
Intelligence and datingPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
smarts or intelligence? LOL I mean, I can put togher a computer in my sleep, but I am dumbfounded by car mechanics.

I can slap together a recipe from a book... or even just wing it and make great meal, but trying to cook a steak 'just right' on the bbq, I fail :D

I can explain to students how to solve complicated equations in algebra, can do most 'basic' calculations in my head to 5-6 decimal places, but I just learned how to do long division recently(Did it all in my head when in school :P)

I can burn though a 2000 page novel in a weekend, and fully digest the book, but I can't write a book report, essay, hell, anything to save my life.

Those are just examples. Being 'smart' don't apply to any of the above, and I've met some 'stupid' lowly educated people that I can sit and talk to about philosophy for hours and not get bored or feel I'm talking down to them.

Its very hard to really 'find' someone who challenge sand complements you mentally, but regardless of how many phd's they have, or how good their grades were in school, or how fast they can pick up new languages, and so on, imo none of that really matters. Smarts or mental agility really doesn't' signify the amount (or lack of) intelligence a person has.

Point is, if the person your talking with can 'engage' you in a conversation which keeps you both going where neither is bored, why isn't that enough?
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 66
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Intelligence and dating
Posted: 6/29/2013 7:48:08 PM
We're supposed to strive for mediocrity and never be superior or different in any way? Why? Because it makes other people feel bad and they might have to deal with their own insecurities? All people are not created equal in all things, but instead of teaching kids that, and getting them to work on their own particular talents so that they can be the best they can be with those talents, we lie to them so avoid "hurt feelings". Pffft.

All of those self confidence seminars "Be yourself. Let yourself shine!" Well, unless you have an actual reason to shine, then it's showing off.

I see this crap all the time. Gifted students are supposed to sit in class with their mouth shut because knowing all the answers makes the other kids feel "less". Beautiful people are supposed to NEVER talk about anything physical because it might upset the physically unattractive. If you're musically talented, and you perform a intricate piece in front of people trying to master "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" they will despise you for it.

Meanwhile, the moronic kids with the big mouth are being patted on the back for saying "I see ice cream" in math class, those with unattractive faces are being told how beautiful/handsome they are (don't believe me? Look on Facebook at all the people posting pictures of their kids. A good-looking kid will get one or two comments, yet the one with eyes on the opposite sides of his face will have 50+ comments). The kid who doesn't know the difference between a treble and a bass clef will get the solo in the recital, because we don't want parents to see the good kid and realize that their kid is starting things some others were doing before they tied their shoes.

The idea that we have to hide talent to save the hurt feelings of the insecure is offensive. How are we supposed to get ahead as a society when all the people with those talents never actually use them out of fear of being ostracized for being different? Perhaps instead of telling people to get off their high horse for having something you don't, you could work on strengthening your particular talents (but don't ever talk about them, because someone will come after you to knock you down a peg to make sure you're never proud and you never look "better" than they do).


I've mentioned this before somewhere in the forums. Its a case where the "haves" are not allowed to say anything about the "have nots." We are all trying to coexist so, those who are fortunate in some way shape or form are just simply supposed to accept their privileges in silence so that those who aren't fortunate can b*tch and moan with impunity. It's better to live that nice, dry, unnoteworthy life.

Things that are idolized will always be marginalized, and insignificant achievements are sensationalized.

I'm willing to bet that, when looking at the bell curve, there are more smart people that DID get a formal education than that didn't. Of course, everyone has their anecdote of "I know so-and-so, and they've got 4 Ph.Ds and they're dumber than a box of rocks. Plus they're only book smart. They're not emotionally smart and they have no street smarts. They're also socially awkward and neurotic."

