|Creeped outPage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3)|
I guess I will just not give out my number until I meet someone in real life, because I feel like 'communication' never really STARTS until it's real-in the flesh.
Well, I'll be honest, I probably wouldn't meet a woman if we hadn't actually *talked* (not texted). I'm quite alright w/ not getting her number, I'll give her mine and she can block caller-ID if she wants (so I don't have hers), but I very much prefer to hear a voice and have an actual conversation before meeting - even if short - you get the vocal queues out of it and a far better idea of what someone is like than you ever will from texts/emails. (And I can't *stand* texting as a means of trying to have conversations).
Posted: 6/24/2013 1:38:19 PM
|Oh please. You're creeped out because a guy avoided you? |
A creep is someone who will not leave you alone for unknown reasons. He did the opposite, and even told you why.
Both of you sound lame.
Posted: 6/24/2013 2:17:24 PM
|This is far from creepy.|
I have story, but its not creepy.....
Anyone have other creeper stories? Where you just went,"well thanks for waving that giant red flag!"
This guy that I've been texting and phoning for the last 2 months on and off, very infrequently because he works 7 days a week. On the 2 phone conversations that we had, it was all about him and him eliciting my help in resolving his dilemma (which job to leave) or about what he's doing or what I'm doing at the moment. Texting was unbecoming as well, had no real substance (hence me not minding it being infrequent). He texted me yesterday inquiring about my availability for that evening. I reply 2 hours later to let him know I was free, he then says that his dad just called and has been in and out of the hospital. I ask him if that means that he won't be able to meet me because he has to take care of that. He says I am jumping to conclusions, he said he'd call me later to set it up.
We speak later and he tells me that he is in a bar with his friends having a few drinks. He asked me where I live and told me where he was at (about 45 minutes away), he said "if you like, you can join me". I responded "if I like, I can join you? or?", he said "or we can meet tomorrow if you're free, I'll call you later so we can set up plans".
I mean really, what kind of man suggests to a woman that she needs to come to him to meet him, at a bar, where he is at with his friends, as a first meeting/date? That's laziness at its best, what, is his d*ck golden that I need accept something way below the standard of a date (IMO)? You expressed wanting to meet me but then go hangout with your friends and expect me to go there to meet you? Red flag!
He hasn't texted or called since yesterday, and I'm not holding my breath on it, he already turned himself into a loser by suggesting I go to meet him at the bar. How convenient, sounds more like a friend.
Posted: 6/24/2013 3:03:14 PM
|Back when I was single and dating I had a simple phrase to explain the behavior of all flake-out types:|
"Why ask Why?"
Really, why bother?
Posted: 6/24/2013 4:59:19 PM
|I met one that got all upset because I didn't tell him how much I adored him and how much I missed his kisses/hugs as often as he told me. Never mind that we had 1 date and he was telling me those things almost hourly even before we ever met. |
Unlike some of the others, I don't see how it was game playing on your part to limit your texts. I completely understand that you were at work and you wanted to have things to talk about when you actually met. He seems extremely insecure...at best.
Posted: 6/24/2013 7:06:19 PM
|If the guy is atractive better believe he is dating other woman. He then has to eliminate some woman due to money and free time. No woman should ever believe the reason a guy gives for baling. We learn early to lie...lie..and lie again. If u tell a girl the truth she may turn angry/stalker/depressed/revengef|
Posted: 6/24/2013 8:40:37 PM
|It's cases like this is the reason I refuse to be a slave to a phone and be on call 24/7. Slavery is alive and well and is disguised in the form of texting. The only thing missing is the shackles to tie people to their cell phones.|
Posted: 6/24/2013 8:50:01 PM
|first off, texting is just plain and simple|
now, for your test
was just an excuse to either blow you off or get out of any commitment
let it go
and again, i say, if you all could communicate via words, instead of copping out via text, you probably wouldnt be looking for someone all the time
everybody comes to the answerman
Posted: 6/24/2013 9:10:48 PM
|sounds more like needy to me|
Posted: 6/24/2013 11:33:09 PM
|Sounds to me like his wife found out.....|
Posted: 6/25/2013 8:33:12 PM
|Confident_Realist pegged the other side (his side) pretty well. |
As far a creepy, I'd say no. Creepy would be someone asking you in their best 'Buffalo Bill' voice if you were a size 14. Or, in the forum world and IRL, creepy would be an unattractive guy sending you a message, or having the gumption to try and start a conversation with you.