It seems to me that this sort of "no child left behind" mentality has worked its way into the rest of modern society. Speaking of beauty, I see so much "fat acceptance" jargon. If you're not fluffy and have a healthy (lolz) amount of cellulite, then you're either a stupid gym rat or you're an anorexic bag of bones. Any sort of superstar within a craft is always more likable if they're also humble. That's probably one reason why I like rap music. They make no reservations about gloating how awesome they are. They struggled, they grinded their way to greatness, and now they're celebrating.
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 67
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 6/30/2013 9:02:57 AM

She didn't take offence to her saying she was smart. She was pointing out the fact that this person is full of themselves. If you're intelligent, you don't need to go around and tell everyone how smart you are.

Way to prove my point.... that people who are gifted in some way should keep it to themselves in order to avoid being chastised for being "full of themselves". If she was 2 IQ points above the threshold for mental retardation you'd be patting her on the back for saying it.

Things that are idolized will always be marginalized, and insignificant achievements are sensationalized.

I remember being on our junior high Reach for the Top trivia team. I pretty much carried the team , and it got to the point where (before I answered any of the questions) I would pause for a moment before hitting the buzzer so that someone else would have a chance and I could avoid the eye rolls and the grumbling. Here I was, on a team where we needed to answer the questions as quickly and as correctly as possible, giving my team mates their chance and risking the other schools' teams getting in points. They would have rather taken the loss than let me be a "show off". It's mind boggling.

Speaking of beauty, I see so much "fat acceptance" jargon. If you're not fluffy and have a healthy (lolz) amount of cellulite, then you're either a stupid gym rat or you're an anorexic bag of bones.

It goes further than that for women.... if you have a nice figure you're considered sl*tty or a hoochie, especially if it's something like a bikini. You'll be told it's showing off (*cough*) and you're looking for attention from men. If you're very large and wear one you'll be considered courageous for doing it in such a shallow world and be told you're a BBW.

Once in the cafeteria at work, one of the older ladies next to me at the vending machines told me I should be a model and get out of the office. I said " I've been there and done that, but it's not as fun as it sounds and I'd rather poke my eyes out with a knitting needle. I'm flattered that you think I can still pull it off at my age though". I smiled at her and went back to my desk. Later, another co-worker asked me if I was really in the cafeteria bragging to everyone about my "modeling career". Apparently someone overheard and blew it out of proportion. I guess I should have said "What? Me with my face like a rubber boot and my grotesquely shaped thunder thighs? Are you nuts woman?"... or not, because then they would have talked about how I was fishing for compliments.

Someone, somewhere, is always going to have a problem with you. I'm getting sick of tiptoeing around these people. If the OP wants a man who is as smart as she is, she should be able to say that without anyone criticizing her for it. Like I said, the word is a descriptor and it's no different than saying that she wants to find a man with black hair, or someone who makes enough that he's not living paycheck to paycheck and can afford to come along when she wants to take off for the weekend.
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 69
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 6/30/2013 11:00:26 AM
There is the whole stereotype that highly intelligent men are more introverted and have difficulties when interacting with women. Even if you did stumble upon an intelligent guy on here, would you still find him attractive if he had difficulties flirting or hooking you with a conversation?
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 70
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 6/30/2013 7:35:45 PM
Being able to recall trivia and those kinds of things means you have an excellent memory and can recall a wide variety of things when the need arises.
Being able to see shapes and colors and harmony within basic stuff people see and do (and hear) every day can make you an artistically-minded person, and you can use that knowledge to create beautiful things.
Being able to understand patterns - how things work - how things are made - gives you that engineering intelligence that can be good for some forms of problem-solving.

Some people are good at these traits and more - some may be geniuses in one field, and totally bass-akwards in others. One thing for sure - no one person carries the exact same, identical 'levels' of artistic, engineering, and memory intelligence as others.

I think as a favor to the rest of the world, when you claim you want something vague;
Like "Intelligence" or "In-Shape" or "Makes a Comfortable Living" in ANY online dating request...
....That you force yourself to DEFINE those words WITH EXAMPLES...

You say you want someone who can run five miles four times a week
You say you want someone who can read AND pronounce all the items from a French restaurant menu.
You say you want someone who's got their own house, car, AND a cabin by a lake.

Instead of worrying about how other people see 'Intelligence' -- maybe it's time to start defining it yourself. You might find what you THINK you want and what you'd be HAPPY with are a little bit different, and you may also find the better you DEFINE what you like in an online dating profile, the better your chances will be of finding a SERIOUS prospect that can MEET those examples, instead of just assuming they are 'Smart' enough.
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 71
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Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/2/2013 4:30:14 PM
From my experience, most of the women on here have average intelligence.
But I've also seen way more dumb women, than smart women.
So while the intelligence curve for the general population follows a normal distribution, it's definitely lopsided on this site, even if the mode is still the same.

oh and most people that label their personality as "intellectual" on this site seem to be very stuck up.
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 72
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Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/3/2013 7:27:51 AM
I don't know if someone has mentioned this in a prior post but "The Right Stuff" is a dating site that restricts (theoretically) its clientele to graduates of certain selective universities. I recall a similar intellectually exclusive site existed, at least a few years ago, but I cannot recall its name.

What the OP might do is restrict her searches to "college graduate" or more selectively to advanced, professional or PhD degrees and see who remains. I fooled around with pof doing that and instead of a couple hundred about three turned up. The reality is the dating population falls into a bell curve distribution just like any other population. It ain't Lake Wobegon.

By the way, the average education level of the dating pool where one resides pretty much determines one's local prospects. Good luck to all!
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 77
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Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/4/2013 5:26:44 AM
A physician friend of mine had a daughter who at 27 years of age returned to her home town with an LLM from a prestigious law school to both find a job and, hopefully a husband. She found neither to suit her standards in her home town which shall remain unnamed so she moved to the D.C. area where she landed a great position at a law firm. She soon met her future husband there and as far as I know is living happily ever after.
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 78
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/4/2013 6:33:42 AM
Smart guys who are educated in the sciences -- engineers, e.g. -- aren't always terrific spellers. I tend to cut them some slack.

My BS and MS were in engineering disciplines, but I also made it a point to pay due diligence to my spelling and grammar. I always felt communication skills were important. Judging by the email I get at work, I wouldn't say engineers are any better or worse at language than other disciplines.

It is possible to get a degree without paying attention to language, so there are plenty of people that take the path of least resistance.
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 79
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Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/6/2013 10:46:05 PM

Smart guys who are educated in the sciences -- engineers, e.g. -- aren't always terrific spellers. I tend to cut them some slack.

WHY? I consider it a sign of respect for yourself and for others to be able to go back and proof read your work. What a person may lack in an innate ability to spell can easily be overcome with a few minutes of deliberate attention and a dictionary.
I have multiple degrees in the sciences and engineering, and capped with a professional degree: communication is an essential ability - the ability to convey clearly, the ability to express an idea cogently and succinctly, is as necessary in the hard sciences as it is in the soft sciences. Part of that is spelling.
While an error every once in a while is forgivable, a message littered with constant misspellings, poor grammar, and poor word choices (there, their, or their; your or you're, etc.) drives me up the wall.

[and lest anyone go back and point out errors I have committed in the past, your waisting you're time, there not their]
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 80
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/7/2013 8:52:34 AM
But adding to that, it's even harder to find a man who challenges me intellectually. Do you think the chances of finding smart people on here are lower than other dating sites, or is it fairly equal?

Wait... chit-chat online of that getting-to-know-you being intellectually challenging? What are they supposed to say? Quiz you? Play/Fvck with you online? IMO, you can see signs that they may be on the dumb side or the more-intelligent side (but intelligent doesn't mean intellectually stimulating or challenging) -- but just in a general, vague sense. Plus, with a lot of people using their phones to communicate, where they want to minimize typing, you shouldn't read that far into how they write as being a litmus test.