What I have learned, which is a no-brainer, is that if someone is interested in you they will take time to reciprocate calls, texts, dates, and missed dates in a reasonable timely manner. OP. If you couldn't reciprocate a simple message to confirm before a scheduled date, what does that say about your interest in meeting this person, or whether , or not you were going to flake on him?
Your lack of communication played a major part in killing this, yet now you want to come back and say you weren't that attracted to him before the fact. If this, then what was it that kept you leading him on a string?
He is no saint, but maybe there has been a lesson here that you can learn from. This just boils down to a lack of communication.
Posted: 6/27/2013 10:48:59 AM
yet now you want to come back and say you weren't that attracted to him before the fact
Never said I wasn't attracted to him, just that he resembles a creepy TV character- who I happen to be attracted to. lol.
In my experience, it is usually the guy that confirms. Once a date is set I show up. Sometimes I'll send a message about an hour or so before hand saying "See you soon!"-I've never been "Stood up" and sitting there waiting so I wasn't under the impression that a confirmation was NEEDED. Honestly once a date is set, confirming comes from a place of insecurity - "Umm...are you coming???" please. And had he asked, of course I would have calmed his insecurity.
I didn't FAIL to respond to anything as no question was asked or response needed-his last text to me the night before was, "I figured as much" when he asked if I was going to show his picture to my friends to show them who I was going out with the next day.... and I said yes. That's a damn confirmation, and he knew I had big plans that night...
Posted: 6/27/2013 11:47:19 AM
So an hour ago I get a text with him canceling-because I hadn't initiated a text conversation-he said he "purposely" didn't send me a good morning text to see if I was excited enough about him to reach out-and that a big gap of silence meant I was uncommunicative and was a big red flag.
I just think him 'testing you' like this shows a fair amount of insecurity on his part. He's setting you up to fail for exactly what reason? Just doesn't make a lot of sense IMHO.
Posted: 6/27/2013 1:33:12 PM
|Oh, well ... You got rejected because he felt you weren't worthy. Quit trying to turn the tables and retroactively get him judged as a weirdo. |
he asked if I was going to show his picture to my friends to show them who I was going out with the next day.... and I said yes.
Actually, you sound like the "creeper" here.
Posted: 6/27/2013 2:17:34 PM
|Cool-I sound like the creeper-well, I shortened it to "yes" for forum purposes, but he asked me-I said, "Probably since you gave me permission-but I always show one person, just as a safety precaution, as I'm sure you'd advise your friends or sister so someone knows where they are." |
But I'm sure you tell women all the time to just go meet random guys on the internet with no one knowing where they are or who they're with-so when they show up in a ditch there is no leads.
Posted: 6/27/2013 2:25:23 PM
Cool-I sound like the creeper-well, I shortened it to "yes" for forum purposes, but he asked me-I said, "Probably since you gave me permission-but I always show one person, just as a safety precaution, as I'm sure you'd advise your friends or sister so someone knows where they are."
Your revisionist approach to your incomplete/ "partial" narrative(s) and disjointed defensiveness about your own self-described behavior while attempting to turn the tables on a person who is merely offering opinions based on YOUR descriptions of a situation, leads one to conclude that HE is the party that definitely dodged a bullet.
But I'm sure you tell women all the time to just go meet random guys on the internet with no one knowing where they are or who they're with-so when they show up in a ditch there is no leads.Let's assume you used your own personal powers of deductive reasoning tempered with your personal capacity for pursuing a rational thought process in order to arrive at what you consider to be this "logical conclusion." That being the case, it looks as if you have destroyed any credibility you may have even thought you may be capable of conveying in your ability to present yourself as a reliable narrator.
Posted: 6/27/2013 10:25:24 PM
|Lol-say what you want-I think dating should happen IN REAL LIFE. Text is a terrible form of communication, and that is the consensus of these forums. Even though these forums take part on line-dating should be in person. If not communicating via text for 20 hours before a date is a deal breaker-good I don't want them. Most guys I hear from don't even consider going 24 hours without a text to their SIGNIFICANT OTHER a big deal, let alone someone you haven't even MET YET and have a first date set up with. Since when is "see you there" not a confirmation? 20 hours is certainly not a long enough period to be considered "uncommunicative".|
Posted: 6/28/2013 6:01:13 AM
|Well I wouldn't call it creepy, but anyone who needs to test people with silly game playing is just immature or manipulative and has some issues they need to work out. This is why I do not text, people think I have nothing else to do in a day then text them endlessly, if you can't call, e-mail, video chat or do something crazy like meet in person I'm not going to waste my time on you. Nothing is real until you meet in person and get to know someone, if they flake out then they are simple not a match, it doesn't matter what the reason was for bailing.|
Posted: 6/28/2013 7:30:33 AM
|I don't think this is creepy at all.|
I think maybe he wanted an out and used the lack of text as
a lame excuse.