When things become "challenging" -- that comes out of happenstance, at some point down the line... if you were meeting someone on the Forums, sure, that could happen quick. But under normal conditions in life, you're not going to get that from people off the bat unless they're one argumentative SOB. And, many people will not want to be "challenging" too early to someone they find attractive -- argue and piss them off. Don't expect to know how one is too soon, don't be impatient. That aspect of someone is something you get an Accurate sense of, after 2-3 dates usually.

Sometimes it will occur earlier... which you can help make happen. But again, people will be uncomfortable playing f-with-you-"challenging" games early.
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 84
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/7/2013 3:24:23 PM

Im slowly beginning to realize im not the normal one.

NObody is 'Normal'. That's just an idea/ideal what you would LIKE to be normal.

I really need some tips on dulling it down.

You should NEVER need to 'dull' down who YOU are to please a guy. Playing 'dumb' to a guy who actually uses his brain finds that kind of crap insulting.

What I think you probably need to 'dull' down is your expectations for what you consider a normal guy.
In the U.S. the average male height is 5'9" and most men in here are probably 15-20 pounds overweight or worse. A good disposition, and wise intelligence, and clever wit - rarely EVER come in 'pretty' packaging - male OR female.

Instead of playing 'dumb' to play up to a shiny beefcake who can't find his way out of a revolving door, you might be better off widening the search a bit for something slightly different from 'normal' to find that spirit that will challenge you and make YOU better than you ever thought possible. A little extra effort goes a lonnnng way in online dating.
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 85
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Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/7/2013 10:12:09 PM
I am street smart, but I won't enjoy sparring on challenging debate , with a date validating
his self that he is a member of Mensa.. If he thinks I am dumb so be it, I will still live....My aim is bonding with him to connect with that invisible cord, as a woman and man and as a person PERIOD.
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 86
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Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/7/2013 11:24:30 PM

how my diabetes works

Well, diabetes isn't exactly an enthralling first date topic unless you also care to discuss the details of my most recent colonoscopy. We could even exchange medical records after signing HIPAA waivers. ;)

Since when do intelligence and dating go together anyway? If we were so smart, we wouldn't have dated all those people who were so wrong for us in hindsight. We choose with our eyes and animal instincts and hope for the best. Of course it's nice to have things in common and to be able to share discourse on current events, but let's be real about one thing. Nobody ever ends up at that first date table based purely on their intelligence. Would anyone care to say otherwise while hooked up to a lie detector?
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 87
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/8/2013 7:15:32 AM

Would anyone care to say otherwise while hooked up to a lie detector?

I'll do it.

I've met two men solely because of how smart they are, one sight unseen, one from my WoW guild and another from a forum I frequented at the time. I would have met a third, but when we exchanged pictures he sent one where I could barely make him out. I asked for another and he promised/sent more blurry pics for over a month before I told him to forget it. He sent me a clear picture right after and apologized because he thought I would cancel if I knew what he really looked like, but feeling like I was being strung along completely ended the attraction for me.
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 88
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/8/2013 8:39:45 AM
I might go on a first date with someone based on looks alone, but not a second one.
Joined: 5/26/2013
Msg: 90
view profile
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/8/2013 8:02:02 PM
I'm certain that your interpretation of intelligence and mine are subjective. While a man who is well educated might have a lot of knowledge, a man who has grown up by the seat of his pants might have more smarts when it comes to day to day life. When you say "the same level as you" you DO come across as an intellectual snob. Sorry. Just my take.
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 91
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Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/9/2013 11:19:25 AM
Wow, everyone gets so up in arms on the forums! :) I don't understand why some people here have to be so judgemental (or perhaps defensive). Just like individuals have different tastes in looks or personality etc. everyone has a different idea of what type of intelligence is important to them. Whether it's intellectual/educational type intelligence or emotional intelligence or whatever. We all have our own preferences and it's not really cool to attack people for sounding "arrogant" because they prefer a certain type of person.

I'm of the intellectual/educational type intelligence school. I am well educated and a real geek with a love of knowledge and science etc. I would like somebody I can share that with in a similar way. That probably means someone university educated with a bit of a science background like mine if possible. Can I possibly find that in a non science or non university educated person? Perhaps and I'm open to investigating that. But just from experience, I know that's who I might mesh with best. Your mileage may vary.
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 92
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/10/2013 4:04:30 PM
Since when do intelligence and dating go together anyway?

To some, very much so. To much of the population it's about the lack of a lack of intelligence (lol) that's most important when it comes to dating -- where personality compatibility is most important, not how-intelligent specifically. One who is a self-described "intellect" may want that more as that becomes much OF personality compatibility. Intelligence comes in different directions. Someone with a "rapist wit" comes across as intelligent and is at least of average intelligence or more, but the much smarter guy who doesn't have that quick wit & persona isn't going to land as many Interested dates (all other things being equal).

Nobody ever ends up at that first date table based purely on their intelligence. Would anyone care to say otherwise while hooked up to a lie detector?

Well, among a small minority of people, they very well may -- for a first date while not being interested in them. People will go out on a 1st date because of "on paper" attributes they feel they should give them a shot (rarely works out).

And "intelligence" is such a broad term. It's like saying someone who's a "strong" person. Okay, in what ways? In what ways strikes a chord with you for appeal, vs in other ways may turn you off or be benign?

But all in all, yes, with most people Looks is a Big Deal. It doesn't mean it's everything of course. Especially for those who can get a really great looking person much easier than most around them.
Joined: 6/28/2013
Msg: 95
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/17/2013 2:44:27 PM

Someone with a "rapist wit" comes across as intelligent and is at least of average intelligence or more, but the much smarter guy who doesn't have that quick wit & persona isn't going to land as many Interested dates (all other things being equal).

I shy away from being an internet grammar nazi, but I believe you mean a 'rapier wit'.

A rapier is a long slender sword that was ideally used for thrusting. Rapiers were popular in 16th and 17th Century Europe. The term rapier wit means a quick and cutting wit, indicative of a keen and sharp mind.

A rapist is someone who rapes. I would believe a rapist wit, would have a significantly different meaning as well.

As Mark Twain famously said. The difference between the almost right word and the right word is the difference between lightning bug and lightning.
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 97
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/17/2013 9:07:10 PM

I shy away from being an internet grammar nazi, but I believe you mean a 'rapier wit'.

Oh no, I meant to say "rapist wit". :)

It's from Dumb & Dumber! Kind of an on-the-side way of being "whhhitty" ;)
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 100
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 10/24/2013 8:34:48 PM
2 YYs U R
2 YYs U B
2 YYs 4 Me
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 102
view profile
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 10/25/2013 5:02:23 AM
The last "genius" I actually talked to on the phone and WAS going to meet talked slang and used a lot of vulgar words.
Every other word was Sh!t and Fyck.

He had a PHD and is a university professor. He sent links to show off /prove his position at the university ect.

I canceled our plans.

I prefer above average intelligence, but wit and curiosity along with a big heart wins out with me over those letters behind the name.

I know brilliant people with below "MENSA material" IQ's.
Many forms of brilliance out there.
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 103
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 10/26/2013 9:10:29 AM
The word "intelligent" can mean a lot of things and being intelligent can be a great thing and it can be a very boring thing. Depends on the individual. I know people who have social skills and are intelligent at the same time. Those are people I enjoy. Then there are people who may very well be intelligent in a certain field or fields but social skills and actually real life living is lacking a lot!
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 105
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 11/15/2013 8:50:07 AM
The OP didn't sound intelligent at all. Typical. The ones who boast the most about being intelligent, smarter, intellectual, etc, tend to be the least intelligent.

Earlier this year on another site, I saw one of the most repulsive profiles ever. She began by claiming "I am smarter than you", ending with an order not to message her unless your IQ is at least 130.

As to which site has smarter people, the other site seems to have more users who say they have a PhD or master's degree, and a higher % on this site have just a high school diploma, therefore I'd say the people on here are smarter.
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