However, If I'm excited about meeting someone and looking
forward to an evening out, I would probably text or call the person
I was going out with the day of just because I'm like that. I do it
with my girlfriends..."morning!...looking forward to tonight...YAY!"
It's clear to me neither one of you were all that excited about your
date. Dating should be something you do in person...but it should
be exciting and something you look forward to...if it isn't...why
bother doing it?
Find people that excite you.
Posted: 6/29/2013 11:23:07 AM
|Two things. The first is that I am a busy guy. Secondly, I have no desire to build false expecations around her online persona. Real life interaction is all that matters period. So I keep it simple and direct and this system has worked well for me.|
1) Three emails. If the vibe is good, I don't ask for her number. I give her mine, say it has been great getting to know her so far, and that she can text me if she wants to meet up and I will call to finalize. This puts less pressure on her, and makes her demonstrate interest. If a woman texts me, then she is far more likely to pick up or return a voice mail because it was her choice to give me her number. Then I keep the call brief (10-15 mins tops) and if it goes well I set the date up for 3-5 days out and get off the phone.
2) Once plans are set I barely talk to her at all. No good morning texts, no chatting on the phone for hours, or texting sessions. All I will do is give it a day or two, then send a short flirty text. Something like "Staying out of trouble? You sure caused some the other day when you said" (insert something playful or sexy she said). Then I exchange a handful of texts to create tension and comfort for the date. Then I end it by saying "I gotta run, but I will see you (insert day/time). This makes her confirm.
Posted: 7/1/2013 10:44:19 AM
|I was creeped out recently, I also join another dating site years ago that I seldom visit. I checked in a few weeks ago to find about 25 messages from someone I have never chatted with. Seems we "MET" on match.com. The problem is I have never had an account there, He went on to profess his love for me and wanted to rekindle our relationship. |
I told the man I had no idea who he was and he replied he knew me my the same photos I use here because they were used on match.
I have no idea if he was chatting with a woman or a man using my pics.
Posted: 7/1/2013 3:33:14 PM
|So basically, he's playing games and you haven't even met?|
Posted: 7/1/2013 5:13:47 PM
|I agree. Generally when your messages are frequent at first but start decreasing it indicates a lack of enthusiasm. It could be from either the man or woman, it doesn't matter. Women can initiate some emails even if she likes the guy to take the lead. And I also think it's a good idea to keep the most of the interactions for real life, you need to stay engaged with each other beforehand. otherwise one of you could lose interest fast. It's also a nice idea to keep the tone friendly so there isn't any awkwardness when you meet. The way he responded was immature, but not creepy. He seemed to feel the way I'd expect someone to in that situation.|
Posted: 7/2/2013 7:18:35 PM
I don't think this is creepy at all.
I think maybe he wanted an out and used the lack of text as
a lame excuse.
Yeah, I'm "feeling" it that way as well.
OP, I'm sorry ... I don't know too many guys that would dump a woman for not texting them in the morning ... unless they were borderline/having second thoughts on wanting to go through with the date. It is a convenient excuse.
My award for creepy story goes to Sarilea ... and, interestly so, I had a similar call where some guy called my work phone screaming that I better stop harassing him around his family about collecting on a loan and kept begging me to give him more time. (He was meaning to call a guy who used to have the same number at my workplace prior to my arrival ... but a freaky call still ...)
Posted: 7/4/2013 8:53:24 AM
|he "purposely" didn't send me a good morning text to see if I was excited enough about him to reach out-and that a big gap of silence meant I was uncommunicative and was a big red flag. |
How is that a red flag? There is something very wrong with this guy!
He sounds VERY insecure & a big game player! Not all of us can text at work! At my job, we can written up for it, & I don't have reception in my area anyways, so I hardly use the phone.
We're at work to work, too bad he couldn't be the center of attention while you're at your job. He's an idiot.